When will this ride end?

I don't believe that I'm actually able to post today. I only hope I can make it on at least once a week and not let you down. So here is what has been going on...

We finally sold our home, moved out December 28th, lived with friends until January 15th until our apartment was ready. We are now in our apartment and on the hunt for our "forever home!" We haven't gotten the internet set up at home, so checking the internet has become a pain, hence the longer-than-expected absence from Bloomin Babies.

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I finished my first class of graduate school with an "A"!!! I was so proud of myself. Currently taking class #2.Now for an update on Baby BrainyBud...

Week 9
Bleeding stopped for about 6 days and then started back. Baby went on a weekend getaway with me and my mom and it was my secret!

Week 10
Celebrated 4th wedding anniversary and thanksgiving. I was able to take a lot of leave from Thanksgiving-Christmas because I had so much leave time built up.

Week 11
Bleeding began to get worse and started to scare me that I was losing the baby. I was so exhausted for the last 3 weeks, that my body would start shutting down around 8pm.

Week 12
Still bleeding but stopped taking Progestrone. Baby took a trip with mom and dad to the University and mom's frequently traveled to work place. Began having some tummy aches that would last for a few more weeks. Found out that my college friend is due 2 days prior to me and a friend from church is due 2 days after me. Had my 3rd OB/GYN visit. Baby is perfectly healthy with NO reason for the bleeding. Baby was moving arms and legs so fast, I thought it was the heartbeat to begin with.

Week 13
Came down with a MAJOR ear infection! The doctor said that I was beating my little one to it. He said it was like a 2-year-old's ear infection. YUK. I felt terrible! The baby even went with us to the Nutcracker Ballet. The bleeding finally stopped sometime during this week.

Week 14
We finally announced our pregnancy at Christmas, everyone was so excited and surprised! It was the most scarest thing we've ever had to say to family. We moved the day after Christmas and no one let me do anything! Even though I had been packing for weeks prior.

Week 15
Still announcing to people and still exhausted. New Years was interesting.

Week 16
Baby's first snow and won't be able to see it. Mr. BrainyBud went sledding on the day that was supposed to be our 4th U/S but was rescheduled due to the snow and ice. Went to the dentist and he gave me a set of "Baby's First Toothbrushes" for our impending little one.

Week 17
I began to worry because I have NOT gained ANY weight. I wondered if something was wrong all week. Had our 4th U/S that lasted 15 minutes but only took the tech 2 seconds to announce...

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That's my update for now...Faith, Love and Baby Flutters,

Mrs. BrainyBud

Dreams, Psychics, Marathons and Jobs

Have nothing in common....other than the fact that they are my subject matter for today. First the dream:

The other week I had a random dream, and I don't know if I shared it, but it was so vivid it was ridiculous. In the dream, I had just given birth to twin boys who looked like identical infant versions of Mr.Fitness Bud. It was crazy. Almost instantly they went from being newborns to crawling all over the place and getting into things. And the wierd thing was, the dream was not about me being pregnant. No, no.....just me suddenly having twin boys that were into everything. Ok, random meaningless dream that scared the hell out of me.

Then today at work, without going into a long story about how this happened, let's just say that I ran into a psychic who, when I asked about kids, told me I was going to have two boys.

My uterus is empty. I am not TTC. But for some reason the universe is trying to convince me that at some point, I will have 2 boys. $20 My first kid is a girl. Who wants to bet me?

Anyways, dreams and psychics aside, I did accomplish something a little more concrete this week. I signed up for my first 5K AND 1/2 marathon! I am so excited! A co-worker decided that she wanted to train with me, so I got the training plans all printed up, along with the registration forms, and we are set! The 5k is in early April, so I am not really too worried about that since I am already on week 4 of 8 on the training plan. The 1/2 marathon is a different story. Once the 5k is out of the way maybe I will feel more confident about it, but never in my life did I ever think I would run 13.1 miles. It seems SO daunting, but I feel like I am up for the challenge. I have been working really hard at the gym, making gains in my weights, and increasing my cardio. I just feel like this is one more challenge that I need to conquer.

Last but not least, I was approved for part time employement with a great company, and I don't know what to do. I would love to work here. It pays almost double what I am making now for part time work. It would look fantastic on a resume. I would enjoy what I would be doing. HOWEVER, I need a full time job. The weekly hours are not guaranteed or set. I would have to keep looking for a full time job, and if I got one in a month, I would have to quit the part time gig. It would be really hard to juggle my other job, and the fellowship that I was invited to participate in. On one hand it is a great opportunity, on the other hand, it is less than ideal.

