Just got the call--our donor's egg retrieval is Tuesday, our 3rd anniversary. I hope this is a good sign. What's definitely a good sign is the number of mature follicles she has--24! Wow wow WOW!
In the meantime I've been drinking POM juice and thinking thick thoughts. I was trying to remember what I'd done differently in past cycles and I realized one major difference--I was taking baths almost nightly right up until embryo transfer. For whatever reason I hadn't been taking baths this time, so I took one last night. And I'll take another tonight and tomorrow and then see what Tuesday's ultrasound brings.
I also found a great blog post from an RE, Dr. Licciardi, that talks about how lining thickness might not be that critical (scroll down to The Endometrium Part III). It gave me a lot of hope.
Til Tuesday,
Golden Bud
Showing posts with label Donor Eggs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Donor Eggs. Show all posts
October 3, 2010
October 2, 2010
I spoke too soon
In my last post I said my uterus rules.
Apparently, it does not.
On Friday I went in for a lining and estrogen check. As soon as the vag-cam was in place I knew something was wrong. I barely recognized my own uterus. Turns out my lining is thin, which is yet another new problem for me. Can you believe my terrible luck?
The nurse called in the doctor and they checked all my old lining stats and pictures from my last hysteroscopy (during my D&C). The doctor doesn't think it's a physical issue, like scarring, just a poor cycle. Last time (my previous donor cycle) by this point my lining was 9 something. This time it's 5.6. They want at least 7, and the nurse told me she'd seen twin pregnancies on a 6 so that's the bare minimum. Fortunately my transfer is over a week away, which they tell me is plenty of time to build my lining. The doctor gave me estrogen suppositories and I've been drinking POM juice and raspberry leaf tea, two home remedies to build lining. My estrogen test came back at 441, which is a good number (they want >150), but at this point I think lining thickness is more important than estrogen level.
In other news, my donor had been in earlier that morning for her Day 8 ultrasound. The nurse gushed that the donor looked great and was doing really well. She had 15 measurable follicles plus another 40 or so. Our donor is going in for another ultrasound on Sunday and they may have her trigger then, which means her egg retrieval will be Tuesday, which happens to be our 3-year anniversary. I love the thought of our children being conceived on our anniversary--it would be a fitting beginning to the next step of our journey.
I go in for another ultrasound on Tuesday to check my lining again. I hope hope hope it's thickening up. I don't know what else they can try...I've heard that Viagra suppositories also work...maybe I'll end up on those. I was also thinking of making an acupuncture appointment. It never did much for my follicles by maybe it'll work for my lining (ironically I threw out her business card on Friday. Serves me right). Thank goodness we are planning for a 5-day transfer to buy a little more time. Worst case we'll have to freeze everything and start a frozen embryo transfer ASAP. Fortunately I think we have a really good chance of having a good number to freeze, so my lining issues aren't the end of the world, but still, talk about stress I don't need!
I've also been shopping for my donor gift. Mr. GB will deliver it to the clinic when he goes in to give his sample. Her favorite color is teal and she likes yoga, so I got her a teal notebook, votive, and an "OHM" necklace. I still need to write her a note...I'm so not good at that part. I'm sure I'll think of something.
Til Tuesday!
Golden Bud
Apparently, it does not.
On Friday I went in for a lining and estrogen check. As soon as the vag-cam was in place I knew something was wrong. I barely recognized my own uterus. Turns out my lining is thin, which is yet another new problem for me. Can you believe my terrible luck?
The nurse called in the doctor and they checked all my old lining stats and pictures from my last hysteroscopy (during my D&C). The doctor doesn't think it's a physical issue, like scarring, just a poor cycle. Last time (my previous donor cycle) by this point my lining was 9 something. This time it's 5.6. They want at least 7, and the nurse told me she'd seen twin pregnancies on a 6 so that's the bare minimum. Fortunately my transfer is over a week away, which they tell me is plenty of time to build my lining. The doctor gave me estrogen suppositories and I've been drinking POM juice and raspberry leaf tea, two home remedies to build lining. My estrogen test came back at 441, which is a good number (they want >150), but at this point I think lining thickness is more important than estrogen level.
In other news, my donor had been in earlier that morning for her Day 8 ultrasound. The nurse gushed that the donor looked great and was doing really well. She had 15 measurable follicles plus another 40 or so. Our donor is going in for another ultrasound on Sunday and they may have her trigger then, which means her egg retrieval will be Tuesday, which happens to be our 3-year anniversary. I love the thought of our children being conceived on our anniversary--it would be a fitting beginning to the next step of our journey.
