Waiting and worrying...

Today marks 7w 3d of this pregnancy. So far, time seems to be moving at snail's pace. My "confirmation ultrasound" is scheduled for Jan 9th but I plan to call the doc's office on Tuesday to see if it can be moved up (remember, they had originally wanted it this next week). The suspense is killing me. I'm so scared that this baby has stopped growing like my first two.

I'm still having symptoms everyday: nausea, food aversions (chocolate! Can you believe that?), headaches, fatigue, breast tenderness. But a part of me is worried that the same thing has already happened and I'm just feeling these symptoms because I'm still pumping my body full of progesterone. My mom is going to go with me to the next US because poor Mr. CB is too scared. He bout broke my heart a couple of days ago when he said that he feels like he's bad luck. =o( Of course I assured him that he is NOT and that as far as we know, there was nothing we could about the first two MC's. So, bless his heart, he won't know the results until he comes home from work (his job does not allow cell phones on the premises).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, etc. And I hope that 2012 brings a slew of new babies for all my Bud sisters! =oD

17 weeks

I am laying here in bed and can feel the baby moving around a lot right now. I have started noticing it moving around at night when everything has calmed down and I am lying still. I am still not really showing. I will have to take a pic next week. My good friend is also pregnant and exactly a month behind me and is showing much more than I am. I am very exited to see a baby bump as well.

This week I have just been thinking about things to prepare for another baby around the house:
     Mr. Lucky Bud has been working on installing a washer and dryer in the upstairs of our townhouse. Hurray! He is almost done converting our linen closet into an awesome laundry for me and the washer and dryer will arrive next Saturday!

     Baby Lucky Bud, now 1 is an official walker now! He started a little at 10 months, but really started walking over crawling just a week ago, and finally is starting to get it down and is doing a great job! This is exciting because he is a heavy boy, weighing the same as Little Lucky Bud, and I was hoping he would be steady on his feet before I am big.
     This week I started thinking about how unorganized the storage room and the closets in the bedrooms were, so I went through EVERYTHING and made a HUGE mess. Now I just need to get it all back into order in the basement and I will be all ready to decorate a room for baby #3.

The biggest change for me this week is that I have been starving! I can't seem to eat often enough, and am too hungry to fall back asleep without a snack anytime I wake up in the night. I have noticed that I need more protein and am making that my big goal for next week.

Until then... Have a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

17 weeks pregnant.... credit

How Charming!

My mother-in-law introduced me to quilting a couple of years ago. She made me my first quilt for my 26th birthday, and I fell in love immediately. I grew up watching my mother sew, so I know my way around a sewing machine. But- I never knew how to quilt.

I decided to try my hand at it 2 years ago. I made a simple quilt out of my favorite color, green. For those who are unfamiliar with quilting, a quilt is made by piecing together different fabrics to make a design. The back piece is typically one solid piece of fabric since it isn't shown as much. Both pieces (front & back) are then quilted together on a machine.

When I made my first quilt, I pieced together the top, bought the fabric for the back, and then never had it quilted. Life got in way, and I never made time to find the time.

A year later, my MIL told me about charm quilts. A charm quilt is a quilt that doesn't have any repeating pieces of fabric. It looks very scrappy, and women typically make them out of left over scraps of fabric from other quilts they had made. They are considered to be extremely lucky if you sleep under one. As soon as I heard the word luck, I knew I had to have one. My MIL sent me tons of fabric scraps that she had left over (she could probably open up her own fabric store), and I immediately got to work.

I wanted my quilt to have a certain order to it, and not just be a bunch of various pieces of fabric sewn together. I grouped them into color families, and then decided that I would sew them into cross shapes. I finished piecing the top of the quilt, and then I stopped. I put it away and forgot about it.

Fast forward to November of this year, Mr. Bossy & I were struggling with the news of our little one and holding on to one another for dear life. I remembered my charm quilt. Now, I'm not superstitious at all. I know that sleeping under a quilt is not going to make all of my dreams come true, but sometimes small things help me feel so much better. I called my MIL and asked her if she would quilt my top piece and the back piece together to finish my quilt. Of course, she said she would do it. While we waited though, Mr. Bossy's grandma had a charm quilt we could borrow until mine was finished. I felt better already!

Christmas Day 2011- I'm opening up my gifts at my MIL's house, and this is what I find.


My MIL had my quilt professionally quilted for me as a surprise Christmas gift! I was overwhelmed with gratitude, and Mr. Bossy couldn't wait to get home to put it on our bed! Now, we sleep under our own charm quilt and smile knowing that someday we will get lucky!






Bossy Bud

Crosshairs, out!

Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas!!! I was a good girl this year, and got lots of goodies. I am VERY pleased :)

I noticed a good amount of EWCM yesterday and today when wiping after using the restroom, so much so that u decided to record it in my FF app... And with that, the crosshairs were gone.




I have come to the conclusion that I did not O when I thought I did... And that I am, in fact, all over the place this cycle. So now what? I go back to temping and checking my EWCM, and consider my options for OPK (either I keep buying OPK or I invest in a CBEFM). Any thoughts?




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Two Week Wait Please Fly By

So, I am currently on CD19. FF FINALLY gave me a crosshair on Christmas Morning. However it wasn't where I wanted it. Here is what my past week looks like.

12/18- CD11- Did the BD. BFN on OPK.
12/19- CD 12- Did the BD. BFP on OPK
12/20-CD 13- Did the BD. BFP on OPK
12/21-CD 14- BFN on OPK.
12/23-CD 16- Did the BD.
12/25 CD 18- Finally got a cross hair that says I O'd on 12/21 CD14

I'm not sure what I was thinking not doing the BD on 12/21 CD-14. I think that Mr.Buckeye Bud and I were kind of worn out. I think the pressure is getting to us making it a bit difficult to make it thru the BD session. Maybe I just wont tell him next month when I O, so that he isnt under so much pressure :/ CD14 is the day FF says I O'd. If this is the case, I sure hope the squirmies are tough and survived until the egg dropped.

