Hello Month 7 & Third Tri!

We've made it! We're here! 3rd Tri is finally here!

Today I am 27 weeks and starting into the third trimester! I honestly never really saw myself here, making it this far. After a loss, every milestone is a treasure. I know Baby MB is getting cramped in there, and I also know his movement is getting much stronger. He spent nearly all night last night performing a dance number on my insides after we shared a Strawberry CheeseQuake Blizzard treat from Dairy Queen (which was *heaven*).

I've got 10-13 weeks before this little man arrives. *takes a deep breath* That means 10-13 more weeks of modified bed rest and hoping he doesn't come early. You can do it Baby MB! My Blood Pressure has still been reading pretty high the last few days, but I've also been a bit more active that I probably should have been. So, this means more resting and less to-do-ing. Ah well.

Nursery plans oh-my!

So, we've got our plan for painting and some Cookie Monster pieces we've got online already. And even though our general theme of the nursery will be Cookie Monster, I don't want it to be a TACKY kind of them if you know what I mean. I've got some more ideas to incorporate and start planning for Baby MB's nursery.

I recently started following a new blog, Young House Love (above photo credit), which is amazing in it of itself. But I especially fell in love with their asymmetrical wall art for their nursery. I suppose I should start shopping the thrift stores for some photo frames to repurpose. I bet I've got a few around the house too I can use. I'm very excited because I know my MIL is making a really cool cross stitch project for when he gets here that will have his birth stats on it - what a perfect spot this will be for that craft of hers!

Originally I wanted to hang Collin's name above his crib with some wood letters. Then I saw this "M" monogram from Christy's Creative Chaos (above photo credit as well). She made this out of a cardboard shipping box! The 3-dimensional aspect above the crib would be a great addition to Collin's name wouldn't it?! And, I wouldn't have to buy the letters - I can shop for the cardboard in my basement. Maybe I can find some Cookie Monster scrap book paper for the sides of the letters. Hmmmmm!

We definitely need quite a bit of help in the closet/storage organization. (Isn't that closet above beautiful?! Photo Credit to OhDeeOh) We've actually got a big closet, but it only has one hanging rod and one shelf. We're hoping to install some shelves, another hanging rod and really take advantage of the space we have. Recently, Anna @ Knock Off Wood posted a GENIUS way to install even MORE closet space on your closet doors. Currently our closet doors are sliding doors and I'd love to incorporate this idea to both our nursery and maybe our Master Bedroom too! I can imagine all the possibilities of storage!

We shall see, we shall see! Nothing can be done until we take everything out of the room now.... which... OI VEY overwhelms me. There's just so much stuff up there! And of course being on Modified Bed Rest, I can't do it all myself :( Currently our Crib, Dresser/Changing Table, Glider & Ottoman are sitting in their boxes surrounded by CRAP! One day at a time, I must tell myself this!

What are your favorite nursery projects you've seen lately?

Rainbows = Fertility?

Cross-hairs AND five free VIP days on FF? AND a rainbow at work?

Yes, Please!

Granted, the rainbow has nothing to do with my fertility, but I can take it as a sign if I want to. And I think I will, actually.



That's scientifically sound, right?

Joking (mostly) aside, after 32 days, we are officially in the 2ww; without medication, I might add. Our timing wasn't fantastic, but the fact that I O'd on my own is more than enough to make up for it if this isn't our cycle.

Hoping everyone else is having a rainbow and unicorn filled day,
Cherry Bud

Oh, Bed Rest

Luckily, this isn't me quite yet!

So, update since the last time I was here....

After my appointment monday I got my bloodwork results back right away. Everything checked out except my liver showed some slight abnormalities. Dr said it could be due to taking tylenol for my headaches (which I hadn't had any in about 4 days prior to that bloodwork). He ordered that I get a 12.5mg shot of betamethasone Tuesday and Wednesday. It should help determine whether or not my liver functions were actually abnormal or if due to the tylenol. It also, I learned at the Drs office, is a steroid that will help increase Mister MBs lung growth capacity just incase this turns into something bigger and we go into Pre Term Labor.

So, I got the two shots (whoa did they sting compared to my progesterone shots!) and my blood redrawn today to double check for those elevated levels. Daddy MB wasn't so happy about the steroid, for his own personal reasons he kind of got into an uproar and I know my dad only has my best interests at heart - but I trust my Dr. He's gotten me this far on a pregnancy that we both thought we were going to lose at the beginning.

As far as work/bed rest goes - basically started on Monday when they wrote me out of work. I went in Tuesday for a half day to learn that they couldn't accommodate my half-day schedule that the Dr was requesting and I had to start my maternity leave today. FMLA is 12 weeks, I have 14 weeks to go. At first it was a little stressful but we got it all worked out and Hubby MB and I are confident this is the right thing to do. Even if our entire family is worried sick about our finances (I've got GREAT benefits and get 100% salary for the first 8 weeks and 67% salary for the last 4 weeks), it's clear to me and the doctor this is working.

How, you ask? Well, my BP yesterday was back down to 120/70 - still a tad bit high for me but back to non-dangerous levels. My headaches, dizzy spells, contractions, swelling, and everything else that was creeping up on me last week are nearly gone. And most importantly, that BP is lower. Woot woot!

Stay tuned to what I've been doing since being on modified bed rest (because I'm still allowed those 4 hours a day to do what I want)!

