Am I a fetus?

Ah, the questions I'm sure smudge is asking right now.

Depending on the website, smudge may not be an embryo anymore. The information is fairly evenly divided as to when an embryo is considered a fetus. Merck says 8 weeks, IVF.ca says 8 weeks and medline says 8 weeks. So we're saying 8 weeks.

And in that case... meet my fetus:














-----------Smudge 8w via Dr L ---------------------------Smudge 8w1d via Dr Z-------

At 8 weeks, we had our first appointment with Dr L, my new OB. Her partner (Dr M) is my Gyn, and I and thrilled that i'm able to stay with the same practice.

Dr L is exactly the kind of doctor I need. She's going to be a weight nazi, and has me already counting calories and calcium content and focusing on low-glycemic carbohydrates. I need that. After losing 60 pounds, and keeping it off for more than 2 years, I'm actually terrified of gaining too much weight. Not because I don't want to - i'll PROUDLY wear my baby belly, but that's all I want it to be. I'm still a good 45 pounds overweight, and I really want to keep it to the minimum. Hopefully she'll be able to help me do that so I can also try to avoid complications like gestational diabetes.

Another thing I like about her is that she isn't all about medication. THRILLED because neither are we. She asked me about constipation, which you all know I know well at this point. She had me add 500mg of magnesium to my vitamin regimen taken at night before bed. It's working so far. YAY for no more prunes. But I love how she went to the magnesium, and NOT the colace or the metamucil. This is definitely the doc for me.

I was a little concerned about her being a single doctor OB practice, but she was able to set our minds at ease. She schedules her vacations in advance, and if she has plans or makes plans for the window around your due date, they tell you at the time of your first appointment, so you can decide if you want to stay with the practice, knowing she might not be able to deliver you. For me, the worst case scenario would be if Smudge comes on thanksgiving, because she'll be 6 hours away with family, but other than that, we're good to go. I'm not worried.

The next day was my last appointment with Dr Z. It was so bittersweet. It was awesome that smudge is doing SO great (1 day ahead in growth and a perfect heartbeat). He was happy to tell me that our miscarriage rate is now less than 5%, having hit the 8 week mark. We saw little flippers on the u/s and a brain cavity! And I really love seeing the little flicker of the heartbeat.

Dr Z hugged me before we left. He said that if I ever want to come back for an appointment with him, all I have to do is call and that he WANTS to see me; they don't get to see many pregnant bellies at his office. He gave me his personal email address to send him pictures and updates. And best of all, he reminded me that he was ALSO board certified in ObGyn, so if I ever had any questions about something I was being advised to do, I could just call him and get his opinion.

Have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE Dr Z? I'm going to miss him and his staff. We're sending them an edible arrangement to thank them for getting us this far, and for being so awesome.

So, for now, I have to try to get used to being a normal pregnant lady (albeit, one who is advanced maternal age). It's going to be difficult to switch to monthly visits rather than weekly. I'm used to all of this medical attention. So weird now.

So, our upcoming schedule:
10w: Next Dr L appointment
12w2d: NT scan
14w: Dr L
18w: Dr L
20w1d: Anatomy Scan

You know i'm going to have to finagle something for 16 weeks. There's NO way i'll be able to go a FULL month with NOTHING.

Oh jeez - i can totally see me buying one of those dopplers now, for in between appointment use. Hey - at least I'm trained to use it.

Motherhood

Let me be completely honest here. Being pregnant and the mother of a toddler is hard. I've been lucky enough so far to have a relatively easy pregnancy so far. Yes, I had morning sickness for the first half, but I rarely actually threw up. Once I hit the 18-20 week mark I've felt pretty good. The most negative aspect of pregnancy until recently had been that I failed my one hour glucose test two weeks ago. (I did manage to pass my 3 hour test, but man was I crabby to have to take that!) Now that I've hit the third trimester the real fun has begun. (If you don't to hear me whine, feel free to skip to the next paragraph.) Since I've finally started to put on the baby weight, I've started to have back pain. It has become increasingly worse this week since I've been sitting in the most uncomfortable folder chairs ever in training all day, everyday this week. Tomorrow is the last day of training, so I'm hoping the lack of extreme sitting will help my poor body. To make life even more fun, I've also been waking up with leg cramps. Two nights ago, it was so bad that they woke me up at 4am. I've increased the amount of calcium and potassium, so hopefully these should lessen. I get heartburn from everything (or even nothing). And since I'm sleeping less, I have very little patience for naughty toddler behavior. But, after one of the moms in our preschool class lost her baby at around 34weeks, I try to remind myself whenever I get crabby about being pregnant about how lucky I truly am to be pregnant. In less than 12 weeks, I'll (hopefully) have a beautiful baby boy to snuggle.