So here I am 5DPO. I've had a lot of sharp pains in what feels like my ovaries or tubes . I don't know what to make of this. Today I feel kind of crampy and bloated. I'm not gonna psych myself up tho. I'm tired of being let down. So if I don't let myself get my hopes up then the smack in the face wont hurt so bad. I know I should remain positive and all that hooplah but I find it impossible at this point. Nothing good has ever come of me being excited and optimistic. Call me Negative Nancy.

I do want to share this site that I found before I forget! It is a database of actual pregnancy symptoms submitted by pregnant women. There are different categories on the left side (i.e. BFP after miscarriage, BFP with PCOS, etc) so be sure to check those out. This site is addicting! However, it might aide in more obsessing during your own TWW.

http://www.twoweekwait.com/

Enjoy!
-Buckeye Bud

Baby Lucky Bud's Adoption Story Part 2

Cont. from part one...

When we met Alicia she was sweet,welcoming and friendly. She was extremely gracious and so grateful to us for coming. She was about 5 centimeters dilated and was having pretty painful contractions. Although she had considered having a natural childbirth before, she decided to have an epidural. The anesthesiologist had a busy night, and Alicia had to wait about two hours for her epidural. The anesthesiologist had a very difficult time getting the needle through her spine and it took almost an hour of trying. At one point I began to faint. How ridiculous! I saw the needle sticking out with all the blood and I started to go dark...literally. I couldn't see anything and Mr. Lucky Bud helped me sit down on the ground. I was so embarrassed! Here Alicia was the one in the middle of labor, with a needle sticking out of her back, and I was the one fainting!

After Alicia's epidural kicked in she felt much better and we were able to talk and get acquainted. I was glad that she had read my last email where I had laid out some examples of how things could go at the hospital. Alicia chose to have us there with her for all of the labor and for the birth, and then for us to stay at the hospital in a separate room and to care for the baby until he was discharged from the hospital.

The rest of Alicia's labor went very smooth. At about 8 am, Alicia's boyfriend, "Adam" arrived. We met him and he was so kind and gracious also. He thanked us over and over for being there. (we were the one's that were grateful to be there of course, but it was so sweet the way that they were so appreciative of us coming.)We left Alicia and Adam to be alone and went to the cafeteria for breakfast. We were speaking briefly with the wonderful hospital social worker after breakfast, when we were interrupted by the nurse who told us that Alicia was ready to push.

After a very calm half hour of pushing, Baby Lucky Bud was born. He was put on Alicia's stomach for her to hold, and then was cleaned up by the nurses. When they were done, they handed Baby Lucky Bud to me. I wanted so much to hold him, but I was anxious for Adam to be able to hold him first. Mr Lucky Bud and I soon got our chance to hold our new baby. We were filled with so much love for him and were so happy to be parents to another child. It was a very special moment that the four of us shared with the baby, and then Mr Lucky Bud and I were brought to our room with the him.

By then it was about noon, Christmas Eve. Mr Lucky Bud went home and got Little Lucky Bud, and came back later to the hospital to visit us. The rest of the day Alicia, Adam and I spent time bonding and adoring Baby Lucky Bud. Alicia and I stayed up very late into the night talking, and it felt as if we had known each other for years. On Christmas day we signed all of the legal paperwork for the adoption, and we had many visitors throughout the day.

Since the adoption was very sudden, none of Mr. Lucky Buds, nor my family members even knew that we were potentially going to adopt. It was so fun to call all of our family members to tell them that we had a baby! We had a beautiful Christmas day at the hospital with our new baby and his wonderful birth parents.

In the morning as the hospital staff completed the discharge paperwork, we had a very emotional and tearful goodbye with Alicia and Adam.  We are very blessed to have an open adoption with Alicia and Adam and are so glad that they only live a half hour away. We are so grateful to be able to celebrate Baby Lucky Buds first birthday together with them on Christmas Eve, and hope to make our Christmas Eve get together a yearly tradition.

Maybe another day in the future I will write a little entry about why I love open adoptions so much! (as opposed to a closed adoption)

A few hours old

Our first picture all together

Levels Rising

The best Christmas present ever I received today, my levels rose to 32 in 72 hours!! I am soo excited and grateful that my levels are rising. We will retest in another week to see where they are at and if they are still rising. I will probably POAS mid-week to see how things are going. Merry Christmas everyone!!

The Ultimate Test

I wanted to take a moment to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, etc. Tonight is a big deal, in my culture... We celebrate "Noche Buena" which translates as "Good Night". It's the night where we believe Mary and Joseph searched for a place to bring Baby Jesus into the world. We celebrate by cooking some very "Cuban" dishes like roasted pork, black beans and rice, yuca (a root boiled and seasoned with lots of garlic and "mojo") and for dessert... Turron (a past made from almonds or nuts, etc and then made into bars you cut into strips). Should be fun :)

CD 51, 29 DPO... No AF, no BFP... Nada! I haven't even temped for a few days so that I can get some sleep, and thats been good :) But, on top of all that, I attended a Baby Shower for a Family Member last night. It was Co-Ed, good food, good times... But, of course, there were those two pregnant bumps hanging around. See, there are two relatives who are currently knocked up. Great.

For the most part, it went pretty smoothly... I didn't get the "So, when are you having one?" question until I was almost ready to leave, which was a relief. But there was an interesting convo about fertility and women getting pregnant very easily, such as both the ones that are currently KU. I didn't go into our situation too much... After all, I don't really tell anyone we are TTC, so for now, it works. No need to see the faces and hear people say "don't worry it'll happen when you're not even thinking about it". Well, we all know that's not exactly how it works with IF. I spent a few months not thinking about it, this year, and apparently AF wasn't thinking either since she flew the coop... And that didn't get me very far.

I am currently waiting for the results for my tests to come back, so I can make an appointment with the RE. Then we'll get the show on the road, while simultaneously doing repairs on our house. This should be interesting.



