Two lines.

I never, in my life, thought I would see two lines on a pregnancy test.  I thought it wasn't in the cards for me.  We never took a HPT when we did our fresh IVF cycle last fall.  I knew there was a risk of getting a false positive, so we waited for my beta.

This time, though.  I couldn't wait.  I took my first HPT on Friday, April 27th as soon as I woke up.  I didn't even tell Mr. Bossy I was going to do it.  Like I said-  I'm a chicken.  This is what I saw.

I couldn't believe my eyes.  I began shaking and before I knew it, I was sobbing. I scared Mr. Bossy half to death when I stood next to the shower holding out my positive pregnancy test.  He thought something was wrong.  Boy, was he ever wrong.

We spent the weekend doing fun activities; all the while knowing that my beta was on Monday. We kept our secret under wraps.  We didn't want to spill the beans before family knew, and we had also decided that we would not share our good news with as many people this time.  Just to be on the safe side.

I bought picture frames and typed up this little poem to put inside:

Next January-
In this place
You can a picture
of your
grandchild's face!

We presented my mother with hers on Saturday night (my dad was already in bed due to working early the next morning).  She knew my beta was on Monday, but I wanted to surprise her in a fun way.  She didn't even have the wrapping paper completely off before a smile spread across her face.  She was totally shocked!  I put the frame next to my dad's sink so that he would see it first thing in the morning when he woke to shower and brush his teeth.

We gave Mr. Bossy's mom her frame on Sunday when she stopped by to visit.  Her reaction was-  What does this mean?  I politely told her to infer (she can act really stupid at times), and she was able to figure it out.

I decided to take my second HPT this morning before I left for my RE's office.  Even after Friday's positive result, I was still scared to death.  I kept telling myself over the weekend that maybe that stick was telling a lie!

This is what I saw:

The vertical positive line had gotten darker!!! 

My nurse notified me earlier today that my beta is 319.  I return on Wednesday for my second one.  We're being cautiously optimistic.  We sure hope this little one sticks around for the next 9 months!

Please pray for a good, strong number on Wednesday. :)

Bossy Bud

36 Week Update

How far along: 36 weeks and 6 days. Full term is tomorrow!

Total weight change: Going by the doctors scale at my 36 week appointment on Wednesday, +27. I actually went down a pound from the week before. No worries, it balances out the +2 from the previous week.

Maternity clothes: Always. I've pretty much moved into dresses at this point. It kills my hips to get pants on and off. I'm starting to look forward to wearing regular clothes again, eventually. Feeling like my wardrobe is really limited these days.

Stretch Marks: No new developments since last week.

Movement: I think he's getting pretty squished in there. Movements have changed yet again to subtle butt wiggles and occasional limb stretches. My kidneys appreciate this change, but it does mean I have to lay really still sometimes to get kick counts done.

Sleep: I just can't seem to get enough sleep lately. Sleep at night is broken up by bathroom trips and braxton hicks contractions. During the day if I need a nap, and my schedule allows, I'm all about taking one.

Best Moment This Past Week: At the end of my appointment this week the nurse went ahead and made all of my weekly appointments up to my due date (they usually go appt to appt). There are only THREE more appointments. The look on my face when she started saying "October" for the appointments beyond next weeks? Priceless.

Most Difficult Moment This Past Week: My worries about something going wrong in these last weeks of the pregnancy are getting pretty bad. Its reminding me a lot of my worries in the first few weeks of the pregnancy...just instead of praying for him to not miscarry, I'm praying that I won't get this far just to have him taken away. I have more anxiety about making it to delivery day than about the actual delivery.

Belly Button In or Out: Still an inny.

Cravings/Aversions: Nothing major.

Symptoms: No major changes in the last couple weeks. Braxton Hicks pretty regularly and sporadic (last night being one of those times) instances with lots of pressure downstairs. My carpal tunnel has gotten a lot better, probably thanks to the braces and the change in temperature. Mostly I just feel like I'm enormous and its hard to get around.

Next Month?!?!

Apologies in advance if this is a little disjointed. I got some news today that kind of has my mind reeling (see difficult moment of the week, below). I need to get this up today though as its my last day in the 33rd week...so here goes.

How far along: 33 weeks and 6 days. As of yesterday we can officially say the baby is expected NEXT MONTH!

Total weight change: Going by the doctors scale at my 32 week appointment today, +24. During the course of this week my appetite has picked up a bit. The baby books say he's packing on the pounds, so I'm hoping this is why.

Maternity clothes: Always. I've pretty much moved into dresses at this point. It kills my hips to get pants on and off.

Stretch Marks: No new developments since last week.

Movement: The boy seems to be into stretching lately. Often its the downward dog (push off my guts and stick his butt out), sometimes he's stretching out an arm or leg off to one side or the other. The latest trick he does is reaching his hand out and grabbing at my hip bone. Such a strange feeling to feel a tiny little hand trying to grab my pelvis.

Sleep: Honestly, I've been sleeping relatively well this week. Its like all my body wants to do is eat, sleep and pee...my husband jokes I'm just like the baby.

Best Moment This Past Week: Being able to say he's due next month. Mentally, its a good feeling.

Most Difficult Moment This Past Week: Finding out that my husbands job may decide to send him to Japan. If he's tapped to go, he can't say no and he'll be gone for the delivery and at least Christmas. I'm keeping my fingers crossed he doesn't get tapped to go as he's my only support out here and I'm getting kind of far along to take a cross country road trip (would have to be a drive because the dog would need to go).

Belly Button In or Out: Still an inny.

Cravings/Aversions: Nothing major.

Symptoms: Overall the same as in past weeks. I've been very thankful this week to have less pelvic and back pain. Being 8 months pregnant isn't half bad when you aren't in lots of pain.

Childbirth Class

We had our childbirth class this past weekend! Long day. 6 hours in the classroom, but I do have to give the instructor props for giving us hourly bathroom breaks and letting us get up and move around for certain activities in the class. Going into the class I was really worried how the swelling in my feet would do not being able to get my feet up for that long, but it turned out fine.

