May 6, 2010

Sarcastic Bud In The House....Errr, Garden

Hello everyone, Sarcastic Bud here, and I'm super excited to join the Bloomin Babies Garden. Since this is my very first post, I wanted to give you lovely ladies a background on my TTC adventure.

My journey started in November 2008 when Mr. SB and I decided to ditch the BCP and switched to TTC on our honeymoon. We were both so excited and totally ready to have a baby - until my arch nemeses, Auth Flo decided to skip town - and it wasn't because I was pregnant. Well, she didn't exactly skip town, as much as she would show unexpectedly and demand to be accommodated. Mr. SB and I had previously decided to wait one year until we would talk to our doctors about our TTC woes, but we knew something was wrong and that it had to be addressed.

I was diagnosed with PCOS in June of 2009 and given the drug Provera to stop a visit from Aunt Flo that had lasted for over three weeks (Worst. Houseguest. Ever.).

The next month I showed signs of fertility and we were so happy. I began to think that maybe the Provera was all that my body needed to kick my ovaries back into gear! We did the Wild Monkey Dance when we thought we were supposed to and waited.....until Aunt Flo decided to crash the party a few weeks later (I imagine that in real life, Aunt Flo is the type of party crasher that would steal your toilet paper and draw obscene pictures on your face while your asleep). Although we were disappointed, we started to see a light at the seemingly never ending TTC tunnel.

The next month the same thing happened. Signs of fertility, Wild Monkey Dance, 2WW. Except AF decided not to pay a visit that month. I wanted to think I was pregnant, but because my cycle was so irregular, I didn't want to get my hopes up. Until the day when I bought a pregnancy test.......and 2 lines appeared. Mr. SB and I were over the moon! We thought that our wait was finally over and that we were finally going to be able to have our dreams fulfilled....we were going to be parents.

Then the bleeding started at 6 weeks. I miscarried.

I cannot even put into words what I felt during that time. I felt like someone had yanked my heart out of my chest, stomped on it, and then roundhouse kicked it Chuck Norris style around the tri-state area. I spent the next 2 months in a whirlwind of emotions. Sad, angry, defeated.

Mr. SB was my rock, the best support system I could have ever asked for. We reveled in the fact that, at least, we still had each other - which I now know was my saving grace. We found strength in our love for each other.

We waited one cycle and after that, decided to try again. I remember sitting at my parents' house on Christmas and feeling that ever familiar sharp pain in my lower abdomen. I feared the worse, and even though I knew it was early, when I got home that evening I immediately took a pregnancy test.....which was negative. I let out a huge sigh of relief and tried to put it out of my mind.

A few days later I started spotting. Still fearing the worse, I took another test. Negative. Once again, relief swept over me.

Until 2 days after that when I started to bleed again. I knew this pattern, and my heart sank. Taking a pregnancy test for the third time confirmed my fear - I was pregnant and was losing my baby, once again. Blood tests from my doctor's office confirmed this, and at that moment, I think I forgot to breathe. I couldn't believe that we had to go through this again.

Except this time, I refuse to be defeated. I know that if I want to achieve my dream of becoming a mother, I will have to fight for it. After checking out a few RE's (against my regular OB's unwarranted advice. In her words, "Only two miscarriages? I think we should try one more time." Haha - right Lady), I found one that was perfect for me. Was he a "Warm Fuzzy"? No, which is pretty awesome being that I am the type of person where any unnecessary touching makes me want to recoil in disgust (yes, I'm a hug hater, respect the personal bubble). Did he know his shit? Absolutely. I picked him.

After our initial consultation, he decided to put me on Clomid. My saline ultrasound came back perfect (besides the polycystic ovaries), and right at this moment I am on my first round of 50 mg Clomid, with minimal side effects (Have I woken up in the middle of the night sweating like a fat kid chasing M&Ms? Yes, but that's what I consider minimal).

I am ready for this, I am ready to try again.


Ms. Understood said...

Welcome and best of luck to you on your journey.

Erica said...

Good Luck SB! Clomid worked for us and I'm hoping it does the same for you guys!
The side effects are minimal once you get a BFP!

Sarcastic Bud said...

Thank you! I'm hoping that Clomid wakes my ovaries up from their long slumber. Glad it worked for you, Erica!

Jen J. said...

Welcome to SB & GL! Can't wait to hear more about your journey!

Blessed Bud said...

Welcome SB! Our history is very similar. I am looking forward to following your journey ;)


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