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Fertility Friend = A Major Pain in My Rumpus

FerfilityFriend....pshhh.....that ain't no "friend!" I love it it one day and the next I hate it. As you can see from my chart below, I have yet to get any cross hairs. I got 2 positive OPK's on days 12 and 13 but that is the same time my temp began to rise. My CM was pretty inconsistent this month....I assume due to work stress, so I can't really count on that.

Unlike last month, I dont have any crazy dramatic rise.....just kind of slow and steady. I just want some crosshairs on my chart! Jeez! Once I get those, I will be fine. I'm a expert at the 2WW so I can patiently handle that. But the uncertainty of not knowing if FF thinks I OV'd is killing me!

The Femara that I was on day 3-7 during this cycle was supposed to ensure that I OV'd.....but at this point I don't have enough solid evidence. Maybe the Femara is the reason Im having such a slow rise. Good night......why do I put myself thru all this?!

I ordered a ferning microscope on Ebay this weekend. I'm super excited to get it and post about how it works for me!

-Buckeye Bud

Baby Lucky Bud's Adoption Story Part 1

Well it is almost Christmas Eve, so it is the perfect time to tell you about the birth of our second child, Baby Lucky Bud!

When Little Lucky Bud was about a year and a half old, our family made plans and traveled to Costa Rica and Panama for IVF. I had felt in my heart that we were meant to adopt again at some point in our lives, but some of the difficulties we had faced during our adoption were just a little to fresh still, and we decided to try fertility at that time.

Before we left for Costa Rica, through a series of events, our hearts started opening a little more to the thought of going through the adoption process sooner, and when our IVF failed, we were 100% prepared to adopt again. I actually started the whole process of the homestudy paperwork before we went to Costa Rica, and I just had a few things to complete in order to be approved for adoption and to get our profile up.

Our adoption profile went up(on an online website we used for Little Lucky Buds adoption) in August. We were contacted by Baby Lucky Buds birthmother for the first time on December 8th. I had actually already started considering embryo adoption, and had an apt set up in Tennesee for December 9th. Baby Lucky Buds Birth Mother, "Alicia" (name changed for privacy) contacted us the day before we left on our trip! We were emailing back and forth a few times in the days that we were out of town, but then I didn't hear from her for five days. I did receive a brief email that her internet had been out, and then again didn't hear from her for another five days. She said that she was busy and that we should meet after Christmas.

Baby Lucky Bud was due January 18th by the way. In our emails, we had only just started to get to know each other a little bit, but did not discuss adoption much, so I was not really sure where she stood. On December 22nd I woke up to an email from Alicia with her sincere desires for her baby to have everything she could not offer him at this time, and of her confidence in her adoption plan. She spoke of a few other things, and then asked some specific questions regarding how the actual process of the adoption would work.

 I should mention that if you go through an agency, typically you are not in direct contact with a birthparent like this, and that all of these questions would be answered by a social worker, but since Alicia found us through the online profile listing, we had direct contact with each other.

Alicia asked me questions like, would you and Mr. Lucky Bud be there for my labor? When would you officially have my baby? Who would get to name him? I answered all of these questions in an email and then went to sleep.

The next day we had a renewed hope that we might be blessed with a second child.  That night we went to Mr Lucky Buds Sisters house for a Christmas dinner, and then Mr Lucky Bud and I stayed up late that night talking. At 2:30 in the morning I was startled awake by my cell phone ringing. I sprang up and said loudly, "ALICIA!" This startled Mr Lucky Bud awake also, and I answered the phone.

It was Alicia. She said that she was in labor in the hospital. I was thinking to myself, "What does this mean? Is she choosing us? Are we going to have a baby tonight?" I asked Alicia if she would like us to come to the hospital. She said, "I am all alone, so that would be nice!" The hospital was only 30 minutes away, and I think that we got there 35 minutes after she had called.

Stay posted for part two...

16 Weeks

I had my 16 week apt. today and got to hear the babies heartbeat again. My midwife found it right away this time and I am so happy right now. I am not really showing yet, and not feeling sick anymore, so it is nice to have a reminder that there really is a baby in there! It is really amazing, I still can't believe it. Our baby should be around 4 1/2 inches from head to rump (about the size of an avocado), and 3 1/2 ounces.

Some things that I am looking forward to are:

*I signed up for some Bradley childbirth education classes today, which start in mid February.

*My next apt. with my midwife is on January 19th, and she will give me an order for my ultrasound. I am really looking forward to getting more information about how the baby is growing, and hopefully the reassurance that everything is fine!   (167 days to go!)

My heart really goes out to those of you who are still struggling to have children. The struggles, stress,difficulty and pain that we went through is still so fresh in my mind that it is hard to see others going through similar struggles and pain. I hope so much that all of you will soon have your dream of having a baby and I hope to be able to share in your joy as well.

The 2WW Continues

The 2 WW was supposed to be over on Wednesday with our blood test results came back with, as the Dr. put it, good and bad news. The good is I am pregnant the bad is that my HCG level is 10.5 and they want to see at least 30 for a viable pregnancy. My progesterone is great and my estridol is still a little low but overall he thinks is fine to keep a pregnancy. We get to wait now till Saturday to retake the blood test and see if the levels are doubling or dropping. Pretty much this will be a miracle if it works. I spent the rest of yesterday in bed sleeping and crying. To sum it up this is a crappy Christmas. Bah Humbug!!

And the rollercoaster continues...

Well, I am currently wrapping up CD 48 and 26 DPO with no sign of AF (OB also said there was no sign of her appearing) or a BFP. Here is how my chart has continued to develop:


I missed a couple if days, as you can see by the dotted lines, but since continuing on my temping track, it's been nothing but ups and downs. What that means? I have no idea. The only other "symptoms" I have noticed was some creamy/watery discharge and total exhaustion. The exhaustion can be related to the non-stop shopping and craziness that the season brings.

