September 24, 2009

Trying to stay calm through the wait

Last week I thought I was half way through the dreaded 2WW, but then the evil FF decided to change my ovulation date by four days, so NOW, "I think", I am half way through this waiting game. I've been trying really hard not to over think every "symptom" or "feeling" but I'm only human. I just wish my symptoms were the same every month so that I will stop getting my hopes up. Last cycle I had extremely sensitive nipples (which was new for me) so I started thinking "maybe it's a pregnancy sign." This week my whole boobs have been sore every morning, so now I'm thinking "maybe it's an early pregnancy sign." Despite these "symptoms" and the change in O date, I feel surprisingly calm this cycle. The only thing I can contribute this new calmness to is my faith. I've been spending more time in prayer and with people who are praying for us. I take comfort in knowing that God already knows our Little Hopeful Bud's name, birthdate and everything about him or her. It is not for me to know when we will be blessed with this miracle. I can only wait and prepare my body, heart, and head for this blessing.

Along these same lines, this week Mr. Hopeful Bud came into the house and said, "I think we should go on a mission trip. We are so blessed and I really think this is something that we should do to give back." I went to Honduras a couple years ago on a mission trip and I can whole-heartily say that it was a life-changing experience in more then one way. I would love for Mr. Hopeful Bud and I to share in a similar experience. So I think part of my calmness also comes from the idea that maybe we are meant to take this trip before we get our BFP because once we do it wouldn't be safe for me to go to a third-world country.

I say all this today with a calmness in my heart. Tomorrow or months from now I could have a completely different tone. We have been TTC for nine months and I am still hopeful that it will happen in God's timing.



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