I have a confession to make: I mostly signed us up for the class so that my husband would have a clue what he was in for...both when it came to labor & delivery, and for my recovery afterwards. I've read up on things pretty well, have discussed things with people a bunch, and have witnessed a birth. I wanted my husband to know how to time contractions, when it was time to go to the hospital, the different stages of labor, what he can do during labor to help...and that in the days/weeks afterwards he's going to need to step up. Mission Accomplished.

The class was pretty comprehensive. It started out with "Is it time to go to the hospital?" scenarios, went through each stage of labor (what to expect, how to cope, including videos of medicated & non-medicated births and a c-section), and recovery (both types of delivery).

I didn't really feel like I learned a whole lot, but I know the Mr did. Plus I think it helped him to see other Dads-to-be in the class, that he's not the only one facing this. Another confession from me: I liked being in the class around other 3rd Tri moms-to-be. It was nice to be around people that get the discomforts and worries going on with me these days.

One thing I did learn that I thought was kind of cool is that the baby typically twists when it comes out during delivery. From what the instructor said, baby will be kind of sideways a the start of labor and as its skull progresses through the pelvis it twists. Both the pre-labor positioning and the twist help line up the widest part of babies head with the widest opening (at that given stage) of the moms pelvis. I didn't realize that and thought it was kind of cool...especially because it means our little guy is spot on in his positioning (head down, with his back sort of facing to the left of my belly button). This image isn't one from the class, but it shows the twist.

(Image credit: http://www.epigee.org/health/birth.html )

Sweet Child of Mine (32 Week Update)

Before I get started, I wanted to take a moment to welcome our new bud, Curly Bud. Its always nice to see a new face, and I am thrilled that there is another lady here to document their TTC After a Loss journey. Having been down that road myself, and knowing just how common pregnancy loss is, its such an important perspective to bring to the blog. Welcome, Curly Bud!

How far along: 32 weeks and 6 days. Just over 7 weeks to go! About a month until I'm full term. Woot!

Total weight change: Going by the doctors scale at my 32 week appointment today, +24. I officially broke the 200 mark today at my appointment. Not happy about that...but at least its for a great reason. On the plus side, at least the rate of gain has slowed some.

Maternity clothes: Always. I've pretty much moved into dresses at this point. It kills my hips to get pants on and off.

Stretch Marks: I've noticed a few additions right near the tiny ones I found ages ago. In the scheme of things, they are still pretty small.

Movement: Today on the way back from the pharmacy (another UTI, boo)I had the radio on and Sweet Child of Mine came on. I swear the little guy was grooving to the guitar riff. Too funny, especially since his father loves that song. Otherwise he's mostly been a wriggler. He's been changing position some (doctor suspected he's head down at today's appt, woo hoo!) and has the hiccups 2+ times each day.

Sleep: Ha ha ha. If I'm not up to pee, I've been restless with my mind racing with thoughts of delivery, the recovery afterwards and concerns about holiday visits.

Best Moment This Past Week: His dancing today was pretty funny. It was also great to find out he's likely vertex after being anything but for most of the pregnancy.

Most Difficult Moment This Past Week: Honestly, compared to the aches and pains I had a week or two ago...this week wasn't too bad.

Belly Button In or Out: Still an inny.

Cravings/Aversions: Nothing major.

Symptoms: Tingly fingers, particularly on my right hand. Bloat, including the infamous cankles. Hip pain, occasional cervical pressure and 3rd Tri exhaustion. According to my doctor, I also have a mild UTI. Joy. How sad is it that I had no clue I even had symptoms...the usual peeing more or feeling pressure is pretty darn hard to distinguish from late pregnancy.

Things I Wish I'd Known

Several of these things are specific to being pregnant after a loss, but not all of them. These cover things through about Week 20 or so of the pregnancy. Maybe I'll do another one of these after delivery...



1) Getting pregnant after a loss is scary.

When I was TTC after my loss I had it in my head that getting pregnant again would magically make everything OK. It doesn't. Its scary to be pregnant again with a little one that you want so badly when you know so much about what can go wrong.


2) Spotting doesn't always mean miscarriage.

It can, in fact it did for me the first time around. This time though I spotted a lot (see chart) and he's still very much still around. I guess I'm pretty much a great example of the 50% chance they give you of a miscarriage when you're spotting. Spotting is terrifying though, especially when you've been down the road of it meaning the beginning of the end before.


3) Symptoms can come and go.

For a lot of ladies, the bulk of 1st Tri symptoms don't really start to kick in until around 6-7 weeks. For me, weeks 7-9 were the most worst. Its totally normal to feel nauseous or tired as anything one day and fine the next. The same has held true for my 2nd and 3rd Tri symptoms so far. Movement has come and gone. Swelling has come and gone.


4) Its common for 1st Tri symptoms to drop off around 10ish weeks.

My symptoms completely tanked around 9 weeks and were all but gone by 10 weeks. Turns out a ton of the ladies on Pregnant After A Loss (a board on The Bump) were experiencing the same thing. Pretty sure around that point is when the placenta takes over, making those annoying 1st Tri symptoms fade.


5) Not everyone gets morning sickness (or other 1st Tri symptoms) really bad and every pregnancy really is different.

I'd heard all these horror stories about morning sickness. None of them were true for me. To this day I've not puked when pregnant. I had nausea, sure, but only a handful of times was it to the point where I thought I might puke...and it was never in the morning. I was an evening nausea girl. I never had Super Smell with this pregnancy (did a little with the first one), just a sensitivity to a few odors. With my first pregnancy I was exhausted, this one just a few days here and there.


6) Make Mr. Metamucil your BFF.

Taking Metamucil (I'd recommend the clear and free kind that dissolves in just about anything) can really help you if you get backed up...something that is common in early pregnancy but that people don't often talk about. Other things like colace, fruit, drinking tons of water, etc can also help.


7) The days before ultrasounds are nervewrecking.

