Metformin 1 - Diva Bud 0

So I officially got my prescription for Metformin on Friday and began taking it on Sunday. Everything was going fine, I was taking one with breakfast, one with dinner (500mg each), and was feeling ok... until yesterday morning. I woke up, like normal, prepared my protein shake (part of my new diet/weight loss regimen), took my million vitamins, my metformin, got ready for work, and headed out... Sipping my shake as I went. About 30 minutes into my morning, I wasn't feeling so hot. I ended up going to the restroom and losing the little bit of the shake I had been able to get down and the partially dissolved multivitamin... (I know, gross - sorry). I felt queezy until I had lunch, and then I was fine. Yup... Metformin kicked my ass! My mistake? Taking too long to drink my shake after taking the medication. You are supposed to take it with food, and I just lagged on that a bit. It will get better, I am told.

But at least I lost 5lbs last week! So far so good :) and I am not even hungry! My Doc upped my protein intake and said that the combination of taking the metformin and the high level of protein will allow my body to break down the fat and gain more muscle, which is the goal. :) Let's raise our protein shakes to getting our bodies into baby-making shape!




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Crossroads

I've spent the past week trying to decide what to do next. I'm willing to give up and live child-free, but Mr. GB really wants children, and I owe it to him to keep trying. I thought I would be clever and let him look into adoption, but it seems that football playoffs are more interesting, so I've taken over the research.

I looked into gestational carriers. We are lucky to live in Washington (the state), which is close to Oregon, which has very liberal laws that allow paying for gestational carriers. For a mere $60-70k, we could maybe have a baby or twins with our remaining frosties. Or maybe the embies wouldn't thaw. Who knows. I do know that I'm not yet prepared to spend that kind of money. Not yet anyway.

So that leaves adoption. Neither one of us has an issue with the idea of adoption, but I'm afraid the realities are going to give us pause. I've been looking into local agencies and some that came recommended to me. I liked a particular Christian organization, except we don't go to church and therefore don't qualify. Another agency I really liked only placed 10 infants last year. That doesn't seem like enough to me. And another agency only does domestic adoptions of African American babies, which is right for some people but not for me. The final agency I really like has good stats, a decent wait, and oh yeah, about 25% of the babies are exposed to drugs in utero.

So I've gone from trying to have bio babies, to trying to have donor egg babies, to possibly adopting a baby that may have special needs due to drug exposure.

Call me a terrible person but I don't think I can handle this type of situation. This agency also pushes open adoptions, which Mr. GB sort of freaked out about. He hasn't read the "Adoption for Dummies" book that I keep shoving in his hands, so he doesn't have a clue about what we're about to embark on. And when I bring it up, he acts all uncomfortable, like he's getting a prostate exam.

In other words, we're getting nowhere.

We have a lot more talking to do.

Sick and Sicker - a 9w Update

Being pregnant is wonderful. The idea of a teeny little person growing inside me, the congratulations from all the nice church people, the way Mr. CB rubs my still non-existent baby bump all affectionately while we lay on the couch.

So yes. It is good.

But there is one thing that I would give anything to be able to do again.

Really, the ability to take any medicine without feeling like I am the worst mother on the face of the planet would be super. I have the cold to end all colds and seriously, it's not ok.

In other news:

Morning sickness is slowly abating. I've added soup and canned ravioli back onto the list of foods that don't make me want to be violently ill.

Emotional turmoil is NOT slowly abating. Mr. CB has the same cold I do, poor guy, and the sound of him sniffling makes me want to murder a puppy. It's not rational, but the sheer anger that swells in me at that noise is a bit intimidating.

We have an appointment to hear Baby CB's heartbeat on the 31st. I'm excited about this. Because it's too early to feel any movement yet, All I have is an ultrasound picture and the upcoming heartbeat jam session to convince me that there is, in fact, a baby growing inside me.

I am slowly getting out of the habit of freezing every time I have pain in the uterine area and panicking over the idea of a miscarriage. I've had a fair share of ligament pain when I cough and sneeze and laugh and live in general, and I'm finally allowing myself to accept that it is a normal part of pregnancy and that the baby is probably ok.

Crazy as always,

And we start again...

That's right another IUI! AF decided to show her ugly face yesterday when we were trying to celebrate my father's birthday. I was so sure there for awhile. I had it all planned. We would wait until after a couple beta tests to tell my parents. I would get a Disney vacation guide and leave it at my parents with a belated birthday card to my father from the baby. It would be cute yet witty. I really don't know why I do this month after month! I hope I will eventually be able to use one of my ideas.

In addition to AF, I got to wake up at 5 am this morning so I could be at my useless beta for 6:30. I then had an appointment with my RE. Even though I am sure he says this to everyone, I was touched when he said he was upset it didn't work. He also said that he doesn't see any reason for us not being pregnant by the end of the year, especially since we are young. Our plan is do two more IUI cycles with Clomid since my body reacted well with it. If these don't work then we will go onto IVF, something I have a lot of faith in.