Sad

Today was a very eye opening day for me. I am 29 years old, and I found out that a coworker of mine (who I have really become to know quite well) has Cancer. She is also 29. I can't even tell you what kind it is...all I know is that she was in the SAME boat as me. She has a three year old daughter, born just merely days after lil JB. Her and her hubby had been trying to get pregnant about the same amount of time as Mr. JB and me when school ended in June. She was getting ready to undergo testing to see why she was having such difficulty getting pregnant, because they had no problems getting pregnant with her daughter. When they did the testing they found the cancer, did a complete hysterectomy, and she is now undergoing chemo every week.

WOW.

Puts things in perspective for me, but also scares the crap out of me, because you could NOT meet a sweeter person than her. It amazes me the strength she has, because lord knows I don't think I could muster the same strength if it were me.

I am now 5 DPO, and I keep praying that this is it for us...but, a little piece of my heart was given to her today when I heard her sad story. I know not getting pregnant this cycle will tear me apart, but with her story in the back of my mind, and with everything she has had to deal with, I know I can get through this. If she can, anyone can.

So it begins again....

AF started to show her ugly head last night with just a little spotting. I totally broke apart. For some odd reason, I actually had hope that this cycle was the one. It would have been perfect timing in many different ways, but it is stupid to think about it now. I feel particularly bad for Mr. PB; I got into bed last and sobbed for a good half an hour. Now it wasn't just some tears; it was full on, little child someone stole my favorite stuffed animal and it stabbing it sobbing. I didn't even know I could still cry like that (I am slightly proud of myself). I have also become one of those cynical irrational women who hates all those who can bear children, even fictional characters (that sent me into another spell of hysterical crying).

With all that said, I guess it is onto cycle 9. I honestly never thought it would take this long. I guess I was idealistic and naive. Things like this happen to other people, not to me. However, no matter how I look at it. Here we are starting cycle 9 with no baby in sight. So what do we do now? I am going to begin acupuncture this cycle. I am not sure it will help, but it can't hurt. Since we have not been using bc for a year in October, I am planning on calling my OB to get some infertility testing. We really don't want to start trying treatments unless absolutely necessary.

I guess from here it is just more of the same. I am trying to stay positive, but it is getting harder each month. My hat goes off to you ladies who have been trying for much longer than we have. Any words of wisdom or advice you can give on surviving this are more than welcome. I don't know how much longer it will be until I just wave the white flag and go buy a new cat. We can be that crazy old cat couple. I am thinking maybe 15 or 20 will suffice.

Good numbers!

The nurse finally called me back this afternoon with my 7dpo results.

Estradiol - 114
Progesterone - 16

She said both of those are great numbers! I wish there was some indication of pregnancy in there though!

*crosses fingers*

One more week to wait...

And yes, I POAS this morning. BFN. :)

35 Weeks, ANOTHER night in L&D, ANOTHER missed baby shower, and Bedrest

From the title of my post you can tell its been fun huh? So when I was 34 weeks on a Friday I called my doctor because I was having a headache that would.not.go.away. It hurt so very very bad. I tried everything. I decided to take my BP since its been going up and low and behold it was up there in the 140s. I decided then to call my doctor normally when resting it never got up that high. The on call doctor asked me to try to get rid of it with caffeine and Tylenol and if it didn't go away go into the hospital. Don't worry he said, you won't stay over night. YEAH RIGHT.

We got in and my BP was in the upper 150s. I blamed nerves. Once I rested and the nurse went out it went down dramatically. They had be start the 24 hour urine collection and did some blood work. I thought I would be discharged and go home. Not the case. The nurse said they wanted to hold me over night and watch me for 24 hours. That meant I would miss my baby shower.. AGAIN. WTF I wanted to cry but I knew there was no use. By now it was just hilarious. Apparently my daughter is shy and hates attention on her.

I called all my friends and the girls hosting the shower to let them know of the news and like great friends they are they were all understanding and considerate. We decided to have people come up to the hospital and eat cake.. YUM!

Overall it was a WONDERFUL shower. I have some wonderful friends who were very considerate and generous. I got released after the shower and told to follow up with my doctor on Monday and continue with the 24 hour urine collection. Oh and bed rest for the weekend.

I checked up with my doctor and my BP is slowly rising and looks like I'm developing Pre-Eclampsia. I know I'm super close to being full term so I'm trying not to worry about this at all but I did have to stop working and got put on bed rest.

While bedrest sounds wonderful for the first hour it sucks. Let me tell you. I know what I am doing is for the best but the nesting urge is ridiculous and I want to do so much but can't do anything. I can go from bed, couch, bathroom, back to bed, couch. I have one day a week I can go to dinner with Mr. OB or to a movie but he has to drop me off as close as possible to the entrance and limit my walking.

It looks like my BP is doing okay while I'm resting but if I get up and do anything it goes up to the 140s/80s. My doctor is hopeful I can make it to 37 weeks (FULL TERM!!!) and we can induce. We were planning on inducing anyways because little Pepper (or shall I say BIG) is measuring 3 weeks ahead.

So right now I'm just laying here and playing on the internet. In the past week I have watched so much TV and I feel like a bum. I'm not going to lie I'm envious of those women who can still do things at 35 weeks. I hate that I'm stuck here but I know its for the best for ME and PEPPER. And I also know in a couple of weeks I'm going to be WISHING I could lay on the bed and have nothing to do.

I could use many prayers right now that my BP stays low and that Ms. Pepper stays in me until I'm at least 37 weeks. I'm so close I can taste it!

And here is a 34 week photo of my belly. It sucks because now I don't really get dressed now but I told Mr. OB I promise to keep up with the photos. This was a photo I took of the dress I was GOING to wear to my shower. Boo! Instead I wore an awesome nursing nightgown.

