I'm Finally Back.....

...............and knocked up.

Yep, after 4 miscarriages, I'm pretty sure I'm going to get my take home baby.

After my 4th miscarriage, I took a break from this blog and all things baby, for about a year. After coming home from vacation in July, I looked and Mr. SB and asked him if he wanted to give it the old college try again. If it didn't work this time, we would make our way to the Cleveland Clinic for IVF with genetic testing on the embryos - although deep down I know my heart couldn't take coming to that. Mr. SB agreed and I made a call to my RE that afternoon.

Our first cycle was in August. I upped my Clomid dose to 150 mgs (helllooo crazy!), and the cycle failed. My first only failed cycle with Clomid. Devil pills worked like a charm every time before. So, being the neurotic head case that I am, I convinced myself I couldn't even conceive anymore.

Next cycle was in September - 150 mgs again (poor Mr. SB).

10 DPO - nada

12 DPO - peed on stick, went in shower, washed hair, looked at stick, thought I saw 2 pink lines, thought my eyes were still "sleepy", jumped out of shower, woke up Mr. SB to confirm lines, lines confirmed by Mr. SB, phone call made to RE. Diagnosis? Pregnant.

The next few weeks was pretty much the hardest thing I have ever been through. Blood test after blood test to make sure the babe was growing. The first was the worst - especially since my beta was a mere 14. But 48 hours past, and it jumped to 110. Bingo.

And at 8 weeks I saw this, and was released from my RE:

To date, my most treasured picture. This is the little dude at 7 weeks 5 days with a strong heartbeat. One of my saddest days was saying goodbye to my RE's office, especially to Nurse K - who hugged me and cried with me when we found out I had miscarriage #4. Their last words to me were, "Make sure you send us a picture of your baby!", and my eyes instantly welled up with tears. It made it all seem so real - it was really happening - I was having a baby.

A few days after this picture was taken, morning sickness kicked in full force. Have you ever driven down a highway at about 65 mph, find yourself dry heaving and despite your best efforts can't find ANYTHING to puke into inside your car? And you find yourself praying to Baby Jesus that if he spares your freshly cleaned upholstery just this one time, you promise to never cuss, take a fake sick day or gossip (insert sin here) ever again? Well, that was a day in my life, and after that day, I never left home without my trusty puke bucket (pictured below):

I was one of those lucky broads that was sick for about 16 weeks. Not the oh, I kind of feel like I have bad heartburn sick, but the holy bajesus, I need to go to the bathroom now and oops I just puked on my pants kind of sick. I kept a peppermint teabag at my desk so I could just smell it when some idiot cooked fish or burnt popcorn in the break room. Ginger ale and saltines were my new besties that I couldn't go an hour without.

I also ate orange sherbert - a lot.

But as bad as it was, morning sickness gave me a great sense of security. If the dude wasn't growing, I wouldn't be hurling - so in a way I sort of appreciated it (not that I'd want it back or anything, but you know).

So this was a basic recap of my first trimester. I'll post again soon to recap the second (didn't want to make it too long).

Congrats to all my buds that are now pregnant (Diva, I'm looking at you!), and for the ones that aren't don't give up hope. You will all have your take home babies soon as long as you keep the faith.

Nausea, cramping and irritability oh my!

Here is my FF chart thus far:

My temps are staying up which makes me feel better. And my progesterone increased by 4 points in a 48hour period from beginning the suppositories. So that makes me feel better. I did get my beta checked again yesterday (YAY for working in a building with a lab!) and it was 23,223...nearly double from the 12,109 two days prior. I needed something to give me hope to last through this weekend. I'm super nervous about the US on Monday...I haven't heard a heartbeat yet.