Where do we go from here?

Extremely emotional appointment with the RE today. He did a SHG to follow up on the HSG that I had on Monday.

He found a very large polyp almost immediately. Even my untrained eye saw it instantly. It was very clear on the screen. He said it was approximately 3cm and needs to be surgically removed.

The cysts are still there and haven't shrunk at all so he wants to have those removed as well.

My right tube is definitely blocked on the outside. Because of this, he said my risk of ectopic pregnancy rises and he recommends going straight to IVF.

Unfortunately, I don't know how we'll afford IVF.

I feel like we've reached a wall that I can't break down or go around. I left the doctor's office and sat in the car and just sobbed and sobbed. Big, loud, heaving sobs. Somehow I made it through the day at work with breaks to go in the bathroom and cry.

And as if that bad news wasn't bad enough.... I got a big box of Enfamil samples in the mail today. Grrrrr.

I've done such a horrible job..

At updating each week. So here are some photos so you can see the progression of my belly from


15 Weeks

16 Weeks

17 Weeks





18 Weeks

18.5 Weeks


Look at my belly grow! So exciting. I can't believe to this day I have a baby growing in there. Its simply amazing. I ask him/her everyday to give me a sign what him/her is. Yeah I get nothing.

Things have finally been easing up. I haven't thrown up in about 4 days. Yay! That's so awesome. Saturday night I threw up some french fries. I think my baby really enjoys eating healthy food. I have been having this vegetable kick. I love corn on the cob and green beans. Really I could eat them every day. And I guess thats a good thing right?

I also know love bananas. Yum! Most fruit I love. I still can't eat chicken. YUCK! But do love breakfast sausage and pork. I have never wanted more breakfast sausage in my life. This poor kid is going to come out wanting a McDonald's Sasuage McMuffin. At least they are only a dollar? But geez the fat is ridiculous. You have to eat what your cravings want right?

I do also love a Pepsi every now and then. I can't believe this. Its not like I didn't like Pepsi before but I can't tell you the last time I drank a real Pepsi before I got pregnant. It had to be years ago.

Sno cones are also on the top of my favorite things. So yummy and so nice and cold and refreshing. I haven't really had any in the middle of the night cravings. I do every now and then have a want for something like candy at night but I just go to bed instead of telling Mr. OB to go to the store to get me some. I can usually fight it with water.

Sleep is beginning to be interesting. I tend to wake up every time I turn to the side. I don't know if its me making sure I don't roll over on my stomach or what.

We did a 5K this weekend. Yep this little old pregnant woman ran/walked a 5K. Who says a pregnant woman can't run? Seriously I loved it. I think my little baby did also. After working out he/she is always moving.

Oh I forgot to tell you about the flutters. I guess about at 16 weeks I felt the first one. It felt like the little one was tickling me on the inside. Its a very interesting feeling that makes me smile every time I feel it. I can't wait until I get to feel the first kick or punch.

On the nursery front we have been busy. We bought this set yesterday:



We bought the crib, the hutch and the 6 drawer dresser. We are also going to get a night stand, a glider (Any ideas on a good one) and some bookshelves.

Looks like one of the big purchases (of the many) are done. We still need to get the stroller, carseat, glider, and a video monitor. So much fun stuff to do!

My next update should be telling you whether its a boy or a girl. What do you think? Leave me a comment! I can't wait to find out

34 weeks and counting down!