So ashamed of mysef.

I ordered a bunch of internet cheapie tests on amazon.com Saturday. I wasted a lot of money last month testing and didn't want to again this month. Well, they came in the mail today!

So I did what any normal (read: Not) person who has been TTC for a long time would do.

I POAS!!!

At 7dpo.

In the evening.

*hands head in shame*

It was BFN, of course. I wasn't upset at all. I completely knew it would be. I just couldn't help the compulsion of ripping open a new package of 25 pregnancy tests and not pee on one of them! I mean, come on, go look at that chart! It's a beauty so far!

Had my 7dpo blood draw today though. As of 4:30pm, the RE's office still didn't have the results. Here's hoping they have them tomorrow and that I had a super good ovulation, especially since it was so freaking early for me.

Can't wait to wake up and POAS tomorrow morning! :)

24w & 26w Update

Well, I've been laying low - Dr's orders! But here are a few updates on us....

At my 24 week appointment two weeks ago, we got a scare with my Blood Pressure - 130/100 (yikes!). I laid down in the office for 15 minutes and it went down to 120/70 but that was still somewhat high for me and my OB mentioned my BP is rising slowly. My uterus was measuring a week ahead, I was up 1lb since my last apt (at 20w), and now I've got to watch out for continuous headaches, vision problems, swelling (which, had already happened), and more. I was ordered to lay on my left side for two hours a day - which did not include overnight sleep - when would I find the time to do this working full time and remodeling our kitchen?!

Somewhere during week 25 my blood pressure spiked to 152/84 after a day's work and a huge amount of swelling. I called the On-Call dr and he said not to worry unless it got over 160 for the top number.

I had my follow up appointment today, checked BP, did my GTT (glucose test), and had an ultrasound. In two week's I've gained 5lbs - which seemed a bit high to me but the NP said it wasn't abnormal - and some of it might be water retention related to my high BP. My blood pressure first thing was 142/80, so again it's increasing. I told her about all of my non-stop headaches, my dizzy spells, troubles breathing (this wasn't totally abnormal she said, I'm losing room in there!), and my all-day Braxton Hicks contractions that turned into 3-4 real contractions. We discussed at minimum a modified bed rest schedule with work. I am no longer to work a full 9-hour day - if I can work it out with HR, I'll be on a 4-hour/day schedule.

They took my blood to check for Pre-Eclampsia (my urine samples are coming back clear) and if the results are abnormal, then I am to start bed rest fully right away. I sort of knew it was going to go in this direction after my 24week appointment and my continually rising BP. I notice a huge difference in my symptoms and the way my body reacts in days that I work and days that I'm at home resting. (I work on my feet as a makeup artist and am also the Assistant Manager in our store).

Time for some good news! Little MB is measuring in the 55th percentile, so he's right on track and average. He's weighing in at about 2lb 3oz and I even caught him smiling on the ultrasound! AND! He's totally got my nose! I did find out that he's now transverse - his head and feet are under my left rib while his booty is under my right rib. He's totally cramped in there and it's only going to get worse!

I can't wait to meet him - preferably not for another 14 weeks, but I am very excited! Hopefully whether or not my blood work comes back abnormal - the modified or full bed rest will keep me healthy enough so he can bake fully and wait to make his appearance until November!

waitwaitwait

Here I am on day 12 of the 2ww. I am feeling pretty pessimistic about the outcome of our first IUI, as my temp has started to drop and I am extremely irritable and tired. I already got a BFN yesterday. I will possibly test tomorrow morning for kicks if I am in the mood--I don't think seeing another BFN this cycle will upset me, since it's totally what I expect.

We had our appointment with Prof. L, the senior RE today. Originally when I scheduled the appointment, I was sure that I would have known the outcome of this cycle for a week already, but since I ended up Oing much later than usual, such was not the case. This coming cycle we will be taking a break from treatment since we will be away, but the following cycle when we get back we plan to do Clomid IUI. Our chances should be significantly better than with unmedicated IUI. The current plan is 3 cycles of Clomid IUI and then if that doesn't work, we'll move on to injectibles. I was happy to learn that I shouldn't be very concerned about my fibroid or about my strange follicle maturation patterns (hopefully induced ovulation will help to normalize things anyway).

One thing that made me feel like an idiot was not writing out my questions in advance. I told him that I had a ton of questions and then subsequently forget 75% of them. I felt pretty dumb and now the questions are creeping back. One major concern I have is the risk of multiples. I was born 2 months prematurely and in my mom's next pregnancy, she lost twins during the 2nd tri. Her ob/gyn told her there was no way she would have been physically able to carry twins to near-term. I have the same build and am the same size as my mom and I worry that I also will not be able to successfully carry multiples. I was wondering whether it would be more appropriate for me to try Femara instead of Clomid since the risk of multiples is lower, but I guess I will have a lot of time now until the beginning of my next treatment cycle to ask the question anyway.

Our appointment was totally OOP (and quite expensive!), so imagine our surprise when at the end of the appointment, Prof. L told us that he wasn't going to charge us anything because he in principle won't bill other doctors. How freaking nice is that? We were shocked and so appreciative. I am hoping for a relaxed break cycle with less stress in my life and the opportunity to step up my running to get in better shape. We still plan to try on our own, though that obviously hasn't gotten us so far in the past :)

Queries and Thermal Shifts

Mr. Cherry Bud and I went to a wedding for two good friends this weekend. It was a wonderful wedding, beautiful decorations, good food, wonderful people. There is nothing I like better than celebrating the love and commitment between two people. Beautiful.