Tomorrow I will be having an ultrasound, as per my OB/GYN. It was supposed to happen on Tuesday, but there was a little "hiccup" in the plan. After that, I will be seeing an RE at a local fertility clinic. Hopefully I can start off the year with a clear TTC plan, and have my own little take home baby in 2012. There's still a part of me hoping that they discover a little creature on that US screen... But I know the chances of that are slim. Still, it would be nice :) I actually know someone, who wasn't TTC, who missed AF and started to wonder so she POAS... Various ones. All came up negative. She went into the Doctor and had a blood test. ALSO negative. At about 12 weeks or more, I believe, she had an US and found out she was KU. I think she was so far along, she even found out the sex. Crazy, huh? What are the chances. Again, slim... But there's always that glimmer of hope.

Adding insult to injury, I was at a local department store with a friend, doing some Christmas shopping, and of course I took a stroll through the baby section. SO looking forward to some day (hopefully soon) being able to pick out a few little things for our little bundle. ::fingers, eyes and toes all crossed::

Hope everyone is having a fab
Holiday Season :)




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Charting Confusion

So I've been charting like a good girl the past 2 months.....with the exception of a couple of days. My alarm is set for 5:45 am 7 days a week. I keep my thermometer within arms length just so I know I don't have to move around a lot and possibly skew the results. I don't talk or drink or do anything else before temping. SO, here is my concern for today......

5:45 AM- Temp 97.40 (went back to sleep after) (AND this was my same temp as yesterday!)
9:45 AM - Temp 97.70 (I was still in bed, hadn't moved around or talked)

WHY is there such a variation?? I know I should chart the first temp I received but that would mess up my temperature spike (it wont keep at an upward rise.) If you look at my chart below, I charted the 97.70 temp. This also gave me an empty circle I am assuming b/c of the time. I always seem to get this type of circle when my time is off.

Does anyone get variations like this when they sleep later than their usual temping time??? Or do I have a POS thermometer??!!

Okay so the ultrasound went well. YAY! No HB yet. US tech said that it was too early, even though the dr's office told me that my beta's were high enough that I may. Oh well. I was/am perfectly happy with the healthy sac and baby measuring right where it should (5w 5d). My doc wanted another US in 2 weeks, but with the holidays they didn't have any openings until 3 weeks which is Jan 9. I'm okay with that though. I am worried, too, because this 3WW has been where baby has stopped growing in the past. All signs point to a healthy pregnancy so far so I'm working on staying optimistic.

A Trip to the Mailbox.

I had a very unexpected, but very sweet conversation with my neighbor today. My neighbor and I have known each other for years (even before she moved in next door), and she knows about our struggle to become parents. She has always been so positive and sweet.

Today, I walked outside to check our mail and she was outside with her son. We said our usual- "How are you?" and "Ready for Christmas?" Then, she brought it up. She wanted to know how I was doing and when I was returning to my doctor. I was able to keep it together (which is still hard for me) while I explained that I would be seeing my doctor again in two weeks to discuss our FET.

Now- I'm used to people and their usual responses to my situation.
It'll happen. Just give it time.
It wasn't meant to be.
Just be patient.

My neighbor didn't say any of that. She was SO encouraging, and she told me that she KNEW it would happen again for us. If it had happened before, then it WOULD happen again.

For some reason, her words sounded so much more sincere compared to others who have said the exact same thing to me. Her words really struck me, and of course, I started tearing up.

I almost can't even explain how good it felt to hear her say that.

Quick question- It's been two weeks since my d & c, and my doctor said it would take 2-4 weeks for me to get my period again. If anyone has experience with this, how long did it for you to get yours?

Bossy

Infertility Etiquette

I don't know about you ladies, but it makes me crazy when someone I know tries to minimize what I have gone through. All I wanna do is give them a big smack on the head and walk away. But that doesn't happen and I simply tolerate the ignorance.

Getting pissed off about hearing someone say "Oh, I know it will happen for you," or "Just be patient, God will give you a baby," or "it's just not meant to be right now," sometimes makes me feel crazy. I found a great website that talks about Infertility Etiquette. After reading this article, I feel as if I have good solid argument the next time someone unintentionally dismisses my situation.We need to say what we feel and not let people who "think their helping" just irritate us even more. The added annoyance in our lives probably doesn't help our situation. We DON'T know if this will happen for us and we DON'T know that God will give us a baby.

Have a read.....this website is pretty informational =)

http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/infertility-etiquette.html

Lets Get It On

So today I went to my chiropractor for an adjustment and a session of deep tissue massage therapy like I always do. I initially began seeing a chiro to to improve my chances of conceiving (I read somewhere this helps with fertility). So I had my adjustment and all went as usual. The massage therapist I had never seen before was to work with me for an hour. A very talkative lady who I ended up finding out was also a REIKI therapist. Now, let me add that I have been willing to try anything to get knocked up. I did acupuncture back in the summer which happened to lead me to find out about the tubal pregnancy I had. That is another story for another day. So let me continue.
So Kathy (Reiki Therapist) isn't technically allowed to promote Reiki but she chooses to incorporate it into her massages. So that's what she did with me. I didn't know this until I happened to ask her about Reiki and she said that's what she was using on me.
**How awesome is it that I have been so interested in Reiki and I meet someone who has been doing it for decades!**

Let me just say, Reiki is absolutely amazing! It's a form of Japanese therapy to help with healing, etc. The therapist acts as a conductor of energy from the "universe" into the patient. Sounds loco, but that shit was CRAYYYZAYYYY. The natural heat from Kathy's hands was intense. It was like leather heated seats but in the form of a human. I Highly recommend it.
See this link for more information on Reiki:
http://www.reiki-for-holistic-health.com/

I left the office feeling SO good. Mentally and physically. I thought to myself...."how great would it be if I got home and finally got a positive OPK?!" I have not had any cross hairs on my chart yet so I pretty sure I haven't ovulated. I haven't gotten any positive OPK's yet either )and I've been testing 3x a day for a week!) I get home, POAS, and ScHaBaM!! A big fat beautiful positive.
Here is my current chart.

