Today was my surgery follow up and IF discussion with the RE. It basically sucked.
He tossed out the blood I had taken Friday because he said it was pointless to test it since I had a hormone therapy cycle right before it, even though I was 5 days off the meds when the nurse drew it. So I have a huge ugly bruise on my arm for nothing.
He said absolutely no TTC this month and to continue with the second round of hormone therapy. And absolutely no TTC next month (August). I have an u/s on July 30th to see how my lining and uterus are looking after 2 rounds of hormone therapy. If he doesn't like the progress, I'll be going on a 3rd round of hormone therapy.
We aren't allowed to start TTC again until after an entire cycle of no meds. So, basically September if the u/s on July 30th looks good or October if it doesn't.
AND... no IUI. No fertility meds. Nothing. 6 months of timed intercourse and OPK's. Basically, starting all over again a year and a half ago. I burst into tears right there in his office. After everything we've been through. Testing, 2 surgeries, waiting upon waiting upon waiting and healing from surgeries... and we have to start over?
He refuses to do any medical intervention except monitoring CD3 and CD22 bloodwork unless a. I'm not ovulating on my own properly or b. It's been 6 months of intercourse and opk's and I'm still not pregnant.
After TTC for so long, 6-9 more months of this feels like forever. And I'm not convinced that it will even work. At least with the thought of IUI or fertility meds, I feel like we're doing SOMETHING in the direction of getting pregnant. Now all I feel like is many more months of timed intercourse, peeing on sticks, taking my temperature and crying when AF shows up at the end of the month.
I'm glad that Dr. P has so much faith in his ability as a surgeon that taking the fibroid out, removing all the cysts, opening the tube and detaching my uterus from my abdominal wall will do the trick and I'll magically get pregnant now. I don't have the same faith though. Mr. SB is thrilled that we won't be spending thousands of dollars and has no problem with waiting another 6-9 months to see if it happens on it's own.
I've cried all day today. I just feel like all the air got sucked out of the room. And I'm angry. I'm pissed off that I went through everything to get this far and I'm essentially right back to charting and timed intercourse. And if it doesn't work like he thinks it will, I'm going to be so upset. If I last that long. My support system is dwindling the longer it takes for me to get pregnant and I don't feel like I have many people to lean on and pick me back up again when I get knocked down. It makes it harder and harder to keep going.
I wish I could just give up but I haven't quite figured out how to walk away from something you want so badly.
Showing posts with label Surgery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Surgery. Show all posts
July 6, 2010
June 14, 2010
No update so far!
Just cruising along on the hormone therapy. I am on 25 days of Premarin and then on days 13-25, I take Provera. I start the Provera today.
Only thing going on is I'm terrified to have sex. We are clear to have sex now and I tried and had to stop and shook like a leaf for about an hour afterward. I'm afraid of bleeding and pain. Hopefully I get over that sometime soon...
Back to the RE on July 15 for my followup and discuss what our TTC course of action will be now. Hopefully it won't involve anymore surgeries!
Only thing going on is I'm terrified to have sex. We are clear to have sex now and I tried and had to stop and shook like a leaf for about an hour afterward. I'm afraid of bleeding and pain. Hopefully I get over that sometime soon...
Back to the RE on July 15 for my followup and discuss what our TTC course of action will be now. Hopefully it won't involve anymore surgeries!
June 4, 2010
Survived surgery!
There hasn't been much to update until now. I was on birth control pills to prevent possible hemorrhage from my heavy periods.
Went in for surgery at 8am on Wednesday. The nurses and doctors at the surgery center are VERY nice! One girl was a student and they asked permission for her to watch the procedure and I had no problem letting her watch. Everyone has to learn! And the doctor told her it was going to be a very interesting procedure with all that I had going on. Possible removal of right tube, left ovary and left tube. Definite removal of cysts and fibroid.
The IV hurt really badly going in and I barely remember being knocked out. I remember them putting a mask on my face and telling me to take deep breaths (they did anesthesia via mask AND IV) and next thing I remember is being told to calm down and that everything was okay. I, apparently, was having a hard time coming out of anesthesia. I didn't do well last time I was put under either.
