Today is my due date and no baby!

In my head I know all the statistics that say half of all pregnancies go over, but in my heart and my aching body, I'm ready for Baby Hopeful Bud to be here already. For weeks I've been anxious and nervous about her arrival, so I would say to myself that she can "bake" as long as she wants. But now I'm at complete peace and want her here now so that I can hold her and start our the new adventure as a family of three, Mr. Hopeful Bud, Baby HB and me!

Last night I timed contractions for over an hour and they were between 8-10 minutes apart. I drank my Raspberry Leaf tea, Mr. HB and I had some sexy time, I sat on the yoga ball and the contractions went away. I woke up a couple times during the night feeling contractions, but most of the time I just got up to use the bathroom because now that she has "dropped" I pee a lot more!

At my last appointment on Wednesday, Dr. O (my favorite doc of the practice) said that we could schedule an induction this week. He mentioned that he was on call this afternoon (Monday) so we could schedule it for today and he would deliver Baby HB. As tempting as that sounded, I didn't want to rush the decision to have an induction. I've been dilated to a 1cm for the last three weeks, only this last week had there been a change of 75% effacement, so obviously my body isn't ready. If my body isn't ready and we force an induction, I believe the rate of c-section increases and I really want to avoid a c-section if at all possible.

So if Baby HB doesn't come out to play on her own in the next couple of days, our next appointment is Wednesday afternoon and we will decide on a game plan.

Come on Baby HB, you have so many people that love you and can't wait to see you. Your adorable room is all ready. You have so many cute little clothes all washed and ready for you to wear. All we are missing is you. Your daddy and I are so excited to see you and love you.

If you don't hear from me for a bit, I hope it means that I'm crazy busy and tired with a newborn. Otherwise, I'll post something after our appointment on Wednesday about next steps.

Take care and stay hopeful!
:) Hopeful Bud

37w3d and uncomfortable!

Since my last post, Baby Hopeful Bud has had another up close photo shoot to follow up on the fluid on her kidney. While there was still fluid on her left kidney, the kidney had not changed shapes or location, so the doctor said that it looked "normal". As normal as her mother is 10.5 sized feet. So I have big feet, Baby HB just has a bigger kidney. Her amniotic fluid was perfect, so really there is no reason to be worried that she won't be a perfectly healthy baby bud! That was absolutely wonderful news to hear. At this appointment last week, she was measuring about a week a head, but the doctor still put her in the 21 percentile because of her body weight. She is going to be long and lean just like her mom and grandpa. The great news about her being tall now, as opposed to when I grew up is that now they make long kids clothes. I think I went all the way through grade school waiting for a flood that never came.

This week at our regular OB appt., we discussed how long past my due date they would let me go. He said that they do not like their patients to go over a week past the due date. I want to do everything I can to avoid induction, so I've been drinking Raspberry Tea and am about ready to go to Wal-Mart to get a yoga ball to help her drop. When my doctor checked my cervix for dilation and effacement, I had made no progress. Baby HB is very happy being up under my ribs. My doctors exact words were "If I was a betting man, I would say that your little one is not going to make an early appearance. She will more then likely stay put until much closer to her due date." While I am excited for whenever she comes, I welcome a couple more weeks. Mr. HB is still putting blinds up in the nursery. We still have to put together all the fun equipment like the Pack N'Play, swing and stroller.

We do have our bags packed and everything ready should she decide to make an appearance. I just hope it's after this weekend. The weather is supposed to be absolutely perfect, so Mr. Hopeful Bud and I are going to a baseball game this Saturday, and then spending the night down in the city and a fancy hotel. It's not much of a babymoon, but I'm so excited about it. Mr. HB and I really need some quality time together.

So here I sit in our office at 37 weeks and 3 days. For the most part I feel okay, but I am really starting to get uncomfortable. I don't think she has dropped yet, but I am feeling way more pressure on my cervix then I normally do. I was really hoping to get into the chiropractor today or tomorrow, because my hips have been hurting too, but she is all booked up. I see a pedicure in my future!

I'll keep you ladies posted.

Take care and stay hopeful!

34 weeks and counting down!

