Are those cross hairs I see?

Yes they are! I am proud to say I am FINALLY in my 2WW! I don't know what's worse, waiting to O or the 2WW? Hmm, I think waiting to O is more stressful......but my opinion may change over the next 2 weeks :P Ha. Actually, this whole TTC process is stressful. Waiting to O, the 2WW, taking temps, peeing on things and not getting the results you want, eating nasty pineapple core.....here's to hoping this is my last cycle worrying about this crap.

I am excited about ovulating because it's necessary to conceive - duh, but I am more excited that the 2WW=2WB (two week break) from sex. This cycle we tried to hump it out every day and I think my vag might go on strike if it doesn't get some relief soon. But whaddya know, the one day we didn't have sex would be the day that I ovulated ::sigh. of course:: That missing day of sex is haunting me and it's all I see when I look at my chart! I hope by taking that day off we are not out of the running this cycle.

I hope to hold off on testing until I am 14 DPO. But I say that every month and it never happens. Self control isn't anything I know. If I am being honest, I more than likely I will start testing 9 DPO and continue until AF shows up. I may need a POAS intervention!!

And of course, because I like to put the cart in front of the horse, my phantom EDD would be October 31, 2011. Sounds like a good day to have a baby! So wish me luck that I get that a Halloween baby :)

Take care,

PB&J Bud

Cross Hairs!

Not really a surprise to see them as I've had some pretty convincing signs that ovulation happened in the last few days (+OPKs, plummeting and then dramatically rising temperature, sex drive went from ridiculously high to non-existent). Still good to see nice solid cross hairs on my chart though. Any sign that my body is doing what its supposed to when its supposed to is a good thing.

I'm currently 3 DPO. I'm going to try and hold out on testing until 10 DPO (Friday, Feb 4th). Hopefully AF holds out until then too. Last month I started spotting at 9 DPO and that's just really cutting the luteal phase a little too short for my liking. I'm hoping it was a fluke post-miscarriage thing as its never happened before. I had some other weird (for me) symptoms in the 2ww last month too, namely really sore boobs (I'm talking wake me up at night painful, ouch!). When I was in for my annual last month, the doc said things like that are par for the course in the first few cycles post pregnancy loss. Last month was Cycle 2 post loss, so I'm optimistic that was the case.

So far I'm doing pretty well in this 2ww. Mr. CB and I had pretty good timing, and knowing we did what we could to up the chances helps. This is the easy part of the 2ww though. No chance the prospective little bud has implanted, so no point in even thinking of testing. I may be singing a different tune a few days from now...when the real mind games of the 2ww begin.

Take care,

Well, look at that

My temp went up again this morning.

I've still missed temping two out of the last four days, and I'm pretty sure FF is dead wrong about my cross hairs and also I don't want to get my hopes up...

But huh.

How about that.

Also, my boobs hurt and I'm really hungry.

NO! Say no to phantom symptoms!

Convincing myself I am I'm not I am I'm not pregnant,

Distractions

It's CD 69, and my cross hairs have vanished for the third (fourth?) time this cycle.

But I'm not talking about that today.

This week on a message board I frequent, the question was asked "How do you distract yourself from the TTC madness?" I'm paraphrasing a bit, but that's the general gist.

It's a good question, really, because TTC has a nasty habit of infiltrating every nook and cranny in my brain until its hard to think of anything else. It becomes preoccupying and stressful, which kind of defeats the purpose.

So what does one do?

In my case, a lot of my distraction comes from the written word.

I am currently taking part in a book challenge through Stainless Steel Droppings, and as of tomorrow, I will be taking part in the Nest's Fall Book Challenge. I love reading, and I love checklists. Book challenges combine them both into a cornucopia of fun.

When reading doesn't sound enjoyable (read:almost never), I write. I've been writing a manuscript for about a year now, mostly for my own enjoyment, rather than for publication.

Both avenues allow me to immerse myself in fiction, which is, to me, the ultimate distraction from everything (for serious. When HP and the Deathly Hallows came out, I locked myself in my room for eight hours to read it. Mr. Cherry Bud though I had run away.). I have to stay away from books involving babies, but I don't mind. The literary world has plenty to offer in the way of baby-free materials.

What do you do to distract yourself from the baby-making madness?

Because my chart isn't confusing enough

I had a plan.

It was a good plan.

I had given up on this cycle, I made my peace with it, and I was excited to start fresh.

And now what do I have?

Cross hairs.

At CD61.

On the bright side, if I O'd, even though we had bad BD timing, it would mean I did it on my own, and that I'll start AF in a week or so.

On the downside, I had a plan, darn it!

Rainbows = Fertility?

Cross-hairs AND five free VIP days on FF? AND a rainbow at work?

Yes, Please!

Granted, the rainbow has nothing to do with my fertility, but I can take it as a sign if I want to. And I think I will, actually.



That's scientifically sound, right?

Joking (mostly) aside, after 32 days, we are officially in the 2ww; without medication, I might add. Our timing wasn't fantastic, but the fact that I O'd on my own is more than enough to make up for it if this isn't our cycle.

Hoping everyone else is having a rainbow and unicorn filled day,
Cherry Bud

Wooohooo crosshairs!!!

First let me start by saying TEMPING SUCKS. I forgot how truly I detested it. I also suck at it. I can never seem to do it at the same time every morning, hence the open circles.

I still cannot believe I ovulated on CD11. Holy early for me. Thank goodness I got the urge to use an OPK that day or I would have totally missed my surge this month and been convinced that I was still broken!