So ladies.....you know what I will be doing the next 3 night. FWP!

Off to the Doc I go...

Well, I have my appointment in about 40 minutes, so I thought I'd say hello, and update you... No sign of AF yet, and my temp stayed high again... Take a look:



There still is a chance I might be KU... Though, it's pretty slim. I am ok with either at this point (well, I would be THRILLED if I was, in fact, KU, but "ok" with not being... That's more like it). I just really want to know what's going on :-/

I was on FF obsessing and found a chart from a woman with similar issues to mine with got BFNs all the way through 21DPO, finally getting a BFP on 28DPO. Check it out:


Only difference is I am 29, not 23, and that I know of both of my Fallopian tubes work. Oh, and I chart Fahrenheit, not celsius.

So... There's still hope. But it can go either way now.

Will update after appointment :)

*****UPDATE: So, I went to my Doc, and talked to her about my "issues". She said what I thought she would... That I need to lose weight, and that she can't help by giving me meds like cloud because that would be irresponsible on her part. I voiced my concerns about getting to know my PCOS and she suggested I see an RE. She drew blood for some tests, and ordered me some ultrasounds for tomorrow (pelvic and transvaginal), and then she said if there is anything special with blood work or US, she will call me in - if not, to just go see an RE. Now, we wait.*****




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It is what it is :-/

First off, I am SO happy to be on vacation. As Bossy said, this is definitely one of the perks of being a Teacher. Granted, I love working with the kids, putting on shows, teaching them about music, etc... But sometimes, you just need a break. And a LONG one at that. Two full weeks to e exact ;)

Well, after not being able to temp for a couple of days, I finally got back on the temping train. Here is what my chart looks like now:




And I am more confused than ever. Even though my temp went just below the cover line yesterday, today it shot right back up. This is after I went to bed at 3 a.m. and woke up at 7:45 specifically to temp (I went back to sleep after). Still no AF and I haven't POAS since about 5 days ago.

I have an appointment with my OB for an annual check up, and am curious to see what she says. After that, we'll see what our next step is. I am curious to see what she recommends, and what tests and such she runs, or whatever. I guess we shall see!




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Nausea, cramping and irritability oh my!

Here is my FF chart thus far:

My temps are staying up which makes me feel better. And my progesterone increased by 4 points in a 48hour period from beginning the suppositories. So that makes me feel better. I did get my beta checked again yesterday (YAY for working in a building with a lab!) and it was 23,223...nearly double from the 12,109 two days prior. I needed something to give me hope to last through this weekend. I'm super nervous about the US on Monday...I haven't heard a heartbeat yet.

The first trimester symptoms are hitting me pretty hard this time around. Because of the progesterone suppositories? I've not had such strong symptoms with the first two pregnancies. I'm not sweating it though. You ladies know...we'll be nauseated, on bed rest with our feet up for the entire 9 months if we have to! =o) But I must say that the 18 hour-a-day nausea is not fun! And the fatigue. And the tender breasts. And the irritability (poor Mr. Curly!). And the gas/bloating. Not so upset about the decreased appetite. ;o)

Love and luck to you all! xoxo

Hip, Hip Hooray for Christmas Vacation!

It's official! I have the next two weeks off! Being a teacher definitely has its perks.

Although I'm looking forward to sleeping in every single day, I am going to miss my weekday routine. Teaching my lil' rugrats has helped keep my mind off of things.

Great news! I have an appointment with my RE on January 4th to discuss the next steps and our FET. I'm super excited and (almost) counting down the days until then. I told Mr. Bossy earlier today that I think I'll start feeling MUCH better when I know the plan. Then, I'll be able to feel like we're back on track.

Until then, I plan to keep as busy as possible with Christmas shopping (I still have a ton to do!) and quilting. Both of our families are local, so we'll be spending lots of time with them next weekend. One of my favorite traditions that my family has is watching Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation every Christmas Eve. Mr. Bossy, my brother, and I can practically quote the entire movie. We always find it hilarious how my dad can never stay awake through the entire movie!!


Hoping all of my Bud sisters have a VERY Merry Christmas and 2012 brings you much happiness!

XOXO

Bossy

Can we say Hormonal??

Last night I was feeling a bit queasy after taking a warm shower but I slept great! Today I have been very "crabby" you might say. Everyone that I interacted with I was bugged by. I couldn't even discuss Christmas presents without being pissy. I was also ready for bed by 5:00 tonight. I am hoping this is due to increasing hormones from a pregnancy not from the lovely progesterone and estrogen!!

The waiting game continues

I'm about to enter CD43, 21DPO and there is, literally, nothing to report. The last couple of days have been nothing short of crazy, and I honestly didn't even temp this morning after going to sleep at 3:30 a.m. When I woke up, I was so out of it, it totally skipped my mind. I also forgot to take my metformin last night. In short, I'm a mess.

Yesterday morning (Wesnesday), after sleeping about 5 hours, my temp did this:



But, still no sign of AF. I am planning on calling the my OB/GYN tomorrow to schedule an appointment and see what the flip is going on. I think I may be overdo for a pap, so I'll probably take care of that too. She'll probably give me a run-around about continuing to try naturally, and losing more weight, but regardless of what she says, my next appointment after seeing her will be with an RE at a local fertility clinic I was referred to by a friend. I have a feeling something is up, and with my 30th Birthday on the horizon, and plans to further my career, I am sick of wasting time, and sick of this PCOS business. I know that with TTC and IF problems, one shouldn't be looking for instant gratification or quick results, but I honestly don't want to play games with my fertility anymore. Hopefully, I'll have some answers within the last couple of weeks in 2011, or at the start of 2012... But I will get answers.

