July 30, 2010
The hysteroscopy showed a beautiful and perfect uterus. Everything has healed up beyond Dr. P's expectations and he said it's looking absolutely wonderful. He held up the "before" pictures from before he started my surgery and compared them to the screen showing what it looks like now. It doesn't even look like the same uterus anymore. It's absolutely clear in there and you can see both tubes wide open. The endometrial tissue has grown tremendously and there is no sign of the scarring from surgery where the fibroid was.
He was beyond impressed and had a huge smile on his face the entire time. This is a man who rarely shows any personality or emotion. When I remarked about it to Debbie, his nurse, she was laughing and said that he's always bursting at the seams when he knows he did an exceptional job.
He said I can stop the Premarin and Provera today and that I am to return for CD3 bloodwork to check my estradiol and FSH levels when I get my next "natural" period. In other words, not this coming period since it will be hormone induced. Then is CD22 bloodwork to test estradiol again and progesterone. I asked him if we were okay to try on our own naturally this month after my period starts and he said without a doubt, absolutely and he strongly encourages it. We'll also try on our own naturally with timed intercourse the following cycle. He said after those 2 cycles, I will come back in 2 weeks after my CD22 blood work and we'll discuss the results and our next steps if I am not pregnant.
I feel MUCH better about that than what he had decided last time (6 months trying on our own starting in October).
July 29, 2010
One issue I have been struggling with lately as we enter our first IUI cycle is how to deal with missing work for fertility treatments. I recently posted on the Nest GP board about this asking for advice. It is really awkward for me to have to leave work for prolonged periods of time for frequent appointments, especially when the appointments seem spontaneous and unplanned given the unpredictable nature of fertility treatments.
On one hand, I think it sounds like BS to leave for vague, repeated, and unpredictable appointments on short notice. In addition, if it means I have to back out from giving a presentation or going to a conference at the last moment, I feel like it could really trigger concerns about my work ethic or even foster resentment (even if I say it is for a medical appointment, one might ask why I specifically needed to schedule an appointment on the day of something important!).
If I explain I am going for ongoing medical treatments and act vague about it, I don't want to concern people and let their imaginations run wild at what mystery medical problem I might be facing. On the other hand, I really feel like my and DH's effort to conceive is no one else's business and that it's a little TMI--I mean, perhaps they prefer not to know what is going on! Anyway, this is the ongoing monologue in my head that I am currently trying to sort through.
For Mr. Blueberry Bud, the problem is even greater since he has patients scheduled for surgeries months in advance and can't just jump ship and head for the fertility clinic located almost 1 hour from his hospital because his wife's follicle reached the perfect size:-/ We will somehow make this work because it is a priority and we have to make it work but these are some of the anxieties that I am facing right now. I know this must be a common issue for all couples undergoing fertility treatments and we will find our own style and way to navigate, but for now it sure feels like a lot of floundering.
In other news, I had a monitoring ultrasound today on CD 11. My lining was 7.5 but the u/s tech couldn't spot any dominant follicles yet. I hope this isn't a foreshadowing of things to come and that I will still O, albeit maybe a bit late this cycle. Last cycle, I already had a 16mm and 7mm follicle on CD 12 (of course the dominant follicle then started diddly-daddling and grew only 1mm over the next 3 days and I didn't O until 5 days later on CD17). I am trying to think positive thoughts--always hard when you are subconsciously preparing yourself for the next disappointment.
Lastly, I am going to make an appointment tomorrow with a senior RE who is supposed to be amazing. Since we have socialized medicine in Israel, fertility treatment is covered by the government-subsidized health basket (awesome!), but when you go to the fertility clinic you generally see a resident has just completed his rotation in IVF and he consults with a senior RE. If you actually want to deal directly with a senior RE, you need to pay OOP and see him privately. Mr. Blueberry Bud and I decided that at this point it is worth it, especially to get our many questions answered. So far I have seen two of the residents -- one who was really great and another who in addition to not seeming very good, didn't seem to care. If nothing else, I think it will make us at least feel better about the care we are receiving to speak with someone who is very experienced.