Having had my miscarriage confirmed via seeing my empty uterus on the big screen, I was terrified going in for ultrasounds early on. The worst, by far, was the one where I knew there should be a heartbeat but I had no tangible proof that the heart was in fact beating. I was scared beyond words walking into that appointment. Seeing that beautiful flicker was absolutely amazing, there just are no words. I've gotten better about ultrasounds now that I can feel him and he's passed his anatomy scan, but I still worry a little.


8) When you get news that your child might have something that will make his/her life more challenging...nothing else matters.

OK, I kind of knew that in theory going into pregnancy, but processing the news that our little one had a 1:10 chance for Down Syndrome (courtesy of the Quad Screening) was hands down the hardest moment thus far for this pregnancy. I just wanted our child to have the best chance at the best life possible...and hearing s/he might face extra challenges was hard. It did put things into perspective though and helped me realize that as disconnected as I'd felt from this pregnancy (emotionally protecting myself from another loss, I think) that I really did love the baby already.


9) The amnio wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

It was scary seeing the needle in the amniotic sac on the ultrasound screen, but the procedure itself didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. The worst part of the whole experience, by far, was waiting for the results. Given that I'll be of advanced maternal age for future pregnancies, thus increasing my risks for several things the amnio can check for, I'll likely get an amnio instead of the Quad Screening in future pregnancies. So many of the other tests they can do just give you odds of a problem or can't rule things out completely. With amnio they are checking the DNA and you get a definitive answer. Sometimes just knowing one way or the other what is going on is necessary...at least it was for me.


10) The first movements don't always feel like flutters.

For me it felt like a bug was crawling inside of me. Why everyone else gets butterflies and I got a giant beetle...I have no idea. I've heard other ladies describe the feeling they had as it being like a vibrating cell phone.


11) Its totally normal to only feel movement intermittently before the start of 3rd Tri.

Even if your little one has been predictable as anything with their movements, when they are still relatively tiny, sometimes they can get themselves into a position where you can't feel them. Sometimes their sleep/awake patterns can change as well. If you have any concerns, absolutely call your doctor or go into Labor & Delivery (I did)...just go in knowing that in most cases the baby is fine.


12) Registries: Baby Bargains, Lucie's List and a game plan

Walking into a Big Box baby store as a first time parent is overwhelming. I found doing some research beforehand really helped me calm down. I highly recommend the book Baby Bargains (2011), available on Amazon for about $11 (image credit: http://www.amazon.com/). They literally go through and rate every product by pretty much every manufacturer and outline things like features, recalls, etc. The book will more than pay for itself. Seriously. Another thing I found helpful was http://www.lucieslist.com/. This website outlines the bare minimum of what you really need for baby. I don't agree with all the recommendations for big ticket items (a personal preference thing), but the listings of how many of this, that and the other thing you really need was helpful.


When it comes time to actually register, do what you can online. When you go to the store (there will likely be things you'll want to see in person), keep in mind that you don't have to do it all in one day. We did strollers and car seats one week, cribs and pack n'plays the next...you get the idea. You can always tweak it online at home. Oh and another important tip-If you get tired, that's a GREAT time to try out the gliders. Just sayin'.

75% Done!

Since I never did the survey thing in my other post this week, here goes.

How far along: 30 weeks and 6 days

Total weight change: Going by the doctors scale, +23. I'm totally dreading my next check up. I wasn't a tiny woman when I got pregnant and its all but a sure thing that the next appointment will put me over the 200 mark. For the most part I'm alright with the increasing weight of pregnancy...but that milestone will be a hard one to swallow.

Maternity clothes: I started Round Three of maternity clothes this past week. Some of my shirts were getting too short and pants were getting too snug in the waistband. I'm still on the lookout for yoga pants and maxi dresses. I've also realized that wearing more supportive shoes made a HUGE difference in my foot and back pain.

Stretch Marks: No new ones.

Movement: I feel nudges and wiggles each day, enough for him to pass his kick count, but not a ton.

Sleep: Normal for me in 3rd Tri, I guess. I'm up 3 to 4 times for the bathroom. I'm finding myself really loving squeezing in an afternoon nap as well. Not sure if its because I'm not sleeping soundly at night or if its because the extra weight is taking a toll on my physically.

Best Moment This Past Week: Hearing everything looked good at the appt.

Most Difficult Moment This Past Week: Just knowing that I have another 10 or so weeks to go. I also had a hard time with the realization that cloth diapering just isn't realistic for us. We can't wash them in house due to the landlord getting a low end washer and using a diaper service was more expensive than disposables.

Belly Button In or Out: Still an inny.

Cravings/Aversions: Nothing

Symptoms: Tingly fingers, particularly on my right hand. Bloat, including the infamous cankles. I had my very first big time Braxton Hicks contraction in the week hours of Wednesday morning. BIG difference from the one I had at 15 weeks. It was like my whole belly had a giant muscle spasm at once. Pretty intense.

What I'm Looking Forward To: Our glider and ottoman coming in (due within the next week) and our changing table getting assembled.

30 Week Appt

I'm officially on biweekly appointments now that I'm in the 3rd Trimester. Had my 30 week one bright and early on Monday and the 32 week one is on the books for later this month.


I don't think I've done a summary of what a typical prenatal appointment is like, so for those that are curious, here goes:


Typically I arrive at the office and check in. The receptionist gives me a bunch of lab labels that I'm to hand to the nurse when I'm called back. I sit and wait, usually guzzling my water because I know what's coming next. Eventually I get called back by the nurse. They do my weight (boo!), temp, BP and ask if there is any pain or big changes since the last appointment. Then they hand me one of the labels mentioned earlier and direct me to the nearest bathroom where I'm expected to pee in a cup. Let me tell you, that's getting more challenging as the belly gets bigger. Kind of like flying blind, lol.


The sample gets left for the nurse and I go back to the room they've told me to wait in. Typically the nurse then enters the new vitals info into the system while we wait on the doctor (there are computers in the exam rooms). She'll often ask me several questions, usually stuff that is trimester appropriate...but questions of bleeding/spotting/pain are always included.