I. Am. Determined. :)




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2WW Blood Work & Random Thoughts

I think every time I call the Dr. with a question regarding my medication/treatment he has me come in for blood work. Not that I mind getting more information about my hormone levels so I will have peace of mind through this LOOOONNNNNGGG wait!! My question was about taking Estrace so late because in my previous two cycles I had started taking it before the transfer and this time I was going to start it 6 days after the transfer. So he had me come in to check my Estridol and Progesterone levels.
In I went to have my blood drawn,I got one of the good blood drawing nurses, and was told that they had just got two positive pregnancy tests that day from difficult IVF cycles. That helped me feel more confident that things will end up differently this time around. She was saying that she had read that laughter helped you to conceive, I have been doing a lot of that by keeping myself busy with friends and family. I actaully have a long list of things I do "just in case" they make this one stick:
- lay/sleep only on my back & slightly elevated upper body
- smell my husband to get lots of Pheromones
- laugh
- No heavy lifting
- Limited bending over
- Walk slowly
- No bouncing
- Keep distracted
Pretty much if someone gives me a "theory" I do it "just in case".

Back to my blood work. The nurse called back and said to that my Estridol levels were low at 34 and my Progesterone levels were great at 33.92. I was told I needed to start taking 4mg of Estrace instead of 2 mg and to start immediately. I am hoping that this has not affected the implantation or upcoming implantation of these embryos. I got varying information of the internet on what were normal levels and it doesn't seem that it is too far off for someone not on Estrogen supplementation. I am going with everything will be fine.

Cycle Day 7 - I Might Be Normal Again

Well, today is the 7th day of my cycle and there is no sign of Ov in sight. No CM and no temp increases. On the 8th day of my last cycle, FF says I OV'd. I would think if that were the case this cycle, I would of atleast gotten a positive OPK by now. I tested Monday 2x, Tuesday 3x, and once this morning got all negatives. Just a little bit of LH in my system but not enough that means OV is coming. I recently learned that LH is always in our bodies. Who knew?!
So maybe this means my cycle might be somewhat normal this month! That would be such a relief!

Today is the last day of my 5 day dosage of Femara. The 2- 2.5 mg pills each day hasn't caused any side effects. Just slight headaches .....but I think those were around before I took even took the meds. Now today.....that is another story. I've been taking them at 11am each day, and today at around 2:30ish, I got SOOOO sluggish and dizzy. The headache came to. I attribute all of this to the Femara. I'm glad it's the last day! I am experiencing some weird pains on each side where my ovaries are......idk what that means.

Now I just pray that the Femara does what it is supposed to do and ensures that I OV. Ideally, that would be around day 12 or 13. That way my egg will be soft enough for the little squirmys to get in ;)

Here is my chart as of this morning......no abnormal temperature spike, so hopefully it holds off another few days!!

15 Weeks

I am 15 weeks pregnant now. It is such a miracle, and I am still in awe everyday. It still seems so surreal. Mr. Lucky Bud and I had been trying to get pregnant for 6 years. Even when our children were born, we knew that the chances of us getting pregnant without IVF with ICSI were so slim, that we would welcome a miracle anytime, so we kept on trying. After trying for long so it is just hard to believe that we actually did it, and I am pregnant!

We are so grateful to the couple that gave us their frozen embryos left over from their IVF cycle. We have plans to meet them sometime after the holidays and are looking forward to that. We don't know that much about them, so it will be fun and interesting to learn more.

I really look forward to each apt. with my midwife, just to have the reassurance that everything is okay, and to hear the heartbeat. I have my next visit in a week, so I am very excited for that. Although I have much less anxiety now being past the first trimester, I don't think it is possible for me not to worry at least a tiny bit.

Our baby is now 4 inches from crown to rump, and about the size of an apple. At this point it is possible to determine by ultrasound if you are having a boy or a girl, although we are going to wait another month since that is what our midwife recommended. Our baby is going to be growing fast in the next month and will double in size! That's amazing!

I am having a birthday in two days and will be 34! One of my sisters sent me a thoughtful birthday gift and said I could open it early. It was a necklace like the one below with my little buds names stamped on the charms. I am always trying to think of thoughtful gifts for our birth parents, and as I have received them in the mail, have admired them and wished that I had a keepsake too, so it was a great gift.

gift from my sister

I thought I would include a photo too of what I got Baby Lucky Buds birthparents to celebrate the first year of his adoption. I was looking over my email correspondences with Baby Lucky Buds birthmom, and it is crazy to think that a year ago from today we had no idea that we would be bringing home a baby in less than two weeks! (More details to come on Baby Lucky Buds adoption)

gift for birth mother

gift for birth father

Twinges

All day I have been feeling what you might describe as "twinges" or a "pinching" feeling on my left side. I am going to go with that it is those little embryos implanting, if not whatever it is just better knock it off!!

18 DPO and nothing :-/

I have continued my routine... Wake up, temp, go about my day. This morning was no different. FF suggested that I temp today since I have 18 temps above cover line, so I did. The result was depressing, and in words: "Not Pregnant". Almost 97% of women get a BFP before 18 DPO... What are the chances that I am part of that 3.something%?! At this point, I don't know what to do. AF is nowhere in site, and I have run out of patience. I think I will cave and make an appointment with my OB/GYN to have some blood work done, and maybe an US.

I have been trying to do everything right... We timed BD down to almost a science, and had lots of it, I temped (and continue doing so), I used OPKs, I have been taking prenatals and continuing my metformin. Not to mention I have had a couple of symptoms, such as nausea, gas, the occasional dull cramping/pulling feelin in my lower abdomen/pelvic area. So what gives? Cause something's gotta give... Somewhere? :-/




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Trying times...

Okay, so here's the skinny on what's been going on the last few days:

Wed 12-7-11: beta=640. progesterone=17. bbt=98.4.
Thurs: bbt=98.5
Fri: beta=1943. progesterone not back from lab. bbt=98.4
Sat: bbt=98.6
Sun: bbt= 98.4
Mon 12-12-11: bbt 98.0. Got to work and found out progesterone dropped to 13.4!!!