You could win TWO great prizes - a bunvelope (in your pattern/color choice) & a two-pack of the very useful pods!! Hurry...the giveaway ends Sunday, August 1, 2010 at 11:59pm (EST). Good luck. :)
And then the cat jumped on the dresser and knocked something off and woke me up. And I promptly burst into tears.
I hate this. I wish there was a switch to just turn your dreams off. Ones that like really freaking hurt.
I started cramping last night and it's continued this morning so I'm pretty sure AF is on her way soon. Probably just in time to ruin my u/s appointment tomorrow morning to check on my uterine lining since my body is a big huge *BEEP*.
July 28, 2010
Wow. It's been since April that I've posted? I had no idea that it'd been that long until I looked back on my posting history. I do sincerely apologize for the lack of updates and poor progress reports.
I promise you that you will walk out of that office with a blood-soaked cotton ball and a pain in your arm that will last no more than 3 days.
Not that I'm speaking from experience or anything......
Yes, it looks like Mr. PB and I will be enjoying our anniversary trip to Disney sans fetus. AF decided to show her ugly face this morning with no warning signs other than a drop in temperature. The sneaky biatch didn't give me usual week of incredibly sore breasts and stiff back and few days of painful cramps; she just thought it would be funny to sneak up and make me think my temperature dropping was just a fluke. She even came a day late! Can you believe that? Well we are onto cycle 8.
Even though I had my breakdown today when Mr. PB came home from work and I am definitely looking forward to my greasy dinner of a cheeseburger and fries, I am not entirely distraught. Don't get me wrong, I can't believe we are moving onto cycle 8 and still haven't conceived, but I can't wait for our trip next week. We planned this Disney trip for our anniversary about 8 months ago because DH didn't want to go for our honeymoon. At the time of planning, I had visions on myself slightly waddling through the park and picking up small gender specific trinkets (for of course we would know the gender by then) and getting baby PB his/her first pair of Mickey ears with his/her name on the back. Months into TTC, I figured I wouldn't be far enough along to know the gender or name, but would still need to keep occupied while Mr. PB was busy on rides that I couldn't go on with baby PB. I planned on picking up a couple stuffed animals (I had my own quite large collection of Disney stuffed animals as a child) and a few gender neutral items. So much for my plan. However, now I can have the best of both worlds: riding all my favorite crazy rides and buying some little things for future baby PB.
The best part of the trip will be that my fertile time falls right on our trip and around our anniversary. Maybe we will be lucky enough to conceive not only an anniversary baby, but a Disney baby as well. I will try to post again right before we leave for our trip.
July 27, 2010
The RE said everything is growing on schedule and released us to my Ob/GYN. This was a bitter sweet moment. This is the lady that has helped us get to this point, the one that found us answers. She has been so amazing, what a shame she does not deliver babies. But I did promise her that I would bring her the little one after s/he is born.
After this appointment we went over Mr. Bud's parents house and showed them the u/s picture and told them they were going to be grandparents. They were over the moon. His mom did not stop crying, she was so so so happy for us. Before we could even tell her not to tell the rest of the family until at least 10 weeks, she had already called her two sisters and they told the rest of the Mr's family. I'm very nervous that I am still very early and so many people in the family know, but at the end of the day they are the ones that are going to be there if something happens. Either way I am thinking positive and this is all I could do.
The following Sunday, 7/18 we moved into our new apartment and its been an adventure... on move in day the Sewage pipe on the main building burst and we had to pause everything until it was fixed. Luckily we were just finishing unloading the last few boxes out of the u-haul before the pipe burst So we were able to grab some clothing and head out to the hotel until maintenance fixed the Pipe. We stayed at a hotel until Tuesday and what a pain in the but this was, I had no idea where my work clothing was packed (thinking we were going to unpack somethings Sunday) and then I got sick to my stomach eating fast food and any junk food since we did not have a kitchen to cook..
Luckily this weekend we were able to finish all of our unpacking and my mother in Law came over to help me clean and do laundry... What a blessing she is. My Mother in Law is such a great caring person, I could not have asked for anyone better.