I go in for another ultrasound on Tuesday to check my lining again. I hope hope hope it's thickening up. I don't know what else they can try...I've heard that Viagra suppositories also work...maybe I'll end up on those. I was also thinking of making an acupuncture appointment. It never did much for my follicles by maybe it'll work for my lining (ironically I threw out her business card on Friday. Serves me right). Thank goodness we are planning for a 5-day transfer to buy a little more time. Worst case we'll have to freeze everything and start a frozen embryo transfer ASAP. Fortunately I think we have a really good chance of having a good number to freeze, so my lining issues aren't the end of the world, but still, talk about stress I don't need!
I've also been shopping for my donor gift. Mr. GB will deliver it to the clinic when he goes in to give his sample. Her favorite color is teal and she likes yoga, so I got her a teal notebook, votive, and an "OHM" necklace. I still need to write her a note...I'm so not good at that part. I'm sure I'll think of something.
Til Tuesday!
Golden Bud
September 28, 2010
And our donor egg cycle continues...
Lots of good news to report! I had my estrogen check last Friday--it was 168! They were looking for anything over 50. My ovaries might suck but my uterus rules!
The more exciting news is that today is my donor's 5th day of stimulation meds. My donor coordinator called me with an update--our donor had 11 measurable follicles and 45 more growing. Those numbers are so big I can barely add them! Granted they may not all be mature at the time of her retrieval (estimated next Monday or Tuesday) but still, those are great numbers. I am very hopeful!
I go in Friday for another estrogen check and an ultrasound to measure my lining. Friday is our donor's day 8 appointment as well, so I'll have another update on her follicle count. She should be triggering Friday or Saturday. Holy cow!
Til Friday - wish us luck!
Golden Bud
The more exciting news is that today is my donor's 5th day of stimulation meds. My donor coordinator called me with an update--our donor had 11 measurable follicles and 45 more growing. Those numbers are so big I can barely add them! Granted they may not all be mature at the time of her retrieval (estimated next Monday or Tuesday) but still, those are great numbers. I am very hopeful!
I go in Friday for another estrogen check and an ultrasound to measure my lining. Friday is our donor's day 8 appointment as well, so I'll have another update on her follicle count. She should be triggering Friday or Saturday. Holy cow!
Til Friday - wish us luck!
Golden Bud
September 13, 2010
Dusting off memories
Sometimes it's tough coming here and reading about the pregnant Buds. A couple months ago I could not have read these posts at all. I never ventured beyond the Miscarriage/Loss board on the Bump. I couldn't even bring myself to look at the Infertility boards until after my second D&C was scheduled. Thank goodness I'm terrible with dates and numbers, so I quickly lost track of how many weeks pregnant I would have been on a given day. But when I come here I recall that Dandelion Bud and I had our BFPs around the same time and yeah, it makes me sad, but I've come a long way since May. I am seeing signs of life.
This weekend I peeked at the few pregnancy supplies that I'd stashed away after our loss. I'd collected some pregnancy books from the RE, OB, and Costco. I'd purchased a Doppler (found the HB at 10 weeks). And I'd ordered a few cute stuffed animals on Etsy. Everything is still concealed until I get my BFP.
On a more positive note, we have a few important milestones this week in our donor cycle.
This weekend I peeked at the few pregnancy supplies that I'd stashed away after our loss. I'd collected some pregnancy books from the RE, OB, and Costco. I'd purchased a Doppler (found the HB at 10 weeks). And I'd ordered a few cute stuffed animals on Etsy. Everything is still concealed until I get my BFP.
On a more positive note, we have a few important milestones this week in our donor cycle.
- I started my Lupron shots and took my last birth control pill.
- Mr. GB is headed to our RE's local office tomorrow to sign consent forms and make our final payment of $14,800 for this cycle. (We've already put down a $5k deposit and paid about $1800 for donor meds. We'd owe another $2k if our RE hadn't waived our coordination fee. And to think we've already done a donor cycle once before. Ouch.)
- Thursday is my suppression check and the official start of my donor cycle. Assuming I have no cysts, I'll start wearing my estrogen patches and go back for 2 appointments to check my lining thickness and estrogen levels.
September 11, 2010
Gene shopping
Thank you for rejoining me on my TTC journey. 2010 has been a long, trying year for us, the worst of our lives, but I truly believe our luck is about to change.
So where was I? Ah yes, I was talking about donor selection.
It was so painful picking a donor last time that I didn’t want to start looking too soon, so I waited until about a week before my second D&C. A history of frozen embryos was my number one criteria, followed closely by a history of recipient pregnancies. In other words, I was excluding all unproven donors and a lot of proven ones, too. My RE’s database doesn’t show these stats by default, so I picked out 5 donors who were available (which is more than I expected to find) and asked for their stats. I found out that a few had maybe 1 or 2 frozens per cycle, and one had a recent BFN. Not good enough. We need frosties not just for siblings, but for insurance in case of failure. Having to pay for a third fresh donor cycle is something we want to avoid at all costs.