I think in my last post, Baby Hopeful Bud and I had been referred to a specialist because a sonogram had detected some fluid on her kidneys. Well we went to the specialist and the first thing he says after walking into the room is "looks like you are here because of fluid on the kidney and fluid on the right ventricle (brain)." WHAT?!!! Nothing was ever mentioned to me about fluid on the brain so of course I start crying. Mr. Hopeful Bud was so good and immediately grabbed my hand and told me everything would be okay. I laid down on the table and he started the sonogram. Luckily he went straight to the brain and we quickly ruled out any fluid build-up on the brain. I was over the moon! I don't know how I would have handled finding out that there was fluid there. I was all prepared for fluid on the kidneys, what that meant, what we could do after she was born, etc. Because I knew nothing of this new possibility, I was not prepared at all. Then he looked at the kidneys. The right one measured 5 mm - PERFECT. The left one measured 7 mm -- ABNORMAL. 7mm and above is considered abnormal, so she still has a little bit of fluid build-up in one kidney. The good news is, that her amniotic fluid level is great, so we know that her right kidney is functioning properly. The doctor said that fluid on the kidney is a slight indicator of Downs Syndrome, which I knew because I was prepared. However, he did all the measurements and checked all the markers such as an enlarged heart and unproportional shoulders and Baby HB had not markers for Downs. The doctor said the only 100% way of knowing would be to have an amniocentesis, which I very quickly denied. Now we just have to wait until week 36 for a follow-up Phase 2 sonogram. If her kidney is still enlarged then we will contact her pediatrician so that he can be made aware of her condition at birth. My hope and prayer is that the issue works it's self out, either between now and the next sonogram or while she is squeezing through the birth canal. Worst case scenario, and since it's only slightly abnormal I don't think this is the case, is that she has one functioning kidney. People live with one kidney every day.

Other happenings in the life of Baby HB -- we have had all of our showers, so I think we might be getting closer to being ready for her arrival. Tonight we have a BabyCare Basics class. Not sure what it all entails, but I'm sure Mr. HB and I will learn a lot. She is moving so much now that I am starting to get very uncomfortable. At one point last week I was like "get this baby out of me I'm in so much pain", but I quickly took that back since she needs to "bake" a few more weeks. My EDD is in 6 weeks, but I have a feeling she will not be waiting that long. My Braxton Hicks contractions are getting more frequent and uncomfortable. Baby HB has to be running out of room as every time she moves even slightly it hurts me. She has started either punching with her fist or head my cervix, which let me tell you doesn't feel so wonderfully. Oh and she gets the hiccups at least five times a day.

As much as I complain, I love being pregnant and I know I will miss her being in my belly after she is born. Plus after she is born, I won't be able to use getting an ice cream cone from DQ as an excuse to cure my terrible heartburn.

I hope this post finds you all well and happy.
Stay hopeful!

Glad we had a "not medically necessary" sonogram

Last week Mr. Hopeful bud and I showed up at our doctors office for a 3D/4D sonogram. I had to sign a waiver that said this procedure was "not medically necessary" and would not be turned into insurance. Mr. HB was excited to see our little girl again, but didn't really care if we had this sonogram or not. However, me being the over protective mother already, wanted to take every opportunity offered to see Baby Hopeful Bud before she arrived. When I first laid down, Baby HB decided it would be funny to have her umbilical cord all around her face, so we couldn't get a clear picture of her at all. So the ultrasound tech told me to walk around, drink some cold water and Mr. HB told me to do some jumping jacks. All of which I did in hopes that she would move around and we could get a clearer pictures. Well her umbilical cord moved out of the way, but it was replaced by her hands directly in front of her face. Mr. HB said she was being "stubborn like her mom." I said she is just being shy. We got a couple good pictures, even with her hands up by her face. We counted 10 fingers and 10 toes. She has the most adorable little button nose and mouth. The tech thought that it looked like she had some hair on her head. She weighed approximately 3 pounds and 1 ounce and all of her measurements were proportional. She had a heartrate of 148. All signs were pointing to the fact that she is perfect. We left with huge smiles on our faces and some adorable photos of her.

The next morning one of the nurses from the doctor's office called and said that one of the doctors reviewed Baby HB's sonogram and found fluid on her kidney so they were referring us to a Perinatal specialist for a Level 2 sonogram. My heart sank as tears swelled in my eyes. The nurse kept saying that I shouldn't be worried, that it was just a little bit of fluid, but I couldn't really comprehend what she was saying. She had already called the specialist's office and set up an appointment for us on April 15th. I thanked her and again she told me not to worry. Unfortunately instead of not worrying, I turned to Google. Big mistake!! Needless to say I was reading worst case scenarios and started having alot of questions and concerns. I called the nurse back and she called another specialist office and got our appointment moved up to April 7th (tomorrow). I have been very calm and confident this whole week and weekend leading up to tomorrow, until this evening. Now I'm getting a bit weepy. Here are a couple of the options that could be the reason for the fluid in Baby HB's kidney: 1) Best case scenario is that is is nothing and that she just forgot to pee that morning, 2) her urinary tract has not developed properly, or 3) there was a kink in her urinary tract caused by the way she was positioned that caused the fluid build up. In her past sonograms the tech has mentioned that she has a good level of amniotic fluid around her, so that is a good sign.