Why, oh why??? Nothing is ever as easy as I wish it was. Then again, as my husband always says, anything worth having is worth waiting for. I wish I could more easily convince myself of this.

Anniversary Surprise!

It's been a while since I posted. Sorry for that. Life has been so crazy these last few weeks.

Last time I posted, I was just about to leave for our one-year anniversary dinner. That night, Mr. Nerdy Bud surprised me with a sweet gift:

A little baby bottle charm from James Avery!

Since we haven't told anyone we're TTC, I can't exactly add it to my charm bracelet. So, I decided to go to the store and get a chain so that I could wear it as a necklace, when it's just us.

I love the little scale on the side -- so cute!

When I was at the store purchasing the chain, the woman asked me if I had a new baby. I told her, "No, but we just started trying." She then made a comment that I hadn't considered, but it made me smile: "That's so sweet of your husband. It means that he wants to have a baby, too."

That's been one of the hardest things for me: believing that Mr. Nerdy Bud really wants to have a baby. He's so analytical about things, and he has a hard time showing emotion. Sometimes, I don't get the love and support from him that I need. But now, I can look at this little charm and know that he truly does want what I want.

As far as an update, we're still in limbo. Just hoping and praying that AF doesn't show up this month.

A Bump in the Road

I just got the results from my test last Friday... Gestational Diabetes.

I am in shock - what did I do wrong? I've only gained 13 lbs, I wasn't overweight to begin with, I eat fairly healthy, I exercise... ok not enough but I still get it in...

I know I should be happy that this is the only bump that's really come up so far but I can't help it - I'm so upset that I just started bawling at work.

Taking the Next Step

It's funny how once you want to have a baby and are actively TTC all those signals your body was giving you before, that you just ignored, are now flashing at you like a neon sign in Las Vegas. Who knew ovulation pain could be so significant? Man my ovaries were trying to tell me something the past 48 hours. You better believe Mr.Travel Bud and I acted on that sign.

I'm trying to be more proactive than that, though. Even though my cycles have been like clockwork the past 7 months I don't trust the thought of my O-date always being the same. It would be normal if you had a 28 day cycle to ovulate on the CD14 but I just don't trust it. Like this month I felt O-pain on the right side on Sunday and then on the left side yesterday. I want to get this timing thing down as best as possible so I bought OPKs at Walgreens yesterday. When I went home to test it wasn't quite positive yet but we BD'd anyway but I'm hoping today I get the full green light and then we'll BD again tonight. :)

More and more each day I just think about being a Mom and how I feel it's just something that will come so naturally to me. I know that might sound kind of dumb. But sometimes I feel that women were designed to be mothers. There's just this connection that I feel whenever I hold a baby and when people I know see me interacting with a baby, they always comment that I look like such a natural.

My ute is dying to have a baby inside. I can just tell. Everyone at my work is nagging me about the fact that I need to have the next baby. I'm working on it ladies, I'm working on it. Hopefully this cycle is successful.

This baby is a work in progress.

I got CH!

It looks like the Provera last cycle may have gotten my body back into gear. I'm currently 3DPO with great timing. Take a look at my chart:


Compared to my 84 day cycle, this is a beautiful thing!

I'm trying to keep myself in check and not get too excited so that I don't have a big letdown if I get a BFN. I can't help but to hope that this is our month, though.

FF's pregnancy monitor is not helping at all. "If you conceived this cycle your due date would be: 10/09/2010." That's 3 days after my birthday. Talk about the best birthday gift, ever.

FF recommends that I wait until 18DPO since I have no previous cycles to compare my LP with.

Yeah, right. I haven't decided how long I'll wait, but I can promise you it won't be 18DPO.

Here's hoping!

One week from today

we will know what our future lies ahead... will we be able to TTC naturally? or will we need medical help, IUI, IVF? I really hope this week goes by fairly quickly.

I already had my Varicella Vaccine (chickenpox) on 1/6 and have to wait at least two months before TTC again, the effects of this vaccine on a developing fetus is unknown. In theory, the vaccine could cause birth defects similar to those that can occur from natural chickenpox (for example, limb abnormalities including absence or underdevelopment, abnormal brain development, mental retardation, scarring of the skin, and eye abnormalities). Read more info Here . The wait is fine with us since we have to wait for our RPL results before we start TTC again.