The first trimester symptoms are hitting me pretty hard this time around. Because of the progesterone suppositories? I've not had such strong symptoms with the first two pregnancies. I'm not sweating it though. You ladies know...we'll be nauseated, on bed rest with our feet up for the entire 9 months if we have to! =o) But I must say that the 18 hour-a-day nausea is not fun! And the fatigue. And the tender breasts. And the irritability (poor Mr. Curly!). And the gas/bloating. Not so upset about the decreased appetite. ;o)

Love and luck to you all! xoxo

13 Weeks/ Little Lucky Buds Adoption Story

Today I am 13 weeks pregnant. Our baby is about 3 inches long from crown to rump now. December 3rd marks the start of my second trimester, which is wonderful news. I am feeling so much better these days. I still get sick occasionally, but I am able to hold down meals for the most part, and I don't have the constant feeling of nausea all day that I used to feel. Really I am feeling great right now!

There is not too much to report for this weeks, so I thought that I would tell the story of how Little Lucky Bud (now 2 and a half) came into our family. Hopefully it is not too long. I always have a hard time keeping things short and focused, so here it goes...

Little Lucky Bud's birthmother, "Katie" (not her real name) was just turning 17 when she found out that she was 2 months pregnant. She had sisters that had had children very young, and had decided even before she became pregnant, that she would like to chose adoption if she was ever in the same possition. Once it became a reality, she knew that she could not provide for Little Lucky Bud, and wanted him to have the best life she could give him. She looked through some adoption profiles on an online website, and our profile stood out to her. She wanted to wait until she was three months along to write us. She looked at our profile everyday and by the time she wrote us, she was so excited to meet us. She already was feeling attatched to us and was very sweet in her email. We wrote everyday for the next two weeks until Mr. Lucky Bud and I drove to meet her in Michigan (we live in Maryland).

We spent four days with Katie and her family and we all got along great. Katie wanted to see us again, and Thanksgiving break worked best with her school schedule. We made plans for her to fly to see us then.

In the next month or two Katie struggled with her desion to adopt, and it was not clear what would happen. She felt pressured by her social worker, and all of her friends were telling her that they could never give their baby away.

We wanted to remain supportive, but did not want her to feel pressured, so we took a few steps back and communicated a little less with her. As Thanksgiving got closer we knew that it was a very strong possibilty that Katie might chose to parent her baby.

 To our surprise she did decided to come see us after all. On the way home from the airport we stopped for a bite to eat. Shortly after sitting down, Katie looked a little anxious and said that she had big news for us. She said that she could tell us now, or wait until Thanksgiving when we were with family. We wanted to know then of course. It was then, sitting at the Olive Garden that Katie said, "I don't know how you are supposed to say this, but I chose you. Will you be the parents of my baby." We were so happy and overwhelmed. More recently Katie has told me that after she officially decided on adoption, she felt at peace with her choice and did not struggle back and forth anymore. When we got home Katie showed us the ultrasound and had us guess the sex...and of course it was a boy!

Over the next few months we became much closer through emails. Scott and I visited Michigan again in January for another ultrasound. It was nice to spend more time with Katie, and to see the baby, and the we went home.

Upon Kaite request, I drove out to MI one week before Little Lucky Buds birth. Katie did not want to miss any  more school, and was determined to have him a week early (during spring break) and to have time to recover and head back to school just in time. Despite all of her efforts, Little Lucky Bud arrived exaclty on his due date. Katie really wanted Mr. Lucky Bud to be there for the birth also, but he was still driving, and arrived an hour after he was born. I was blessed to be there when our son was born.

It was an amazing expirience to watch our baby come into the world. As soon as I met him I was filled with such a deep love for him, and I couldn't imagine my life without him again.

I cut the umbilicle cord, and held him shortly after he was born. I had spent the past four months inducing lactation, and was able to feed him without a supplementer for the first week or so. It was an incredible bonding experience for us, for me to be able to breast feed him.

Kaite was extremely thoughtful during the whole adoption process, and wanted Little Lucky Bud to be able to bond with us as much as possible from the time he was born. The hospital gave us a room right next to Katie, and we were able to sleep the night with him in our room. Mr. Lucky Bud stayed up the entire night staring at our new precious baby.