The only downside to weddings is the inevitable baby questions. Mr. Cherry Bud and I have been married for a year and show no public signs of giving the world Baby Cherry Bud. This means that, at every social event highly attended by members of my church, I am asked, constantly "So, when will the two of you be having children?" or the slightly more tactful: "So, will we be seeing a new little one in the nursery any time soon?" I've even had "So, are you trying?" This tends to be from the younger crowd, possibly because the younger one is, the less tact one is equipped with. Instead of throwing out the "We're not-not trying" answer, I've found one that tends to placate the church-going crowd.

"Whenever God decides we're ready"

Because no good church-going old lady can argue with that. It also has a very "thank you for asking, lets move on" tone to it.

It's hard to be at an event where your TTC plans are constantly questioned, especially when none of them have any idea how much I would love to be able to say "Yes, we're due this *enter EDD here*"

On the charting and oh-so-bright side, it looks like I may have ovulated yesterday (Holy Thermal Shift, Batman!), which would mean our timing was pretty good, actually. Sustain, Thermal Shift, Sustain!!

Bullying my temps into staying high,
Cherry Bud

Good Vs. Evil!

Guess what I did today?? Shopped for my neighbor, who just had a beautiful baby boy. We became good friends with them, when we realized that their daughter, attended the same preschool as lil June Bud, and that the kids were in the same class. Lil JB doesn't go to that preschool anymore, but with them living diagonally across the street from us, we have remained very good friends with them. Not only did she have a beautiful baby boy, but she also named him our number 1 baby boy name. Not that it makes any difference to them or us, but it was just ironic to me. I went out and sucked up my own self pity, and bought them a really cute onesie, some cute lil socks, and some other stuff. I am also going to cook a dish for them, so that maybe that will help them out a bit. Aren't these onesies adorable????? Walmart!!!!! Such a great place for cute digs for newborns :-)

Oh, and of course I got a really cute gift for the new big sister. :-) I am so excited that their new little bundle of joy is here, but of course deep down inside I can't help being jealous. I wonder how it will be emotionally when I hold him for the 1st time? I will probably cry...tears of joy for them, and tears of frustration for us. The good thing is, that they know exactly what we are going through. Even though we have not known them too long, I really feel comfortable talking to them, so I have opened up about our TTC struggles, so they know exactly the position we are in.

Guess what else I did today?? I THOUGHT I had finally ovulated. I know. I was speechless too. I had a temp spike this morn, so I figured within a few days I would probably get crosshairs on FF (well, dotted ones atleast due to my crazy temp taking times), but crosshairs at that. Well, then I got a massive amount of EWCM. WHAAAAA? So, where does that put me in the whole O dilemma? Any insight would be awesome. I am just thoroughly confused by my body this month...and the timing does not help either. If we WERE to get pregnant this month, I would have a mid May due date, which would be AWESOME because it would only be a few weeks before the end of the school year. All of the standardized testing would be done, all of my counseling would be coming to an end, and they would not even have to replace me while I was gone.

Murphy's Law says that would be too good to be true. Oh, but here's a positive...

I bought myself cookies, and will indulge because I can :-)

LOVE!

June Bud

Random {but awesome} run in!!

This is gonna be a short one.  Just wanted to pop in this morning to tell you guys about a random run in Mr. Worry Bud & I had last night. I wanted to go on a date last night, so Mr. WB ask what I'd like to do...ummm, I'm 29 weeks pregnant, what do you THINK I wanna do?! I wanna freakin' eat. :) So he asked where I wanted to go & I picked my fav Mexican restaurants - I love their chips & salsa (& mojitos, but clearly I wasn't getting one, ha!) & Mr. WB loves their sangrias + the chips/salsa too, so that's where we ended up!! I was standing in line at the host station to put our name down on the wait list (Mr. WB went to park the car) & an older couple walked up beside me to get in line as well. Well guess who it was?!?! My IVF nurse - Jane!! I touched her arm & said her name, she looked over at me puzzled. Then I asked if she remembered me & she immediately did! She gave me a hug, rubbed my belly & introduced me to her husband! We chatted for just a few minutes & then Mr. WB walked into the restaurant. She gave him a hug too & introduced him to her hubby, then we went our separate ways to wait on our tables. Afterwords, I rubbed my belly & told Baby WB that Jane was one of the people that helped bring us to her - our precious daughter! It was so cool seeing her again - makes me miss my RE's office! They were much more personable than my OB's staff, but I like them too - it's just different, lol. All of this reminds me of how truly blessed we are to have come this far & to be so close to meeting our baby girl!

In other news, my 3/4D u/s is scheduled for next Saturday @ 30 weeks, woot. Can't wait to see our little girl again! Hope everyone has an awesome weekend - I'll be back next week with my 29-30 week update & hopefully some good 3D pics of Baby WB!!

Oh Ovulation, Where Art Thou?

Well, the school year is underway...I started back to work on Monday, and just finished our planning week, before the kids start on Monday. I am a Guidance Counselor, but I had sooo much to do this week it was unbelievable. I hope I am ready for Monday!