Next week we have our first appointment with the Ob/GYN and Hopefully I can see the little one again.. I'm so anxious! And hopefully everything is ok and I can stop using the daily progesterone Suppositories.
Have a Great week!
July 26, 2010
At this point I'm surprisingly calm and collected. I've had some sad moments this weekend as Mr. CB and I discussed our next steps. I would like to get right back in the game and cycle as soon as possible, but our finances don't support that move. We made a decision yesterday to work towards paying off all of our credit card debt by the end of the year, and plan to cycle again in January. In the meantime, I'm going to get a second opinion from another RE and talk to them about some other tests such as a hysteroscopy or laparoscopy to see if we can't get a better idea why we're not getting pregnant. When we do cycle again we will go with a clinic that offers the Attain IVF Refund Program. Even though it's more money initially, after having one failed IVF completely OOP we need to know that we will have the option for multiple cycles if we need them.
We have no regrets about our decision to go to Costa Rica and Panama for IVF #1. It would have been sweeter if we had brought back a little souvenir, but for us it was a good decision. I am planning on posting a full overview soon that details the entire experience and what went well and the difficulties we experienced. I will say that if you have a chance to visit Costa Rica, GO! It was the most amazing place I've ever visited.
This little guy says come visit him in Costa Rica!
Mr. CB and I thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your thoughts and prayers throughout our travels and procedures. It means the world to us! We may have lost this battle, but we are still fighting and I know that we will have a baby Chef Bud one day soon.
Mr. SB and I had an appointment with our RE to talk about our next steps. It seems that I have been pretty much tested for everything except for a chromosome defect called Balanced Translocation.
I won't bore you with the details of this again, as it can be found in Blessed Bud's post, a couple below this one.
After emailing with our lovely Dandelion Bud, if the balanced translocation test comes back normal, I think I am going to get a second opinion. It seems like they cannot find anything that is wrong with me. In fact, my RE said it was surprising how normal my tests actually were - not a defect in sight, which is just my luck.
I'm scared to death of my chromosome test coming back positive. That is a whole different shit storm that I am not ready to deal with. The thought of having to go through more miscarriages to "hopefully" have a normal pregnancy literally takes me breath away. The nurse at my RE's office told me that they have never seen this many miscarriages in someone so young, which to be honest with you, made me want to neck punch her.
So right now, we have put actively TTC on hold. This test will take about 5 weeks to come back, and now we are going to try to relax, exercise and start having sex for fun instead of reproduction (even though I know I will not be able to help myself with CBE Smileys because they are just so. freaking. cool)! I will not be going back on birth control, so if it happens, it happens.
Its time for a much needed physical and mental break.
Besides being scared I’m doing great. Well great minus the regular appointment I had with my doctor. Apparently while I was there my Blood Pressure was a little high. Not that high but something to be watched. As a good girl, and as hard as it is to do nothing and have Mr. OB do everything, I have been sitting on my butt doing nothing. I don’t know if that is what is causing my Blood Pressure to go down or if that day it was just a fluke but it is nice and low and the way I like it to be. No more scares please.
Pepper kicks all the time. She loves to kick after I eat or in the afternoons. She loves FRUIT. Seriously if I have cake or fruit in front of me, FRUIT IT IS! I love it. All kinds. I’m not partial. She also loves Corn and Peanut Butter. Not together or maybe? I also ate french fries and dipped them in my frosty from Wendy’s and her father had this look of disgust on him. Seriously it was awesome. Sweet and savory. I want some now!
She is also on top of my bladder which means every day and night I have to constantly pee. Seriously I should wear a diaper. Its getting pretty crazy. I think I pee about every 2 hours at nigh. I guess that’s getting me ready for the sleep I’m not going to get right?
I’m beginning to prepare and get ready. I need to get my hospital bag packed and hope to get everything in it and purchased this weekend. Also Pepper’s nursery is really coming along great. Pictures will be at the bottom! We still need to put the decal in the custom frame her dad made her, however since we are keeping her name a secret it wont go in there for a while. Also I'm making some wall decor for the other side of the hutch. We are also waiting for the poms to come in to hang and Worry Bud made Pepper this awesome fabric mobile we need to put up. I can't wait. Knowing all we have to do is hang up stuff makes me so happy. That really doesn't take much work or effort at ALL!