The donor coordinator sent me 2 additional donors who had stellar stats and would be available when I was cycling. She also said that another couple was deciding between these two, so we might not get our first choice if they picked first.
This was an interesting dilemma. We would’ve been thrilled with either donor, not just because of their stats but also because they had great profiles and each had some features that resembled mine. And at the time I thought if the other couple chose first, then we wouldn’t even have to decide—the decision would be made for us. Piece of cake, right?
Put yourself in my shoes: if you looked like me (blonde wavy hair, blue eyes, fair skin, O+ blood), which of these two donors would you choose?
Donor 1: Blonde straight hair, brown eyes, fair skin, A- blood, both parents and brother have brown eyes.
Here are her stats:
Donor 2: Brown wavy hair, blue eyes, olive skin, O+ blood, mom has hazel eyes and dad has blue eyes.
Here is how the genetics would work based on the eye-color calculator at TheTech.Org. All screenshots shown were generated from this tool.
Donor 1 has brown eyes, which by itself doesn’t rule out a blue-eyed baby, but the fact that both her parents have brown eyes means that Donor 1 does not have any blue-eyed genes, like so:
(Screenshot courtesy of TheTech.org)
So if you combine her genes with Mr. GB’s, you get brown-eyed babies:
(Screenshot courtesy of TheTech.org)
Donor 2, on the other hand, has blue eyes, which she inherited from her dad. Her mom has hazel eyes, like so:
(Screenshot courtesy of TheTech.org)
But no matter what color eyes her parents had, she only has blue-eyed genes to share, and thus our babies would at least by plausibly mine:
(Screenshot courtesy of TheTech.org)
So I started to fall in love with Donor 2. Luckily for me (finally, some luck!) all of my testing for our first donor cycle was still valid, and we were ready to place our deposit ahead of the other couple. Mr GB paid the deposit while I was having my uterus scraped (again). I was so incredibly happy that day. All of the horrible things that had happened to us were pushed from my mind, and I knew we had a great chance of getting pregnant again this year, with lots of frosties to spare!
Anyway, we get home from the surgery (on a Wednesday) and I have email from my donor coordinator saying she’s contacted the donor and will have a schedule put together as soon as she hears back. Then Thursday rolls by, then Friday, and then I start to worry. I hear back from the coordinator, who says she’s still trying to get in touch with the donor.
Talk about a long weekend.
Fortunately things worked out. She called back the next day in a much better frame of mind and said she would cycle. The coordinator had her meet with their psychologist a week later, just to make sure she was fully on board. So we had about a 2-week delay, which in the scheme of things wasn’t actually a delay because I had to be on the pill for that long anyway. I could have lived without the drama but eventually I did get the blessed donor calendar in my hands, and I have real dates and real drugs and we are READY!!!
I’ll go over the donor process next time.
Til then,
Golden Bud
So where was I? Ah yes, I was talking about donor selection.
It was so painful picking a donor last time that I didn’t want to start looking too soon, so I waited until about a week before my second D&C. A history of frozen embryos was my number one criteria, followed closely by a history of recipient pregnancies. In other words, I was excluding all unproven donors and a lot of proven ones, too. My RE’s database doesn’t show these stats by default, so I picked out 5 donors who were available (which is more than I expected to find) and asked for their stats. I found out that a few had maybe 1 or 2 frozens per cycle, and one had a recent BFN. Not good enough. We need frosties not just for siblings, but for insurance in case of failure. Having to pay for a third fresh donor cycle is something we want to avoid at all costs.
The donor coordinator sent me 2 additional donors who had stellar stats and would be available when I was cycling. She also said that another couple was deciding between these two, so we might not get our first choice if they picked first.
This was an interesting dilemma. We would’ve been thrilled with either donor, not just because of their stats but also because they had great profiles and each had some features that resembled mine. And at the time I thought if the other couple chose first, then we wouldn’t even have to decide—the decision would be made for us. Piece of cake, right?
Put yourself in my shoes: if you looked like me (blonde wavy hair, blue eyes, fair skin, O+ blood), which of these two donors would you choose?
Donor 1: Blonde straight hair, brown eyes, fair skin, A- blood, both parents and brother have brown eyes.
Here are her stats:
- 1st cycle-25 eggs retrieved; 3 transferred and a gestational carrier and none frozen; recipients delivered healthy twins
- 2nd cycle-43 eggs retrieved; 1 transferred and 10 frozen; recipients had a negative fresh cycle but did get pregnant from a frozen cycle and delivered healthy twins
- 3rd cycle-29 eggs retrieved; 1 transferred and 15 frozen; recipients delivered a healthy child
- 4th cycle-30 eggs retrieved; 1 transferred and 11 frozen; recipients have a viable pregnancy
- 5th cycle-49 eggs retrieved; 1 transferred and 16 frozen; recipients have a viable pregnancy
Donor 2: Brown wavy hair, blue eyes, olive skin, O+ blood, mom has hazel eyes and dad has blue eyes.