We did have some issues the next morning with the hospital staff, and it was an extrememly difficult day. It seemed uncertain if we were going to be able to take him home at times. In Michigan the birthparents have 30 days to change their minds about adoption. From the time that I held Little Lucky Bud, I felt 100% as if I had carried him and given birth to him. I loved him so much. As you could probably imagine, the next 30 days were very difficult and emotional, not only for us but also for our sweet and wonderful birthmother. It was a glorious day for us when Little Lucky Bud legally belonged to us, and all of the stress and fears of losing him were past.

Little Lucky Bud enters the world

I had become a mother at last

Adoption changed our lives forever. I am so grateful for adoption and for the strength of our courageous, selfless birth mother. Thanksgiving will always be a special time for our family as we rember that very special visit with Katie.

Baby Lucky Bud joined our family Christmas Eve 2010, so you can expect to hear about his adoption story soon!

Lucky Bud

12 Weeks

Today I am 12 weeks into my pregnancy. Here is what is new!

1. Midwife appointment-
     I had an apt. with my midwife yesterday. It took a while for her to find a heartbeat. At first I was chatting the student midwife, so I wasn't thinking too much about it. Then I started to notice how
 long it was taking and I started to worry. She did find a good heartbeat though just after and I was so happy. The heart rate was 155 beats per minute. I could hear it so clear, I was so relieved.

2. Progesterone-
     I went off of my progesterone a week or so ago. In the first trimester when you do IVF, or a FET, you need to supplement your progesterone. If you want to know why you don't have progesterone naturally during IVF go here.

     Around the 10th to 12th week or so though, the placenta takes over the production of progesterone, so you can go off of the supplements. My levels before I went off the injections were 90. After they were 15. They said that it is natural to have a drop, but then the placenta should kick in and start making it, and if it doesn't, I need to go back on the injections for a bit longer.

     I took my follow up blood test today, but they forgot to order it as "stat" so I won't get the result until Monday. I called my fertility clinic and they told me to go back on the PIO twice a day until I get my results back :( It is disappointing to have to go back on the shots, but I feel better about going back on them, just in case, since my levels were borderline.

3. Nausea-
     My Nausea was getting so bad, that I decided to get a prescription medication from my midwife. Today was my first full day taking it, and I feel like a new person. I feel soooo much better. I wasn't able to hold down one meal for three days straight, and was getting very weak, not to mention worried about providing nutrition for the baby. My midwife said that it is 100% safe for the baby, so I wish that I had tried this sooner.

4.Buds-
     I am currently referring to my kids as Baby Lucky Bud and Little Lucky Bud... but then what do I call baby #3? Any Suggestions????? I could also switch up the names of our Little Buds..but am not sure what I would call them. Let me know if you have any ideas!!!

Little Lucky Bud

Baby Lucky Bud

Name me!

5. Baby Development-
This week our babies biggest development will be reflexes. It will start curling toes, opening and closing its fingers and making sucking motions with her/his mouth. S/he is just over 2 inches from crown to rump, and looks something like the photo above. credit

Lucky Bud

Week 11

Today marks the beginning of my 11th week of pregnancy. Not much has changed in the last week. The biggest news is that today I heard from my nurse and I can stop taking my meds!!!! I am so happy! I will take another blood test in five days, and if everything is fine, then I will be out of the care of the fertility clinic, and just overseen by my midwives. I am still nauseous a lot, but trying to stay optimistic that I will feel better soon.

We are starting to get past our fears of miscarriage since our doctor told us we could feel better about it after our 9 week ultrasound, so we have told our families. We have also not been too careful about waiting, and have told a few friends, but plan on waiting a couple more weeks before letting everyone know.

This week our baby is the size of a small lime, or a fig. 

10 Weeks

Huge congratulations to Buttercup Bud. Thanks for sharing your birth story with us!

I am 10 weeks along now(as of 11/10). Here is what I have to report for this past week.

