Trip to Labor & Delivery

Well, today turned out a lot more exciting than I'd intended.

The little guy still wasn't moving much. A little thump last night and then nothing today. At my 24 week appointment yesterday the doctor had said that if I didn't start feeling things again that I should go in and get monitored to find out what's going on. I know that a noticeable decrease in movement can be a bad sign, so I went in. Figured better to go in and find out it was nothing to worry about than to not go in and regret it.

Before I even get started on how Labor & Delivery was, I have to tell you that driving myself to a hospital where the only association I have (so far) is my miscarriage being confirmed there...I was a nervous wreck that whole drive in. All the "this can't really be happening" feelings that were there in November came back and I had all I could do to hold it together and drive. I kept repeating to myself that there was probably nothing wrong in this case & this trip in will likely have a different outcome.


My doctor had let them know I was coming in, so they had a room set up for me. I got to get into a lovely gown, and then they hooked me up to the monitors. They were listening for baby's heart rate, and had me hit a little button every time I felt him move. I found out afterwards that this is apparently called a Non-Stress Test.

Please note that this isn't my stomach, the image credit is down below. This gives you a good idea of how I was hooked up though.

Thankfully, all is fine with the little guy. As the L&D nurse put it, "Wow, he's really deep down in there". Apparently he was burrowed deep down in my pelvis and therefore it was hard for me to feel movement. The monitor picked up his movement, most of which I didn't feel, in the same pattern as what I'd normally sense. Needless to say I felt A LOT better after that. They did a quick ultrasound after the monitoring as well. It was really hard to see much as it was a Level I machine and he's getting kind of big now (though I did find it funny that L&D referred to him as one of "the little ones"...to me he's HUGE now, but I guess in their world he is a little one). I did get to see a heartbeat though as well as his little hands and feet wiggling a little.

I know some people probably think I was overdoing it going in. The way I look at it though is that I noticed a pronounced change in how he was acting, and I know that going from moving a lot to not moving at all can be a very bad sign. I'd rather go into L&D and find out everything is fine and I was worrying for nothing than to not go in and potentially end up regretting it if it turns out there is something they could've done.

(Image credit:
http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/encyclopedia/T/Tests-during-pregnancy/Non-stress-test)

FET Scheduled!

I am too hormonal and tired to really be too witty tonight. I did want to say though that my FET is scheduled for Friday morning. We are planning to transfer two of our three frozen embryos. I hope that we can get at least two. My RE told us that not all embryos thaw successfully and we can be left with any where between zero and three embryos. I haven't been very confident about the chances of this happening, but someone on one of my board groups just got pregnant with her first FET, so here is hope.

I just found out that family friend is going through a FET as well. Almost two years ago, she had her first IVF to have her daughter. Her and her husband are trying to their second. The first IVF didn't work, so they will be doing a FET later this summer. A huge part of me hopes that I get pregnant first. I know it is very b*tchy, but I know it would be very painful to have her get pregnant with her second before I even get my first. It doesn't make it any easier that she and I go to the same clinic, just different doctors. Good luck to both us!

Taking it easy...

Well, I am backstage at a Summer Opera Gig, getting ready for the stage, and just hanging out. I thought I'd write a quick post to say hello, and check in.

There's not much to report from my end... AF is due to arrive on, or around, Thursday and I really don't have high hopes for a successful month in the TTC department... Honestly, if I got a BFP for this cycle, I would be HIGHLY shocked. We did BD around my supposed O date, but that doesn't mean anything to those of us suffering with PCOS.

It just seems like when you want something, everyone around you is getting it but you... like everywhere I look someone is having a baby or expecting, etc. Still, I have faith that our turn will come up soon enough :) I feel optimistic, and plan to stay like that... at least, for the time being.

Until next time :)




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Anatomy Scan

We had our anatomy scan on Thursday and it went great! Everything with Baby BB was measuring perfectly! He/she was a wiggle worm so it took the tech a few times to get all the measurements. Mr. BB almost caved and decided to find out the baby's gender but he didn't. It looks like we really won't know baby's gender until November...sigh.

Baby is very active and the other kids have enjoyed feeling him/her move around in my belly.

I think Mr. BB and I have settled on for sure boy/girl names but I don't want to share just yet!

My back has been hurting so bad the past few days. Today I caved and took a Tylenol. I haven't been sleeping well either because I can't get comfortable. It seems too early for all of this!

This is short, Mr. BB and I have a wedding to go to today and in order not to be a lame-o I want to nap!

Best,

V-Day!

Viability Day!!!