I think in my last post, Baby Hopeful Bud and I had been referred to a specialist because a sonogram had detected some fluid on her kidneys. Well we went to the specialist and the first thing he says after walking into the room is "looks like you are here because of fluid on the kidney and fluid on the right ventricle (brain)." WHAT?!!! Nothing was ever mentioned to me about fluid on the brain so of course I start crying. Mr. Hopeful Bud was so good and immediately grabbed my hand and told me everything would be okay. I laid down on the table and he started the sonogram. Luckily he went straight to the brain and we quickly ruled out any fluid build-up on the brain. I was over the moon! I don't know how I would have handled finding out that there was fluid there. I was all prepared for fluid on the kidneys, what that meant, what we could do after she was born, etc. Because I knew nothing of this new possibility, I was not prepared at all. Then he looked at the kidneys. The right one measured 5 mm - PERFECT. The left one measured 7 mm -- ABNORMAL. 7mm and above is considered abnormal, so she still has a little bit of fluid build-up in one kidney. The good news is, that her amniotic fluid level is great, so we know that her right kidney is functioning properly. The doctor said that fluid on the kidney is a slight indicator of Downs Syndrome, which I knew because I was prepared. However, he did all the measurements and checked all the markers such as an enlarged heart and unproportional shoulders and Baby HB had not markers for Downs. The doctor said the only 100% way of knowing would be to have an amniocentesis, which I very quickly denied. Now we just have to wait until week 36 for a follow-up Phase 2 sonogram. If her kidney is still enlarged then we will contact her pediatrician so that he can be made aware of her condition at birth. My hope and prayer is that the issue works it's self out, either between now and the next sonogram or while she is squeezing through the birth canal. Worst case scenario, and since it's only slightly abnormal I don't think this is the case, is that she has one functioning kidney. People live with one kidney every day.

Other happenings in the life of Baby HB -- we have had all of our showers, so I think we might be getting closer to being ready for her arrival. Tonight we have a BabyCare Basics class. Not sure what it all entails, but I'm sure Mr. HB and I will learn a lot. She is moving so much now that I am starting to get very uncomfortable. At one point last week I was like "get this baby out of me I'm in so much pain", but I quickly took that back since she needs to "bake" a few more weeks. My EDD is in 6 weeks, but I have a feeling she will not be waiting that long. My Braxton Hicks contractions are getting more frequent and uncomfortable. Baby HB has to be running out of room as every time she moves even slightly it hurts me. She has started either punching with her fist or head my cervix, which let me tell you doesn't feel so wonderfully. Oh and she gets the hiccups at least five times a day.

As much as I complain, I love being pregnant and I know I will miss her being in my belly after she is born. Plus after she is born, I won't be able to use getting an ice cream cone from DQ as an excuse to cure my terrible heartburn.

I hope this post finds you all well and happy.
Stay hopeful!

The Red Witch

AF showed, again.

TTC has defeated me. It seems like no matter what we do, I am not going to be able to get pregnant without medical assistance. That's a tough pill to swallow.

Mr. Sassy Bud still has not gotten his S/A. I know the available appointment times are very inconvenient for him and his work schedule, but if he really wanted to get it done, he would make time. I am not going to force this on him. He was the original proponent of us beginning to TTC so I know it is not because he doesn't want children. I really feel that I have gone through enough so far between the charting, bloodwork, u/s, and HSG. It's his turn now.

So, I guess that leaves us at a standstill. I have stopped charting for now, there really is no point. I know that I'm ovulating, I know approximately when I O and how long my LP is if I need to give that information to a RE at some point. I've done all that I can.

National Infertility Awareness Week

April 24-May 1 is National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW). NIAW is a movement to raise awareness about the disease of infertility, which affects more then 7.3 million people of childbearing age in the United States. I am one of them. Please take time to learn more about the struggle those of us have to endure to have families. (Taken from the Resolve website)

photo credit

Thank you for all the support you have given to me. I really do appreciate it.

I'm not out to more than a handful of people in real life. I would be, but my husband would definitely not go for it. I respect his wishes.

But if anyone who is on facebook wants to follow suit, some of the stronger girls I know on the infertility forum on The Bump are putting the following statements in their status updates for the coming week.

If you have infertility, or know someone who does, spread the word.

1) Infertility is not limited to women. Infertility is not all in your head. Infertility is not limited to unhealthy people. Infertility is not limited to older couples. Infertility is not going to go away if you just “relax & go on vacation.” Adopting will also not take infertility away like Charlotte on Sex and the City.