Our appointment is at 1:30 pm tomorrow, so many prayers will be said between now and then. Hopefully it is just a precaution and it's nothing. If the sonogram shows more fluid and the cause of it, then we will be more prepared on what to anticipate come delivery day. Either way, we get to see precious Baby HB for the fourth time tomorrow and for that I am excited and very blessed. Again, hopefully this will be the last time until she graces us with her presence in June.

I'll keep you posted on the outcome.

Stay hopeful!

:) Hopeful bud

Update on Baby Hopeful Bud

First off, I apologize for being a bad blogger. I really have no good reason, I've kept up on following the blog and all the other Buds, but didn't feel as though I had much to contribute. I've been in the third trimester for a couple weeks now, so we are just preparing for Baby Hopeful Buds arrival in early June.

The last time I blogged, I was educating myself on what a low-lying placenta was, and the chances of it moving out of the way of my cervix on its own so that we wouldn't have to have a scheduled C-Section. We had our follow-up sonogram last week and am thrilled to report that "the placenta has left the cervix!" The ultrasound tech said that they like the placenta to be at least 2 cm away from the cervix and mine was well beyond that. Woo hoo!!! Here are a couple pictures of Baby HB. She looks absolutely perfect. Next week we are getting one of those fancy 3D/4D sonograms, so I'll post more pics then.

Mr. Hopeful Bud and I also took our Birthing Class last weekend. Mr. HB was very nervous about going. When he would tell his friends that are fathers what we were doing they would all just smile and give an evil laugh, so he was a bit anxious to learn what they were smirking about. We both loved the class. The ladies that taught the class are actual labor and delivery nurses and they were so sweet and comforting. We learned a lot and saw a lot! I had no idea that when you get an epidural a catheter stays in your back. I just thought is was a single shot and you were good to go. So learning that once you get an epidural you are confined to a bed was a bit eye opening. I was impressed with the philosophy of the Birthing Center that we will be going to. They stressed the importance of not staying in bed and instead walking around, using the birthing ball, squatting bar or spa room. The birthing suites were incredible as well. Very comfortable and relaxing. I left the class feeling so much more calm and confident about the whole birthing process. The only part of the day that really got to Mr. HB and made his breathing increase a bit was when they were showing a video animation of a C-Section. Mr. HB started breathing really heavy when they were showing two hands go inside the incision and pull the muscles apart. Other then that he was a great support and coach.

Also at my 29 week appointment last week, I had the glucose test to test for Gestational Diabetes. The fruit punch drink that I was given wasn't too bad. It was very sweet and made me make a couple funny faces as I drank it, but it wasn't terrible. The doctor said they would call if I failed and I haven't received a call, so I guess I passed!! Another Woo hoo!!

Baby HB is very active these days. It feels as though she is doing full somersaults because my whole stomach moves. I can't wait to meet her. Now I just need to get Mr. HB motivated to work on her nursery. We have the crib, bedding and paint, but the paint isn't on the walls yet.

I think that's about it. I'll post more pics next week after our sonogram.

Take care and stay hopeful!

:) Hopeful Bud

Decisions, decisions leads to $, $, $!!

Finding the "perfect" bedding for Baby Hopeful Bud has been quite an adventure. I thought I found it right away and I was so excited about how easy it was, but the fact that I kept looking led me to believe that the one I thought I loved, may not be the "perfect" one. So three weeks later, after sending countless emails of bedding pics to my sister and friends, I believe I have finally found the "perfect" bedding for our Girlie. It is way more pink then I ever thought I would get, but I love it, and I haven't looked at a single other option since finding this one. I'm thinking that if we paint the walls a light green, that the pink will be subdued a bit.

We also purchased the crib last week and it is ready for pick up. I'm a bargain shopper, but it is amazing how expensive things are already starting to pile up.