I feel like we are back to our first few months TTC. I am upset that it didn't work but I keep telling myself that it was only the first try and these things take time. I just hope I am not planning myself into a corner.

Kicking it into High Gear....

I start STIMS today!



I will be on 225iu of Follistim in hopes of kicking my ovaries into high gear to grow some good follicles and eggs. Here is my stimulation protocol for this week:

AM 5 units of Lupron
Folgard
Dexamethasone w/ Largest Meal
1 Prenatal Vitamin
.o5iu Luveris
PM 225iu Follistim

My first Follie Check/Estrogen Hormone Check is this Saturday, so I will have another update then...

Stay Tuned,

Like Clockwork... Who would've thought?!

This is probably the first time in my life that my periods are like clockwork... 35 days - to the day! I don't understand it... Since I was 15 I have had irregular periods. Now, that I am at my heaviest, I have gotten them regularly, like clockwork, for the last 6 or 7 months.




You like my cute little theme on my Period Tracker App? ;) I love the customizable themes :)

So yeah, I don't know what is up with this sudden regularity, but I am ok with it! Works for me :)

Apparently, according to my Calendar on the Period Tracker App, I am ovulating on the 22nd which is the day before we are planning a little getaway for our Anniversary. So I guess we'll see what happens... ;)




In the meantime, I started my diet on Monday. Returning to my daily work routine has helped... I get up and have my Kashi cereal, have either a soup or a cafe steamer for lunch, and a muscle milk shake for dinner. For snacks, I have mini babybel cheeses, triscuit crackers, carrots, etc. So far so good :) I have to go see the Doc again on Friday to do another body scan and get weighed. Maybe he will give me the prescriptions he said he wanted me to take... I guess we'll see!




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Waiting on Mother Nature...

This afternoon I met with Dr. T and had my Baseline and Ultrasound. Both ovaries look good, no cysts and now I am just waiting on Mother Nature so I can start stims! That's right Mother Nature has to shed my lining so I can have a bleed then I can move on to the next phase of my IVF cycle...

Photography Credit

I took my last BCP on Thursday so Mother Nature should be here before Friday God willing...

8 Weeks and going strong

Today was my first official exam. Here's the report:

- Apparently I have a "good pelvis". The only explanation I could get that made any sense was "a good pelvis isn't small!" So I should be a birthing machine, apparently.

- I do not have HIV (I wasn't worried about this one. I don't make a habit of needle sharing) and I'm immune to German Measles. Mr. CB said the German Measles immunity is good news "If we ever move to Germany." Because, apparently, that's the only place the German measles can thrive.

- Baby CB is measuring at exactly 8 weeks today, which makes my due date August 16. I would like it known that this is the due date that I told them. They said July 28. Score one for me.

- Baby CB has a strong, fast little heartbeat, and, while s/he does resemble a tiny peanut, it is a vaguely human shaped peanut. I've been trying to scan an ultrasound picture, but it's not happening. Suffice to say that I uttered the phrase "That's a real baby!" just before I burst into tears.

Still amazed,

Happy Barren Day to me.

Just got back from my second opinion, $365 poorer and full of bad news.

The doctor thinks that my "D&E with retained placenta" likely fvcked up my lining to the point of no return. Even if it looks ok in a hysteroscopy, the biology of my lining has changed and there's really nothing anyone can do. He said we could try a couple of mock cycles to see if things improve by some miracle, but it's unlikely. He thinks that after a fresh and frozen DE failure, the writing is on the wall and that we ought to save those embies for a gestational carrier. He gave me the name of an agency in Oregon, which apparently has better laws than Washington.

So now we have to decide what to do. Never in a million years did I think I'd ever be incapable of carrying a child.

But then again, that's just my luck, isn't it? 

New Year, New...Baby?

I hope it's meant to be!

I tested this morning at 8DPO and got a definite positive! After I dipped my IC, I thought to myself "Magnolia Bud, you KNOW you're not getting a positive, it's just too early!" and immediately dumped my cup of pee.

To my surprise, it didn't even take 3 minutes for a light pink line to appear! I was shocked, and a little in disbelief. Mr. MB just hugged me and said he hopes this means we'll get to bring a baby home. I still haven't really processed this pregnancy, and probably won't until we're a little further along.

I did call our midwife today and am scheduled for a pregnancy confirmation visit next Friday, where we'll also schedule an early ultrasound at the hospital to confirm a heartbeat. I also talked with the nurse about running (I'm scheduled to run a half marathon on Saturday) and safety of rides at Disney World (that's where I'm running). Mr. MB and I are putting off race decisions until we're in Florida on Thursday. My final planning step was to put a call in to my acupuncturist's office. I'm waiting on a call back to hear what their recommendations are for acupuncture during early pregnancy.

For now, I'm cautiously optimistic. Thanks to all of the Buds and readers who offered such great support during what were truly my darkest moments over the past months. I'm blessed to have friends like each of you.

Lots of love,
Magnolia Bud