May 10, 2010

Best way to eat your words

Well, AF showed her lovely face again; she was a fantastic Mother's Day present. Though I had a temp drop and some spotting on Saturday, I still held out some hope, but no such luck. I had a real hard time holding it together this time; it didn't help that me not being a mother was continually brought to my attention. My mother was incredibly tentative before handing me a mimosa (I ended up sucking down 3) and my ILs all brought up something about me and babies. One said she was expecting an announcement from us today, another wished me a Happy Mother's Day with a wink, and FIL announced that he wanted to see me as a mother next year. Thankfully DH listened from last time and was a great help. When I broke down after leaving my parents, he just held me for about ten minutes.

I guess now we are onto cycle #5. I just remember a conversation I had with a coworker when she announced her pregnancy in January. She said that it took them five cycles. I responded (naively at the time), "5 months isn't bad at all." No it is like forever in TTC time. I feel as though we have been trying longer than we haven't. I can barely remember the relief I used to feel when AF would show up. Now she just sends me wanted to run to bed. I guess it doesn't help that this is really the one thing I can't control and it drives me absolutely crazy. I had hoped to have a little baby PB by the time I walked across that stage to get my Master's. Now I am just praying to have one by our anniversary. At least I will be able to drink at my graduation party, and it is getting less likely that I will have a noticeable baby bump at my friend's July wedding. I guess you have got to count the small things.

We are keeping up with the charting and opks. I am still concerned that my cm tends to dry up around O day. I am drinking green tea a lot, but if it continues this cycle I may call my doctor, who already thinks I am crazy. Maybe the fifth time is a charm and I will have an end of school BFP. One can hope.


Ms. Understood said...

I'm sorry (((HUGS))) I hope that you get your BFP soon. Good luck.

Sunflower Bud said...

Why is it that family doesn't know when to be quiet? I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. We've been very open with our friends and family about our IF to avoid those types of things but I know not everyone is comfortable with sharing it.


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