We had our first shower this weekend and it went so well! We got wonderful gifts including a pack and play and an activity mat. She is so spoiled! My next shower is this weekend and I can't wait to visit Mr. OB's hometown of Baton Rouge. If only the Tigers were playing..
Like the cute, yet very functional original bundle (Patent Pending):
And these drool-worthy (pun intended ;oP) binkmeister pacifier clips:
Oh, oh & these beautiful large & cuddly blankets:
Since Worry Bud first introduced the Bloomin' Babies readers to the buti-bag company, the very sweet Nicole even offered to send Baby WB an item of WB's choice to review before giving it away to Bloomin' Babies readers, here's what Worry Bud had to say about the buti-bag company's products:
When Nicole from the buti-bag company contacted me to thank me for the post I did on her company & said she'd like to offer Baby WB an item to try out, I was sooooo excited. As most of you know, I have a slight (read: a little outta control) baby buying obsession that Mr. WB has been trying to reign in since we found out Baby WB was a girl! I had been searching for a cute & multi-functional shopping cart cover for Baby WB for a while & neither of the two stores I registered at had anything I liked, so when I saw the buti-bag company's bi-o-pad, I just knew that was the perfect thing for my little girl! I had also been searching for a travel wipes case that wasn't so bulky & didn't leak (I have experience with the standard hard plastic travel wipes cases since I have a younger brother that I am over 20 years older than & know for a fact that most of them leak) as well, so when I saw the very well designed & functional pod, I knew I'd love that too! I offered to pay for the pod, but Nicole insisted she'd throw that in as well!! My items arrived in just a few days & were packaged very nicely so as not to crush the pods or ruin the bi-o-pad in any way. I was also surprised to find some ADORABLE binkmeister binkie clips as well!
The bi-o-pad was soooo soft & cuddly & very well-made. I know it's going to be a permanent staple in Baby WB's diaper bag any time we go out shopping, to dinner, or for any other reason really. The pod will also always be found in Baby WB's diaper bag since you can conveniently carry baby wipes in these when you're on the go! And finally, once Baby WB starts using pacis, I can't wait to clip one of the stylish binkmeister clips to her outfit or bib so that her paci stays clean & off the ground (which is particularly important to me since I'm a bit of a germ-o-phobe), woot! I can't wait to use all of my buti-bag company stuff when Baby WB makes her arrival!!! I was so impressed, I even went back on the buti-bag company's site & purchased a big, cuddly blanket for Baby WB as well!
Nicole is generously giving away a TWO...yes, you read that right, TWO adorable buti-bag company goodies to one very lucky Bloomin' Babies reader - a bunvelope (in your pattern/color choice) & a two-pack of the very useful pods!! The selected winner must be a public follower of Bloomin' Babies. Please also ensure that I have a way to get in touch with you if you win - either leave your email address in one of your comment entries or have a link to your email in your Blogger profile. **NOTE: This giveaway is open to U.S. & Canada residents only.
BUY IT: You can purchase any of these styles (and much much more!) online at the buti-bag company's site. Nicole's even offering Bloomin' Babies readers only an exclusive 40% off your entire purchase (before tax & shipping) this week only!! Just enter the code ilovebuti in the promo code section when you check out (you must put BLOOMIN' BABIES in the "how did you hear about us?" section in order for this giveaway entry to be counted).
WIN IT: The winner of this giveaway will receive a bunvelope (in your pattern/color choice) & a two-pack of the very useful pods!! Lucky ducks!
INITIAL ENTRY (MANDATORY): Visit the buti-bag company & tell me what item AND pattern you love the most!
ADDITIONAL ENTRIES: Please leave a comment for each one so that all your entries will be counted!
- Become a public follower of Bloomin' Babies, or if you already are one let me know you are!