Of course, the first week of school lined up with my fertile period. Just.My.Luck. Well, I figured at least it would keep my mind off things...but, now I am thoroughly confused!!!! I have never ovulated past CD16. Well, I am on CD 17 and I still have no sign of O. WHAT???? Where is she??? Mr. JB and I have been BD'ing away, and that has helped because it has kept me from going crazy wondering. A little stress relief never hurt right?? :-). But, I really do wonder where O is, and if AF shows on time, that means my LP will not be long enough to hold the pregnancy. The other problem I am facing is that my time for temp changed dramatically this week, since I was waking up much earlier than I did over summer break. So, now I have beautifully annoying open circles all over my chart. hmmmph. Of course I temped this month but did not use OPK's. Now, I wish I hadn't bothered to temp and just used OPK's.

I guess I will just sit here and wonder...where oh where, art thou, O?

June Bud

27-28 weeks - well hello there 3rd Tri!!

Again, I can't believe how quickly time is flying! I'm close to two weeks into my third & final trimester of this pregnancy! Sometimes I sit & think about just how soon our precious little girl will be here & I both freak out & get giddy with excitement all at the same time! I know I'm technically already a mommy, but it won't seem for real for real till she's actually in our arms...does that make sense? I'm loving being pregnant with our little one though & getting to know her personality. She's all mine for now, but I know that's gonna change the minute she comes out - she already has sooo many people that love her & are so excited to meet her!! This past weekend I got a lot of miscellaneous nursery stuff done. I have gone thru all the clothes & blankets friends have given to us & plan to wash them at some point soon. Her crib skirt just arrived yesterday, so all I have to do is iron it & put it on the crib & her bedding set will be complete!! I ordered the hardware to hang her curtains, but it won't be here until early OCTOBER! So, if I find something else in the mean time, then I'll buy that!

True to form, my baby buying obsession is still in full effect - although, it has calmed down considerably. In the past couple of weeks, I have only bought her just a few things - most of it is nursery related, so that doesn't count. ;op  But one thing I have been wanting badly is a cute little cable knit white hoodie & I found one this week on JCP.com for $12.99! I got it in "polar bear" & 3-6 months, since I already have another cute sweater in 0-3 months. Here it is:

And one reason I triple heart JCP is because they ship SO fast! I already received it & it hasn't even been a week since I ordered! Oh, a cyber friend gave me an online code for 20% off your entire order from Baby Legs (email me for the code at worrybud@gmail.com), so since I have been drooling over baby legs since I first saw them, I decided to head over & check out their selection. BAD idea because I bought 4 pairs (I can only show you a couple b/c the BL site won't work at my job for some odd reason):

I heart them all! I got two in the "lil" size, which is supposed to fit newborns better & 2 in the one size fits all...I'm sure I'll soon get more. :) I'm also on the look out for some faux Uggs for her for cheap, so if you know of a good place to find them, then please let me know!

So, now on to the pregnancy updates! I'm doing well still - enjoying the third trimester overall, but I have been getting more uncomfortable & TIRED as the days pass. I was just telling Mr. Worry Bud that we better get some of our pre-Baby WB to do's done soon because I am feeling my energy quickly drain away. I found out a couple days after taking the test - I passed the glucose tolerance screening, woot! But my iron levels are low, so I have been put on iron supplements...which I keep forgetting to take. :o/ The problem is, I'm supposed to take them opposite of when I take my PNVs, which is a problem since I take them in the evening right before bed. I'm usually in a rush in the morning & completely forget to take the iron pills after my first meal. I have set an alarm on my phone & keep some of the pills in my work bag, so I'm hoping that'll help me to remember now. Everything else was normal though, so I am relieved to have that testing over with.

The weeks seem to just be flying by! I can't believe it's almost September, then really only 2 more full months till the babe arrives! We attended a breastfeeding class last week & I learned a lot & got some good literature to read up on. I have a friend who recently had a little guy & he took to the boob like a champ, so I'm hoping little Baby WB does the same - with minimal hurdles. I have a pretty high pain tolerance threshold, so I'm not so worried about it being painful as I am of the potential complications that can happen to me or to the baby while BF'ing. I'm gonna give it my best try though & if all goes well, I hope to continue as long as possible. I had my last every 4 weeks OB appointment last past Friday (everything looked good - only up 3 lbs since my 24 week appointment & her h/b was 155 bpm) & now am moving to every two weeks...looking forward to hearing her heartbeat every 2 weeks, woo hoo!I also plan to schedule a 3D ultrasound for next week at 30 weeks, so hopefully she'll cooperate & I'll have some good pics to share next time!!

According to The Bump, the baby is the size of an eggplant. Her lungs are maturing & she's putting on more weight now. She's also practicing blinking her eyes, which we will hopefully get to see at the 3D ultrasound! She's about 2 lbs. now & about 14.8 inches, so she's getting pretty big!! And pretty cramped in there I think - she is kicking away more & more every day...and I, of course, love it! So does Mr. WB - he gets to feel her at least once every day now! He thinks it feels like I'm hiccuping, but I told him that's definitely his little one! Some days she just gets into these moods where she just kicks non-stop. And he's just such an awesome daddy already - every night he tucks me & makes sure I'm comfy in my pillow fortress, then he kisses my belly & tells Baby WB how much he loves her! ::dies:: It's so freakin' cute...and I can't WAIT to see him hold his daughter for the first time, I think he'll just melt.

And to end this ridiculously long posts, here are my 27-28 week bump photos - I think I may have possibly finally "popped"?! IDK, but I apparently look pregnant since people give up their seats on the train (I use public transit to get to work) & random people ask when I'm due if we happen to strike up a conversation. Regardless, Dr.  W says I'm measuring perfectly so I suppose that's good enough for me! Oh & still no new belly stretch marks, although I noticed the ones I had on my hips from beforeI got pregnant have gotten a little darker (you can see them a little on to the right of my tummy in my bump pics). Weird right?