- 1st cycle: 16 eggs retrieved; 1 transferred and 4 frozen and it resulted in a miscarriage and 2 negative frozen cycles due to poor uterine lining from the recipients and they will most likely need a surrogate.
- 2nd cycle: 21 eggs retrieved; 1 transferred and 7 frozen and recipients delivered a healthy child
- 3rd cycle: 26 eggs retrieved; 1 transferred and 12 frozen and recipients delivered a healthy child
- 4th cycle: 33 eggs retrieved; 1 transferred and 11 frozen and recipients have a viable pregnancy.
- 5th cycle: 25 eggs retrieved; 1 transferred and 14 frozen and a positive pregnancy.
Here is how the genetics would work based on the eye-color calculator at TheTech.Org. All screenshots shown were generated from this tool.
Donor 1 has brown eyes, which by itself doesn’t rule out a blue-eyed baby, but the fact that both her parents have brown eyes means that Donor 1 does not have any blue-eyed genes, like so:
(Screenshot courtesy of TheTech.org)
So if you combine her genes with Mr. GB’s, you get brown-eyed babies:
(Screenshot courtesy of TheTech.org)
Donor 2, on the other hand, has blue eyes, which she inherited from her dad. Her mom has hazel eyes, like so:
(Screenshot courtesy of TheTech.org)
But no matter what color eyes her parents had, she only has blue-eyed genes to share, and thus our babies would at least by plausibly mine:
(Screenshot courtesy of TheTech.org)
So I started to fall in love with Donor 2. Luckily for me (finally, some luck!) all of my testing for our first donor cycle was still valid, and we were ready to place our deposit ahead of the other couple. Mr GB paid the deposit while I was having my uterus scraped (again). I was so incredibly happy that day. All of the horrible things that had happened to us were pushed from my mind, and I knew we had a great chance of getting pregnant again this year, with lots of frosties to spare!
Anyway, we get home from the surgery (on a Wednesday) and I have email from my donor coordinator saying she’s contacted the donor and will have a schedule put together as soon as she hears back. Then Thursday rolls by, then Friday, and then I start to worry. I hear back from the coordinator, who says she’s still trying to get in touch with the donor.
Talk about a long weekend.
Fortunately things worked out. She called back the next day in a much better frame of mind and said she would cycle. The coordinator had her meet with their psychologist a week later, just to make sure she was fully on board. So we had about a 2-week delay, which in the scheme of things wasn’t actually a delay because I had to be on the pill for that long anyway. I could have lived without the drama but eventually I did get the blessed donor calendar in my hands, and I have real dates and real drugs and we are READY!!!
I’ll go over the donor process next time.
Til then,
Golden Bud
September 9, 2010
Can't get pregnant, can't get unpregnant
I don’t want to spend too much time talking about the D&E itself. I will say that if you take away the heartbreak, the procedure is fairly simple and painless. We hadn’t told anyone about the pregnancy except my mom and my best friend, so we only had to break the bad news to two people. My mom had apparently told her friends, so she got to untell them as well.
My RE’s office needed to know if the defect was genetic in origin, so we had karyotyping done. Neural tube defects (NTDs) aren’t typically genetic, and ours was no exception (meaning it wasn’t the donor’s fault). I never did ask if the donor was allowed to cycle again. I did find out the sex of the baby, which I’ll refrain from sharing. (Mr. GB didn’t want to know.) I also received tiny footprints, which are tucked away safe for now.
(We don’t know what caused the defect. They say that NTDs can be prevented with folic acid. I’d been taking prenatal vitamins for years, but it wasn’t enough. At my request I was tested for MTHFR (a disorder that can cause difficulty in absorbing folic acid), and I don’t have that mutation. My homocysteine levels were also normal. I read NTDs are more common with IVF…I always wonder if the lengthy embryo transfer was the cause. I also read that hot tubs and saunas can cause NTDs, and I wonder if sunbathing was the cause, even though I sunbathed after the window for NTDs closed. It was probably just horrible bad luck. I’m taking 4 mg of folic acid now, just in case. I have a 1% chance of it happening again. I hope it doesn’t.)
As I was recovering from the D&E, I was more determined than ever to try again. In fact, I was filled with an odd sense of hope that’s really hard to explain. Maybe it was just a coping mechanism. I did have bouts of sadness and grief, but I was ready for AF to arrive and start a new donor cycle.
Except AF was nowhere to be seen, and my HPTs were still positive. And I was still bleeding, like for a month. Went back to the MFM’s office for an ultrasound but nothing looked suspicious. She gave me Cytotec/Misoprostol to try to flush out my uterus, but nothing happened. Mentioned the bleeding to my donor coordinator, who talked to my RE, who told me to come in for a hysteroscopy to look around. The camera showed that my uterus was filled with cobwebs (aka “products of conception”) and a second D&C was needed. My RE said I could get the procedure done at the RE’s surgical center, but we’d have to wait a month.