- Sign up for the buti-bag company's email list (under "Get the Scoop" on the website; you must put BLOOMIN' BABIES in the "how did you hear about us?" section in order for this entry to be counted).
- Purchase something from the buti-bag company during this giveaway (you must put BLOOMIN' BABIES in the "how did you hear about us?" section in order for this entry to be counted) - all Bloomin' Babies readers get 40% off this week too (see details above)!!
- Grab the Bloomin' Babies button & display it on your blog
- Grab the buti-bag company's button (see left hand sidebar) & display it on your blog.
- Tell us how you heard about this giveaway.
- Blog about this giveaway & leave a link to the blog post in the comments.
July 23, 2010
A chromosomal translocation is a condition in which part of a chromosome has broken off and reattached in another location. In a balanced translocation, a person usually has all the genetic material necessary for normal growth -- a piece of a chromosome is merely broken off and attached to another one. However, when that person's cells divide to create egg or sperm cells for reproduction, the egg or sperm cells can end up with extra genetic material or missing genetic material, which could lead to miscarriage depending on which chromosome and genes are affected. Balanced translocation is diagnosed through a test called a karotype in which blood samples from both parents are analyzed looking for the translocation. Some research suggests balanced translocation in the mother is most likely to be associated with recurrent miscarriages, but fathers can be carriers as well.
Treatment for Balanced Translocations
There are no cures for Balanced Translocations, and these are the options for those TTC:
A. Keep going on your own and the odds are in favor of a successful pregnancy eventually, you will most likely experience more miscarriages
B. IVF w/ PGD
C. Donor Egg or Donor Sperm, or Donor Embryos depending if one or both partners have the Translocation
Our Test Results and What's Next?
Both of our Test Results came back NORMAL! It's kind of annoying because there is absolutely no explanation as to why I am miscarrying. We have a consult with Dr. B this Thursday to discuss our upcoming FET in August and what changes he will make to our protocol. I know one change he is making is to switch me from Crinone to PIO so he can monitor my Progesterone levels closely. For my first 2 pregnancies/miscarriages (one natural and one with TI and injectables under a different RE) I had no Progesterone support. My third miscarriage a c/p I was on vaginal suppositories and for this most recent FET/miscarriage I was on Crinone. I will have an UPDATE on Thursday from my consult and in the meantime we are still busy settling into our new place, which we absolutely adore.
Have a Great Weekend,
- Volume: 1.5ml (low/normal: 2.0+)
- Color: Normal
- Viscosity: Slightly Viscous
- Liquefaction: Complete
- pH: 7.2 (Normal)
- Concentration: 36 Million (normal/normal: 20m+)
- Motility: 41% (low/normal:50%+)
- Total Progressive Motile: 0 (no fwd movement)
- Morphology: less than 1% (low/normal: greater than 3%)
The rest of the appointment went really well. The doctor was very knowledgeable and made us feel very comfortable. He did a physical exam and found no issues with vericoceles.
They also ran some blood work to check Mr. Sassy Bud's FSH and Testosterone. He gave us a referral for another S/A. If the results come back the same they will be doing an ultrasound to check for any other issues. The doctor told us that we could try some supplements, such as FertilAid, while we are waiting for the test and ultrasound results. We should be able to do the repeat S/A in the next few weeks.
In non-MFI news, I received a call about the job that I have been waiting on. I go in for a meeting with them on Wednesday. It is more of a meet and greet style meeting than an interview. She basically just wants to see how qualified each applicant is to move on to the next step in the interview process. This is the job that would put a hold on our TTC plans for a year or so, so hopefully she can give me some idea of the time frame I am looking at if I were to get hired.
I have put my charting membership on hold for now, since there isn't really any chance of us getting pregnant without medical intervention at this point. The good part of having answers is that CD1 was not difficult for me this time. I knew it was coming and didn't expect anything different.
Hopefully my next update will have some answers and good news!
July 22, 2010
I am Blueberry Bud. Mr. Blueberry Bud and I were married in October 2009. Six weeks later our TTC journey began. We were pretty aggressive in our efforts from the get-go and began charting right away. I am a scientist and he is a physician so we both had a strong desire to know exactly what was going on with my body so that we could time things just right (I hope you can tell that we are both die-hard romantics!).