Hope you have a great work week and will keep you posted on our results... I cant believe are finally finished all the testing.

This cycle is a bust!

Thank you all who welcomed me to BB on my last post! It was very appreciated. I have a very busy week ahead of me with a trip to New York (training for work!) so I figured now is a good time to continue my writing.

Well, after being 110% sure I was KU this cycle, I started spotting tonight. AF should be here tomorrow morning, un-welcomed of course. This was our first cycle charting & using OPKs and our third cycle trying. It's been 5 months now since our loss and I'm scared that a 2010 baby isn't in our future. Mr MB is asking me to be patient and positive - easier said than done!

My chart looked okay this cycle, though I had quite a few ups and downs before O and after. I learned what phantom symptoms are from being on the TTCAL boards on The Bump and boy did I have them! Tender breasts, heartburn, nausea, what I thought was an implantation dip in my chart and so much more. Though now I realize I was probably reading way too much into my own body. It's all so frustrating.

I've had a hard week this week with our loss. I found a bib we bought Baby MB in Jamaica along with her sonogram photos. That was a little heart wrenching. Though, we did find a really nice box that we are going to refinish and make into a memory box that way all of Baby MB's stuff is in one place.

This TTC journey has its ups and downs, and I guess I'm in it to win it (win=bringing a Baby MB home), so you're stuck with me! For this next cycle, I'm going to really focus on fitness training at the gym and my health. I'm hoping that will keep me focused on other things besides baby makin' (yeah right!).

Trying to stay positive

I am on CD 10, and I am having a hard time feeling positive this month. I know I need to do just that but it's so hard! I am finished with my femara for this month, and started my estrogen patches today. My midmonth follicle/lining check is on Thursday, and ever since we decided to do an IUI this month I just feel like there is so much more at stake. I just want everything to look good so we at least have the chance to try the IUI. I don't know how I'm going to get through the next three days, but while I wait I will have everything crossed and will be praying 24/7 that we get good news on Thursday!

We're Approved!!!

Yesssssssss. One less thing to worry about: we got a letter in the mail on Friday that we have been approved for our Fertility Center's Shared Risk program!! I was told that acceptance into the program was contingent upon completion of all fertility workup screening results + your mock embryo transfer (MET). All the testing is done, but we don't do our MET until this Friday January 22nd. I guess my RE, after looking over all of our test results, spoke to the committee & they felt confident enough to approve us for the program! I am sooo happy that we know we are approved, but now we have to pay up! We owe the full $22K for the program by January 23, 2010. We plan on putting down $2K, financing the other $20K & then using both of our FSAs to immediately pay the finance company $10K back. Then we hope to pay off the remaining $10K within a year. I left a message with my RE office's financial counselor to call me tomorrow to help me apply for the loan. Mr. WB & I have always been very responsible with money & thankfully, we both have excellent credit, so I don't anticipate there being any issues getting the loan. But, of course, I'm a worrier, so I always worry until something pans out, lol.

I also got the call about shipment our my meds from the mail order pharmacy - I overestimated how much the meds would cost us OOP...they will only be about $260 including shipping! We should be receiving our meds on Tuesday. I know that we are truly very fortunate to have this Rx coverage & God willing, if this cycle gives us a little baby Worry Bud, then I plan to donate any unused meds to an internet message board that I frequent's Rx donation program.

On January 22nd, I have my MET & injection training class, so hopefully that'll help me with my fear about giving myself injections. Then, on January 26th, I start my first Lupron injection, along with baby aspirin. That's only a little over a week away & I am surprised how quickly this cycle is coming up on me! I told my mom & sister the tentative dates for our IVF cycle & my sister is SO excited! She's trying for #2 & is hoping that we are pregnant together. She is so confident that it WILL work & she's hoping for twins for the WBs! We went to Target & browsed the baby aisle; she was just so positive & enthusiastic for me, it feels good to have her in my corner.

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Her confidence that this cycle will work for us really lifted my spirits & I have been really positive about everything all weekend. I hope to keep this optimism going into our upcoming IVF cycle. I don't think she'll ever know how much her support means to me. And with any luck (& some divine intervention), we will both be expecting new nieces or nephews soon!