1. I have been tapering off my medications for over a week. I took a blood test today. If everything is okay, I will get to stop soon. This is good because the shots are not that fun, and a 20 day supply of the progesterone and estrogen is about $400.

2. I bought my first pair of maternity pants. I am not really showing yet, but my pants were pretty tight. I wished that I had gotten them sooner because they are so comfortable and there is not so much pressure around my waist.

3. I am still feeling sick most days. I have been soooo tired, and throw up most mornings and evenings. If I weren't sick and tired, I probably wouldn't even know I was pregnant. For such a HUGE miracle to finally happen, I thought I would somehow feel pregnant, but I don't... just sick. It doesn't all feel real yet.

4. We got a message from our embryo donors a couple of days ago, seeing if they could send some things for the baby. It was so thoughtful of them to think of doing that. This is big for us because we hoped to have some sort of open relationship with whomever our donors ended up being.  Our donor family seemed like they might want things to be more closed, except for receiving things from us about the baby, so I am happy to see them reaching out to us. We will just have to wait and see how things progress.

5. Milestones for the baby this week are:
     a. According to babycenter.com our embryo is now a fetus. Hurray!
     b. Fingers and toes are no longer webbed, and are starting to grow nails.
     c. Peach fuzz hair is starting to grow on it's tender skin.
     d. S/he can now bend their limbs.
     e. Spinal nerves are starting to stretch out from the spinal cord.
     f. Baby is 1 1/4 inch, the size of a kumquat.
     g.  Vital organs including kidneys, intestines, brain, and liver are in place and starting to function, and will continue to develop throughout the pregnancy.

I guess if a pregnancy is 40 weeks, we are 1/4 of the way through!

Lucky Bud

5 Weeks and Morning Sickness

Today baby moves from the size of a poppy seed to the size of an apple seed. Exciting stuff!

We had our first midwife appointment on Friday to confirm the pregnancy, and we both left feeling like this was "official." I PIAC (it was positive), and then had a consultation with one of the midwives where we talked about my history, our previous loss, my chart, and concerns/questions about early pregnancy. One thing that she and I both agree on is that we question fertility friend's crosshairs for my O date this cycle. So because of that and because of our loss, she agreed that I'm a good candidate for an early ultrasound (YAY!!!). The ultrasound unit at the hospital is supposed to be calling me Tuesday to set up an appointment for next week--sometime between 6 and 7 weeks. After our consult, she sent me off for bloodwork--betas and progesterone. At this point, we're not planning on a second beta if the first is within the right range and progesterone is normal. If either is low, then we'll do a 2nd/3rd round of numbers this week.

I'm still having cramps off and on, but they're much less constant. One thing that's pretty constant since yesterday morning has been nausea. I feel like utter crap! It makes me happy that my round of dry heaving a few nights ago wasn't just a one-time deal, since our fingers are crossed that ongoing sickness means baby is growing like he or she should. So far, I haven't actually thrown up, but I'm having strong food aversions and have a general feeling of queasiness almost all the time.

Yesterday we went to the grocery and stocked the fridge with things for me to eat this week since Mr. Magnolia Bud left today for a week out of town for work. I figured out when we were making the grocery list that my primary food aversion is to meat. We came home with tofu, tempeh, vegetarian sausage, black beans, and lots of veggies and grains. Keep in mind that although I cook vegetarian every once in a while, we still eat meat in some form most days. It's a little shocking to see our fridge free of meat! So this week, my sounds-good menu includes a black-bean, corn and soysage pasta sauce; butternut squash soup ("creamed" with tofu added), a black-bean and corn soup to eat with chips or crackers, and salads. Thankfully, I also thought to pick up some ginger root, saltine crackers, and Earth Mama-Angel Baby Morning Wellness Tea. I'm brewing some now, and hope it helps...the crackers sure don't!

I started my weekly acupuncture sessions on Thursday, and my next one is tomorrow. I'm really excited about getting to go every week for the next 7 weeks (or until m/s subsides)--I love my acupuncturist, and it makes me feel good to know I'm doing everything I can to keep myself healthy for this pregnancy.

