Keeping Hope

So I know I said I wanted to wait and I thought about temping... but I realized I should of started temping already. But I will wait till next month to do it... and as far as trying or not... I don't want to think about it. I am not going to try, but I ain't gonna do anything to not get pregnant either. If it happens it happens. As I went into this by putting it in God's hands and for me that is where it needs to stay.

And to top it off this week has been full of headaches as well as last week. I don't remember having this many headaches, but maybe it's because I was flushing a lot of blood (sorry if TMI), but since I didn't have it for so long it had a lot to get rid of. On top of that I craved red meat so bad... which I was told because I needed iron.

Well, today was much better :) no headache woohoo... because I was getting tired of taking tylenol. So for the rest of this month I ain't gonna think about doing BBT or TTC... and just wait to see if my cycle starts again next month. Of course I want it to so I can see if it's gonna keep coming, but there is still the slight part of me that says if I don't get it please please let it be because I am pregnant :)

I can't help but hope... if I lose hope I have nothing.

On a side note I got a jar of baby dust :) that I shake at night before I go to bed :)

Starting Over

I think it is safe to welcome AF back for another visit... as she has just arrived (not totally, but I am spotting pretty heavily, so I can pretty much bet that she is here to stay). I kind of had a feeling, because my temp dropped slightly this morning... not below the line, but it did somewhat drop from where it had been hanging out...

I was staying positive after my BFN on Friday, when I POAS on 13dpo (I wanted to post about that today, but AF beat me too it)... I knew it was to early to test, but I just had to! Even Fertility Friend told me to wait until 18dpo, which would've been this Wednesday (I was 16dpo today), but now I have a couple of sticks, waiting to get peed on, that will just have to wait! The good thing is I got an OPK with my sticks, so I will give it a whirl this month, and see how it goes...

We will probably be welcoming a new cycle soon, TTC Cycle#2, for Mr. DBud and I. I am feeling ok about it. I felt really good about the progress we made this month, and thought that maybe, just maybe, it would've been the month... but I am sure you may recall my post where I mentioned not getting my hopes up about TTC Cycle#1 (actually, there might be multiple, because I have mentioned this a few times). We will just try again, and try to stay positive, even if it takes longer than we would like... the least we can do is try, and keep our chins us. Nothing wrong with practicing the BD in the meantime ;)

I wanted to take a moment to tell my fellow Buds, dealing with their own Fertility Issues that I am thinking of you, and praying for you. We are all in this together... we are all in different places in our TTC Journey, but we are all here for the same reason, and we all understand each other. I am sending positive vibes and baby dust to all of you! Sooner or later, it will be y(our) turn :)

I feel like I'm on a Rollercoaster...

So... I have been busy, charting away, and trying to interpret these fertility signs of mine... Mr. DBud and I have been BDing whenever we can (which hasn't been much but is more than usual), and I have been monitoring my chart, and sharing it with him. To my surprise, yesterday morning, my temp skyrocketed! Take a looksie...

This means I O'ed on day 18, the day after Mr. DBud and I BDed in the PM... I am not 3 DPO and have 9 more before I POAS... We shall see! Even though I know my chances of conceiving on Cycle #1 are not very good... I am staying optimistic. If, in the end, we are not successful this month, I will consider it a good practice run :)

And to tell you the truth, I am glad to know that I O'ed on the day I did... when my temp went up yesterday morning, I thought we needed to BD last night, and I told Mr. DBud... he was all for it, but then spent the entire day with a headache, and wasn't up to it in the evening... I let it slide, and figured that worse case scenario we have next month... and the month after... and the month after. Since we are new at this TTC Journey, we are just trying to be patient, and take things one step at a time. I want to enjoy this time, not make it a chore. If it gets to the point where we have to work a little harder at it, so be it... but for now, we are going to take it easy :)

So Glad It's Friday!

I'm so happy it's Friday! This week has been a complete rollercoaster, and today is another dip in the ride.

After another highest-ever temp yesterday, my temp dropped (0.4, but enough to make me think my triphasic pattern will come to an end tomorrow morning). I've only been at this a month, and am already feeling discouraged. I think I mostly feel this way because after four cycles of having 8 and 9 day luteal phases, I made it to DAY 15 today!!! That's a SIX-day increase in LP in one cycle. I can't wrap my brain around what hormonal changes have had to occur in my body this month to make that happen all.at.once. I'm still having crampy twinges and backaches, and crazy fatigue, but the crampiness today feels a little more like my usual AF cramps--just occasionally, and not nearly as intense. I've been doing a lot of reading on Dr. Google (I know, he's not my friend!), and I've only seen reports of greater than 1-2 day LP increases from B6 a handful of times. That doesn't help how I'm feeling--it just adds to my confusion.