I seriously can't even believe that I get to write this post. When I first got the positive test for this pregnancy I was just hoping and praying to make it to 6 weeks (previous miscarriage was in 5th week). That I'd get to viability seemed goal that was too lofty to even dream of. I know reaching this point doesn't guarantee a baby going home in my arms, but just getting this far is something that seemed so unattainable back in February. I'm seriously all choked up just thinking about how far things have come.

Its really surreal to be at the point in this pregnancy where the last of the July '11 ladies on Pregnant After a Loss were when I first got there. Now those ladies are delivering...and here I am.

Coming up in July: Double Digits, my first EDD, 3rd Tri & my baby shower. Deep breathes on the EDD one. I seriously can't believe that day is so soon. *sigh*

23 Week Update

How far along: 23 weeks 4 days

Total weight change: Last I knew it was +8 if you go by my scale at home, +6.5 if you go by the doctors office. That was 3 weeks ago though, and the belly has grown. One of these days I'll dig out my scale and update this one.

Maternity clothes: Pretty much all the time.

Stretch Marks: No, but I found a varicose vein. Boo!

Movement: He's moving around each day and has started to do so noticeably when I'm up and about sometimes. Prior to this week, I had to be sitting/laying down to feel him.

Sleep: Still up about 3 times a night for the bathroom.

Best Moment This Past Week: Feeling him when I was up and about.

Most Difficult Moment This Past Week: Moving. We're still in the midst of moving from our old place to our new one and I am both physically and emotionally spent. I just don't have the stamina I did pre-pregnancy. Add that to the fact that I can't carry much and that equals a bazillion little trips to and from the car. Those extra trips equal a sore butt, tired legs and achy feet. I'll be so glad when moving is over with!

Belly Button In or Out: Definitely still in

Cravings/Aversions: Nothing

Symptoms: Mostly just him squirming about in there.

What I'm Looking Forward To: DH being able to feel his son kick. He probably could now if he had the patience to sit there with his hand on my belly, but alas.

20 Weeks

So excited to be halfway there to meeting Baby BB! I had my 20 week appointment yesterday and everything went well. Here are a few updates:

Belly Measurement/Weight: I gained 2 1/2 pounds so I am up a total of 6 1/2 since I got pregnant.

Physical Progress: I wear maternity clothes all the time and definitely look pregnant. I am pretty sure my boobs are still growing! They are so heavy too.

How I am feeling about my body: I feel great about my body, I love looking pregnant!

Cravings/Aversions: None really.

Energy Level: I am starting to get tired more again. It takes effort to go up and down the stairs. I get tired after going on walks as well. I haven't been sleeping well because I have been uncomfortable so I feel tired all the time. I definitely sleep whenever I can.

Baby Movement: Baby BB moves all the time! He/she is very active. I love it, baby moving gives me reassurance that everything is ok in there.

My anatomy scan and fetal echocardiogram is tomorrow. Originally my midwife had it schedule for July 6th but I expressed some anxiety in waiting so she moved it up! I am excited to see my baby but nervous that we will have a similar situation to my scary NT scan. I am hoping and praying that everything is normal with baby so I can stop worrying. Hopefully baby's measurements and everything are perfect and we won't need any more tests/procedures. My midwife told me that because all my other tests, the CVS and bloodwork, came back normal there is really nothing to worry about.

I keep having dreams that my baby is a girl! The last two dreams someone has taken her away from me and I spend the entire dream trying to get her back. I always do get her back at the end of the dream and she knows I am her mom. I am not sure why I keep having these dreams, I always wonder if it is a sign that we are going to have a girl since baby is always a girl. Since we are Team Green we will not know until November whether I am right or not.

I will definitely update after my scan tomorrow. Wish us luck!

Will 2011 be our year?

I keep giving this baby thing, and TTC in general, a lot of thought lately... and I can't help but wonder... will 2011 be our year for a sticky BFP? :-/ I know this is a strange way to start off this post, but I feel a bit weird lately... here's why...

I was so optimistic starting of 2011... we started off GREAT with a beautiful anniversary trip that turned out to mark the conception of our first child, which we lost, followed by issues with so-called "friends", tons of weddings, good news in the job department (for me) and now, the possibility of buying a property to call our own... but the thing I am craving most at the moment is a super-sticky BFP! I keep going back to

thinking about how great it was to have the first one, and I can't help but feel a wanting for that feeling again.

A local choreographer put together a piece, which I was lucky enough to witness, in which through dance and theatrics they outline the various stages of mourning. I realized that I am not quite done mourning for the loss of Baby Diva Bud. It's so strange... BFP with a loss 4 days later and I still can't get over it? What is wrong with me?! :( I guess this is just the way it is... and the piece really made me realize that everyone mourns in their own way. It's a personal process that we all need to go through. We need to allow ourselves a "Pity Party" and then, move on. My party is a bit drawn out... and sometimes I feel that I won't get over it until I get another BFP... and that really sucks.