2) Because 1 in 8 is someone you know. resolve.org/takecharge

3) More than 7.3 million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility.

Or you can make up your own!

This is an awesome blog about infertility etiquette and awareness from the bump. I hope you'll take the time to read it.

1 in 8 IS someone you know. Spread the word.

Scariest day of my life...

It's amazing how attached you can become to something about the size of a large lime. Today, I am 12w1d pregnant & so thankful. But, Friday morning, during our routine 12 week appointment (I was actually 11w6d), Baby Worry Bud scared the bejesus out of me & Mr. WB. Let me start where my last post left off...

I have been doing well, not worrying so much about Baby WB. Just having faith that all is going well in there. We haven't had a real appointment since the final one with my RE at 7w6d. At that point, the Drs. were saying everything with the baby looked perfect & they were comfortable releasing me to my regular OB. By then, Baby WB looked like this:


As directed, I stopped my Endometrin (progesterone) & Estradiol (estrogen) supplements at 10 weeks. I was so scared that my baby would still need them, but my RE assured me that it would be fine. So, I stopped them...and all seemed well. No unusual cramping, no bleeding. Mr. WB & I went along with our lives as normal, started some spring cleaning around the house, did some yard work, and even went to Lowes to pick up some paint samples for Baby WB's nursery. I'll likely paint the room the same color regardless of the baby's sex. I even found out that one of my co-workers is also pregnant - only about a week & a half ahead of me! My symptoms continued to be pretty minimal - extreme fatigue, slight twisting/stretching/occasional quick stabbing pain in my ute area, shooting pain starting in my left butt cheek & going down to my leg, slightly sore breasts, larger breasts, seemingly swollen ute area, sore hips. I did experience nausea, but never actually threw up & that worried me only a little, since I have read that not all pregnant women experience that symptom. Since I have never been pregnant, I was just trying to go with the flow & not worry too much unless something alarming happened.

So, along comes our 2nd OB appointment this past Friday, April 23, 2010. I was just a little nervous, we were supposed to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time on that day! We had seen it on our previous ultrasounds, but had never heard it. I have read so many mama's accounts of the first time hearing that beautiful whooshing sound & had been looking forward to hearing it too. So, I was finally called back...Mr. Worry Bud was directed to go back to the exam room. The nurse took my blood pressure, got a urine sample & took my weight (which I think was about 3 lbs. off from my scale at home that I know is pretty accurate - I think she was just in a rush). Then she took me back to the exam room. The nurse practitioner (NP) - who I normally see for my annual pap smears - was handling my appointment that morning; she came & grabbed us & we went to her office to talk for a bit. After that, she did my annual pap, felt my uterus & agreed that it was enlarged normally for being almost 12 weeks. Well, then the "fun part" - listening with the Doppler for the baby's h/b!!! She put the gel on the prob, then put the probe on my ute area & started moving it around. She tried for about 5-8 min in all different areas & couldn't find it. Nothing. Panic mode set in. She said sometimes it happens, but that at this point in my pregnancy, we should be able to hear the h/b. She said she didn't want me worrying all weekend, so she would send me downstairs (to a imaging/radiology office my OB uses) to get a u/s. As soon as she left the room, I started weeping & Mr. WB tried to tell me that everything would be fine, that the baby was doing great & was just hiding. Although he seemed so sure, I knew he was freaking out a little in his own mind.

So, we went downstairs & the very nice front desk guy told us that since we didn't have an appointment, we could be waiting up to 2 hours to get in, but that he'd try & get us in ASAP. We decided we'd wait (versus coming back later that afternoon)...I don't think I could really function doing anything else until we knew what was going on with our LO anyway. So, I sat in the waiting room, and prayed, and prayed, and prayed - prayed that our baby was okay & was just hiding somehow from the Doppler, prayed that we'd get in to see him/her ASAP. About 40 min later, both of my prayers were answered. We got called in! The u/s tech said that she'd do both a tummy & trans-vag u/s, but that she'd start with the tummy. I grabbed Mr. WB's hand. As soon as she put the probe on, I recognized the gestational sac & our baby. It wasn't moving & I knew that it should be by this point, but after about 3 seconds, s/he started wiggling around & dancing for us!! I was so relieved, I started "ugly" crying. I told the tech everything that we had gone thru to get to this point & we were just so happy Baby WB was doing good. I even saw Mr. WB let out a sigh of relief! I asked why she thought the NP at my OB wasn't able to find the h/b with the Doppler, and she told me she couldn't say for sure, but it may have been because the baby was towards the back of my uterus. The Dr. at that office came in to follow up with us & told me that the baby was measuring normally; he told me, "Don't worry, be happy," that our baby looked "perfect." And without further adieu, here is a bonus peek at Baby WB at 11w6d:

Little bugger - I think he knew mommy wanted another peek at him, but I had a talk with him after the u/s was done & told him never ever to scare me like that again!

Isn't s/he so beautiful & perfect?! We feel so blessed that everything turned out okay. I know all too well in speaking with other women who battled IF that it was not a for sure thing that the baby would be okay. But s/he was, and we thank God for that. After those traumatic few hours, I even got Mr. WB to agree to let me buy a rocker I want for the baby's nursery! We are going to go look at a few options today. :)

Oh & I mentioned this in my previous post, but I started taking "bump" pics starting at 4 weeks & that I'd post them start posting them here at 12 weeks. My Dr. agrees that my uterus has grown above my pelvic cavity as it should by this point, so technically, I think I am showing a little bit. I started wearing maternity jeans last week & they are glorious. I got my normal jean size & bought this pair in two different washes from Old Navy. I also bought these real waist pants for work from ON in all 3 colors - and I highly recommend both! I'm a long way from needing shirts, but I am so happy I moved on to the pants - so comfy! So anywho, here is a comparison of my "bump" at 5 weeks vs. 12 weeks:


Thanks for reading if you got this far! I promise to get better on updating more often. Work has been crazy & I have actually been in training for the last week or so. Hopefully everything will calm down soon, but I doubt it since we are about to enter the busiest time of year in my field - third & fourth quarters. My NT Scan is this Friday, April 30, 2010 & we are praying that everything looks good at that u/s with Baby WB. Thank you so much for all the continued T&P that our little WB continues to grow big & strong & healthy!

Started Lupron... Loved Date Night

So I met with Dr. B on Wednesday and I got my official FET calender. I started Lupron yesterday and I am so thankful Freedom Fertility Pharmacy covered all of my meds including my Lovenox! I will take Lupron for a week and then start my Delestrogen injections to prepare my lining for the transfer.

Photography Credit

On a funny note, I recently saw Date Night with Tina Fey & Steve Carell and it was hilarious. With all of the stress TTC can bring it was good to just go out and get a good laugh.

Photography Credit

My next appointment with Dr. B is on Friday where Nurse S will show me how to give myself the Delestrogen shots since they are intramuscular ouch!

Until Next Time,

7w1d.... another chance to see smudge....

...and, smudge looks good.

She's 7w1d today. Her heartbeat was 158. She measured 7.9mm, which is almost double last week (4mm), and is measuring at 6w5d. The RE says that's perfectly normal.

My RE said that much like when the baby is born, and gets measured against a growth percentile chart, there's a "growth chart" for in utero as well and the baby has to measure within a week of the actual dates. So we're right on track. He said her heartbeat is perfect.

All told... things look good. He tried to kick me out today - but I suckered one more u/s out of him next week. I told him that he can't tell me the miscarriage risk drops to 5% at 8 weeks and not see me at 8 weeks.

In other news, I also talked to my RE about how an RN would break into the field of IF (i'm miserable at my job, and have been job hunting for quite awhile. Mr. DB and I have been talking about this possibility for about 6 months). He said that he might be looking for a new nurse soon (i know one of his LPNs left suddenly, and they're not thrilled with her replacement) ... i'm not going to hold my breath... but at least I opened a door.

Other news from the u/s: no obvious cysts, so we'll chalk up the weird left sided cramping to growing pains for now. No changes in the fibroid and the second sac is still resolving.

Pregnancy symptoms: I'm still peeing every 5 minutes, which is REALLY cutting into sleeping, but that's okay. At least I know I'm pregnant, right? Occasional nausea, and some dizziness... but I think between the Vitamin B6 that I'm taking and the acu are keeping the worst of the morning sickness at bay.