On top of my TTC struggles this week, I was traveling for a few days earlier this week for work. It always takes me a couple of days to get back into a routine at home after leaving town, and this week has been no different. Today I realized that we're low on groceries, the laundry has started to pile up, and the house is starting to get messy again. So tonight, Mr. Magnolia Bud and I are going to be a terribly un-fun married couple and get things in order. He always loves nights like this, since he gets stuck with dishes and cleaning up the kitchen :::guilty wife look:::

At least I've defrosted a tasty dinner for us tonight. We're having a beef stir-fry with peppers, broccoli, and some bamboo shoots. If I get another - test tonight, we'll be having wine with dinner too. I think it's needed after this week!

Ladies, do any of you have B6 stories to share? (Especially if B6 caused your LP to lengthen by more than 1-2 days?)

Have a great Friday, everyone!

Love and lots of baby dust--

--Magnolia Bud

Well, Welcome AF... so nice to see you!

Well, not completely... AF does kind of suck... but it's good to know that this was a good month, as far as "regularity" is concerned. I mean, my last cycle began on the 18th of August, and here I am on September 21st, starting anew. It's a little funky to start - a little brown and very light -but still good news for a PCOS stricken individual, such as myself. This puts me at about a 34 day cycle, and means I can officially start temping and checking my fertility signs as of tomorrow morning. This also means ::drum roll, please:: that this will officially be the first month we actively try to TTC!!!!! Yippeeeeee!!!!! I am going to talk to Mr. DBud about it some more tonight, and I have a feeling he'll be happy to hear the news :) Let's keep our fingers crossed that this doesn't turn into too much of a drawn out process, and we can conceive soon... hopefully there'll be lots of BD this month ;)

photo credit

In the meantime, I am trying to be better about what I am eating and drinking... I have noticed that it has helped a lot! Less caffeine = (more) on-time cycles. This time last year, I had no AF from August thru December. I POAS several times (about 12) and kept getting BFNs... so needless to say, I was very concerned. We were TTA but I was not on the pill because I've been trying to cleanse my body of all that BCP madness to begin the TTC prep...

I know it's a lot to ask that we get a nice BFP this cycle... and even though I know my chances are slim, I am trying to stay positive. Sometimes, when dealing with all this TTC and Fertility stuff, that's all we have... our positive attitudes!

Good luck and Baby Dust to all of you out there, and to my fellow Buds... maybe this month will be the month for many :)

Testing at 8DPO=BFN!

So, I'm in a much better place emotionally today, and am about to head out for a run before work.

Before I got dressed, though, I tested! First test of my life, and it wasn't that exciting--I almost didn't take it, because my head was shouting "Magnolia Bud, it's only 8DPO--don't do it!" I knew the possibilities of a positive test were so slim...but I had 25 spankin' new test strips sitting under our sink. After the required 5 minutes, there wasn't even a hint of a second line.

Tomorrow is Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the Jewish year. The 24-hour fast starts tonight, so I won't be testing again until Sunday morning (at a more respectable 10DPO, if my temps are still high). To our readers who are fasting, have an easy fast.

Talk to you all once I've eaten again!

Lots of love,

Magnolia Bud

2WW Continues...and I'm Emotional

Well, my first 2WW continues! I was in a bit of a temp-induced panic for CD 4 and 5 when my temp plummeted (seriously, 95.9?!), but it's since come back up to a solid 97.4 for two days running. So I'm going to jump in and test (way too early) tomorrow if my temp stays elevated in the morning. When I decided this, I actually rolled my eyes at myself.

Here's the whine/vent: In other news, we found out some news today that was hard for me to take. Mr. Magnolia Bud's brother and sister-in-law are expecting their second baby (their first, our nephew, is about 20 months), and are due in February. Their family has NO girls, and they found out today they're having the family's first girl. We're both happy for them, but I'm upset and jealous that everything happens to them first, and we're not getting to be first with anything. It seems like everyone got married before us (my sister, his brother), and everyone is having babies before us too (both sides of the family plus friends), and the only thing we've excelled at so far is accumulating graduate degrees.

