Grandpa's Girl

No baby-making news to report. Still waiting for AF to arrive one more time. Then it's a "go" for our FET. We can't wait.

I'm going to get a little off topic on this post and discuss my grandpa. He turned 81 last July, and he's the only grandpa I've ever had. When I was a child, he always seemed so "no nonsense" and a little scary. My parents would take my younger brother and I to our grandparents' house for one week during the summer since my grandpa was retired. Grandma still worked, and she would get up every morning to get herself ready. I would wake up and go into the bathroom where she was, and I would always beg her to not go to work. I didn't want to stay at the house with grandpa. Grandpa was mean.

Of course, he really wasn't "mean". He would take my brother and me to swim in the lake, bowling, to McDonalds for lunch, and even to the children's museum. He was just an older man. He had raised his children and was more strict than my parents. I loved him, but I was also a little scared of him.

As I grew up, I developed a stronger relationship with my grandpa. I'm not his only grand-daughter, but I am the only one that lives close by. I became his "monkey" and he would always tease me about misbehaving (I promise, I was a perfect child). I was born with naturally curly hair, and it looks pretty wild at times (due to the humidity in FL). He would laugh and say that he could mop the floor with my head. He became more affectionate as I grew up; always hugging me and kissing me on the cheek when we would say our goodbyes. I became a grandpa's girl.

Sadly, my grandpa's health is declining. He was diagnosed with throat cancer a couple of years ago and has been treated for it. He's lost a lot of weight, and he's become very ornery. It breaks my heart to see him this way. He's not my same grandpa anymore. Two weeks ago, he was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia. He had to have a tube put in his lung to the drain the fluid, and he was released to a nursing home soon after. The plan was for him to receive rehab while he was in the home, and then return to his home with my grandma where she would continue to care for him. He lasted 2 days in the nursing home and had to return to the hospital due to a fever. We're waiting to see how he does.

I remember sitting on my grandpa's couch 3 years ago with Mr. Bossy and telling my grandparents that we were ready to start a family. When our first round of IVF worked, my grandma shared the good news with him, but he didn't completely understand. His mind is beginning to slip. I'm beginning to realize that my grandpa might not be alive for the birth of my children. Knowing that they will miss meeting such a great man is devastating to me.
If you pray, please pray for my grandpa.

XOXO,



Bossy

When it rains....

It pours! [Ironically, it's raining in Central Florida this very moment.]

Still no period. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Nothing.

Good news- I'll have to take a blood test to rule out a pregnancy in order for my RE to prescribe me Provera. I can have my blood drawn locally and do not have to drive an hour just to give blood! It's looking like I'll be doing this on Monday.

Bad news- I'll have to take Provera for 10 days. It then can take up to 7-10 days after my last pill for my period to arrive. I still have to get one more period after that for my RE to allow to do a FET. So much for starting in February. Bummer.

To help make matters worse. Mr. Bossy is being laid off at the end of the month. His company told him over a year ago that they were phasing out his department. There was a chance he could interview for a different position in a different department. He's since gone on three interviews and hasn't received a job offer. His last day will be the last day of this month.

We have a Plan B. He originally started as a temp with this company. After a few months, he was offered a permanent position. The company is currently going through some budget cuts and would prefer to not have to pay benefits on so many employees. Instead, they'd like to hire more temps. Mr. Bossy is hoping to return to the company as a temp and then squeeze back through the company's doors.

We're scared beyond belief. If he has to be unemployed for a month or two, we'll survive financially (it will be tight, though). I'm torn about doing our FET. Since AF hasn't arrived yet, it's looking like we won't be able to begin until March at the earliest. The FET is already paid for since we went through the Attain Program, but I'm still concerned.

Do we still go through with the FET even if Mr. Bossy doesn't have a permanent position? We're not getting any younger and quite frankly, I'm tired of waiting around. Mr. Bossy wanst to proceed, and my heart is saying the same. My stupid head is the one I'm arguing with.




Bossy Bud

No Regrets

IVF #1 is officially a BFN. I already had my freak out, hyperventilating, can't speak, heartbreaking moment last week when I started spotting heavily at 5dp3dt. It was so familiar and so much like every other negative cycle that I really felt we weren't successful. I did switch my progesterone support from injections to endometrin and that stopped the spotting, but I had a negative HPT on Saturday and AF arrived today.

At this point I'm surprisingly calm and collected. I've had some sad moments this weekend as Mr. CB and I discussed our next steps. I would like to get right back in the game and cycle as soon as possible, but our finances don't support that move. We made a decision yesterday to work towards paying off all of our credit card debt by the end of the year, and plan to cycle again in January. In the meantime, I'm going to get a second opinion from another RE and talk to them about some other tests such as a hysteroscopy or laparoscopy to see if we can't get a better idea why we're not getting pregnant. When we do cycle again we will go with a clinic that offers the Attain IVF Refund Program. Even though it's more money initially, after having one failed IVF completely OOP we need to know that we will have the option for multiple cycles if we need them.

We have no regrets about our decision to go to Costa Rica and Panama for IVF #1. It would have been sweeter if we had brought back a little souvenir, but for us it was a good decision. I am planning on posting a full overview soon that details the entire experience and what went well and the difficulties we experienced. I will say that if you have a chance to visit Costa Rica, GO! It was the most amazing place I've ever visited.

This little guy says come visit him in Costa Rica!

Mr. CB and I thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your thoughts and prayers throughout our travels and procedures. It means the world to us! We may have lost this battle, but we are still fighting and I know that we will have a baby Chef Bud one day soon.