So we commenced waiting. Again. We’re talking 77 days between the first procedure and the second.
Surprise surprise, AF arrived 58 days after my D&E. I will spare you the details but let’s just say it was the worst period EVER. My RE still recommended the D&C, but the good news was that I got to go on the pill, which meant I’d finally have control of my cycle back and we were finally ready to start looking at donors again. YAY!
I had my second D&C on August 11, the same day we put down our donor deposit. In the next few days I’ll talk a bit about our selection process (my criteria changed dramatically), a slight setback, and where we are today. But for now, I’ve got to run upstairs for a Lupron shot!
To be continued…
Golden Bud
My RE’s office needed to know if the defect was genetic in origin, so we had karyotyping done. Neural tube defects (NTDs) aren’t typically genetic, and ours was no exception (meaning it wasn’t the donor’s fault). I never did ask if the donor was allowed to cycle again. I did find out the sex of the baby, which I’ll refrain from sharing. (Mr. GB didn’t want to know.) I also received tiny footprints, which are tucked away safe for now.
(We don’t know what caused the defect. They say that NTDs can be prevented with folic acid. I’d been taking prenatal vitamins for years, but it wasn’t enough. At my request I was tested for MTHFR (a disorder that can cause difficulty in absorbing folic acid), and I don’t have that mutation. My homocysteine levels were also normal. I read NTDs are more common with IVF…I always wonder if the lengthy embryo transfer was the cause. I also read that hot tubs and saunas can cause NTDs, and I wonder if sunbathing was the cause, even though I sunbathed after the window for NTDs closed. It was probably just horrible bad luck. I’m taking 4 mg of folic acid now, just in case. I have a 1% chance of it happening again. I hope it doesn’t.)
As I was recovering from the D&E, I was more determined than ever to try again. In fact, I was filled with an odd sense of hope that’s really hard to explain. Maybe it was just a coping mechanism. I did have bouts of sadness and grief, but I was ready for AF to arrive and start a new donor cycle.
Except AF was nowhere to be seen, and my HPTs were still positive. And I was still bleeding, like for a month. Went back to the MFM’s office for an ultrasound but nothing looked suspicious. She gave me Cytotec/Misoprostol to try to flush out my uterus, but nothing happened. Mentioned the bleeding to my donor coordinator, who talked to my RE, who told me to come in for a hysteroscopy to look around. The camera showed that my uterus was filled with cobwebs (aka “products of conception”) and a second D&C was needed. My RE said I could get the procedure done at the RE’s surgical center, but we’d have to wait a month.
So we commenced waiting. Again. We’re talking 77 days between the first procedure and the second.
Surprise surprise, AF arrived 58 days after my D&E. I will spare you the details but let’s just say it was the worst period EVER. My RE still recommended the D&C, but the good news was that I got to go on the pill, which meant I’d finally have control of my cycle back and we were finally ready to start looking at donors again. YAY!
I had my second D&C on August 11, the same day we put down our donor deposit. In the next few days I’ll talk a bit about our selection process (my criteria changed dramatically), a slight setback, and where we are today. But for now, I’ve got to run upstairs for a Lupron shot!
To be continued…
Golden Bud
September 7, 2010
Introducing Golden Bud
bark SQEAK!
That's how we say hello here in the Golden Bud household. I am a mom to the world's most handsome Golden Retriever and wife to Mr. Golden Bud. Mr. GB and I are both in our reproductive "golden years" so to speak--he's 42 and I'm 39. We have been TTC since returning from our honeymoon in December 2007.
In the beginning, Mr. GB was way more enthusiastic about babymaking than I was. I'm an only child, I come from a small family, and most of my friends are my age and either single, done having kids, or don't seem to want them. Mr. GB on the other hand has 3 siblings, 7 nieces, and all kinds of fertile college buddies. Of course I wouldn't have married him if I had no intention of having kids, but let's just say that I wasn't exactly psyched to go off the pill. Turns out I never needed to be on it in the first place, but I digress.
After our honeymoon, we tried the old-fashioned way for a few months, and then I bought a Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor (CBEFM) to get the show on the road. Turns out I was ovulating around Day 10. At first I thought oh, we’d been doing it a few days too early all along. But then after a few more months of BFNs I checked with Dr. Google (fyi, I see Dr. Bing now) and he gave me an eye-opening diagnosis--decreased ovarian reserve.
So off to the fertility doctor we go. No biggie--my best friend (who is a few years older than I am) was also seeing the same doctor. Mr. GB and I each had a $15k lifetime benefit for fertility treatments, so all our initial testing was covered. Mr. GB had his semen analysis, and I had the standard workup: Day 3 FSH and antral follicle count via ultrasound, pooled progesterone blood tests, and an HSG.