Now, I know that's not a bad thing. But I feel like we've both worked so hard at school our entire lives, and now that we're done and have our lives in proper "adult" order (you know, house/careers/savings/stability), it should be our turn right now. ***pouting***

Thanks for listening. I know this is only our first cycle TTC, and I'm thrilled that we're finally there. But I'm not good at having patience, let alone with something I've been wanting for so long. Here's hoping tomorrow's a better day!

Love and LOTS of baby dust to each of you on this sunny Thursday!

-Magnolia Bud

A Month Ahead of Schedule...

We pulled the goalie!

Mr. Magnolia Bud and I had a conversation last month about O time where we laid out all the reasons to wait for two more cycles before TTC. At that time, our reasons were slim--I'm running another marathon Jan. 8-9, and he'd like to have more money in the bank. We continued talking, and as he realized that we had a fully-funded e-fund, are making significant contributions to our retirement accounts, are paying extra toward our mortgage and student loans each month, and would be able to meet daycare costs (our big worry, since they're really high in our area), that concern seemed to diminish. Especially because we can meet the costs of having a baby on our current salaries while still putting a little extra toward our long-term debt.

That all said, we didn't change our TTC date then. We left it open, with October as the goal. As you know, I've been getting ready to make a serious attempt in October. HPT's, CBEFM, pregnancy books, the works!

Well, wouldn't you know. Mr. Magnolia Bud, normally the chart-stalker who wants to know every bit about my temps, my CM and what my chart says on any given day, has stopped asking this month. He also, all of a sudden, turned from condom-crazed Mr. MB into "let's see what happens" last night.

So we did!

My temp went up today, and is in my usual post-O range. Given that I had my usual pre-O dip two days ago, I may have O'd yesterday. In which case, our timing wasn't bad. But I also had a couple of glasses of wine last night and temped an hour late this morning. I'm not discarding the temp though...But now I have to wait and see.

I need to take my PNV's now, just in case. I had been getting lax about taking them, even though our midwife just recommended a new brand that I really like--nutraMetrix Isotonix Prenatal Multi. It's a powder that you mix up in the cap and drink, and is a little fizzy like EmergenC. There's no artificial filler, and is as easy on my stomach as my Flinstones were.

I'm a little bit nervous, but more excited than anything. Have a great day!

Trying to go with the flow

One of the hardest parts about TTC is not knowing how long it will take. This weekend, Mr. Nature Bud and I visited a ski club up north with some friends. It's basically a big dorm-style house with 30 or so rooms, a large kitchen, common areas, etc. maintained by a club that families join for a yearly fee, and then have a ski house to stay at each weekend they head up. The annual fee equates to about 3 weekends at a motel or other lodging, and the nice part is that the club aspect fosters community, so you always have somewhere to stay while skiing, and there's always friends there. Plus you can use it in the summer, which we'd totally take advantage of. We seriously considered joining, but not knowing if and when I'll be pregnant, if and when we'll have an infant, all the uncertainty of TTCing... well it makes it pretty difficult to plan that far ahead.

Photo credit

We encountered the same roadblock when discussing a trip we'd like to take to China. How can I even purchase airfare, not knowing what stage of my TTC journey I'll be at when the trip happens? I can't, plain and simple. I know you're not supposed to put your life on hold for TTCing, but sometimes, with all the uncertainty involved, it becomes necessary.

On the bright side, the weekend ski getaway afforded plenty of warm and fuzzy BD juju, which was perfect because it looks like I O'd at a ridiculously early CD9. I had some pretty strong and alarming cramping that could've been ovulation pain, and then a distinct thermal shift. My doctor said not to worry about the cramping. He actually told me to look on the bright side, at least I know when I'm about to O! I'm worried because I wasn't checking CM, using preseed, or even OPKing, but maybe this surprise early O will turn into a surprise BFP and it'll all work out.

Until next time, sending sled-fulls of baby dust your way!

Nature Bud

I'm in love with my doctor.

Not really. Or maybe. My OB/GYN takes me so seriously. I really do love how much he respects me. And best of all believes me.

So lets talk about my appointment yesterday. I went into to see Dr. Jenkins and this was our conversation.

Dr. J : Mrs OB, you are back? I guess you aren't pregnant yet.

Erica: Yep, I know something is wrong. My husband has great counts and I feel like his sperm don't get a real chance at surviving. I don't have a normal Luteal Phase and I know its causing problems. I used to be so normal... until I gained weight but I promise I'm trying to lose it. I promise.

Dr. J: Oh I know. I see you all the time working out with Elaine. I know you are trying.

Mrs OB: Umm what the hell? How the hell do you know my personal trainer's name?