I'm 3dpo today. I go to the RE's office on Monday for my blood test to check progesterone and Estradiol. I'm realllly hope it was a good ovulation!

Now I need to find a way not to obsess for the next 2 weeks comparing every little symptom to last month.

God, I hope this is a lucky month. I really do.

Well, Hello Cross Hairs

FF surprised me this morning with dashed cross hairs. I'm not sure I agree completely, as there really hasn't been any other fertility signs. No EWCM, only one day of even watery CM. But the thermal shift is there. It can't be denied.

I'm not sure what to think at the moment. I've never ovulated this early. Ever. On the one hand, if I did O, huzzah I can O on my own. It would tell me that the Provera did it's job admirably, and, an added plus, our timing would have been pretty good. Which could mean a baby. Without Clomid. Without mass amounts of difficulty.

On the other, if its wrong, it's, well, wrong. Which means I didn't O, which means I still might not. I don't like the uncertainty.

If my temp stays up tomorrow, I'll officially consider myself in the 2ww and buy a few HPT's. Actually, I may not. I have a tendency to get over-eager and test way before I should. Mr. Cherry Bud, who knows nothing about charting but knows what DPO means, has gotten in the habit of asking "12 DPO??" and if the answer is no, refusing me access to HPT's. It's for my own good, and the good of our bank account, really.

So, here's to the idea that Baby Cherry Bud is already beginning to take up residency in his/her new home.

Yours Apprehensively,
Cherry Bud

8DPO

I'm nearing the end of my 2ww, if my LP is consistent with last month. I have tested, on the off chance that my original CH's were correct (making me 10DPO). So far, I have gotten BFN's. I don't mind them though, it just means I can test again tomorrow! I have had no symptoms of AF or anything pregnancy related, so I'm thinking that my LP may just be getting longer this cycle. That is good news, since I was a little concerned with the 10 day LP last month.

If this cycle ends with AF, I am seriously considering TTA for one cycle. If I were to get pregnant next cycle, my EDD would be around the first week of December. That's one week before exam week. If I were due in October or November, that would have given me plenty of time to recuperate before exams. January is not ideal, but at least being at the beginning of the term, I would not miss much. I'm having a hard time with this because although I do not at all want to TTA, I really don't want to push back my graduation a whole term. So now I have to weigh school & career vs. baby. I think know what my decision will be already (school), but it's just hard to think about letting another cycle pass me by.

I never thought I would still be TTC after 13 months, but surprisingly I feel less bitter as the time passes. I think I am just getting used to the disappointment, which is not a terrible thing. I have a lot of good things going on, and I'm going to focus on them until my time comes.

Hopefully the rest of my 2ww flies by!

Chart Obsessing

I am hopefully entering another 2ww this weekend. My temps have been all over the place this cycle. I have some problems with anxiety, and it was in full force for a while last week. I'm sure this had something to do with my temps being so high. I woke up several days with my heart pounding out of my chest. I have no real reason for it either, just normal life stress. This is what anxiety has done to my chart:

It looks kind of like an EKG!

I was afraid that the anxiety issues would delay ovulation, but I think I actually may have another normal cycle. The other night, I actually had EWCM! I have not had any since coming off of BCP. I switched to drinking green tea instead of taking the supplements this cycle, so I will attribute my fertile CM to that.

I also got a +OPK yesterday, along with 2 consistent higher temps. I doubt FF will take into account my "high stress" markings for the beginning of the cycle, but I will override it if I have to. As a fellow GP'er reminded me, beautiful charts mean nothing. They are just used to confirm O and measure your LP.

I won't stop temping after O though, because no matter the outcome, I like to submit my charts to the gallery to hopefully help others learn about their cycles.

This is my 13th month TTC. Sometimes it is hard to stay positive, especially when others around you seem to be able to get pregnant so easily. I give a lot of credit on staying positive to Mr. Sassy Bud. He has been amazing through this whole process. He was ready for children much earlier than I was. However, he stayed patient and never pressured me to make the decision to TTC. He is always so encouraging to me, despite the crazy things that have gone on with my cycles since we started this journey. I feel very fortunate to have him in my life. I hope to be able to repay him by making him a father one day.

Last weekend I hosted the baby shower for my friend that is moving away. It was so nice to be able to give her and her husband that memory before they leave. She got so many great gifts! I decided not to have any games at the shower because they are not really my thing. I think people spend enough time eating and watching the gifts being opened, that it is not necessary to make them suffer through doing silly things. Apparently the girls that attended agreed with me, because they all thanked me for not making them play games! Instead, we gave a few gift baskets away by placing stickers under the plates. Quick and easy, just my style.

So, here's hoping my temps stay up, and AF stays away!

I got CH!

It looks like the Provera last cycle may have gotten my body back into gear. I'm currently 3DPO with great timing. Take a look at my chart:


Compared to my 84 day cycle, this is a beautiful thing!

I'm trying to keep myself in check and not get too excited so that I don't have a big letdown if I get a BFN. I can't help but to hope that this is our month, though.

FF's pregnancy monitor is not helping at all. "If you conceived this cycle your due date would be: 10/09/2010." That's 3 days after my birthday. Talk about the best birthday gift, ever.

FF recommends that I wait until 18DPO since I have no previous cycles to compare my LP with.

Yeah, right. I haven't decided how long I'll wait, but I can promise you it won't be 18DPO.

Here's hoping!