Wheeled into recovery where I was given a shot of Fentanyl which helped the pain (which was pretty severe) for a brief moment and made me very woozy. The pain came back pretty quickly and they gave me another shot of Fentanyl. Again, woozy and brief respite from the pain. After a bit, they had me get up and get dressed. This made me start vomiting and very nauseous so they gave me some Zofran. Another shot of Fentanyl until they could be sure I'd be able to keep down the Percocet pill they had for me.
Finally, my doctor came over to talk to us about the surgery. He found that my uterus had attached to the abdominal wall. He showed us a ton of pictures and that was by far the coolest picture he had. So he separated the uterus from my abdomen and said that was a fairly easy procedure. Drained and removed all the cysts (there were 4 on my left ovary and 1 on my right). Removed the fibroid which was HUGE. The pictures were insane. Dr. P was pretty impressed with the size of the thing as well. That took him most of the time in surgery, which actually ran longer than the 2 hours allotted for it. But he got it ALL. All that is left of it is a black scab which he said endometrial tissue will grow over it.
And on to the tube/ovary news....
My tubes and ovaries were perfectly healthy and fine!!! There was no blockage on my right tube. Just a little flap of tissue that he easily removed. There is no damage to either tube at all. My left ovary was only 1.5 times the size of a normal one so it definitely shrunk a great deal (thank you devil pills!). But he said he had no reason to remove any of them and that they are in great condition and looking very healthy!!!
I literally burst into tears with relief. I was shocked by this news because he had prepared me going into surgery that I could wake up with ONLY my right ovary. Every time, he opened his mouth, I swear it was like heaven and goodness flowed out!
I've had a pretty rough recovery so far. MUCH worse than surgery in February. I've been beyond blessed by Mr. Sunflower Bud. He's being incredible and taking such awesome care of me. He has to help me up and down out of bed and to the bathroom. He's been shooing the cats out of the bedroom (they want to cuddle up ON my stomach for some reason) and keeping Little Sunflower Bud out of the house as much as possible (she's in major Mommy phase and wants to climb all over me).
From the time I got home, I was literally asleep for 2 hours, awake for 20 minutes, asleep for 2 hours, awake for 20 minutes, etc. Woke up a lot during the night Wednesday night because I was itching so badly. Could not get with it at all all day Thursday. I made it down to the couch for about 40 minutes before I was asking to go back to bed. I couldn't look at my laptop because it made me ill for some reason. When I worked up the courage to get in the shower yesterday afternoon, I discovered that I was covered in hives!!! No wonder I was so itchy!
Turns out, I'm allergic to Percocet. What a sad sad allergy that is. Who wants to be allergic to such a wonderful narcotic? :( Called the doctor and he called in Darvocet and told us to flush the rest of the Percocet and that I'd have to note that on all allergies from now on (boooo). Started taking the Darvocet last night around 6pm and holy cow, what a difference!!! Knocked me out at first but when I woke up, I actually felt human. No more itching (thank you Benadryl!) and I was actually lucid and able to sit on the couch long enough to watch a movie and get on the laptop for a little while. I even slept 7 hours straight last night without waking up to itch! And I was able to eat a whole entire meal last night. I could barely nibble on toast throughout the day on the Percocet.
I go back to see Dr. P in 6 weeks to discuss what's next. It's funny... having been faced with IVF being our only option, doing IUI's just seems like pennies and dimes! I'm fairly certain that IUI is on our plate but the only question will be if it's medicated or unmedicated. Either way, the costs are certainly not as daunting now as it was when we were focused on affording IVF.
I'm on a hormone therapy schedule to build up my lining:
25 days on Premarin, 5 days off, 25 more days of Premarin
Days 13-25 of both months, take Provera
Just 2 months of healing and hormone therapy before we can get back to TTC! I am PSYCHED. I'm so getting pregnant this year. Spring 2011 looks like a lovely time to have a baby, don't you think?