Dr. J: Oh she's my trainer also.

Mrs OB: I promise I'm not stalking you. I promise its the only good gym around here.

Then we go on to talk about my cycles and LSU football. And then working out. And then LSU football again.

He really is a great doctor. We decided the weight could have caused some issues with me however, I am working hard to lose it and I could probably use some progesterone supplements and maybe some clomid.

So here I am today. A happy duck with a plan. A plan to continue working out, a plan to use the progesterone and maybe the clomid this cycle. I'm excited! Not only for the plan but for our vacation!

Sorry guys, I will be gone for 2 weeks. 2 weeks of bliss with my wonderful husband. I'm so excited!

I decided I would also give a thank you shot out for Thanksgiving.

5 months ago today, Mr.OB went under the knife to have his first surgery, brain surgery. 5 months later my husband is healthy and we are going on a trip of a lifetime. Its truly amazing and unbelievable what has happened in 5 months. 5 months ago I was praying to God just to not take away my husband. 5 months later, I am thanking God for a wonderful life he has given us. I am so thankful for this opportunity we have. 5 months after our horrific ordeal we are going on an unbelievable vacation. 5 months later I am packing our bags with my husband, who won't let me pack the dogs. I'm thankful for the friends and family who got us through this roller coaster. 5 months later, you can even tell we experience what we experience.

And that is what I am thankful for.

Crazy Cycle

So, here is where I am in the 2WW - 4 DPO. Yes, last time I visited, I was 5 DPO. This cycle has been so strange and I attribute it all to stress. First, Fertility Friend and my body indicated that I ovulated on CD 11. I had lots of EWCM and some with spotting. Then, Fertility Friend said that I ovulated on CD 16. Not a lot of EWCM, but I did have headaches. And now, Fertility Friend has moved my ovulation day to CD 22. There was some definite EWCM on CD 22 and a small amount a few days later. I suppose this is what buying a house and being stressed at work can do to your body. The only thing left to do now, is wait. Wait to see if FF changes my O day again, wait to see how this 2WW goes and wait to see if all the stress actually got me pregnant (crossing fingers it did). Please say a prayer that this crazy cycle is the charm!

P.S. I will be posting some pictures of the house by the end of the week for those that were curious.

AF and other news

Well, my period came. I'm OK, a little sad and a disappointed. I got my hopes up and I shouldn't have. I tend to do that with everything in life. You would think that I new better. Oh well.

To be honest, I am tired of talking about TTC. It is hard to talk about and Mr. SB is getting tired of it as well. So, let's discuss our new house. If you remember my post about our house that we are buying (if not, go here), well we close in 3 weeks!!! I am so excited to be a homeowner. We have already bought the paint for the rooms, the paint for the garage and patio, the refrigerator and we already know what we want to do with every room. After closing we will still have about $500 left in savings and that will give us some cushion to do what we want with the house.

Yesterday, we finalized everything with the homeowners insurance. We are just getting closer and closer and I am just thrilled.

So, here's my question - We have a beautiful entry-way and we can't figure out what we want to do with it. Any ideas? It will be an arctic blue, has dark "hard wood" floors and is more of a hall type area. Give me your best ideas. Oh, and we like earth tones. The whole house is blues, greens and browns. with a splash of red.

Here is a picture if that helps

Disheartening

Well, I tested this morning and it was a BFN. I am so sad and heartbroken. I keep fighting off the tears. I just knew it was positive. I had told myself to think positively, know that you are pregnant and you will be. Nope, I guess not. I know they say that it isn't over until you get your period, but the problem is that I don't know when that will be. Last cycle was the longest cycle I have EVER had. I was always a "28 day cycle kind of girl" and now that it matters, I'm not. I realize that 35 days really isn't that long, but it is when you expect it to be consistently around 28.

My plan of action is that if AF doesn't show by Friday, I am going to test again. However, I don't know if I even want to do that. Right now, my heart is so heart and I am so sad, that I don't want to see another negative if I don't have to. I don't even want to get on my favorite message board right now, because I am afraid I will just be filled with hurt and envy. I don't know how women do this over and over again.

Thank you for reading this and understanding.

Filled with Emotions

I wanted to wait until AF was due to test again, but after the second BFP today, I feel that I can share with this blog..... I'M PREGNANT!!!

On Thursday (10 DPO) we tested with a Dollar Store test that didn't seem clear, so we waited until lunchtime and tested with a digital Clear Blue Easy HPT and there it was "Pregnant."

