December 24, 2009

The Talk

It's snowing outside! And that's quite a feat, as I live in the Lone Star State!

This White Christmas miracle has put me in a very positive and hopeful mood as I reflect on the changes in my life since we decided to start TTC. This is quite a change from the last few days, as I've been moody and negative. I'm sure Mr. Nerdy Bud is very happy right now!

I know there's no physical difference, but I feel different. Sometimes, I feel like I'm walking around with a sign on my forehead that says, "Active baby-maker." I know it's all in my head, and that nothing has happened yet. But I can't help but get my hopes up. And I'm so scared that it's going to do me in.

Earlier this week, I went to visit my mom, who lives about an hour from my house. We see each other often, and I couldn't wait to tell her about my news. You know, that we were trying. I'm still up in the air as to whether that was a good idea.

Not that she wouldn't be supportive, but that she'd be overbearing. Upon telling her that Mr. Nerdy Bud and I were trying she squealed in glee and proceeded to quiz me about how often we do it. Shudder. That is not something I want to talk to my mom about.

Another problem: My mom knows me all too well. I can't fool her. She immediately sensed that I was stressed about this whole process. I have such a hard time with things I can't control. And this is *majorly* out of my hands. She told me I need to relax and have fun with this -- easy for her to say -- and that my stress could cause my body to have a negative reaction and make it harder to conceive. She's no doctor, but I value her wisdom.

So that's where I'm at: trying not to freak out and stay a little less stressed. Enjoying the cold weather and the snow and hoping that this time next year, we'll have a little one to share the season with.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday and that more miracles are forthcoming!




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