The one awesome bargain that we bought is thanks to my sister. She found a solid oak dresser/changing table on craigslist.com and we loved it. Being super creative, she has offered to refinish it for us. I'm so excited.

So we have the crib, bedding and dresser/changing table. The next purchase is the rocker/glider and then the nursery furniture will be complete. One to more details and decisions which will inevitably continue costing more and more money. She will be so worth it though!!

Take care and stay hopeful!

More info on Placenta Previa

Last week in my post I was so excited to announce that Baby Hopeful Bud is a girl that I kind of glossed over the fact that the ultra sound tech said that my placenta is lying too close and slightly over my cervix. Which is why I get to have another u/s at 28 weeks to monitor it's placement then. So I thought I would give you a little more information on what Placenta Previa is.

According to Babycenter.com, placenta previa means that your placenta is lying unusually low in your uterus, next to or covering your cervix. The placenta is the pancake-shaped organ — normally located near the top of the uterus — that supplies your baby with nutrients through the umbilical cord. Placenta previa is not usually a problem early in pregnancy. But if it persists into later pregnancy, it can cause bleeding, which may require you to deliver early and can lead to other complications. If you have placenta previa when it's time to deliver your baby, you'll need to have a c-section.If the placenta covers the cervix completely, it's called a complete or total previa. If it's right on the border of the cervix, it's called a marginal previa. (You may also hear the term "partial previa," which refers to a placenta that covers part of the cervical opening once the cervix starts to dilate.) If the edge of the placenta is within 2 centimeters of the cervix but not bordering it, it's called a low-lying placenta.

Here are some pictures to illustrate the above description.

Photo Credit

From what the tech could tell, my placenta wasn't lying completely over my cervix, just too close to it. Our doctor told us that in 9 out of 10 cases the placenta moves out of the way on it's own. In the case where it doesn't, a C-Section is performed. Our doctor also told us that bleeding is often a symptom of placenta previa, so if I do start spotting at all to call the doctor's office and immediately tell them I have a low lying placenta. Luckily, I haven't experienced any spotting. We are praying that no spotting continues and that the placenta moves out of the way.


That's about it. I don't know what I'll update you on next. My next appt. isn't for another three weeks, so there isn't much to report. We have started looking for bedding and cribs, which is an adventure.


Take care and stay hopeful!!

Baby Hopeful Bud is a girl!!

It's amazing how much my life, outlook, thoughts, perception on things has changed in the last 24 hours since finding out we were having a baby girl. In some strange way seeing her on the ultrasound yesterday for the first time made it all the more real. I'm sure the same change in attitude would have happened if we saw that we were having a boy too.

So yesterday when we went for our u/s, I think both Mr. Hopeful Bud and myself knew that we were having a girl, but we both wanted a boy so badly that we never really admitted to each other that we thought it was going to be a girl. :) Wishful thinking sometimes has a way of clouding intuition. When we went into the room with the tech I told her that I didn't want to know the sex of Baby HB until the very end, that we wanted to spend as much time with our baby as possible and just wanted to enjoy every moment. So the tech went about her business of finding the kidneys (good!), finding the bladder (good!), beating heart (a beautiful 138 bpm), perfect sized brain, good blood flow through the umbilical cord, everything looked great! Baby HB wasn't moving around much at all, so the tech kept pushing and shaking my belly with the wand saying "wake up little one!" Finally after the fourth shake, she started to wake up, but not before giving the biggest yawn ever. I know I'm biased, but I'm pretty sure that yawn was the most spectacular thing that any baby has ever done before. :) After her big yawn she started kicking and wiggling all over. The whole experience was just precious!! After about 15 minutes of just watching her, the tech said "are you ready to find out what you are having?" We looked at each other and said "yes". Without any hesitation she said "It's a girl!" Of course I was already crying, but started to cry even more upon hearing those words. I guess I never realized how much I really wanted a girl. The tech said she weighs approximately 12 ounces and is measuring right at 20w1d, which is just one day difference then my due date.

The only cause of concern on the ultra sound is that my placenta seems to be too close to my cervix. So the tech requested that I get another u/s at 28 weeks to make sure that my placenta is moving away like it should be. Our doctor said that in 90% of cases, the placenta moves away normally on it's own. My understanding is that if it doesn't move away, this could lead to Placenta Praevia. I guess we will see in 8 weeks. I'm just excited that we get to see our little girl again!

Well, that's about it. Telling friends and family was so much fun. Now we get to start narrowing down name, bedding, thinking about registering. So much to do and so little time!!