Ugh, I hate being such a Debbie Downer lately... I just really don't have much to post about. Other than the fact

that I've been having some more vivid dreams - this last one wasn't baby related at all. And symptoms wise, I had some terrible diarrhea yesterday which had me running to the bathroom every few minutes. And why would I even be worried about my symptoms? Well, it kind of turns out the Mr. DBud and I BDed around the 18th day of my cycle, which is around when I O... so without any concrete reason, I am kinda hoping I did, in fact, O and that maybe a BFP is in the works? But now I am starting to drive myself crazy with this whole thing, and I feel I need to stop...

DOUBLE "UGH"... ok, I will stop rambling for now... it's just I have so many emotions running through my head right now, that I can't just sit here and blog clearly. Hopefully this entry was clear enough. And for any of you that are going through the same things I am... this royaly SUCKS - but somehow, I always feel that in the end, it'll all be worth it.

Holy Crap 19 weeks!

First things first - I'm done with school for a few weeks!  Yay!  I'll be teaching summer school in July, which part of me thinks I'm crazy for, but until then, I have time for baby things (oh yeah, and planning a new class!)

Starting in mid-May, Mr. Teacher Bud was working like crazy (we're talking 95 hrs in one week at it's worst) and since then has been out of town for work a lot.  So I've been itching to get going on daycares, registering, etc. but we haven't done much yet, because obviously I want his input.  He's almost done with his last trip, and then we will be diving in head first.  My goal is to have a daycare selected, a registry most of the way complete, and furniture ordered by the time I start summer school on July 6th.  Wow, now that I write that out it seems like a lot!  *Gulp*

We have looked at 2 daycares, already, and I have a list of other ones to look at, so that is a step in the right direction.  We also want to cloth diaper, and I have a small but growing diaper stash.  We have so far 2 newborn fitteds, 3 small covers, 2 adjustable size pockets, and 3 newborn pockets.  I know we need a lot more, so we need to get on that too!  So far, I've just been buying CDs when they show up on babysteals or zulily.  I also found the 3 covers at a garage sale!  I was surprised, but so happy to get them for only $2 each!  I've also been uying some clothes at garage sales too.  Here's a picture of my haul one day - only $12 for all of it!

credit: me

I'm still buying mostly gender neutral stuff, because we don't know the gender yet.  But we have scheduled our ultrasound!  Our ultrasound is at 8am a week from tomorrow!  I am so impatient and can't wait! 

Belly Measurement/Weight: Still not really up to pre-pregnancy weight.  It has me a little worried, but I'm trying to think it's just my thyroid medicine doing it's job.  My belly is definitely getting bigger!  I had my 1st stranger ask when I was due this past week.  At my appointment they said that my uterus is now up to my belly button. 
Physical Progress: We're up to Mango!   It's pretty strange though, I bought a doppler from a woman on a pregnancy message board that I frequent, and baby is always, always on my right side.  It seems strange. 
How I am feeling about my body: I am mostly done puking!!!!  I hardly ever vomit anymore, smells still get to me, but I'm off the zofran, and doing soooo much better.  I'm using a pregnancy pillow most of the time, and do have some lower back pain. 
Cravings/Aversions: Tomatoes - I love them, but I just cannot eat raw tomatoes.  It's sad. 
Energy Level: The same.  My mom walked me all over the earth yesterday running errand, and I was so exhausted afterwards that I almost went to sleep at 8:30!   
Baby Movement: I think so.  Not from the outside yet though. 

Hormones? Check!

I started taking estrace 2mg twice daily this past Monday. On Thursday, I went to see my therapist and she asked how I was doing with them. Fine, I said. I have had zero side effect, I said. If only it stayed that way. Over the past 24 hours, I have had at least four random crying fits and one random angry fit towards Mr. Planner Bud. The hormones have arrived! Really, I don't think seeing a picture of your father eating a lobster should send you into tears, because "it's not fair that you are at home and not there". How about getting angry at your husband (who is doing you a favor and picking up a gift for your dad) because the first two stores he went didn't have the movie you wanted to get? Yay, they have been that type of crazy moments. Aren't hormones joyful?

All in all this cycle has been pretty easy so far. I have had to take no injections and the estrace pills are smaller than BCP. I have been drinking and having my diet soda; it is nice not having to think about egg quality or things like that. I am thoroughly enjoying living my life like I did before TTC again. This will all come to an end around July 1. Right now that is my scheduled ET. I am excited, but nervous. I am having a hard time being positive about it. Every logical piece of my mind is telling me that if a textbook cycle didn't work, why would something with lower success rates? However, I know that none of this really logical. Hopefully the next couple weeks go quickly.