 27 weeks

28 weeks

I only have 2 pairs of work pants that fit me & 1 pair of jeans - I am currently in search of some lighter colored maternity full panel jeans, so if you know where I can find some, please please let me know! The lady at Motherhood Maternity said that the lighter ones are being phased out b/c the summer is almost over - is it weird that I still wear them in the fall/winter?! Hahaha. Maybe I'll just buy an even darker pair than the ones I have now & then they won't seem so dark to me?! 

Wooohooo crosshairs!!!

First let me start by saying TEMPING SUCKS. I forgot how truly I detested it. I also suck at it. I can never seem to do it at the same time every morning, hence the open circles.

I still cannot believe I ovulated on CD11. Holy early for me. Thank goodness I got the urge to use an OPK that day or I would have totally missed my surge this month and been convinced that I was still broken!

I'm 3dpo today. I go to the RE's office on Monday for my blood test to check progesterone and Estradiol. I'm realllly hope it was a good ovulation!

Now I need to find a way not to obsess for the next 2 weeks comparing every little symptom to last month.

God, I hope this is a lucky month. I really do.

There is a reason I am called Planner Bud

As many of you may remember, I talked about the "relax method" of TTC. I guess I did try my own version of that over vacation. In a way I was forced to. I remember on Thursday morning taking my BBT out of my bedroom and packing it; however, it must have jumped ship before I zipped up the suitcase, for I could not find it anywhere come Thursday evening. Instead of trying to find a pharmacy in Orlando (which I guess I could have done), I decided I would "wing it" as much as I could. I still used OPKs and checked CM. I mean I can't through everything out the window that would ludicrous! "Maybe not temping will be helpful to me" I thought. "Maybe this will help to relax me." I definitely enjoyed not having to make sure I woke up at 5:15 every morning to temp.

Fast forward to this morning. I was positive I O'ed on cd 18 when my next two temps jumped up over 97 degrees, a sure sign of O. Today it was back down (96.73). Now the temp is not my normal superlow temp; it could still show O, but I have like 3 other temps earlier like that. I truly believe that if I didn't miss those five days of temping my chart would magically make sense. I know, makes no sense. I and just going to seduce DH into BD every other night or more if I can until I see some progress. I am still not giving up hope that I did O on cd18. Any thoughts??

At least I have a lot to think about in the next few weeks. I start work on next Friday and the kids come next Wednesday. I have tons to plan for. Maybe it will take my mind off of things. Yay right!

Short, Sweet, to the Point.

I'm still chilling on the Pre-O train, but my temps are slowly (very slowly) climbing, and my CF has been on and off fertile, which, who even knows what that means.

My reproductive system is so confused, poor thing.

SMILE!

I came back from vacation with a very positive attitude. Read a fabulous book called "A Few Good Eggs" that gave me great perspective.

http://www.afewgoodeggs.com/

I highly recommend the book if you need a laugh or a pick me up or just a good ol' kick in the pants.

Anyway, back from vacation, rested and refocused and ready to go. I started temping again while on vacation. Naturally, with my wonderful luck, all I could find in Canada was a Celsius BBT. That's been fun...

I normally start doing the OPK's on CD10 but I forgot last night because I was too tired. Shrugged it off because I don't ovulate until much later anyway. Needless to say, I was floored when I saw this little diddly smiling back at me this afternoon at noon on CD11:
So part of me is worried that it's might be leftover from the miscarriage. I'm waiting for the doctor's office to call me back and reassure me that I am indeed probably ovulating. Holy early!!!

Here's hoping that's a great sign for a great month!

I survived!

The past month has been full of insane study sessions, culminating with the finals week that I just finished yesterday. For some reason I thought it was a good idea to take 4 classes this term, all of which had one final exam that made up the entire grade for the class. Oh, and did I mention I work full time? Yes, I was crazy when I chose that schedule. I am glad that's over with.

Mr. Sassy Bud has not had his repeat S/A yet. I haven't had the time to even think about getting that done lately. I hate to admit it, but it's still not high on my priority list. I think it is partly that I am still in denial that his results were so terrible, and partly because I know that regardless of the outcome of the second set of results, I am just not ready to go through fertility treatments right now. I can't explain the reasoning behind this, other than it just doesn't feel right, for me, right now. Between working and law school, all my energy and emotions are taken. Law school is the most challenging and exhausting thing I have ever done. Maybe when graduation becomes more of a reality than a far-off dream, I will be able to reevaluate our options.

For now, we will take things slowly, and (unrealistically) hope for a miracle.

Monday Musings

Warning - this post will contain pictures of premature babies that you may not want to see. If you don't want to see them, don't read any further.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

I was feeling baby move around this morning, and I had a thought:

I've held babies the same age as Smudge.

Viability is largely considered to be 24 weeks, which I will be on wednesday, but I've taken care of babies as young as 23w2d. Not that the outcomes are always good (i think my first TRULY positive outcome was with a baby 24w5d), but it's kind of surreal to remember those babies that were the same age as mine is now.

Baby M - born at 23w2d, after mom was leaking fluid and on hospital bedrest for 3 weeks. Pictured at just under 4 pounds almost at almost 34 weeks.

They can cry.

Baby A - born at 23w3d - the surviving triplet. I was the first one to touch her when she was born, and the last one to touch one of her brothers when he passed 3 days later. Pictured closer to 8 months old.

They have hair.

Baby T - born at 25w5d - pictured closer to 29 weeks

Their little arms and legs are so small, a wedding band can fit like a bracelet.

photo credit

They're such little tiny fighters.