Take care and stay hopeful!!

Hormones? What Hormones?

That has become a favorite saying of Mr. Hopeful Bud. He thinks he is so funny. The fact is, some days I just need a good cry just because. Other days I suddenly become very pissy, for no good reason, again just because. Most days I am happy, excited and loving life. But on those few moments, Mr. HB's only appropriate response is "hormones? what hormones?" When he says that, it usually makes me laugh and realize I'm just being emotionally charged by hormones. Gotta love 'em! My sister says they don't go away after you have the baby either. This tidbit of information makes Mr. HB squirm a little.

Well we have happily made it to 19 weeks! I can't believe we are almost half way through this adventure. We haven't even started working on the nursery. That is going to take a lot of work. Home projects have a history in our home of not moving very quickly, so I need to start creating some sort of game plan to get everything in order.

So if this week is 19 weeks, that can only mean that next week is 20 weeks and we all know what happens around 20 weeks. Our BIG ULTRASOUND!!! It's our first and only U/S so I am really looking forward to it. We are very anxious to find out if Baby Hopeful Bud is a boy or a girl, but I am even more excited about just seeing him or her for the first time. I'm always so jealous of the ladies that get to see their babies early on. I know our baby is in there because I have started feeling little "flutters", but I can't wait to see his or her head, 2 arms, 2 legs, 2 eyes, 2 ears, a beating heart, 10 fingers, and 10 toes. I just want to see my baby so badly!!! 9 days from today we will see our little one!! Yeah I can't wait!!!

At 19 weeks, Baby HB is the size of a mango (6 inches and 8.5 ounces). I'm not one of the most sentimental people around, but when we first found out we were pregnant, I found an apple seed and placed it on my desk. I still look at that apple seed every day and am constantly in complete amazement at how there was something so small as an apple seed in my stomach a few short week ago and now there is a mango.

That's about it. I still feel great. I believe maternity clothes shopping will be in the plan for this weekend as my pants are growing increasingly uncomfortable. Which is weird since according to my last doc appt. I hadn't gained any weight. Who know?!! I can't wait to post you on our u/s next week. Please say a little prayer for our baby HB, that he or she cooperates and shows us the goods!!!

Take care and stay hopeful!

Already dreaming of next Christmas

It brings a huge smile to my face when I think that next Christmas we will have a 6 month old in the family. It only brings a little anxiety when I look at our already packed truck and try to picture how we are going to fit a car seat plus all the things that go with baby in it next year for the 3.5 hour drive to Wichita to see my family. I'm sure it will all work out some how.

Baby Hopeful Bud got quite a few presents this year. The best was from my mom. She cleaned and fixed one of my baby blankets and gave it to us. It will be a perfect one to lay Baby HB on the floor on. Santa brought Mr. Hopeful Bud a onesie that said "I'm kind of a big deal!" My uncle from NYC gave the baby a NY Yankees onesie, bootie and hat. If Baby HB is a girl, we will just have to replace the hat with a big bow. The LO also got a couple bibs, teething toys and an adorable snuggie.

As for how I am doing at 17 weeks, all I can say is great! I feel wonderful. I'm so excited to hear Baby HB's heart beat again this week (Wednesday). While the Bella Band is a life saver, I'm thinking it's getting almost time to go invest in some maternity jeans, because I'm starting to get a little uncomfortable.

Sorry, not more exciting things to update you on. I'll post about our appt. on Wednesday.

Take care and stay hopeful!

Music to my ears!

We got to hear Baby Hopeful Bud's heart beat this morning for the first time. It was right at 160 bpm and was the most wonderful sound that I have ever heard. I smiled the whole time and Mr. Hopeful Bud stood there taking a recording smiling from ear to ear. Up until today I had been so jealous of so many other ladies getting ultra sounds on their first visits, but today all of those feelings just went away and I was in love! I heard my baby's heart beating and it just made it so real. My pregnancy symptoms have been so minimal that at times I was worried. Not any more. I got to hear my baby's heart beating today. (Did I mention that already? :) )

It's hard to believe that this is the last week in the first trimester. Baby HB is the size of a peach.

I'll report more after I come down off my cloud.
Take care and stay hopeful!
:) Hopeful Bud

I so wanted to find a picture of Joey from Friend's when he showed up for Thanksgiving wearing a pair of Phoebe's maternity pants and called them his "turkey pants." The thought of buying a pair of maternity jeans for tomorrow has crossed my mind more then once. I'm still able to wear my regular jeans, but I plan on eating a lot of mashed potatoes tomorrow so wearing something a little more comfortable sounds like a good plan to me.

