Tough

I never thought I would say this, but I think this is the miscarriage that has finally broken me. Every day seems like a struggle, and is not left without some sort of tears being shed. I think most of this comes from the fact that I am still bleeding. We are almost reaching the 3 week mark, and I am reminded of my loss every day.

I finally passed tissue last night and immediately broke down into giant, unattractive, sobbing tears. Never did I think that 2 years ago when I decided to have a baby, that all of this heartache and frustration would be what was in store for me. I have spent my life trying to prevent unplanned pregnancies so I could further develop myself and my career - and after waiting so long, this is what I have to deal with? It just doesn't seem right.

We went to the High Risk Pregnancy Specialist on Monday and were told what we have always been told. All of your tests are normal, and because of that reason, we feel you will have a positive outcome. Really? Because I'm starting to lose hope of anything positive. They said they could not even classify me as high risk because I was losing pregnancies so early. This I do not understand.

I'm not sure where I want to go from here. All I can tell you is that right now? I am emotionally and physically exhausted. But what I do know is that I been pushing both my mind and body to the limits for the past 2 years and I think it is time for both of them to take a break.