Baby D - born at 26w0d. Fighter from day 1. Now a thriving 3 year old.

I hope my little tiny fighter stays put for a good while longer.

Adoption or Bust???

It has been one crazy week around June Bud land. We decided to go ahead and lay laminate wood floors in our house (well, in the living room, family room, dining room, and our two hallways). It was my last week of summer, so we figured why not? I would be home and that would make it easier because Mr. June Bud nor I would have to take time out of our busy schedules to ensure it got done. WRONG! First off, the minute we signed the contract with the contractor to do it, my BIL decided to come into town. So, we warned him that he would have to deal with a torn apart house. Then, they were supposed to start laying the floors on Tuesday. They called Tuesday to say they were coming Wed. instead. OK----Wed rolls along, and it turns out the warehouse sent the wrong floors. So, now they were not going to start til Thursday. THURSDAY rolls around, and they come up with some god awful excuse I cannot even recall at this present moment. So, they worked Friday and all day today. Now, at 3:36 pm, they are STILL not done, but are probably a couple of hours way from being done. THANK YOU!!!!! Trying to have this done with a 3 year old running around was a BAD BAD idea...I should have waited til I was back at work next week, Lil June Bud was at the babysitter, and let Mr. June Bud deal with it :-) :-) :-) Lesson learned! Here are some pics of the process so far!!!


Okay, I am done with my tyrant, and can now focus back on my life of TTC. Hehe. Well, I remember in my first post that I mentioned about fostering and adopting our son. Adopting is something Mr. June Bud and I have decided to look into again, so that we have explored all of our options in the event that we cannot have children naturally. So, I reached out to a friend of mine who actually works with a local adoption agency here. We met with her a few weeks ago, and got all of the information and timelines and such. Something else we also got was the price. WOW! I never would have thought it would be so expensive! It is a total of $15,000. Phew! Mr. June Bud and I do not make a lot of money, so this is a long shot for us. But, there are some pros to the private adoption option.

First off, the agency only works with about 5 couples at a time. They have two other locations that work with this office, so in total their are 15 couples, and birth moms can pick from any of us. But, our specific counselor would only work with us and four other couples. Nice. Then, they also don't put our names on a list. As soon as we do our life book, and have done our homestudy, our book is available for any of the moms to look at. We are at an advantage here, because we already had a homestudy done a year ago when we were still fostering, so the agency would just update that one. Also, the counselor informed us that we are on the young end of her couples, so that may be helpful with some moms. Also, our son is biracial, and some birth moms prefer that. So, things could work well for us with this particular agency.

Cons? The price for one. We would have to pull together every last penny and probably ask for loans from our family, which we are not totally keen on doing. The Adoption Tax Credit does help, but that is after the fact, so initially we would have to come up with a big chunk of change. Cons is also the waiting to be chosen, and the heartache that goes along with that, as well as not knowing if birth mom will decide at the last moment to parent her child. It could just be a lot of heartache for us. But, when you think about it, this whole TTC process is heartache no matter which way you do it. Which brings us to another option...fostering again.

Let me just tell you that Mr. JB and I had four foster children before lil JB came to join our family. Each one of those darling children came into our hearts and never left. They still hold a place in our hearts, and it was TORTURE saying goodbye to each and every one of them, because if given the chance, we would have adopted them! Even lil JB caused a ton of heartache for both of us, as well as our extended family because it took over 2 years to finally adopt him, and there was a lot of doubt along the way...we would think things were going along fine, and then WHAM! Someone or something would come up where we thought we would have to kiss him good bye. I am not sure if I am ready for that again...but, it is an option, and one that we really need to think through, because it does have a lot of positives that can out weigh the negatives...BIG TIME.

All in all, Mr. JB and I have decided to give TTC the old fashion way another shot this month and see what happens. Today is CD 10, so I am gearing up to ovulate in the next few days. This our 14th cycle. My HCG Ultrasound is scheduled for Sept 2. So, we are also moving along in that arena, and if need be we will add IUI or IVF to the exploration process. I am just glad that I have all of you to lean on, and that I am not going through all of this alone! Thanks again!

June Bud

Welcome Baby BrainyBud!

Hello all! I wanted to drop back in and let you know that our little one finally arrived... under not so pleasant circumstances. I was 39 weeks and 1 day on the day of our scheduled induction. Here is our birth story....


On June 14, 2010, our lives were forever changed....

After an eventful day of work and visiting with a friend or two. We quickly gathered our things and headed to Steak-n-Shake for our last meal. My mom met us there. I ate chicken and fries, just in case I threw up. We then headed onto the hospital for my scheduled 8:00 pm induction. I was taken back around 7:50pm, undressed and put on the lovely blue hospital gown while they started my IV (YIKES! I cried) and drew some bloodwork. Once I was hooked up to the fetal monitors, Nurse S had me turn on my left side because the baby wasn't responding well to contractions. I was only 1cm and hadn't even felt a contraction yet (nor would I ever). She said his heartrate was fine but she called Dr. K anyway. I felt that everything was just fine and mom was about to leave for the night, but thank God she decided to stay. Within the next 30 minutes they decided my baby was in distress, Dr. K was called in to the hospital, and I was told I was about to have an emergency c-section. I wasn't ready for this. I was put on oxygen and felt okay, even if I wasn't ready. We started making phone calls to my BFFs, Pastor, and In-laws.