This week I have been fighting a terrible cold. It sucks to be sick, period. But to be sick and pregnant is even worse. The two things that finally helped me were Mucinex D and Shower Soothers. I think I will probably use Shower Soothers by Vicks even when I'm not sick and congested. As soon as you turn on the water your shower is filled with eucalyptus vapors. It's heavenly. Shower Soothers gets two thumbs up from me.

Also this week I am 12 weeks pregnant. The only new that I can tell is that I get really dizzy, especially after eating. I've also been getting more headaches then usual. Considering I had very minimal morning sickness and very few other pregnancy symptoms I will take the brief dizziness episodes.

On Monday we have our second appointment, we will be 13 weeks!! I can't wait to hear the heartbeat for the first times. I will post about our appointment next week.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Take care and remain hopeful!

I love fruit!

Especially when it is being used to describe the size of Baby Hopeful Bud. This week our baby is compared to a lime. I love limes, especially when they are in frozen Margaritas. Oh I would love a Margarita about now (kidding)! Next week he or she grows to become the almighty plum. I can't believe I'm almost out of the first trimester. While I can't say that I actually have a baby bump, my stomach is looking very funny. It looks as though all of my organs have decided to be pushed over to the right. Very strange looking.

Also, as of today (11 weeks and 4 days) we are under the 200 day countdown. I haven't told Mr. Hopeful Bud this yet, because it would really freak him out. He is working on a pretty big deal right now, that if everything goes according to plan (yeah right!) will be a great commission for us to have for our little nest egg. It will really help us out professionally and personally. I'm crossing all my fingers and toes and praying that Baby HB is crossing all of his or her fingers and toes too since they are now unwebbed.

Yesterday I took the test on http://www.babygenderpredictiontest.com/ and it said 74% boy for Baby HB. Although I had a couple friends take the test who already know what they are having and it gave them the opposite sex then what was confirmed on u/s. So maybe I'll take the test with a grain of salt. We are just praying for a healthy Baby HB.

Well that's about it. Nothing too exciting going on in the life of Mrs. Hopeful Bud and her growing fruit. Morning sickness has seems to subside, even though I had it very minimally in the first place.

Take care and remain hopeful and prayerful!

A taste of what's to come

Today I was a substitute teacher in Kindergarten. I really don't remember Kindergarten being so exhausting. At least the kids got to take a 30 minute rest in the afternoon. Being pregnant and wanting to nap all them time, it took all that I have not to lay my head on the desk and take a little siesta right along with them. Despite one problem child, I had a pretty good day and class. I love the idea that in some small way, even if it is only for a day, that I have a little bit of influence of these children.

Yesterday in our Chamber of Commerce luncheon there was a speaker from the Early Childhood Initiative. He said that the three most important things that you can do for a child is to sing to them, read to them and play with them. I did all three of those day and I plan on doing those daily with my children when they arrive. I love to sing. My children will go to school singing songs that they think everyone should know, when in fact I had just made them up.

I'm currently 10 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I feel great, so there really isn't too much to report. I don't go back to the doctor for another two and a half weeks. I guess I had a bit of a scare last night. Mr. Hopeful Bud and I were sitting in our bible study when all of a sudden I got a really bad pain in my left side. It wasn't stabbing or crampy, but like a dull push from the inside out and it was constant. After bible study I went home, put my feet up, took a warm bath and then took two Tylenol PMs and went to sleep. I'm chalking it up to either a gas pain or uterus stretching. Either way it was uncomfortable, but I'm sure I will have a lot more of both of those before June.

I will try to do better at posting, it just seems that all I'm doing is waiting at this point.

Take care and remain hopeful!!