Then the doctor comes back. She goes over my vitals and asks about any issues I might be having. This is where I chime in about the tingly fingers of the past month, or earlier in the pregnancy about the spotting. I'd recommend highly writing down your questions on a list as you come up with them. When my appointments were monthly, that was a lifesaver. I hated forgetting to ask something when I had some face time with the doctor and then having to call.


Lately, as in since 24 weeks, the doctors are starting to ask questions to get me thinking about the future at these appointments as well. Things like what we intend to do for birth control after the baby, if we've thought about our preferences for delivery (basically a nudge to come up with a birth plan) and a heads up about upcoming testing such as Group B Strep.


Next up is the best part. I lay down on the exam table and they break out the doppler. I love getting to hear the little guys heartbeat! Its usually not for very long, but its long enough for me to know its for sure there still which is comforting.


After that we wipe off the gel and I get helped up off the exam table (can't get up very well on my own these days). The doctor typically goes over a few things as the nurse sticks her head in and says I passed the pee test (nowadays they are looking for proteins and sugars in particular). I then make an appointment for the appropriate number of weeks in the future on my way out.


This past appointment I found out that a referral for wrist splints, intended to help with my carpal tunnel and ulnar nerve issues was approved by insurance, so I got information about where to get fitted for those.


I actually went to get the wrist braces today. One for each wrist. They are (thankfully) Velcro closure and are reinforced by a metal plate on the underside of the wrist. I'm supposed to wear them at a minimum when I'm sleeping to keep me from flexing my wrist in my sleep and aggravating the issue. I feel like a boxer with them on, take a look for yourselves. Sexy, aren't they? Just kidding of course. There pretty much is nothing sexy about pregnancy at this point.

Hitting A Wall

I really think we made the right decision to do our shower early. Seriously. The shower was at 28 weeks. I'm now at nearly 30 weeks and Holy Toledo am I feeling it. This past week every.single.day my feet and lower back ache something awful by days end. Its seriously so bad today that I'm about to walk our dog and then take a nice soothing shower. After that, quite possibly bed.

I'm pretty confident what I'm feeling is just normal 3rd Tri uncomfortableness. I'm not going to lie though, I've been struggling. The best I can do to explain how I'm feeling mentally is to compare it to running a race. There is often a point in a race where you hit a wall. Where you've come more than halfway, but still have a seemingly long way to go. Most often this wall happens somewhere around 3/4 of the way through the race. Ironically, I'm about 75% through my 40 weeks of this pregnancy. I'm amazed at how far I've come, but I have to be honest with you, mid-October seems really far away right now. I'll get through it though. This, too, shall pass.

Might as well do my 29 week update now...

How far along: 29 weeks and 5 days

Total weight change: I guess technically I need to stick with my +21 since I've been going with weigh ins at the doctors for my official tally. Unless the bloating/swelling has upped my weight more than I realize, I think I'm actually down a little from last week. Have I mentioned we ate like crud on our trip?

Maternity clothes: All.the.time. I'm starting to outgrow more things as well. Gotta love the strip of baby bump that sticks out of the bottom of at too small shirt, lol.

Stretch Marks: No new ones.

Movement: Generally he's pretty still during the day and is more active at night. Today was an exception to that rule. I think he's been making up for taking it easy during the warm weather we had earlier this week. He's been an active little bugger today. Started the day off with a bang by having a party in there at about 4am. I'd gotten up to go pee and he apparently took that as a sign that it was game on. Lots of BIG movements.

Sleep: Overall, this mornings wiggle fest being the exception, I've been doing alright this week. I've been having really vivid and strange dreams though. Not directly baby related, in fact the baby hasn't been in a single one, but more major life change related. Strange dreams...like about my husband being arrested by Mexican Police and me hiding underneath a bush to get away (As if I'd fit underneath a bush these days. Ha!).

Best Moment This Past Week: This mornings wigglefest.

Most Difficult Moment This Past Week: Evenings. My back and feet aching to the point that I just want to say uncle. Realizing there is still 2.5 months to go.

Belly Button In or Out: Still an inny.

Cravings/Aversions: Nothing

Symptoms: Tingly fingers, particularly on my right hand. Bloat, including the infamous cankles. Achiness of my feet and lower back, especially towards the end of the day.

What I'm Looking Forward To: October? Just kidding (sort of). In the short term I'm looking forward to the company we're having tomorrow. In the longer term I'm liking seeing the progress we've been making on the nursery. We're slowly checking off the things we need to have for his arrival, which is exciting.

Shower Time!

Last week my husband and I packed up our bags, hopped on a plane, and headed clear across the country to visit family and have our baby shower. Due to the distance we'd have to travel, we decided to do the shower early (28 weeks). When we'd picked the date weeks ago, we'd never in a million years figured that so many members of his very spread out immediate family would be able to attend. The visit turned into so much more than we'd planned.


In addition to the shower, we got to celebrate birthdays with two of our grandmothers and one of our nieces. We also got to meet two other nieces for the very first time, which was great. The only downfall to all the celebrations was that they were exhausting. We literally were being pulled in different directions pretty much every day that we were there. It also was really hot there. We went from 70 degree weather here in California to 95 degrees and humid on the East Coast. Lets just say that my cankles didn't appreciate that change very much and that I was very thankful I'd invested in a bathing suit before the trip.


Though it was warm the day of the shower, it was great to see everyone and I'm still amazed at how generous people were. Since we live so far away, we got a lot of gift cards that aren't pictured. We've already bought our pack n' play (see image at end of post) with them and plan on getting some other things, like perhaps a swing and/or a breast pump.


I'm not sure how well I captured it in pictures, but the shower had a retro theme. There were old fashioned toys, blocks, even toys from my childhood used as decorations. The giraffe in the photo below is mine from when I was a baby. I love the watermelon carriage as well.

Apparently when I'm opening gifts I'm the queen of making funny faces. Please pardon my expressions. The lady sitting next to me is my mother.

Just a few of the outfits we got. Surprisingly there were very few newborn sizes (the outfit I'm holding was the only one!). We didn't get a single receiving blanket either, which surprised me.