I am an extremely anxious person with a great imagination, so from the beginning of our TTC adventure I managed to string together all sorts of horrendous what-if scenarios all of course culminating in me doomed to a life of barrenness surrounded by many furry feline friends. However, the more rational side of me didn't really think we would have much of a problem getting pregnant -- I always had normal cycles, I had only been on BCP a few months, and I had no gynecological history or family history of problems.
After a few months it was clear that I was ovulating predictably, that we were generally timing things well, and that I had a good LP. We added green tea, pre-seed, all the usual stuff and this helped us feel more in control and like we were doing things that could enhance the effort. By Cycle 7, I turned to acupuncture and yoga. I am still always looking for things to add to our TTC routine, if only to create the illusion that we have some degree of control.
By Cycle 5 we started to get impatient...our timing was awesome, my cycles were normal, I was definitely Oing, and nothing was happening. By Cycle 6 we decided to begin some initial fertility testing to rule out an obvious problem. Our thinking was that we didn't want to waste time if there was something clearly wrong and easily diagnosable going on. We did a S/A (Mr. Blueberry Bud appears to NOT be the problem), CD3 bloodwork, and a baseline ultrasound. So far, all our results have been normal.
On Cycle 7 we started doing follicle monitoring with TI. Our doctor apparently doesn't think charting is so accurate and he wanted us to try a couple unmedicated monitored cycles with TI. Cycle 7 was a bust even with 6 days of consecutive BDing up to and including day of O. Originally we were going to continue with the follicle monitoring and TI for Cycle 8, but when our doctor learned that the following cycle we would be in different countries during the week I will likely O, he recommended that we try our first IUI this cycle. So here we are --ready to try something new and praying that it will be our lucky break.
Psychologically and emotionally, TTC has been one of the toughest experiences I've faced so far (maybe this says a lot about how blessed I've been in my life). It is so hard trying to feel positive and hopeful every cycle only to be crushed when you find out that once again you aren't pregnant. It gets harder to believe that any one given cycle will be different from the stack of failures behind you. I am so happy to have Mr. Blueberry Bud by my side.
Sometimes when I am feeling really blue about TTC, I feel ridiculous for allowing myself to feel that way when we haven't been trying THAT long. I do believe, cat lady daydreams not withstanding, that some day I will be a mom, I just don't know how soon and how long the road to get there will be. I look forward to sharing the ups & downs of our continuing journey with you!
That's what little BOYS are made of!
To get myself psyched about everything baby boy, I bought the little guy his first cuddly clothes today. Check them out. Zulilly ran a sale on HubCap boys playwear, which I'd never heard of before, but turned out to have the coziest, cuddliest little chenille boys clothes ever. There were pants to match, too, but I didn't order at first glance and they were all sold out by the time of purchase. Oh well. The booties and pullover will be perfect for my little winter Boston Baby Bean.
I'll be rounding out our vacation on Saturday afternoon with a prenatal massage. Can't wait!
Well, my 12 ounce child isn't making it ANY easier.
Smudge continues to be the most stubborn and uncooperative child there is.
We had our anatomy scan today. S/he's frank breech, which means i have a head, 2 hands and 2 feet at the top of my uterus and a butt at the bottom. I gave a stern warning that s/he has 18 weeks to flip around, otherwise, we'll be meeting for the 1st time in the OR, and I'm not planning on that. There's plenty of time yet for said flippage to happen, so I'm not remotely worried about it. My placenta has also shifted to be more anterior than posterior now. It's actually right at the fundus. So, that might explain why it took so long to feel consistent movement, what with all of the hands and feet at the placenta.
The sonographer couldn't get all of the views they needed to check everything, but what they did see was absolutely perfect. We have to go back in 2 1/2 weeks to try to finish the anatomy scan, and we're also going to get a fetal echo, which is a specialized heart ultrasound, because apparently with the type of IVF (ICSI) we had to do, there is a miniscule risk of cardiac issues. We're not remotely worried - but if it's just an ultrasound, why not make sure EVERYTHING is okay... so they'll do it at the same time.