Self-preservation or stupidity, probably both

First off, I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while . . . a long while. I'm just in a really weird place right now and I don't know if it's pregnancy hormones or just this constant dreary weather that has me down. I am almost 8 weeks pregnant and up until the last week I was high as a kite, over the moon excited. Now that I'm approaching our first doctor's appointment I'm terrified, to be honest. On Monday of this week I had a little bit of red blood on the toilet paper when I wiped. It never happened again and I haven't had any cramping so I just check it off as a fluke. Also up until this week I would talk to Baby Hopefulbud every night before we went to sleep and every morning before we got out of bed. I would thank both God and Baby HB for another day together. This week, I haven't felt as connected. I feel great, very little nausea, incredibly sore boobs, but nothing too unbearable. I have no reason to believe that something is wrong with our baby, which leads me to believe that it's just self-preservation. I'm usually such an optimistic person, but when something is really really important and personal I often think the worst and then am thrilled when something good happens. I think that is what I'm doing in preparing for our doctor's appointment on Monday. Unconsciously I'm thinking "if I just distance myself from the baby a little, then it won't hurt so bad if something isn't right." That is terrible thinking, I hate that I feel that way. I hate it that I pray "God if something isn't right with this baby, take him or her now before I get too attached." What kind of a mother prays this? I am totally ready to be a mother, or I guess as ready as any individual can be, and I want to be ecstatic to be pregnant. I just didn't expect the fears that came along with being pregnant. No one really tells you that before you are pregnant. My sister and all my friends seemed to have such smooth pregnancies. They made it look easy. I'm sure they were wrestling with these same fears inside, I just didn't know it.

On Monday at our appointment we will discuss family history, what I can and can't do the next 32 weeks, get blood work done and hopefully see the heartbeat. I pray that we get to see Baby HB's heartbeat. I think that will do wonders for my fears.

Currently Baby HB is the size of a blueberry. Baby's brain -- both hemispheres! -- is growing fast, generating about 100 new cells every minute. Arms and legs are emerging as joints start to form, and a permanent set of kidneys (baby's third!) is now in place.

Please Baby HB have a strong heartbeat so that we can see it on Monday if we get an u/s. This will make mommy and daddy so happy. We love you so much already!

And so it begins . . .

Today is the first day since I got my BFP that I have not felt like myself and have been nauseated. I feel as though I'm constantly on the verge of throwing up, but it hasn't been so bad that I have to run to the bathroom. I felt great when I woke up, but as I was standing in the shower, my head started to get a little fuzzy. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining, just expressing how I am feeling right now. I am beyond thrilled that I am finally beginning to feel pregnant. It gives me comfort knowing that our little "bean" is growing. Both Mr. Hopeful Bud and I have been calling Baby Hopeful Bud "our little bean" because we are farmers and grow soybeans, so it just seems fitting to be growing a bean. We are dorks, yes we know that. Besides being farmers, Mr. HB and I own our own real estate companies. I had meetings all this morning and at lunch, but when I got to the office our other realtor said "Mr. HB called in and said you weren't feeling well and so that I need to cover the office all afternoon." He is already so protective of me, it's wonderful.

Well that's about it for today. I'll give you an update later as our little appleseed grows into a sweet pea.

Still so hard to believe

If it wasn't for the fact that I haven't had a period since August 31st, that my boobs are extremely sore unless being comforted by an "over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder" and that three tests have confirmed the BFP, then I wouldn't even know I was pregnant. I don't feel different. I know it is still early and that in a couple weeks I will wish that I had never complained. I'm not complaining, I guess I just always thought that once you were pregnant, that you would "feel pregnant". I even just wish my doctor would say "come on in and we will confirm it for you" to make it feel a little more real. Oh well, I will be patient and just continue to hope and pray that me and Baby Hopefulbud stay healthy. October 26th can not come soon enough. That's our first appointment when we will get to hear Baby HB's beautiful heart beat. I can't wait. 17 days and counting!!

So Baby HB is currently 5 weeks and 4 days old today. She is the size of an apple seed. Don't tell Mr. HB that I have been referring to our baby as a 'she'. He wants a boy so badly, actually so do I. But for some reason I've been calling her a she. Maybe it's mothers intuition or something. I have always thought and dreamed of being a boy mom, so to think that we could be having a daughter is kind of foreign to me. I know both Mr. HB and I will be beyond thrilled at whichever Baby HB is. This baby is already loved so much, it's unbelievable. It's amazing how in one short week we have already become so in love, and so attached to Baby HB. I have an apple seed sitting on my desk right now so that I can always look at it and be reminded of our growing seedling. Please God, continue to watch over Baby HB and help her (or him) grow big and strong. Looking forward to being the size of a sweet pea next week!!