The infertility verdict? Turns out my tubes were busted (one blocked, one kinked), my AFC was 6, and my FSH was 9.2. Not horrible, but not great. Mr. GB's sperm was fine, but with the tubal situation and my age (37), the doctor recommended we go straight to IVF. Again, no biggie--I was prepared for this.
What I wasn’t prepared for was blowing through almost half of my insurance coverage on our first IVF cycle. In addition to having crappy tubes, I'm also a poor responder. We spent over $6k on meds only to have the cycle canceled due to no response. At that point I was considering donor eggs, but our doctor offered us 2 cycles as part of a research study for poor responders. We'd have to pay for the IVF monitoring and procedures, but our meds (the expensive ones) were free.
7 months, $1k in acupuncture fees, and 14 boxes of Gonal-F later, I'd managed to grow 4 follicles, make 4 embryos, and have 2 embies survive to Day 3. I'm talking two IVFs, two different protocols (MDL and antagonist) and virtually the same response--a single perfect 8-cell embryo transferred on Day 3. BFN both times. I'd also used up my lifetime insurance coverage. Within a year. So much for lifetime coverage.
Now is a good time for me to mention that I’m an eternal optimist, very even-tempered, and generally unemotional. This is probably the perfect psyche for dealing with infertility. I don’t think I cried at all up to this point in our journey—I instead preferred to stay positive and work with the cards I was dealt. Mr. GB is the emotional one in the family, but he’s also very tuned to me—if I’m happy, he’s usually happy, too. For this reason he had no doubts about moving to donor eggs. I was excited, and so was he.
The next part of our story, the story of our first donor cycle, is very sad. And I’ve already written so much that I think I’ll save that story for another post. And then after that I’ll get you caught up with the story of our second donor. Yes, that’s a lot of baggage! Fortunately our journey has really only just begun.
Til then, yours truly
Golden Bud
That's how we say hello here in the Golden Bud household. I am a mom to the world's most handsome Golden Retriever and wife to Mr. Golden Bud. Mr. GB and I are both in our reproductive "golden years" so to speak--he's 42 and I'm 39. We have been TTC since returning from our honeymoon in December 2007.
In the beginning, Mr. GB was way more enthusiastic about babymaking than I was. I'm an only child, I come from a small family, and most of my friends are my age and either single, done having kids, or don't seem to want them. Mr. GB on the other hand has 3 siblings, 7 nieces, and all kinds of fertile college buddies. Of course I wouldn't have married him if I had no intention of having kids, but let's just say that I wasn't exactly psyched to go off the pill. Turns out I never needed to be on it in the first place, but I digress.
After our honeymoon, we tried the old-fashioned way for a few months, and then I bought a Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor (CBEFM) to get the show on the road. Turns out I was ovulating around Day 10. At first I thought oh, we’d been doing it a few days too early all along. But then after a few more months of BFNs I checked with Dr. Google (fyi, I see Dr. Bing now) and he gave me an eye-opening diagnosis--decreased ovarian reserve.
So off to the fertility doctor we go. No biggie--my best friend (who is a few years older than I am) was also seeing the same doctor. Mr. GB and I each had a $15k lifetime benefit for fertility treatments, so all our initial testing was covered. Mr. GB had his semen analysis, and I had the standard workup: Day 3 FSH and antral follicle count via ultrasound, pooled progesterone blood tests, and an HSG.
The infertility verdict? Turns out my tubes were busted (one blocked, one kinked), my AFC was 6, and my FSH was 9.2. Not horrible, but not great. Mr. GB's sperm was fine, but with the tubal situation and my age (37), the doctor recommended we go straight to IVF. Again, no biggie--I was prepared for this.
What I wasn’t prepared for was blowing through almost half of my insurance coverage on our first IVF cycle. In addition to having crappy tubes, I'm also a poor responder. We spent over $6k on meds only to have the cycle canceled due to no response. At that point I was considering donor eggs, but our doctor offered us 2 cycles as part of a research study for poor responders. We'd have to pay for the IVF monitoring and procedures, but our meds (the expensive ones) were free.
7 months, $1k in acupuncture fees, and 14 boxes of Gonal-F later, I'd managed to grow 4 follicles, make 4 embryos, and have 2 embies survive to Day 3. I'm talking two IVFs, two different protocols (MDL and antagonist) and virtually the same response--a single perfect 8-cell embryo transferred on Day 3. BFN both times. I'd also used up my lifetime insurance coverage. Within a year. So much for lifetime coverage.
Now is a good time for me to mention that I’m an eternal optimist, very even-tempered, and generally unemotional. This is probably the perfect psyche for dealing with infertility. I don’t think I cried at all up to this point in our journey—I instead preferred to stay positive and work with the cards I was dealt. Mr. GB is the emotional one in the family, but he’s also very tuned to me—if I’m happy, he’s usually happy, too. For this reason he had no doubts about moving to donor eggs. I was excited, and so was he.