Meanwhile - we found out our risk categories for downs syndrome (1 in 880) and Trisomy 13 and 18 (1 in 10,000), so we'll happily take those odds. Apparently the average downs risk for my age group is 1 in 300 and once we finish the anatomy and fetal echo, he anticipates our risk dropping even more. (I already knew my results were "normal", but I'm glad the perinatologist told us the ratios.)
Since Smudge was incredibly uncooperative, we got awful pictures today. With the ones the tech gave us, she had to explain what we were seeing. I begged the one with the open hand from the perinatologist himself, since the tech didn't give it to me. I figured it was the only really clear picture the whole scan, and I wanted just one i didn't have to explain. He laughed at me when I asked, and happily handed it over.
Hopefully we'll get better ones in 2 1/2 weeks.
Anyway - here's Smudge at 20 weeks 1 day and my big ole 20 week belly. Its starting to get in my way now. It's so funny. I love it. 20 weeks and less than 10 pounds gained (7 the last time I got on a scale). I'm really proud of myself.
I ave not given up hope for this cycle, but we still have a couple more cycles to work through before we can do anything.
On a much different note, can I tell you how much I absolutely love the CBE digital opks? They are like this little magical stick that you pee on. I was so excited to see my smiley face (though it did happen on a day Mr. PB had to work about 16 hours, so no BDing occurred even though the doctor order it). It took all the guess work out of wondering whether I was having LH surge or not. They are wonderful and would probably continue to use them even if they cost $75 a box! Why didn't I find them sooner?
If you remember a few posts back, I said that my doctor had order cd3 and cd20 bw. Well the cd 3 came back "normal for a woman your age" whatever that means and I went for the cd20 bw on Monday and will call the results today. I will keep you updated.
Hopefully Mr. PB's "feelings" are as correct as they usually are and I will have something good to update you ladies on next week. :)
July 21, 2010
I didn't want to wake up. I wanted to stay in that beautiful moment forever.
July 19, 2010
Because I was pregnant. Please keep in mind here the key operative word here is "was." I was pregnant for technically 5 weeks, but was told my pregnancy would not make it on 13 DPO.
First Beta was 21, Progesterone 20 on 11 DPO. Second Beta was 24, Progesterone 18 on 13 DPO. Not good numbers at all. I was told to expect a heavy period the next week when my Progesterone dropped to zero.
Mr. SB and I packed up our things on Friday night and set out for the vacation we had previously planned with our family. We expected the worst, but hoped for the best.
The only worse thing other than a miscarriage is waiting to know if you are going to have a miscarriage. I wanted to think positive, but I wouldn't let myself considering my track record.
On the day when I would have been 5 weeks pregnant, I started to cramp and eventually started to bleed. I bled so bad that I couldn't even make it to the beach for 2 days.
And then, for the third time in the past year, it was over almost as soon as it began.
Ya, I was an emotional mess for a few hours, but I eventually pulled my shit together, and became extremely. effing. frustrated.
I want to know why this keeps happening to me. I have had the preliminary tests run by my old OB (RH, Lupus, etc.), but they have all come back negative. My saline sonogram showed positive results. After I ovulated I cut back on caffeine, stopped drinking and I took my prenatal vitamins everyday. Right now, I am at a loss. Obviously there is something TREMENDOUSLY wrong but no one knows what that is. I'm sick of being heart broken, I'm sick of freaking the hell out every time I am pregnant (I went to the bathroom about 20-30 times a day to see if I was bleeding. Yes, I understand this did not help things, but until you have had 3 lost pregnancies, you won't understand) and I'm sick of feeling like a complete and utter failure.
What is wrong with me?
My gut (no pun intended) is this has something to do with my weight. I have never been skinny. With my first pregnancy, I was heavy, but not as heavy as I am now. I have gained 30 lbs since my wedding due to stress (losing my job, my father being diagnosed with cancer, 1st miscarriage, 2nd miscarriage, losing another job). And right now? I feel like going all slamhog in my kitchen and self medicating with a bottle of White Zif like I have for the past year. But I refuse to treat myself like shit anymore.