Headed back to the couch now. Wondering when I'm going to feel too ill to watch the Top Chef marathon that's on...I hope never!

-Magnolia Bud

8 Weeks and going strong

Today was my first official exam. Here's the report:

- Apparently I have a "good pelvis". The only explanation I could get that made any sense was "a good pelvis isn't small!" So I should be a birthing machine, apparently.

- I do not have HIV (I wasn't worried about this one. I don't make a habit of needle sharing) and I'm immune to German Measles. Mr. CB said the German Measles immunity is good news "If we ever move to Germany." Because, apparently, that's the only place the German measles can thrive.

- Baby CB is measuring at exactly 8 weeks today, which makes my due date August 16. I would like it known that this is the due date that I told them. They said July 28. Score one for me.

- Baby CB has a strong, fast little heartbeat, and, while s/he does resemble a tiny peanut, it is a vaguely human shaped peanut. I've been trying to scan an ultrasound picture, but it's not happening. Suffice to say that I uttered the phrase "That's a real baby!" just before I burst into tears.

Still amazed,

We have a heartbeat!

It has been way too long since I've posted - my apologies!

Today I had my first appointment with my OB. It was our 2nd trip to the doctor's in this pregnancy, but the first I only met with the NP, answered lots of medical history forms and got lots of info. Mr. NatureBud came to that appointment, but didn't come today. Since the NP told us their office only has one very old ultrasound that they don't use often, and that I wouldn't have an u/s until later in pregnancy, we didn't think there'd be any excitement.

Well, we were wrong. When I entered the exam room, the u/s machine was set up next to the table. As soon as the doctor came into the room, he squirted the jelly on my belly and got busy looking for Baby Bean. It took a minute - the longest and scariest of my life - but eventually he found a tiny flicker of a heartbeat, and declared our Baby Bean viable. The sweetest pronouncement of my life!

I've been so worried, mostly because so far I've been getting off easy with pregnancy symptoms. I feel nauseous every now and then, but I haven't puked once. I get really, really exhausted some days, but other days I'm fine. My sore and swollen boobs are really my only reminder that something is up down there. And total lack of appetite, too. I practically have to force myself to eat most of the time.

I can't wait until first trimester is over. I just want this baby to be "for keeps" so badly. We plan to tell our families just before the 12 week turnover, which is still a month away. Mr. NatureBud and I just keep reminding each other that Baby Bean will have his/her whole life to be loved by the world, and 4 more weeks in secret isn't going to hurt anyone.

But if I have to hear one more family member talk about how we're expected to be in Florida for Thanksgiving this year, I might just burst! Umm, I'll be edging on 9 mos. pregnant. A plane ride to FL? Don't think so.

Until next time!

Love from NatureBud and Baby Bean

I graduated!

Yes everyone I graduated from my RE! While I didn't get one of these:


I did get one of these:


Which personally was much better than the prior. I am very excited to be released from my RE but at the same time very sad. I feel like it was all because of him we are where we are at today. He listened to me. He understood my issues and most importantly he fixed him. He was truly amazing. Not only was he amazing but so was his staff! They made me promise I will go see them when I am big and round especially since my OB is just upstairs from their office.

We are so excited. Sometimes I can't believe it. I think how just a couple of months ago I was crying and screaming because I was still spotting. Ugh. So annoying. But now I know there really was an issue and now its fixed.

I can't wait until next week when I can finally tell the world I am knocked up! Oh and then I can say hello to 2nd Trimester! Oh how I hope 2nd Trimester will like me as much as 1st Trimester did!

I think I'm finally getting my energy back or so I think. My m/s seems to be getting better. I know I have Zofran and it is my friend however my friend gives me horrible headaches. Its bitter sweet. Do I want headaches or do I want m/s. I have to choose my enemy. But overall I'm not complaining. I actually remember telling God, please show me a sign I'm pregnant. I want my head in the toilet. Wow be careful what you wish for huh? Its nice though.