There were also several handmade gifts. This particular blanket was from my mother.

There were a LOT of little kids attending the shower. Here is one of my attempts to get a photo of some of them. As you can tell, getting a photo with them looking at the camera was kind of like trying to herd cats. Notice that they were enjoying some of the retro toys used as decorations. We got to pack those toys up and take them home with us!

Since I didn't get great photos of everything at the shower, I tried to do what I could to show you some of what we got as I was unpacking.

Some of the cute knick knacks we got as gifts. The turtle has a light in it and can show constellations on the ceiling. The pig is from my grandfather who loves both John Deere and pigs (very fitting gift, I laughed when I opened it). The 'first curl' and 'first tooth' vehicles are from my husbands aunt who is a hairdresser...also fitting.
Here are some of the outfits we got. (Please pardon the photo being sideways...it won't rotate no matter what I do)

This highchair was also a gift, though it was sent to our home (its the Graco Blossom 4-in-1 Highchair in Capri, image credit to Babies R Us).Here is the pack n'play we got with the gift cards. We intend to use it as our bassinet when the little guy is tiny. As with the high chair, this is the Graco Pack n'Play in Capri with the image courtesy of Babies R' Us. We'll likely be using some of the remaining gift cards to get things like this swing, the Fisher-Price Cradle Swing, My Little Snug-a-bunny. Image courtesy of Babies R' Us. One of my favorite features of this swing is that it has a plug in option. Score one for not having to use batteries!

I had a great time at the shower, even though it was hot as anything and I ended up changing into my bathing suit and hopping in the pool by the end of it (there was a pool right outside where we were seated to open gifts). It was awesome to finally get to have the baby shower I never thought I'd get and all those that put it together and attended really made the day special. I can't believe the change in the amount of baby stuff we have at our house now. Its really starting to become real that we will (hopefully) have a take-home baby in about 11 weeks.

28 Weeks

(Image Credit: http://diffusibility.com/28-3.html)

Seeing as its the last day of my 28th week, I think it's high time I put up an update. I'll do another post later about the shower and such.

I had my 28 week appointment today. He had a heartbeat, which is always good to hear. Apparently I'm measuring appropriately...the doctor never told me the number but presumably she'd have done so if it were too much or too little. She asked about birth control after the baby, which sort of took me by surprise. The only things I didn't like about the appointment were that I again felt rushed with this doctor and the weight gain. I've decided spreading my remaining appointments amongst her and the 6 other doctors who could be on call in the practice on delivery day is probably for the best. I had an appointment with one of the other OBs last week and felt much less rushed. With the weight, I was up 2 pounds in a single week. I know its in large part due to eating horribly while we were gone for the past week, and I know I'm within the normal range still...but its hard to see I weigh the same as my husband right now. I've now graduated from monthly OB appointments to biweekly. Woot!

How far along: 28 weeks and 6 days

Total weight change: Ugh. I had my 28 week appointment today and I'm up 2 pounds in the last week alone. I'm blaming it on eating lousy when traveling. I think my grand total to date is +21. Still within the normal range, but its not looking like I'll make the 25 or less my doctor recommended at the start of the pregnancy. (Sorry that got long, been feeling like a bloated whale the last few days so its a touchy subject)

Maternity clothes: All.the.time. Even the yoga pants I had need to be retired until after the little one is born.

Stretch Marks: Just a few itty bitty ones on the right side of my stomach.

Movement: Generally he's pretty still during the day and is more active at night. Today was an exception to that rule...I'm guessing he was thrown off by the change from east to west coast yesterday. He's been really active all day long today. (Interesting side note: While we were on the East Coast he totally changed his schedule to match my adjusting to the different time. I thought that was kind of neat.)

Sleep: Its hit or miss. Either I sleep great or barely at all. The barely at all nights are generally due to the carpal tunnel & ulnar nerve issues I have (the tingling in my right hand has now progressed to include my thumb to middle fingers as well...which is why I'm now saying carpal tunnel as well). On those nights I wake up with my hands in pain. Not fun. I sometimes fine myself sleeping in a reclined position (with pillows, haven't resorted to a recliner). My doctor put in an order for wrist braces for me to wear when sleeping today. The other thing keeping me up during sleeping is the night owl in my belly. His wiggle fests are great, but they do keep me running to the bathroom which in turn keeps me awake.

Best Moment This Past Week: Having our baby shower

Most Difficult Moment This Past Week: Feeling pulled in different directions when visiting family for the shower. Both my husbands and my side wanted to spend time with us and it was hard to please everyone.

Belly Button In or Out: Still an inny.

Cravings/Aversions: Right now I'm completely turned off by fast food, take out, cheeseburgers and pizza. Its not a pregnancy related aversion though, its because we ended up eating a TON of those types of food on our trip last week. For the same reason I'm jonesing for fruit and veggies.

Symptoms: Tingly fingers, particularly on my right hand. Bloat, including the infamous cankles. Just generally feeling like a whale, which is probably a mix of the rapid weight gain and the bloat.

What I'm Looking Forward To: This weekend we are going to take the gift cards we got at our shower and buy some baby gear that we'll need when the baby comes home. I'm looking forward to finally getting the pieces in place for him to arrive.

Growth Scan

Apparently this morning the little guy decided that my full bladder was a good trampoline. Quite the sensation to wake up to (ouch!). During his time in the bouncy house, he had a very notable flip. When I first started to really feel movement, he'd flip all the time. The last few weeks I'm pretty sure he's been transverse (sideways) with his head on my right. It was quite a different feeling having him flip this morning. Much more noticeable than it was a few weeks ago.


This morning was my growth ultrasound to check on him and make sure he's plugging along like he should be. I had to chuckle when the the tech found him in there folded in half and breech as can be. Ha Ha! Bounce on Mommy's bladder and look where it gets you!

Sorry for the image quality. That's his head to the bottom left and body just to the right of that. In front of his face are his little shins and feet.

I'm not concerned about the breech thing yet, he's got quite awhile yet to do a 180 for me.