The next part of our story, the story of our first donor cycle, is very sad. And I’ve already written so much that I think I’ll save that story for another post. And then after that I’ll get you caught up with the story of our second donor. Yes, that’s a lot of baggage! Fortunately our journey has really only just begun.
Til then, yours truly
Golden Bud
January 25, 2010
Be careful what you wish for.
Disclaimer: There are no pictures in this blog entry. I didn't write this to entertain. I cried almost every second I was typing. This isn't about being bitter, this isn't about being sad, and it most certainly isn't about trying to make people feel better about what we're going through. This is about life. Real hard honest painful unfair life. If you're looking for funny pictures and entertainment, you're going to have to look elsewhere.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What an idiot I was.
Since I was a young teenager, all I have ever wanted in the world is to be a mom. All I have wanted to do is to take care of my babies. Raise them and have the best family I can have.
Now I’m 34 years old… and I’m being faced with the possibility that we might never have that family.
3 weeks ago, I found out that our first IVF cycle failed. I knew that I didn’t respond the way they thought I might. I knew that our embryos were pretty sub-par. But I also KNEW that I was over-suppressed from the lupron. I KNEW that with a different protocol, I would respond better, and my eggs and subsequent embryos would kick ass.
Dr Z had other ideas. Half way through my stims, he became convinced that I had diminished ovarian reserve (DOR), AKA really old sucky eggs. He said that if this cycle didn’t work, he was going to do some additional testing.
But I KNEW it wouldn’t be necessary.
I was so wrong. About everything. And as usual, Dr Z proves why we picked him as our doctor.
The tests came back. My AMH is 0.5. That sucks. It worse than sucks. It’s sucktastic.
He says that he's not ready to throw in the towel YET. He likened my ovaries to a baseball team. He said that I have the players, but it was difficult to tell what condition they might be in, and how many might be on the bench. I said, "Great, I'm the New York Mets" (and honestly, after being a Mets fan for my whole life, I should be used to the disappointment).
Dr Z said now that he knows what the problem is, he can treat me more appropriately. He said my ovaries are a lot older than I am... probably about 42 or so… and now he has to treat me like that. He wants to see how I respond to a new protocol (my nurse should be calling me later today with details). But he also said that if this next cycle doesn't work, his recommendation would be donor eggs (DE).
My husband and I had already had a LONG talk the morning before we spoke with Dr Z about where we were going to draw the line. I finally know where he stands with all of the options, and I'm relieved about that. He's okay with DE, but not donor sperm. Okay with domestic adoption, but not embryo adoption.
We won’t move on to DE until we get a second opinion. So, if IVF #2 fails, we plan on probably getting two second opinions: one at Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine (CCRM), a leading center for ART, via phone consult and another at a leading medical center in Manhattan. Following those, we'll probably be moving onto DE.
However, DH is convinced that now that we know about these issues, IVF #2 is going to work.
I'm going to start acupuncture again, start seeing a chiropractor and we're going to try to go to an infertility counselor, because i'm really depressed. The IVF not working was bad enough - now I’m a devastated mess. There hasn’t been a day without crying since I found out. I don’t know how much more I can take.
There’s no question now that I’m in good hands. Dr Z clearly knows what he’s talking about. I can't imagine many people would have looked at me last cycle and said DOR. I thought I was just over-suppressed, but he saw my response and said, “Look, even with your normal FSH and normal antral follicle count (AFC), something is wrong here. This isn't because of medication. We need to run more tests.”
He was right. I hate it - but he was right.
He also said that my blood work came back positive for the genetic mutation MTHFR. I’m going to find out exactly which mutation tomorrow, when I get copies of my blood work. Dr Z says I don’t have to take any blood thinners, but he has me now on very high dose folic acid. I’m taking a total of 5mg daily. He says that he needs me on it for 4 weeks before we can try again, so we can still plan on cycling for March. I’ll have to continue taking the high dose folic acid as long as we’re TTC or pregnant… which right now feels like the rest of my life. Another complication of MTHFR is elevated homocysteine levels. However, my homocysteine levels are normal.
I’m sorry that this was so long. It’s all the information I have. I feel like all of my dreams are slipping away from me. It’s very easy for people to say “oh, it’s not bad news” and “oh there’s still hope” but this is the end of the world for me.
I’m 34 years old and my eggs are crap.
The worst thing about this is the not knowing. In the beginning, my evaluation was normal. Every single part of it. Dr Z says these tests are really expensive and the insurance companies won’t pay for them unless they can be shown cause, which the failed IVF cycle gave us. I wish we had known about this 2 months ago. Or 7 months ago when we went through our initial testing.
