Egg Retrieval & disappointing fert report. :o(

We did my ER yesterday morning at 8:45am. I was a little scared since I had never been under anesthesia, but everything went well...I was literally in the operating room talking to the nurses, then the anesthesiologist told me he was administering part 2 of the drugs & next thing I know I was back in my recovery area. I rested there for a bit, then the nurse had me walk around & they discharged me. Before we left, the nurse told me that they got 17 eggs! I was happy with that # since my nurse told me that the average # was 10-20 eggs retrieved. When we got home, I laid in bed all day & let Mr. Worry Bud cater to me. :o) We were told to expect a call with the fertilization report today between 12pm-3pm.

Well, Dr. G just called me & here is my very disappointing fert report #s:

• 18 eggs retrieved (I guess maybe they counted wrong yesterday?)
• Only 7 were mature
• 5 fertilized - 1 abnormally, 4 normally

So 4, we have 4 embryos developing. I am soooo disappointed with this #s & I'm sure Dr. G could hear the disappointment in my voice, b/c he said that he knows going from 18 down to 4 seems very disappointing, but he triggered me a day earlier than he had originally expected to since I was responding so well to the meds & at risk for OHSS. I told Mr. WB that I thought I was being triggered a bit early, but that I figured that was the reason why - and although, I know just how dangerous OHSS can be & I'd never want to risk that for more mature eggs, it is still disappointing. Dr. G was saying that 4 was still good though since we will only be transferring 1-2 anyways, but I'm still upset. He asked if I had any questions, and I couldn't think of any, so he said he'll call me again tomorrow with an update. Ugh. This pretty much means that if this cycle fails, then I'll have to do another very time consuming fresh cycle (vs. an Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET)). :o( I'm trying not to think of that outcome, but realize it's a possibility & still trying to stay positive about this. I know God is watching over our 4 little embryos & is seeing to it that they continue to thrive. Please, Lord...watch over & protect our babies. Please let all 4 of them continue to grow & thrive & allow the two best to be ready for transfer on Tuesday or Thursday. Thank you for all that you do for us. Please help us to be the one thing we want to be more badly than anything else in this world - parents. Please help me to remain positive & optimistic about our chances for a happy & healthy pregnancy after this cycle. I love you Lord, Amen.

Sorry for a bit of a depressing post, but I'm still pretty upset about the #s. I know God has a plan for us & our embryos, but it is difficult not to be upset that only 22% of our embryos fertilized normally. And now of course, I'm starting to think of the "what ifs". What if he had allowed me to stim one additional day? What if he did & I developed OHSS? What if more were mature & fertilized normally? Would I feel a bit more excited rather than nervous? What if this cycle fails? I know the answer is that we will try to immediately cycle again (& luckily, we did Shared Risk so we have several more cycles left), but still...ugh. How will I handle that? Please send us any spare prayers, thoughts, vibes - anything you got - that our embryos continue to grow & make it to transfer this week. And also that 1-2 of the transferred embryos stick & we are celebrating our BFP in a couple of weeks. Thanks guys for everything. :o)