Today I started Weight Watchers. Its a start. I will be going to a nutritionist to start a new, healthy lifestyle. I have been so obsessed and preoccupied with having a baby for the past year and a half that I think I forgot about myself somewhere along the way.
Right now I'm at a crossroads. Do I keep on trying, or do I give myself a break to heal - both physically and mentally? I'm not sure. I have an appointment with my RE on Wednesday and I suppose Mr. SB and I will go from there.
Updates to come.
Much to Mr. WB's dismay, my baby-buying obsession has persisted, but I have been limiting myself to only 1-2 things per pay period. I tell ya, it's so addicting buying cute stuff for your 1st little one! Mr. WB says I'm spoiling her already, but I say, she has no clue what spoiling even is yet, so it'll be fine! I am not buying any of the items on my registry - I have decided to restrict myself from that until after we have our showers (Mr. WB's family lives several hours away & is generously hosting a smaller one in their area for us as well) & see what goodies we get for her. I did, however, take advantage of that awesome deal buti-bag company was offering to Bloomin' Babies readers last week & purchased this adorable giraffe print blanket:
I can't wait to get it, I bet it's gonna be super soft & cuddly! And I defintiel'y can't wait until I get to put it to use with our precious little Baby WB!
I have been feeling pretty good overall - just sore here & there by the end of the day. And I've also noticed that I am starting to get a little stuffy, which I hear is common during pregnancy. I had a OB appointment this past Friday & I gained like 6 lbs since my 20 week appointment! The Nurse Practitioner, who I saw this time, said that I should try to just keep an eye on my weight & stay active, but that she's not extremely worried about such a fast jump over the 4-week period...she said it happens sometimes, but that I should only be gaining about 1 lb. per week during this part of my pregnancy. Eh well. I'm still well within the normal weight range, so I'm trying not to worry too much about it. But I am gonna get more strict on myself about walking on the treadmill @ the gym a couple times a week & about finding a pre-natal yoga class. We got to hear Baby WB's heartbeat at the appt., which was right around the 150 beats per minute range - very normal & I got a lab slip to do my 1 hour glucose tolerance test. It's supposed to be done during week 26, so I'll handle that in a couple weeks - wish me luck! Oh & the NP also checked out the swollen area under my right arm & she says it's just a swollen lymph node & warned that it may even get more swollen as my milk comes in. I asked when I would need to start counting the baby's kicks & she said not until around 30-32 weeks, but as long as she's moving daily then it's normal for now. And she definitely does that, hahaha! I also contacted my "life photographer" (as I've dubbed her), who shot our engagement & wedding photos & am working now with her to schedule a maternity photo shoot & also a newborn photo shoot when the babe arrives. The tentative plan is to do the maternity shots in mid-September, so I'll be a little over 30 weeks. And that's about it for the past two weeks of my pregnancy - just truckin' right along & waiting to meet our little girl in a little under 16 weeks! I can't believe how quickly time has been flying by!
And I definitely feel like I look pregnant nowadays - here are my week 23 & 24 bump shots. Still no stretch marks that i didn't have pre-pregnancy - hopefully it stays that way. :) I'm always either in maternity clothes or stretchy pants & fewer & fewer of my pre-pregnancy shirts fit now:
July 17, 2010
Last night, after a terrible day at work, I was treated to about 15 minutes of baby movement. We pulled out the doppler, and sure enough, every movement we heard, I felt. Smudge really seems to be the midnight party animal.
I can't wait until our anatomy on Thursday... hopefully we'll see an example of what was going on last night.
I'm so happy that I could finally feel Smudge. Even though Mr. DB knew he couldn't feel yet, he was really excited and put his head on my belly and kissed it.
Almost at the half way point - and we can't wait to meet Smudge.
July 16, 2010
Without further adieu, the winner of the You Are My Sunshine Pretty Smitten Print is...
July 15, 2010
Without further adieu, the winner of the $25 [ReDeemed] Unique Art Gift Certificate is...