Pregnancy Announcement

We got our Christmas Pictures done and are doing our pregnancy announcement through those. It snowed the day before and day of so there was lots of fluffy snow for the pictures. I am 16 weeks and things are going well. I am feeling great and am sleeping better and having more energy. I now need to get my rear in gear and make it to the gym to keep up my fitness level. I just have been trying to get Christmas shopping, cards and neighbor gifts finished so I will probably just wait till after Christmas to go to the gym! Hope all you have a Merry Christmas and wonderful New Year!!

Same Ole' Same Ole'

There really hasn't been much of a change in my TTC journey as I have yet to make an appointment. I still need to get around to it but I am finally feeling like I am out of the fog of being. I am not sure I am ready to reopen those emotions if our next round of IVF doesn't work.

I did compete in the triathlon with my friend over the weekend and we completed the sprint triathlon in 2 hours 5 minutes, which isn't bad for not training very hard. It was great to get out and do a competition again since I have been putting off doing anything while doing IVF. It felt good to get out there and not focus on infertility.

I think I will keep doing short runs and triathlons instead of putting them off just in case I get pregnant.

Eating Habits & More

So I finally got back on board with my eating plan where I am eating Paleo. I have been rock solid since August 1st and have noticed the difference in my energy levels, hair growth and weight, which I am the most excited about!! Having PCOS and being insulin resistant eating Paleo keeps my insulin levels balanced and low, which in turn have helped balance out my other hormone levels. It decreases how often I have to wax my lovely mustache!

September 18th I have a triathlon that I should really start training for but seem to just not be motivated. I did my first bike ride the other day with my sister and it didn't end with me tipping over but that is probably because I wasn't biking with clips! I enjoy doing the triathlons but I am afraid of biking and being hit or hitting someone or tipping over really. So it makes for a slow biking but better than Marathons which was my previous go to event!!

Anyways I am slimming down and will start doing Crossfit in a month along with training for the triathlon I should be toning back up!! All good things for me and trying to keep my PCOS in check and hopefully my fertility in the positive as well.

I want my body back

Here is a short recap of my weight gain/weight loss over the last two years

• April 2009 120 lbs
• December 2009 182 lbs
• May 2010 124 lbs
• September 2010 140 lbs
• December 2010 129 lbs
• February 2011 138 lbs
• Today 133 lbs

It's been 2 years since I felt good in my skin. Like, really felt good. Two years ago this April I found out I was pregnant with Little PB&J Bud. After the shock of a BFP wore off I swore I was going to remain healthy and fit throughout my pregnancy. I was already working out regularly and eating a healthy, well balanced diet. So it wouldn't have be an adjustment to maintain that lifestyle for the next 40 weeks. Ha. That mentality lasted for about 5 minutes. Morning sickness set in and there wasn't much I could eat. And if I could stomach it, chances are it wasn't healthy. And by the time my first trimester (and morning sickness) was over, I had embraced my less than ideal diet and lack of exercise. Unfortunately this lifestyle continued well after Little PB&J Bud was born. But even with my poor eating habits, I did manage to get within 4 lbs of my pre-pregnancy weight while BFing. It was great! I dropped the 60 lbs I gained during my pregnancy without having to adjust my lifestyle!

However, once I stopped BFing in May of 2010 (and continued eating bad and not exercising) the weight crept back on. By September I weighed an all time high of 140 lbs. I had gained 16 lbs! And my boobs went from a size D back to an A. I had an enormous ass and small boobs. WTF. I was in such a rut, that I began to accept my new body. I had always been a skinny girl and very active, but I had just kinda given up, ya know? I felt uncomfortable in anything other than an oversize t-shirt and yoga pants. I loathed having to get dressed and leave the house. Often I would have a mini break down (complete with tears and all) trying to find an outfit that didn't make me feel like a stuffed sausage. It sucked. Finally I had enough, and about 10 months after Little PB&J Bud was born I decided to give the South Beach Diet a go. It was great. I dropped lbs fast, slimmed down, felt better about myself and I had finally found the motivation to get the weight off. I dropped about 11 lbs! And then I got pregnant! Something we had been trying for for so long! And then I lost the baby. Sigh. And that motivation I had found was lost too. I fell right back into my old habits and over the next three months I gained 9 lbs. I ate bad, didn't exercise and didn't much care about the cellulite that had now moved to the fronts of my thighs. Yes, you read that right, the fronts of my thighs.