Went in for surgery at 8am on Wednesday. The nurses and doctors at the surgery center are VERY nice! One girl was a student and they asked permission for her to watch the procedure and I had no problem letting her watch. Everyone has to learn! And the doctor told her it was going to be a very interesting procedure with all that I had going on. Possible removal of right tube, left ovary and left tube. Definite removal of cysts and fibroid.
The IV hurt really badly going in and I barely remember being knocked out. I remember them putting a mask on my face and telling me to take deep breaths (they did anesthesia via mask AND IV) and next thing I remember is being told to calm down and that everything was okay. I, apparently, was having a hard time coming out of anesthesia. I didn't do well last time I was put under either.
Wheeled into recovery where I was given a shot of Fentanyl which helped the pain (which was pretty severe) for a brief moment and made me very woozy. The pain came back pretty quickly and they gave me another shot of Fentanyl. Again, woozy and brief respite from the pain. After a bit, they had me get up and get dressed. This made me start vomiting and very nauseous so they gave me some Zofran. Another shot of Fentanyl until they could be sure I'd be able to keep down the Percocet pill they had for me.
Finally, my doctor came over to talk to us about the surgery. He found that my uterus had attached to the abdominal wall. He showed us a ton of pictures and that was by far the coolest picture he had. So he separated the uterus from my abdomen and said that was a fairly easy procedure. Drained and removed all the cysts (there were 4 on my left ovary and 1 on my right). Removed the fibroid which was HUGE. The pictures were insane. Dr. P was pretty impressed with the size of the thing as well. That took him most of the time in surgery, which actually ran longer than the 2 hours allotted for it. But he got it ALL. All that is left of it is a black scab which he said endometrial tissue will grow over it.
And on to the tube/ovary news....
My tubes and ovaries were perfectly healthy and fine!!! There was no blockage on my right tube. Just a little flap of tissue that he easily removed. There is no damage to either tube at all. My left ovary was only 1.5 times the size of a normal one so it definitely shrunk a great deal (thank you devil pills!). But he said he had no reason to remove any of them and that they are in great condition and looking very healthy!!!
I literally burst into tears with relief. I was shocked by this news because he had prepared me going into surgery that I could wake up with ONLY my right ovary. Every time, he opened his mouth, I swear it was like heaven and goodness flowed out!
I've had a pretty rough recovery so far. MUCH worse than surgery in February. I've been beyond blessed by Mr. Sunflower Bud. He's being incredible and taking such awesome care of me. He has to help me up and down out of bed and to the bathroom. He's been shooing the cats out of the bedroom (they want to cuddle up ON my stomach for some reason) and keeping Little Sunflower Bud out of the house as much as possible (she's in major Mommy phase and wants to climb all over me).
From the time I got home, I was literally asleep for 2 hours, awake for 20 minutes, asleep for 2 hours, awake for 20 minutes, etc. Woke up a lot during the night Wednesday night because I was itching so badly. Could not get with it at all all day Thursday. I made it down to the couch for about 40 minutes before I was asking to go back to bed. I couldn't look at my laptop because it made me ill for some reason. When I worked up the courage to get in the shower yesterday afternoon, I discovered that I was covered in hives!!! No wonder I was so itchy!
Turns out, I'm allergic to Percocet. What a sad sad allergy that is. Who wants to be allergic to such a wonderful narcotic? :( Called the doctor and he called in Darvocet and told us to flush the rest of the Percocet and that I'd have to note that on all allergies from now on (boooo). Started taking the Darvocet last night around 6pm and holy cow, what a difference!!! Knocked me out at first but when I woke up, I actually felt human. No more itching (thank you Benadryl!) and I was actually lucid and able to sit on the couch long enough to watch a movie and get on the laptop for a little while. I even slept 7 hours straight last night without waking up to itch! And I was able to eat a whole entire meal last night. I could barely nibble on toast throughout the day on the Percocet.
I go back to see Dr. P in 6 weeks to discuss what's next. It's funny... having been faced with IVF being our only option, doing IUI's just seems like pennies and dimes! I'm fairly certain that IUI is on our plate but the only question will be if it's medicated or unmedicated. Either way, the costs are certainly not as daunting now as it was when we were focused on affording IVF.
