The midwife has told me that we'll need to wait out this cycle and the next before TTC again; MFM doc said she tells her patients to wait out this one and two more. So I'll be talking with the midwife on the 8th at my follow-up appointment to see what their logic is, and to see if it's a flexible "recommendation." :) I did order Vitex this week to add to my arsenal of TTC goodies for when it's go time again, given that my progesterone was low at my last beta draw.
I should also update you on how I'm doing. In short, not too well. Every day this week has been a struggle, and when I'm at work, I'm not productive. When I'm at home, I can't muster up the energy to do more than sit on the couch and stare off into the front yard. I've had breakdowns every day, and I'm considering it a good day when the breakdown happens after noon, or when I can hide my red eyes from my coworkers. Yesterday I made it until about 8pm. Today...no crying yet, and it's 1:30. I am finding that each day gets a little easier than the last. I have started running again after two weeks off, and it has definitely helped me feel more stable.
Mr. Magnolia Bud is having a rough time figuring out how he can help me, and I feel badly that he seems to be on the receiving end of my anger, since nobody else IRL knows about the miscarriage. We had a great talk last night, and I'm hopeful it helped him start to understand that I just need time, and I will start to heal soon.
Before finding out about the miscarriage, I had started a pregnancy journal/scrapbook to document our journey. This weekend, I am going to print the pictures we took documenting the pregnancy and finish those pages so I can get them off my work table. Maybe that will help me start the healing process.
Until next time...wishing you all sticky baby dust.
-Magnolia Bud
3 comments:
I'm so sorry that your ordeal continues. It's hard enough dealing with a loss, but an incomplete loss is even worse.
I've never heard of taking misoprostol for 48 hours straight but maybe that's what I should have done. I remember it gave me a slight fever. Ibuprofen took care of the cramps but I never did pass much and I only took two pills overnight. I hope it works for you.
I hear you about the crying. I promise you it gets better with time. Obviously the loss is horrible but I think the pregnancy hormones also work against you. I am not a crier at all and I was surprised that I couldn't control my emotions at times and the littlest thing would set me off.
Thinking of you this weekend,
Golden Bud
I am so sorry for your loss, MB. I wish that I could just reach out and give you a hug.
As Golden Bud said, it does get better. You may not think this right now, but eventually it does.
Cry with hubby and remember that you are in this together. I can tell you from experience that Mr. SB has been my rock throughout my ordeal and if it wasnt for him, I dont know what would have happened to me.
Please let me know if you need anything or if you would like to talk. You can email me on my gmail address.
I'm thinking of you.
I know I don't only speak for myself when I say that we (Your fellow Buds) are all behind you. I know I haven't been here long, but I am there every step of the way with you, and my heart goes out to you as you deal with this... Keep your chin up :)
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