And I hate what this has done to me. EVERY girl I see whose only diagnosis is MFI, I think to myself “that’s what you think” or “for your sake I hope so”.
Because up until 2 days ago, MFI was my only diagnosis too… and I had all the hope in the world.
Now it will be a miracle if I can even use my own eggs.
From the top to the bottom in one phone call.
Be careful what you wish for.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Be Careful What You Wish For
When we got our male factor diagnosis, I cried. I told my husband that I would rather have something be wrong with me, so this didn’t have to be on his shoulders.What an idiot I was.
Since I was a young teenager, all I have ever wanted in the world is to be a mom. All I have wanted to do is to take care of my babies. Raise them and have the best family I can have.
Now I’m 34 years old… and I’m being faced with the possibility that we might never have that family.
3 weeks ago, I found out that our first IVF cycle failed. I knew that I didn’t respond the way they thought I might. I knew that our embryos were pretty sub-par. But I also KNEW that I was over-suppressed from the lupron. I KNEW that with a different protocol, I would respond better, and my eggs and subsequent embryos would kick ass.
Dr Z had other ideas. Half way through my stims, he became convinced that I had diminished ovarian reserve (DOR), AKA really old sucky eggs. He said that if this cycle didn’t work, he was going to do some additional testing.
But I KNEW it wouldn’t be necessary.
I was so wrong. About everything. And as usual, Dr Z proves why we picked him as our doctor.
The tests came back. My AMH is 0.5. That sucks. It worse than sucks. It’s sucktastic.
He says that he's not ready to throw in the towel YET. He likened my ovaries to a baseball team. He said that I have the players, but it was difficult to tell what condition they might be in, and how many might be on the bench. I said, "Great, I'm the New York Mets" (and honestly, after being a Mets fan for my whole life, I should be used to the disappointment).
Dr Z said now that he knows what the problem is, he can treat me more appropriately. He said my ovaries are a lot older than I am... probably about 42 or so… and now he has to treat me like that. He wants to see how I respond to a new protocol (my nurse should be calling me later today with details). But he also said that if this next cycle doesn't work, his recommendation would be donor eggs (DE).
My husband and I had already had a LONG talk the morning before we spoke with Dr Z about where we were going to draw the line. I finally know where he stands with all of the options, and I'm relieved about that. He's okay with DE, but not donor sperm. Okay with domestic adoption, but not embryo adoption.
We won’t move on to DE until we get a second opinion. So, if IVF #2 fails, we plan on probably getting two second opinions: one at Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine (CCRM), a leading center for ART, via phone consult and another at a leading medical center in Manhattan. Following those, we'll probably be moving onto DE.
However, DH is convinced that now that we know about these issues, IVF #2 is going to work.
I'm going to start acupuncture again, start seeing a chiropractor and we're going to try to go to an infertility counselor, because i'm really depressed. The IVF not working was bad enough - now I’m a devastated mess. There hasn’t been a day without crying since I found out. I don’t know how much more I can take.
There’s no question now that I’m in good hands. Dr Z clearly knows what he’s talking about. I can't imagine many people would have looked at me last cycle and said DOR. I thought I was just over-suppressed, but he saw my response and said, “Look, even with your normal FSH and normal antral follicle count (AFC), something is wrong here. This isn't because of medication. We need to run more tests.”
He was right. I hate it - but he was right.
He also said that my blood work came back positive for the genetic mutation MTHFR. I’m going to find out exactly which mutation tomorrow, when I get copies of my blood work. Dr Z says I don’t have to take any blood thinners, but he has me now on very high dose folic acid. I’m taking a total of 5mg daily. He says that he needs me on it for 4 weeks before we can try again, so we can still plan on cycling for March. I’ll have to continue taking the high dose folic acid as long as we’re TTC or pregnant… which right now feels like the rest of my life. Another complication of MTHFR is elevated homocysteine levels. However, my homocysteine levels are normal.
I’m sorry that this was so long. It’s all the information I have. I feel like all of my dreams are slipping away from me. It’s very easy for people to say “oh, it’s not bad news” and “oh there’s still hope” but this is the end of the world for me.
I’m 34 years old and my eggs are crap.
The worst thing about this is the not knowing. In the beginning, my evaluation was normal. Every single part of it. Dr Z says these tests are really expensive and the insurance companies won’t pay for them unless they can be shown cause, which the failed IVF cycle gave us. I wish we had known about this 2 months ago. Or 7 months ago when we went through our initial testing.
And I hate what this has done to me. EVERY girl I see whose only diagnosis is MFI, I think to myself “that’s what you think” or “for your sake I hope so”.
Because up until 2 days ago, MFI was my only diagnosis too… and I had all the hope in the world.
Now it will be a miracle if I can even use my own eggs.
From the top to the bottom in one phone call.
Be careful what you wish for.
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