Next week I have my 12 week OB appointment with my awesome OB. I need to talk to him about cervical issues I could have because of cyrotherapy a couple of years ago and also we have our NT scan scheduled. No matter what the outcome this child will be loved!

Oh and my issues from last post... well they are gone. Gosh I thought I was going to die. But after calling my OB and drinking benefiber MIXED with prune juice it did the trick. I learned my lesson though. Drink LOTS LOTS LOTS of water and eat tons of fiber. Things seem to be goign better on that end.

And to end Ill show you a 11 week bump picture. Sometimes I think its a bloat picture.

Music to my ears!

We got to hear Baby Hopeful Bud's heart beat this morning for the first time. It was right at 160 bpm and was the most wonderful sound that I have ever heard. I smiled the whole time and Mr. Hopeful Bud stood there taking a recording smiling from ear to ear. Up until today I had been so jealous of so many other ladies getting ultra sounds on their first visits, but today all of those feelings just went away and I was in love! I heard my baby's heart beating and it just made it so real. My pregnancy symptoms have been so minimal that at times I was worried. Not any more. I got to hear my baby's heart beating today. (Did I mention that already? :) )

It's hard to believe that this is the last week in the first trimester. Baby HB is the size of a peach.

I'll report more after I come down off my cloud.
Take care and stay hopeful!
:) Hopeful Bud

Filled with Emotions

I wanted to wait until AF was due to test again, but after the second BFP today, I feel that I can share with this blog..... I'M PREGNANT!!!

On Thursday (10 DPO) we tested with a Dollar Store test that didn't seem clear, so we waited until lunchtime and tested with a digital Clear Blue Easy HPT and there it was "Pregnant."

I am filled with emotions from being scared to happy to depressed to elated. I hope the meeting with our pastor will help me renew my faith today. He will be the only person that will know until, hopefully, Christmas. Today, I am 4 weeks and 2 days pregnant with a due date around Mr. Brainy Bud's 28th birthday in June. He is so happy about the baby. He will be a great father. He is already the best husband!

I still can't believe it happened on cycle #1.

Faith, Love, and Baby Flutters
Mrs. Brainy Bud

Morning Sickness

This pass week I was in the ER because I could not stop throwing up, diarrhea and felt as if my stomach was being compressed all together. Turns out I had food poisoning and my stomach was swollen because I did not digest my food properly.
After a whole evening of throwing up I thought to myself how can these pregnant woman do this for the whole first trimester of their pregnancy and unfortunately some women are not so lucky that m/s sticks around pass the first trimester. Ladies... I have a whole new perspective of m/s and have to give you tons of credit!!

So this had me thinking, is there anything that I can do to try my very best to try to prevent or even reduce morning sickness once we get KU again? So my search began on...

M/S is the nauseated feeling you get during pregnancy. It can be, but is not always, accompanied with vomiting. The nausea is often a result of the increased hormones in your body. Many doctors think m/s is a good sign because it means the placenta is developing well.

Here are a few do's and don'ts you can try to help alleviate your symptoms

Do:

• Eat small meals throughout the day so that you're never too full or too hungry
• Drink fluids 1/2 hour before or after a meal, but not with meals
• Drink small amounts of fluids during the day to avoid dehydration
• Eat soda crackers 15 minutes before getting up in the morning
• Ask someone else to cook for you and open the windows or turn on fans if the odor bothers you (haha this is a great one ladies!!!!)
• Get plenty of rest and nap during the day
• Sniff lemons or ginger, drink lemonade, or eat watermelon to relieve nausea
• Eat bland foods when you feel nauseous (such as saltine crackers, gelatin desserts such as Jell-O, popsicles, chicken broths, ginger ale and pretzels
• Exercise

Don'ts

• Do not lie down after eating
• Do not skip meals

If you know of any tips please let me know!!!

P.S. There's some evidence that taking a multivitamin and PNV at the time of conception and in early pregnancy helps prevent severe morning sickness.