He did well at the scan. The average for his measurements was 27w1d. I'm 26w4d right now, so he's within reason. Heart rate of 144 bpm. Estimated weight of 2lb 2oz. Most of his measurements were right within the normal range. I'm a little concerned about his femur measurement (7th percentile) and his head measurement (95th percentile...kinda freaking me out in regards to delivery with that one), but the doctor said it was all within the normal range so I guess we're alright.

I probably should do my 26 week update now as well since my other post this week will be on a completely different subject.

For the most part its more of the same this week. He's still wiggling around in there (as I type this, actually). It turns out I was right with my suspicion that The Girls might be kicking things up a notch. Started noticing a little leakage earlier this week. (Sorry if that's TMI, just telling it like it is). I've been dealing with what I believe is Carpal Tunnel issues with my hands as well. Mostly its manifesting as a tingly ring and pinky finger on one or both hands. Definitely more prevalent on my dominant hand. Sometimes the joints in my hands are achy as well. Occasionally I have nights when I'll wake up in pain as the bottom arm of whatever side I'm sleeping on has fallen asleep. Carpal Tunnel Syndrome is pretty common in pregnancy (the swelling in late pregnancy can increase the pressure in the carpal tunnel leading to the issues I'm having).

In other news baby shower gifts are starting to arrive! Our shower is in a couple of weeks on the other side of the country, and a bunch of our friends and family have been shipping stuff ahead of time. Its been great having stuff trickle in and getting to gush over it all. I got my outfit for the baby shower today after the appointment. Feels good to have that out of the way as well. I seriously can't believe that we leave in less than a week to go on the baby shower trip. Where has the time gone???

Double Digits!

(Image credit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Go_99.png )

99 days until my due date!

Unbelievable to me to get this far. I've come a long ways from the 280 that the pregnancy started out at! 65% of the way done and inching ever-so-close to the 3rd Trimester.

Since I'm here, might as well do my 25 week update.

How far along: 25 weeks 6 days

Total weight change: Last I knew I was up 11.5...but its probably closer to 13 now. I really need to try and weigh myself again at home.

Maternity clothes: Round 2 of the maternity clothes has officially begun...courtesy of my boobs. They are apparently having another growth spurt. Up to a 40F from the 36D that I started out in. In the past couple weeks I've outgrown the bras I got at the beginning of 2nd Tri and it also became clear to me that a sundress I'd been hoping to enjoy in 3rd Trimester was too snug for the girls. I'm really hoping they are about done growing. I'm running out of places that sell my size bra & they are getting huge, sweaty and annoying in the summer heat.

Stretch Marks: Maybe the start of one. I'm not sure yet if its a stretch mark or a varicose vein.

Movement: He had the hiccups one morning earlier this week! The same movement repeated in the same place at an even timing for a few minutes. I used to get hiccups in utero all the time according to my mom, so at least I know the kid takes after me in some way. Other than the hiccups he's been pretty lethargic this week. I'm writing it off to the heat though. Our temps are up a good 10-15 degrees and we don't have AC. I figure if I'm lethargic, the baby probably is as well.

Sleep: Better than last week...at least its just the peeing waking me up now. Hint to those who have arms fall asleep when they sleep on their sides: Stick a pillow (I use my snoogle) under your ribs about where your boobs are. That seems to allow the blood to keep flowing to the arm for me.

Best Moment This Past Week: Fetal Hiccups. Distant second and third are reaching double digits and having shower gifts start showing up.

Most Difficult Moment This Past Week: Dealing with the heat this past week. For the most part I'm getting by, but there are times when it feels like I just can't cool off.

Belly Button In or Out: Definitely still in, but I think its getting shallower.

Cravings/Aversions: Icy cold goodness in any way that I can get it. Have I mentioned it's hot here this week???

Symptoms: Fetal hiccups, kicks, hunger, and the ever growing giant belly.

What I'm Looking Forward To: Getting past the EDD for my first pregnancy (July 15th). I can't believe that its just a week from today.

Bonus Bump pic for you:

View from above this morning

Trip to Labor & Delivery

Well, today turned out a lot more exciting than I'd intended.

The little guy still wasn't moving much. A little thump last night and then nothing today. At my 24 week appointment yesterday the doctor had said that if I didn't start feeling things again that I should go in and get monitored to find out what's going on. I know that a noticeable decrease in movement can be a bad sign, so I went in. Figured better to go in and find out it was nothing to worry about than to not go in and regret it.

Before I even get started on how Labor & Delivery was, I have to tell you that driving myself to a hospital where the only association I have (so far) is my miscarriage being confirmed there...I was a nervous wreck that whole drive in. All the "this can't really be happening" feelings that were there in November came back and I had all I could do to hold it together and drive. I kept repeating to myself that there was probably nothing wrong in this case & this trip in will likely have a different outcome.


My doctor had let them know I was coming in, so they had a room set up for me. I got to get into a lovely gown, and then they hooked me up to the monitors. They were listening for baby's heart rate, and had me hit a little button every time I felt him move. I found out afterwards that this is apparently called a Non-Stress Test.

Please note that this isn't my stomach, the image credit is down below. This gives you a good idea of how I was hooked up though.

Thankfully, all is fine with the little guy. As the L&D nurse put it, "Wow, he's really deep down in there". Apparently he was burrowed deep down in my pelvis and therefore it was hard for me to feel movement. The monitor picked up his movement, most of which I didn't feel, in the same pattern as what I'd normally sense. Needless to say I felt A LOT better after that. They did a quick ultrasound after the monitoring as well. It was really hard to see much as it was a Level I machine and he's getting kind of big now (though I did find it funny that L&D referred to him as one of "the little ones"...to me he's HUGE now, but I guess in their world he is a little one). I did get to see a heartbeat though as well as his little hands and feet wiggling a little.

I know some people probably think I was overdoing it going in. The way I look at it though is that I noticed a pronounced change in how he was acting, and I know that going from moving a lot to not moving at all can be a very bad sign. I'd rather go into L&D and find out everything is fine and I was worrying for nothing than to not go in and potentially end up regretting it if it turns out there is something they could've done.