OMG. Talk about a lump in your throat. Not only did my temp drop to the lowest it's been in the short time I've been checking it. I immediately called the OB and let them know that I was faxing my results over and would like a call bak ASAP. Then I decided "forget that! I need an appt!" So I called back to request a work-in appointment - who wants to play phone-tag and go through a middle-man when you have a potential crisis?!?! Guess what they told me...we'll call you back.

I had my beta and progesterone done again (of my own accord) and luckily the beta increased (though not quite triple) to 5700-something and the progesterone increased back to 16.9. But I was still freaking out.

I got a call around lunch-time from the OB's office telling to start progesterone suppositories twice daily and I have a US scheduled for next Monday at 9:30. I picked them up after work.

I'm stil worried as crap, but thankful that this was caught early enough. My progesterone was never checked more than once so who knows? That could have been the reason for the first two MCs. SO WHY WASN'T THIS CHECKED THE FIRST TWO TIMES?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!

Keep praying for me ladies!

Remaining Embryo Update

The Dr. called and said that none of the 11 remaining embryos did not make it to blastocyte stage and therefore none were frozen. I thought I would be more bummed about it since I was soo excited about the potential of having some snow babies. I think all the talking from family and friends that the importance is more on what embryos are put in than what is frozen. I wasn't hopeful the prior two times since we didn't really have any eggs to freeze.

So we have 3 embryos hopefully hatching and starting to implant in my lovely uterus!

Stress Kills......

Nothing new to report today. Just thought I would pop in and give an update. 5th day of my cycle I'm on the 3rd day of my Femara. 2 more days to go. I figure I will start the OPK's tonight. Since I ovulated on day 7 of my last cycle and missed my window, I wanna be sure I start POAS early enough. No side effects really.....just a slight headache each day.

I'm so confused as to why my cycle was so short in November. Was it the Prometrium that I was on back in October? Was it stress? All I know is that this has never happened....not in my entire life! And of course it happens when I'm trying to get KU. Grrr.

Speaking of stress I would like to vent. I'm having an extremely difficult time at work with some serious A**holes that are in my department. My best friend stabbed me in the back and 4 of my other "friends" completely turned their backs on me. I have been so stressed it's made me sick to my stomach. My typical "guts of steel" have done a 180 and have not been very nice. The whole situation couldn't come at a worse time. I'm trying to get pregnant for F**k's sake!!!

So what I am thinking, is that maybe I could talk to my doctor when I do get knocked up. I would like to take a couple of weeks off work. I don' want anything coming between me and a healthy full-term pregnancy. And if stress is giving me the scowers, then who knows what it would do to a potential pregnancy. I need to be in a serene environment with no outside distractions that could jeopardize my chances of being successful. I've never asked for short term disability and I wouldn't even know how to ask for it, or if it would even qualify for STD. Has anyone ever taken STD for anxiety/depression?? And would this be something that my infertility doc could do or would it be just my regular family physician?

2 WW in Progress

I am three days into my 2 WW, and yes it is still as nerve racking as the other two IVF cycles. I have been trying to stay off the IVF chat groups and reading peoples worries because of course they become mine!! I did do a little research about 10 and 12 cell embryos and if that meant they were stronger than the normal 8 cell day 3 embryos. The 12 cell embryo is called a morula, the stage right before blastocyte, and the 10 cell embryo is an intermediate growing embryo. Both of these have higher implantation rates and are supposed to be, statistically, stronger embryos than the 8 cell. I will take that as this time is the lucky round of IVF!!

I have been laying around, flat on my back with my head raised higher than my feet so those embryos stay low in my uterus. I know they say once they are in there isn't much you can do except wait and pray that it will be successful. I am a bit paranoid that my one tube will suck those embryos right out of my uterus thinking they are foreign objects instead of expensive babies that I desperately want to stay put!! I have been minimizing the amount of time I am standing or sitting to make sure my uterus is calm and relaxed as well. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed that these little embryos are growing and thriving in my uterus!!

On the 17th day of temping, my BBT gave to me...

A 97.33! Holy moly! This marks 17 straight days of temps above the cover line. Apparently, 18 days CAN mean pregnancy. But, one thing I have learned about this process is, A LOT of things can mean that I am KU. Therefore, I am going to stay positive while not keeping my hopes up, if that's possible.




FF advises that I test on Wednesday, and that's probably what I'll do. Wednesday will be 19 DPO. FF also predicts that AF will arrive any day from today on... So we shall also see if she decides to show up or not.




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The frustration sets in...

16 DPO, no sign of AF and nothing but BFNs. When will I get a break?

I am standing at a crossroad, but I am at a stand-still. I wish SOMETHING would happen. I wish that I could either get the BFP I have been waiting for, or have AF show up already, so I can move on with this TTC process. Obviously, I would LOVE for it to be the option including a BFP... But I rather something happen than just sit here waiting. I am beyond 2 weeks, and getting anxious. In addition, I only have one CBED left, which I plan to save until mid week, if temps stay high, as they have. Take a look at my chart:



I haven't completely lost hope... After all, many women get late BFPs after multiple BFNs. I just hope that I am one of them :-/

According to FF, AF is due tomorrow... So the waiting game will continue.




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Oh, Brother!

I've been riding this TTC roller coaster for 3 years now. Mr. Bossy & I are becoming accustomed to disappointment. It's hard knowing that my worst fear has come true: Infertility.

Recently, I felt like I was sucker-punched. My little brother (by 3 years) married his fiance in July of this year. They had been together for 2 years. His wife (who is 22) had mentioned to me in June that she couldn't wait to start a family. I wanted to tell her to slow down and enjoy life (she had just graduated from college for goodness sake!), but I REALLY wanted her to wait until Mr. Bossy & I had started our own family first. I mean, I'm the oldest and I've been married longer. Shouldn't I provide my parents with their first grandchild?