Photo credit: thebump.com

I think it has finally sunk in

It has been three days since I got my BFP and I think it is finally starting to become reality. I am thrilled and terrified at the same time. I was certain that this cycle was a bust when my temp dropped dramatically on Tuesday morning. I allowed myself to have a pity party all day and come to terms with the fact that Cycle #10 was right around the corner. Then on Wednesday morning my temp spiked back up and when I told Mr. Hopeful Bud this he said I should go POAS. I knew I had a couple digital tests but didn't want to waste them on a BFN so I dug through a drawer and found one regular HPT. Ran down stairs because we have only one bathroom right now due to home remodeling. The second line showed up almost immediately and I barely made it safely up the stairs because I was running and shaking so badly. When I found Mr. Hopeful Bud and said "We're pregnant!" His initial response was "Oh good!" Then we hugged and he told me how ecstatic he was and "I knew your boobs were getting bigger." And they have, I already need new bras. That is scary! I have since taken two digital tests to confirm and BFPs on both! I can't wait to meet Little Hopeful Bud. I have not stopped thanking God for this amazing blessing. We have told parents, grandparents and a few close friends and family. I know that a lot of people wait until they are out of the first trimester but neither I nor Mr. Hopeful Bud are good at keeping a secret, especially when we are so excited and want to shout it from the roof. We also decided to share the news because God forbid "if" something was to happen we would definitely need the support and love of our family to get through it.

I called my doc to make an appointment and she doesn't want me to come in until I'm 8 weeks, so October 26th is our Early Pregnancy appointment. It can't come soon enough. I can't wait to hear Little Hopeful Bud's heart beat. I can only imagine that it is going to be the most beautiful sound I have ever heard.

So as of today, I am 4 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Little Hopeful Bud will be joining us around June 10, 2010. As of right now the only pregnancy symptom I have is swollen breasts. Morning sickness stay away . . . at least until we get our upstairs bathroom completed, which should be this weekend.

I pray that those of you that are still hoping and praying for a BFP that it comes soon.

Trying to stay calm through the wait

Last week I thought I was half way through the dreaded 2WW, but then the evil FF decided to change my ovulation date by four days, so NOW, "I think", I am half way through this waiting game. I've been trying really hard not to over think every "symptom" or "feeling" but I'm only human. I just wish my symptoms were the same every month so that I will stop getting my hopes up. Last cycle I had extremely sensitive nipples (which was new for me) so I started thinking "maybe it's a pregnancy sign." This week my whole boobs have been sore every morning, so now I'm thinking "maybe it's an early pregnancy sign." Despite these "symptoms" and the change in O date, I feel surprisingly calm this cycle. The only thing I can contribute this new calmness to is my faith. I've been spending more time in prayer and with people who are praying for us. I take comfort in knowing that God already knows our Little Hopeful Bud's name, birthdate and everything about him or her. It is not for me to know when we will be blessed with this miracle. I can only wait and prepare my body, heart, and head for this blessing.

Along these same lines, this week Mr. Hopeful Bud came into the house and said, "I think we should go on a mission trip. We are so blessed and I really think this is something that we should do to give back." I went to Honduras a couple years ago on a mission trip and I can whole-heartily say that it was a life-changing experience in more then one way. I would love for Mr. Hopeful Bud and I to share in a similar experience. So I think part of my calmness also comes from the idea that maybe we are meant to take this trip before we get our BFP because once we do it wouldn't be safe for me to go to a third-world country.

I say all this today with a calmness in my heart. Tomorrow or months from now I could have a completely different tone. We have been TTC for nine months and I am still hopeful that it will happen in God's timing.

Hard to believe that . . .

I'm half way done with my 2WW and I haven't stressed about it hardly at all. I've been so focused this last week and a half on helping Mr. Hopeful Bud start his new diet, that I haven't had time to stress or over think things. I can honestly say I was super surprised when FF gave me cross-hairs a couple days ago. For some reason I had convinced myself that this was going to be an anovulatory cycle because of all of my flat temperatures and because I wasn't doing Clomid anymore. I know that FF can't actually see in my ovaries to see if I ovulated, but the fact that my temps have stayed up the last week and we had excellent BD timing, makes me the most optimistic than I've been since we started this process 8 months ago. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

I am so proud of Mr. Hopeful Bud and his decision to lose weight. He is being so strong and is keeping to his plan to the tee. It has been such a pleasure to go through this process with him. He says that since we want to start a family, that he is doing this so that he is around for a long time. He also wants to be able to play ball and be active with our children and right now walking is sometimes hard. Doesn't help that he has clubbed feet, but he knows that losing weight will help him walk easier. So far he has lost 10 pounds and a couple inches. He is doing great!