(Image credit:
http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/encyclopedia/T/Tests-during-pregnancy/Non-stress-test)

V-Day!

Viability Day!!!

I seriously can't even believe that I get to write this post. When I first got the positive test for this pregnancy I was just hoping and praying to make it to 6 weeks (previous miscarriage was in 5th week). That I'd get to viability seemed goal that was too lofty to even dream of. I know reaching this point doesn't guarantee a baby going home in my arms, but just getting this far is something that seemed so unattainable back in February. I'm seriously all choked up just thinking about how far things have come.

Its really surreal to be at the point in this pregnancy where the last of the July '11 ladies on Pregnant After a Loss were when I first got there. Now those ladies are delivering...and here I am.

Coming up in July: Double Digits, my first EDD, 3rd Tri & my baby shower. Deep breathes on the EDD one. I seriously can't believe that day is so soon. *sigh*

20 Weeks!

(Image credit: http://humanities.byu.edu/elc/student/idioms/idioms/over_hill.html)

How far along: 20 weeks 5 days

Total weight change: +8 if you go by my scale at home, +6.5 if you go by the doctors office. I'm going by the doctors office, lol.

Maternity clothes: Pretty much all the time.

Stretch Marks: No, but I found a varicose vein. Boo!

Movement: He gave me a few good thumps a few days ago, but has been pretty inactive since. I'm still feeling a little something each day, but its less than before. Not liking this. I'm trying to remind myself that it's still early for regular movement and that there is a good chance he's facing the wrong way or something.

Sleep: Still up about 3 times a night for the bathroom.

Best Moment This Past Week: Crossing the halfway point in the pregnancy. Half baked, baby!

Most Difficult Moment This Past Week: Just the lessening of movement. He's still moving though, so in the scheme of things it really hasn't been difficult.

Belly Button In or Out: Definitely still in

Cravings/Aversions: Food. Especially ice cream.

Symptoms: Mostly the appetite. My feet are starting to get a little achy sometimes and of course the heartburn now and then.

What I'm Looking Forward To: DH being able to feel his son kick.

***I'll probably be kind of scarce around here the next couple of weeks. We have some traveling coming up and then are moving (again) as soon as we get home. If I'm not commenting or posting much, that's why. Good luck to everyone that is in their 2ww!***

16 Week Update

I figured now was as good a time as any to do my 16 week update. Lots of changes going on in the last week or so. Namely that the tummy is becoming more visible. On Easter weekend my bump was visible to myself and those that know me well. Now...well, lets just say that a stranger asked if I was in the insurance office to discuss maternity care. Made my day to be asked that (remind me I was happy to look pregnant 6 months from now, lol).

The last couple nights I've been having trouble sleeping. Namely whenever I accidentally roll over onto my back I'll wake up with my ute area in pain. I'm figuring this is Mother Natures way of telling me to stay off my back. Unfortunately, the theory I had of sticking a spare pillow behind me to slow my roll didn't work, I woke up in pain with the pillow next to me. I ordered one of those Snoogle things from Amazon (credit to them for the image). I'll report back to let you know how it works. Its gotten rave reviews from everyone I know in real life and online.

I may be switching back to my civilian OB. Long story short I don't have much faith in my one at the military hospital. I'm to the point where I'm nervous about their competency in such things as basic as interpreting test results and administering an epidural. I'm terrified of an emergency coming up on delivery day and them being unable to handle it. Right now we're just looking at financials to see if I can make the switch. So far its looking promising. I guess I'll update on that as well. I'll be sticking with my current care definitely though my appointment (office visit & doppler check) on May 9th. Not positive if I'll still be there for my anatomy scan at the end of the month...leaning towards not. Guess I'll update on that too.

How far along: 16 weeks 4 days

Total weight change: +3 (Lost a pound in the last week. Not sure how I pulled that one off seeing as I'm eating like a teenage boy)

Maternity clothes: Pretty much all the time.

Stretch Marks: No

Movement: Not yet.

Sleep: Just having to get up a couple times a night to pee. Last couple of nights I've woken myself up when I accidentally rolled onto my back. Apparently my ute doesn't approve of that anymore. We'll see if the Snoogle remedies the situation.

Best Moment This Past Week: Tuesday a stranger looked me up & down and asked if I was asking specifically about maternity care.

Most Difficult Moment This Past Week: The lack of symptoms/movement and potentially switching OB care. Again. The nerves about my appointment next week are starting up as well.

Belly Button In or Out: Definitely still in

Cravings/Aversions: Food. Lots of it.

Symptoms: Not really much to be honest with you. Little bit of RLP today, but otherwise nothing blatant. There have been things like a big appetite, tiring easy and a bit of a bump though. Oh & skin tags are popping up like nobody's business. Joy.


What I'm Looking Forward To: Movement

Here are a few belly shots from the past week. They were taken near the beginning of the week in the evening (belly is a little bigger in the evenings).

Good To Be Back

I had a great visit with friends and family back in New England. Pretty much the Baby Tour of Massachusetts. I got to see my best friends 3 week old daughter, three of my nieces (ages 14, 6 & 6 months) and my nephew (15 months). Also got to spend some time with my extended family and some good friends. I even got to color Easter eggs! Mine is the pink one with the tulip, the rest are the two eldest nieces.

Seeing the newborn was a good reminder of just what we'll be in for come October. Sleep, Eat, Poop, Eat, Squawk Like a Pterodactyl, Sleep, Look Cute, Poop. Sweet little girl. Its good to see my friend adjusting so well to motherhood, and its even better that they have their little IVF miracle home in their arms now.

The nieces & nephew are all growing like weeds. I hadn't been home in 6 months. Its amazing how much they change. The 2 day old (in Sept) is now learning to crawl! Crazy.