I'm on a hormone therapy schedule to build up my lining:
25 days on Premarin, 5 days off, 25 more days of Premarin
Days 13-25 of both months, take Provera
Just 2 months of healing and hormone therapy before we can get back to TTC! I am PSYCHED. I'm so getting pregnant this year. Spring 2011 looks like a lovely time to have a baby, don't you think?
May 13, 2010
Circling in the holding pattern
It's been about a week since I posted. I've needed some time to digest everything I found out.
The day after my appointment with the new RE, he had me come back in for an SHG. What he found was disappointing to say the least.
I have a fibroid. Not just any fibroid, but a HUGE freaking fibroid. It's the same one I was operated on in February. It was submucosal and most of it was embedded in the uterine wall and they could only get what was in the uterus. Since then, it's delivered into the uterus completely and grown. Grown so much that it's actually expanding my uterus and stretching it and distorting it's shape completely. A normal uterus is triangular shaped. Mine is a horizontal oval right now.
My right tube is blocked on the outside by ovarian tissue. He will decide completely once he's inside and can get a better look but he feels that removing it would be the best course of action. He said that when there is a blockage on the outside, there is generally damage inside the tube as well and that it greatly decreases chance of pregnant and increases chance of ectopic.
My left ovary is triple the size of a normal ovary. SHEESH! He has no idea what is going on there but he's hoping that it's overstimulation from Clomid. I'm on birth control pills for another month in the hopes that it will calm down and shrink in size. If it doesn't.... it has to be removed. It's also covered in cysts and he said that he can't safely remove the cysts without risking snapping the ovary off due to it's size and unstable state.
I'm scheduled for another SHG on the 27th of this month to see how that ovary is doing.
My surgery (lap/hysteroscopy) is scheduled for June 2. I won't know what is removed until I wake up from surgery.
I'm praying to God every day that I don't wake up with just a left tube and a right ovary. Because frankly, that would suck.
If I get to keep my left ovary, we have a shot at IUI. If I don't.... our only option is IVF.
But for now... I'm on birth control pills and am actually in a MUCH better place emotionally than I have been in awhile. Knowing 100% that I can not get pregnant is actually a relief for now. There's not stress or wonder or worry. It's nice to live in the moment and enjoy the NOW instead of being completely focused on what's going on.
The day after my appointment with the new RE, he had me come back in for an SHG. What he found was disappointing to say the least.
I have a fibroid. Not just any fibroid, but a HUGE freaking fibroid. It's the same one I was operated on in February. It was submucosal and most of it was embedded in the uterine wall and they could only get what was in the uterus. Since then, it's delivered into the uterus completely and grown. Grown so much that it's actually expanding my uterus and stretching it and distorting it's shape completely. A normal uterus is triangular shaped. Mine is a horizontal oval right now.
My right tube is blocked on the outside by ovarian tissue. He will decide completely once he's inside and can get a better look but he feels that removing it would be the best course of action. He said that when there is a blockage on the outside, there is generally damage inside the tube as well and that it greatly decreases chance of pregnant and increases chance of ectopic.
My left ovary is triple the size of a normal ovary. SHEESH! He has no idea what is going on there but he's hoping that it's overstimulation from Clomid. I'm on birth control pills for another month in the hopes that it will calm down and shrink in size. If it doesn't.... it has to be removed. It's also covered in cysts and he said that he can't safely remove the cysts without risking snapping the ovary off due to it's size and unstable state.
I'm scheduled for another SHG on the 27th of this month to see how that ovary is doing.
My surgery (lap/hysteroscopy) is scheduled for June 2. I won't know what is removed until I wake up from surgery.
I'm praying to God every day that I don't wake up with just a left tube and a right ovary. Because frankly, that would suck.
If I get to keep my left ovary, we have a shot at IUI. If I don't.... our only option is IVF.
But for now... I'm on birth control pills and am actually in a MUCH better place emotionally than I have been in awhile. Knowing 100% that I can not get pregnant is actually a relief for now. There's not stress or wonder or worry. It's nice to live in the moment and enjoy the NOW instead of being completely focused on what's going on.
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