About three weeks ago I came to the realization that I CAN feel good about my body again. No, it probably won't be what it once was, prior to Little PB&J. But that doesn't mean I can't have a positive body image. And then I came to another conclusion. I shouldn't be so critical of my body. My body IS an amazing thing. It carried and nurtured Little PB&J Bud for 40 weeks and it did a pretty darn good job, if I do say so myself. My body has allowed me to get this far in life and still remain relatively healthy, even if I didn't always take the best care of it. So what if I don't look like Gisele Bundchen with my clothes off? And so what if I will never been a size 0 again? But I can (and I should) take better care of my body. Sometimes I still hard on myself, and this new mentality is not always easy to embrace. But I am trying to be less critical.

I have gotten back on the South Beach Diet and I have been working out 4 to 5 times a week. It's wonderful to get my motivation back! But I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared that I will fall back into my old habits when I get my BFP. I am afraid that I will let my diet get out of control and I will pack the weight back on. It's especially a concern since I have PCOS making weight loss exceptionally hard. And I feel a little guilty to admit that I am looking forward to not having to share my body with a fetus in my ute. While I welcome pregnancy and it still is my ultimate goal, I want to be done with it. I want to put the chapter of growing babies behind me. I am ready to get my body back. Both in the sense of getting fit and in the sense that my body belongs to me and only me.

Oh and screw you Gisele for being such a freak of nature.

pic credit

PB&J Bud :)

Remember Me?

Let me reintroduce myself, I am PB&J Bud and I am a blogger for Bloomin' Babies. Ok, I know it hasn't been that long but I feel like it has been an eternity since I last posted. I am in the middle of a three week vacation in FL (well I don't know if vacation is the right word. I am visiting family), Little PB&J is sick for the first time EVER and I have had internet service issues. Those are my excuses, will you please accept my apology for my lack of posting? :)

Anyway, since I don't have the possibility of getting pregnant this cycle (remember, I am on a three week "vacation" and away from Mr. PB&J......and his sperm) I decided that I would still be proactive in working toward my goal of getting KTFU. At my last doctor's appointment I was diagnosed with PCOS which basically means my ovaries suck. There is no cure for PCOS, but it is possible to manage PCOS by changes in lifestyle. I have been reading up on the condition and there is evidence that by losing 5% of my body weight some sort of medical magic happens and I can increase my chances getting pregnant. Sounds scientific, huh? I can't remember the exact reasoning why losing weight is good but it has something to do with my blood sugar regulating which in turn helps my ovaries spit out eggs. Typically, people who suffer from PCOS also suffer insulin resistance issues so a GI (gylcemic index) diet is recommended. Meaning I need to cut the cake and cookies. Even the french fries gotta go. And it's recommended that I exercise.

Blah.

Ugh.

Great. This is a recipe for disaster. I hate dieting and exercising. Especially at the same time. Is it me, or am I the only one who turns into a total bitch when they decide to make "lifestyle" changes? I suppose it's for the best. I still need to lose about 10 lbs to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight from Little PB&J. But dang it, I was using my impending pregnancy as my excuse as to why I wasn't getting off my ass and dropping the weight. It's kind of defeating to work toward a goal of weight loss when I know that I will be putting the weight right back on in the near future with my next pregnancy. Well folks, this excuse is why I am still lugging around those extra 10 lbs. I have been TTC for almost 1 year and I could have easily dropped those lbs by now. Easily. So, I have decided to suck it up and get off my ass. And put the cookies down. Anything to help the TTC process. The weight lost will just be an added benefit.

Surprisingly, I have been good about working out. Really good. Even on "vacation". But my eating? Not so much. I have a good day and then someone offers me a piece of cake and I cave (like tonight)........and then I say eff it, I already blew my diet for the day, gimme some of that ice cream too. But tomorrow is a new day and I am praying for self control.

I.must.stay.away.from.cake.and.ice.cream.

Photo Credit

Vacation Report and 4 Week Update

We made it safely back from vacation at Disney World yesterday, and had a great time during the week we were gone! We head down with friends every year or two for the marathon weekend, and this year was no different. I usually run the half and the full (Goofy Challenge), but my midwife only cleared me for the half this year. It was a struggle to get Mr. Magnolia Bud on board with me even running that, but he finally came around. I had a great time, even though it was my slowest half ever. At least being pregnant, I was able to set a PPR--pregnant personal record, haha! I felt really lucky to run a lot of it with my best friend who lives in another state. She knows about our miscarriage, and was SO excited to find out that I'm pregnant again.