I am filled with emotions from being scared to happy to depressed to elated. I hope the meeting with our pastor will help me renew my faith today. He will be the only person that will know until, hopefully, Christmas. Today, I am 4 weeks and 2 days pregnant with a due date around Mr. Brainy Bud's 28th birthday in June. He is so happy about the baby. He will be a great father. He is already the best husband!

I still can't believe it happened on cycle #1.

Faith, Love, and Baby Flutters
Mrs. Brainy Bud

A whole bunch of countdowns.

Mr. SB and I have so many things to be excited about right now and since I am in a huge funk, I will let you in on them.

1. Testing for this cycle - 6 days
2. Halloween - 24 days
3. Closing on our house - 30 days
4. Thanksgiving - 50 days
5. My birthday - 68 days
6. Christmas - 79 days
7. New Years - 86 days

See, lots of things going on! But, you see that first one up there? That one is driving me crazy. I didn't think it would be this hard, but it is. And to be honest, I know that I am going to be crushed with a capital "C" if it is a BFN. That's just the truth!

So wish me luck!

It has begun...

The 2WW waiting game, that is! As of today, (Sunday 10/4/09) I am 3 DPO. That gives me about 9-12 days to just hang out and wait to see if we possibly created a little one. WOW!

Last cycle, the 2WW didn't really mean much because I was almost certain that it wasn't going to happen since we had been really good about our withdrawal method and actively TTA. Now, this cycle is definitely a TTC cycle.

I think we have a good, strong chance because we BD the day of O, O-1, O-2, O-3 and O-4. If you want to see my chart, it is over on the right side of the screen under my profile.

Wish us luck in the days to come and I will keep you all updated!

What the?

Image Source

Dear FF,

Please quit moving my crosshairs. You have made me very sad because I have always O'd between days 14 and 16, thereby BDing on days 12, 14, 15, and 17 made perfect sense but now that you've decided to screw with my 1st Cycle of TTC and changed it to stinkin' day 18, I have a much lower chance. You see, even if I am scared to be pregnant, I still WANT to be, so please, work with me, mmmkay?

Sincerely,

Gracious Brainy Bud

I am so excited!

http://tinyurl.com/yapzrhu

Haha, not this kind of excited!

OK, so maybe I am being incredibly naive, but this first cycle TTC has been so exciting. All I can think about is that I might be making a baby at this very moment... eeeeeee how exciting!

We have been BDing like two high school kids dating. It has been really fun, too. Mr. SB told me the other day that he never wants me to take BCP ever again because my sex drive has been so high. Little does he know, it's really because I have an agenda (j/k hehehehehe).

Anyway, I am on CD 15 and I am almost positive that I ovulated either yesterday or Monday and once I get cross-hairs from FF, I will officially be in my first 2WW. I can't wait to see how it pans out. I know that there is a big chance that I won't get pregnant, but there is always a chance that I will ;)

Can't wait to let you know what happens!!

P.S. Tomorrow is Mr. SB's 30th Birthday. Wouldn't that be the best birthday present ever?

Waiting to Ovulate Pretty Much Sucks.

It's been said before that waiting to "O" is just annoying. I have to agree. When we were TTA, it was "when do I ovulate so that we can do what is necessary to avoid?" Now it is "when do I ovulate so that we can do what is necessary to make a baby?" That last thought is a lot more stressful than the first. You want to make sure you do everything right - eat right, sleep right, fornicate right, EVERYTHING needs to be just so.

However, I will say that charting is really something I enjoy. I enjoy knowing exactly what is going on with me. I enjoy seeing my chart fluctuate and give me signs. I enjoy knowing that my body does some weird things.

It's funny what us girls go through to make a baby and what guys don't go through. Women who TTC methodically have to make sure to temp and chart correctly. We have to make sure to have sex on the correct days and time everything just right. What do men have to do? SEX, that's what they have to do. If your husband is anything like mine, he really ejoys sex-anytime, anyday, anywhere, so this is no big deal to him. He is really lucking out that we are TTC because he is getting so much that he doesn't know what to do with himself (TMI, sorry).

Don't get me wrong, I am NOT complaining by any means. I am so excited at the thought of TTC and the idea that I could possible get pregnant this cycle. I really enjoy sex with Mr. SB and I really try hard to not think about sex as a "deposit" and to think of it as sex with my wonderful husband.

I am on cycle day 9, so I guess sometime within the next week or so I will be ovulating. I guess, anyways. Maybe? Oh hell I don't know. Ugh, why is TTC so complicated?