It was great to be around family and friends with regards to the pregnancy as well. There was so much excitement, it really was catchy. Several of my aunts mandated I show them belly pics as things progress. Not too fond of that idea, but will probably send enough to appease them. My MIL and SIL took me on a maternity clothes shopping spree. The were soooo generous. I'm really glad I got over my issue with being ready for maternity clothes and was able to embrace the situation. My parents were honestly a little luke warm with regards to the pregnancy. They are excited, but having issues with the 3,000 miles between us. They want to be there for our little family and spend all the time they can with their grandbaby...but distance & finances are throwing a wrench in that. We'll make the best of it.

I did get some unexpected news on Easter. I'm not the only one in my immediate family expecting. I'm going to be an aunt again! My brother and his wife have a baby due in late November.

For those curious about air travel while pregnant: One of the airports I went thru security at had back scatter and one didn't. I just went through the metal detector. For the back scatter, the sign said it had the equivalent of two minutes in a plane of radiation exposure. If I'd been running late, I'd have just gone through. I mean, I was flying clear across the country...two minutes of exposure isn't going to make much difference. I wasn't in a hurry though, so I asked for a pat down. TSA was pretty good about it, though the pat down was a little more intimate than I'd have liked (running hand under and between breasts, getting inquisitive about the band on my maternity jeans). All in all it wasn't a big deal.

Probably should include my 15 week update since I'm at 15 weeks 5 days already.

Been feeling pretty good this past week. My biggest news is that I think I'm starting to have the beginnings of a bump! I was putting on my PJs one night on the trip and noticed my belly was sticking out further than my boobs. Glance at a mirror & sure enough! It seems to be more in the evenings when my muscles are tired. This timing also coincides with when my back tends to ache and when my lower abdomen muscles ache (both recent developments). No new cravings or aversions assuming I told y'all about the pork aversion issues that began last week. I've been hiding from the scale...will face that one in the coming week. No appointments this week, so nothing to report there. Best moment of the last week was spending time with family and sharing the excitement of the pregnancy with them. Worst was dealing with my parents issues with the distance between us.

Heading Home

(Image Credit: http://www.abcteach.com/directory/clip_art/transportation/)

Tomorrow morning, before the sun is even up, I'm heading to the airport to catch a flight back home. I'm getting picked up by a cab before 5am...there is something seriously wrong with that. It will be a long day of travel seeing as my destination is clear on the other side of the continent, but it will be good to see everyone again. I'll be there for a week.

The last time I was home was when Mr Cactus Bud and I headed out with our dog for the West Coast. We moved since his work decided he needed to be stationed over here for awhile. We've been here about 6 months now. So, I'm heading back. Its a multi-purpose trip. Not only will I be spending Easter with family for the first time in about 5 years, but it will also be my first chance to see my best friends newborn. It will also be a chance to visit with our nieces and nephew that live in the area, including one that literally was born days before we began our trek over here. Added bonus is that news of our pregnancy has just hit the presses back home, so I'll get a chance to see some of the people who are really excited about the news. I know it may sound a little selfish, but I've been looking forward to being the bearer of this good news for years now...its surreal that its actually happening.

Needless to say with all the baby-ness the coming days will involve, I'm incredibly thankful to still be pregnant. I was thankful anyways, but if this pregnancy hadn't stuck I probably wouldn't be taking this trip. Its hard to explain if you've never been down that road, but being around babies or those that are expecting can be really hard when you've had a pregnancy and lost it. Its almost like you had a teaser of what you could have, and then had it taken away. I don't think I'd have had the strength emotionally to handle the trip if things hadn't worked out thus far with the pregnancy.

Quick update on how Week 14 is going so far: I've literally had zero symptoms the last few days, and its been freaking me out. I guess its pretty normal for this stage, but its really weird to feel normal. Thankfully this evening I've been having some ute cramping, which hopefully is letting me know the little bugger is growing. I really don't feel like I have much more updating to do about this week. No appointments, no new symptoms, just kinda plugging along.

Big Day!

Today has been a busy one!

The card I sent to my parents to let them know about their upcoming grandbaby arrived today. The beans are officially spilled! Once I got off the phone with them, I sent an ultrasound picture to the other members of our immediate families to let them in on the news. So far everyone seems to be really excited. Still haven't heard from a few people, hoping we hear soon so we can know its OK to tell additional people. Trying to avoid something being posted on Facebook or the like before certain people we want to know before the masses find out. The best part of all the bean spilling conversations so far was talking with my mom. I'd been worried for awhile that they might not be able to come out here when the baby arrives since finances are tight with them...and she made it clear she was planning on a visit. Yay!

The other reason today is a big day is that if you go by the 40 weeks divided by 3 to get 3 trimesters...I'm there today (13 weeks 3 days). I'm honestly in shock that we've made it to this point. Back when we got the positive test, I honestly didn't think we'd make it to 6 weeks...making it to 2nd Tri feels like a miracle. So, so very thankful for every day that Baby Cactus Bud stays put.

I suppose I should also do a 13 week update since I haven't yet.

So far this week things are going well. Was wicked nauseous the other evening, but other than that, no nausea or morning sickness to speak of. I'm still pretty tired in the afternoons. I joke about it being "Group Naptime" now since at the NT Scan the baby was apparently napping and it was right when I usually sleep...plus our dog always is game to join in on the napping, lol.

I do have two new and notable symptoms this past week though. Well, perhaps I should call them possible symptoms as I'm not positive that they were what I think they were. I'm pretty sure two different nights this week I've felt movement. It was really faint and very fleeting. Sort of felt like a bug running inside of my uterus. Not sure why everyone else gets butterfly flutters for a visual and I get one of a June Bug...but there ya have it. Both times it was at bedtime as I was relaxing with a book. The other notable possible symptom was possible Braxton Hicks contractions. I was a bad girl the other day and was a slacker with my water intake, and had a pretty notable cramp-like pain in one spot near my uterus. Put my hand on it and it was rock-hard. It went away like a minute later, but returned for a bit soon after. Anyone out there think either of these descriptions could be movement or Braxton Hicks?

No big changes with the other stuff I usually include in my weekly update. Definitely the high points of this week have been today: Telling our loved ones and moving on to 2nd Tri.

Hope all is well with everyone!

Take care,
Cactus Bud