After the race on Saturday, we spent Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday at the parks. Mr. Magnolia Bud is such a kid at heart--he had a great time. He also insisted on buying a couple of onesies. One from the race expo that has the race logo, a picture of Mickey, and says "In Training: 2030," and the other is orange with a picture of Tigger's face that says "Grrrr" underneath. I've given up trying to stop him--we won't be back there before Baby MB is at least a year old. However, they're going in the back of the future nursery's closet until we actually bring this baby home.

Here's my 4w4d pregnancy update. I'm not sleeping well, but am able to get 5-6 hours a night. My boobs are sensitive and noticeably bigger. I'm bloated. I'm tired. I'm having WAY more cramping this time than last time. Every day, and it feels like menstrual cramps. Mainly light, but some are more moderate strength. Nothing that I've needed to medicate, until last night. Last night was a doozie of a night. I woke up about 3am with pretty serious cramps that went away after I used the bathroom. But then I got nauseous and hot, and spent a solid 10 minutes dry heaving. Then spent another 30 lying on the bathroom floor still sweating. My poor cat Tiger probably thought I was dying, so he came over and was licking me and sitting with me--what a good caregiver :)

Last time I was pregnant, the exact same thing happened to me at 5w5d--the same day the baby stopped developing (though we didn't find out about it for another 2.5 weeks)--so needless to say, I'm on edge. But the other part of me is telling myself that the cramps are my uterus getting ready to grow even bigger with this baby, and that getting sick at night this early is a good sign that things are progressing normally, since my Mayo Clinic book says morning sickness generally strikes between 4-6 weeks. My first appointment is tomorrow, though we're not having an ultrasound--only confirming the pregnancy and scheduling the first ultrasound for sometime after 6 weeks to confirm a heartbeat.

Time to get to work! My new position is kicking my butt, but in a good way. Golden Bud, I'm thinking of you as you and Mr. GB talk through your options.

Lots of love and baby dust to each of you!
-Magnolia Bud

6 Weeks and Thoughts on Exercise

Made it to 6 weeks! I'm 6w1d today, and continue to allow myself to be more excited as each day passes. Aside from the one horrible day of sickness, I've been lucky to only get occasional nausea and a little dizziness otherwise. I've figured out that when I'm overtired or don't drink enough water, it hits me harder. I'm continuing to take B6, although most days I only remember to take it once a day.

Today, I thought I'd write a little about my workouts in pregnancy so far. I've been trying to keep up with my regular schedule, but it's been almost impossible. I'm exhausted by about lunchtime, and I'm not sleeping well--so even though I go to bed between 8 and 9 most nights, when I wake up at 6:30 I'm not as rested as I used to be after that much sleep. I'm now trying for 3 runs a week, one yoga class, and two days of lifting. So far, that's been working for me.

Yoga: Is my best friend in the exercise world right now. I'm finding that I'm all sorts of sore from what I used to consider "easy" workouts. I went to a great Hatha class last weekend (not vigorous--just 90 minutes of glorified stretching), and it fit the bill. Stretched all the right places. I'm going to try and keep going to that class in addition to my vinyasa/flow class if I'm able to work out the scheduling.

Running: My pace has slowed considerably (I wasn't "fast" to begin with, but I had been getting much faster--about 20% over my previous bests in the weeks leading up to my BFP). I'm back to my old pace, and have found that by increasing my walk to run ratios (I used to be a 10:1 run:walk girl, now I'm finding that 4:1 seems easier on my body). If my body is still not feeling so great as my runs are getting longer, I've already started to prepare mentally for a mostly walking marathon in January. I'm being very cautious, and definitely listening to my body all the time.

Lifting: My lifting is going well. I'm following the New Rules of Lifting for Women, and am still in the first stage (this week was 2 sets of 12 for each exercise). This week, I didn't increase my large-muscle weights (squats, dead lifts, etc.), but was able to increase my upper body weights (I can now lift 110lbs. in the seated row!) I don't feel as though my balance center has changed yet, and I'm noticing that ab work (it's done on the ball--jackknifes and ball crunches) has been a little more taxing. I will probably attempt to increase my weights again next week, but only slightly until I see how it feels. I do have to AW myself--I've been squatting and dead lifting with the Olympic bar this week. I never thought I'd get there!

So the lesson I'm continuing to follow is to listen to my body. It's what's growing our little Magnolia Baby, and I will listen!

Love and baby dust to each of you!

-Magnolia Bud