I got the phone call in late August (one month after they were married). My brother and I are not that close. He only lives 30 minutes away, but we don't EVER chat on the phone. We'll occasionally phone each other when there is something important to discuss. I knew right away by the way he was keeping me on the phone that there was something else he had to say. Then came the words I was dreading- "J's pregnant!" A honeymoon baby! He said it was a "surprise." I tried my hardest to act excited, but I'm pretty sure I didn't. I hung up the phone and cried.

I know that it wasn't done to hurt me, but I felt like I had been slapped in the face. I realize that everywhere around the world, people become pregnant unexpectedly. But this felt different- I had to look at it every time I logged onto Facebook (I've since hidden their posts) and see her bump every time the family got together. I thought our prayers had finally been answered when Mr. Bossy & I discovered a month later that we had a little one coming also! Imagine our heartbreak when we were told a month later that our baby didn't have a heartbeat.

My brother and J found out the sex of their baby the day after my d & c. Perfect timing. And to top it all off- the family is getting together this afternoon to celebrate J's birthday. I've been down-right nasty to Mr. Bossy this entire weekend, and it's not even his fault! Where is our silver lining? When will it be our turn?

I promise this will be my last depressing post for a while. I just needed to vent, and I know that this is a place where others will understand.

Bossy Bud

Question...

As you all know, I started temping a few days ago - right before the BFP. And I've read that BBTs can "predict" (if you will) a miscarriage by a decline in temps. I've still been checking my temps and wonder if I should continue? I know that hormones can effect them and I know that it'll probably drive me crazy but I think I would feel even more chaotic and out-of -control if I didn't. I mean I don't want to walk into another US (not yet scheduled, btw) blind and totally unprepared.

HELP! I need some advice from my sisters...

In it to "win" it

Today is CD 37, 15 DPO (as per FF), and so far, no sign of AF. My temps have remained high, too, so that is also a good sign, I guess.



Today's weird symptom? Well, while I was brushing my teeth, when I spit into the sink, there was a substantial amount of blood, which was strange. I used to bleed a bit when I brushed, but I switched to a new tooth paste (crest pro-health) and stopped having that problem. Today, all of a sudden, I was spitting out a lot of blood. I used the creat rinse I use, and it stopped, but it was a bit strange. I have read a bit about bleeding gums in early pregnancy, but I don't know if this can be attributed as a sign. Has anyone else had a similar "problem"? I was also SUPER sleepy last night, like by 8:30pm I wanted to go to sleep... But I made myself hold out until 11-ish. I also slept a lot last night and I feel like going back to sleep.

I am holding out on testing until AT LEAST tomorrow. FF says that AF is due to arrive Tuesday. Hopefully this is pretty accurate since I took time to input all my previous cycle data from Period Tracker.

In the meantime, staying positive :)




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Embryo Transfer

They are in!!! It was a bit different this time around in seeing the embryos than in Panama. The microscope is in this NICU looking bed so we could walk into the same room and actually look into the microscope to look at each one. There were 4 that were looking the most promising so we only looked at those since really there are 14 to look at. The embryologist had a sheet that has been tracking each embryo from fertilization that showed us how they have grown and changed each day, that was pretty cool to see. Of the 4 we had 2 A and 2 B grade embryos to choose from. The first A was a 12 cell with less than 5% fragmentation, the second A was a 10 cell with less than 5% fragmentation, the first B was a 6+2 (6 even sized cells + 2 smaller uneven sized cells) cell with less than 5% fragmentation and the second B was 4+4 cell with 15% fragmentation. It was pretty cool how the embryologist knew which embryo was where on the petri dish and I like how well he explained the qualities of each one to Mr. Explorer Bud and I. He showed us our name that was written on the petri dish and then each dot of liquid to the right of our name going clockwise was a different embryo. The other 10 embryos were varying degrees of B's and C's but were uneven cell sizes and/or fragmented. The embryologist said there is about a 10% chance the other 10 will freeze and if they have a fragmentation over 45% they will not freeze them. We find out in 2 days if any will freeze.
Getting back to the embryo transfer, talking with the Dr. and embryologist they suggested I put back the 2 A's and one of the B grade embryos due to my age, PCOS, Hypothyroidism, tubal pregnancy and past failures in IVF. I agreed and so we then got to pick between the two B's. Funny that we are choosing which embryo we will put back??!! That is IVF for you so weird but cool at the same time!! I was talking with some friends the other night and we were laughing because I know the exact process of how the female body produces follicles, eggs, ovulates, travels, fertilizes and attaches. I apparently went to reproductive school by being infertile, an expensive education!!
With the help of the embryologist we chose the 4+4 B grade embryo because it was a more evenly dividing embryo even though it had a higher fragmentation. The transfer itself went smoothly, the nurse commented that my lining was looking good since she could see it on the ultrasound clearly and the whole process was smooth and painless. I was worried that there would be some discomfort with my cervix but there was none. I get to be on bed rest for the next two days and modified bed rest the next two days, then ease into normal activity. I am feeling good about this transfer and the embryos we chose so I am feeling hopeful at this point.

Uninvited Guest

A little bit of nausea the past couple days and a consistently high temperature gave me a glimmer of hope that I might just be KU. Although I knew in my heart I really wasn't. I didn't let myself get excited so the disappointment was minimal when I got my declining temperature yesterday morning. I knew she was coming soon and she did. Aunt Flo graced me with her presence during an already stressful day at work yesterday. She treated me with ungodly painful cramps that had me hunched over in pain. Oh well, the pain lets me remember that I'm still alive ;)

Photo Credit

http://www.weddingbee.com/2009/05/05/planning-for-aunt-flo/

So today is day 2 of my cycle and I start the Femara tomorrow! I'm pretty excited about it but still a bit nervous. I really hope I don't Ovulate as early in this cycle as I did my last (Day 7).

Instructions for use: Take 2 tablets (2.5mg) by mouth everyday at the same time on cycle day 3-7. The side effects are supposed to be minimal, but I will keep everyone posted on how it makes me feel. Wish me luck friends!!