I wasn't until the anesthesiologists came in that I started to freak out. They said my blood platelets were too low and if I were to get a spinal tap, I would probably bleed out around my spine and be paralyzed OR I could get general anesthesia, throw up and it get into my lungs and I would lose my lungs and die... then he asked, "what's your thoughts?" WHAT?!#$ I'm supposed to decide between being paralyzed and losing my life!? I cried uncontrollably, hyperventilated, I was a mess (so was Mr. BrainyBud and my mom). How could I make such a decision! How can I calm down enough for my distressed baby?! ............ about 5 minutes later, the lady anesthesiologist (L) came back in and said they looked at my platelets again under the microscope and I was just fine to have a spinal. PEOPLE, CHECK BY HAND BEFORE YOU FREAK A PREGNANT WOMAN OUT! And out the door I went!

I was taken back by myself for the spinal. I was scared out of my mind. I wanted my husband with me, but they wouldn't allow him in the room. I cried and cried and shook to death. I held onto Nurse S through the whole thing. She consoled me so well. I never felt comfortable crying with my face in another woman's boobs until that moment, but thank the Lord she let me. I was terrified that I would move too much and die. I was also thankful that Laura was doing the spinal and not that stupid man that gave me a heartattack. It wasn't long until I was nice and numb. I kept asking (maybe 10 times) for them to check me because I was so scared I'd feel something I didn't want to...and that was prior to Dr. K coming in and checking me!

When Dr. K came in, he first came over to me and put his hand on my shoulder. I felt so much relief in that moment. I knew he'd take care of me... just as he promised to almost a year ago. He cracked a joke about me not waiting until morning, which I didn't think was that funny at the time, but I was polite and offered a smile in return. He told everyone in the OR that his 4 daughters where all out in the car watching a movie. You could see every eye in the place look over at him.... turns out his wife was with them and he was just lightening the mood. He actually made conversation with everyone through the procedure, which gave me a sense of peace, weird, I know.

Around that time, Mr. BrainyBud came in with the camera and sat beside me and held my hand. We talked about who was on their way, who was called, anything to take my mind off of what was happening. It was so surreal to think in a matter of moments, our son would be here. Throughout this time, I could hear nurses counting and double counting utensils aloud and it wasn't until I heard Dr. K say "oh yea, lots of pea soup, need suction" that I realized what happened. The baby had meconium aspiration. I had read up on it and wasn't worried because babies go through this quite a bit, and I knew that he probably wouldn't cry when he came out.

At some point later, we heard a faint coo coming from the right side of the room. I turned my head quickly to realize #1) my son was on the table being worked on and #2) L had given me morphine that made the room spin. Then I did something stupid... I turned my head quickly to the left to see Mr. BrainyBud's face and realized that someone on morphine, really shouldn't make sharp movements. We were both blissfully happy...

Baby BrainyBud was born on June 14, 2010 at 9:51pm : 6 lbs, 14 oz : 20 inches long

S told us that he did have meconium aspiration and very low blood sugar. They invited Mr. BrainyBud to go around me (which he still wishes that his peripheral vision wasn't so good because I was still open) to see and take photos of our son. We knew he was about to go to the special care unit while I was in recovery. Baby BrainyBud was so limp, but again, I wasn't worried at this point. We were two happy parents. The only part I felt was of them taking the adhesive off my stomach.

Turns out Dr. K went to the waiting room to tell everyone (my mom, my inlaws, pastor, my BFF, my other BFF and her husband, and my mom's close friends) what was going on. I was taken into recovery for an hour, where all I did was fight sleep. We were told there that Baby BrainyBud was put on a ventilator and at that moment, we knew that we would both be taken to the bigger hospital and NICU across town. We were told that during our childbirth class that our hospital couldn't hold a baby on a ventilator.

We were taken back to my room where I was smiling, hoping that my mom, who was already worried about me and the baby, wouldn't be terrified. I wanted to be brave for everyone. Maybe I just had a faith and peace about me, or maybe I was still high on morphine, I don't know. Once we were back, they brought our son in in his transport incubator as they explained what was going on, how we would be transported by ambulance and that Dr. B had come from the other hospital NICU and evaluated him. Once Dr. B explained everything, to everyone, it was like the room stood still. I was still in good spirits and thought that in less than a week, we'd be home... blissfully unaware the journey we were about to take... that half the people in that room wouldn't see our son again for 3 weeks.


He was already so puffy and red. We went in separate ambulances. Turns out my friend from college that was being induced there at midnight, saw our son taken into the ambulance and hoped it wasn't mine, only to find out from Mr. BrainyBud that saw them, that it was our son. (her son was born by c-section that next morning) Once we were in my room, everyone tried to convince me to get in a wheelchair to go see him, but at 2:00am I was extremely tired, still couldn't feel my legs or feet, I just couldn't. So my mom and Mr. BrainyBud went to the NICU that night to check on him, then stayed with me until morning, when I could go see him myself.

It is a night, I'm not soon to forget. I saw my life flash before me so many times. So many firsts for me happened that night, and the events to follow where in no place on my birth plan.


Firsts For Me within 6 hours:
first IV
first anesthesia
first hospital stay
first surgery
first ambulance ride
first time having a baby
first moment of becoming a mommy
first time NICU mother

If you would like to continue reading about our son's journey, the rest of my pregnancy, and our lives as parents, we will keep updating our blog so you can read about his 3 weeks in the NICU and his continued recovery.

I just wanted to let you all know that he has arrived and thank you all for this great blog community! I continue to read Bloomin' Babies and wish everyone the best of luck!

Faith, Love, and Baby Kisses,

Mrs. BrainyBud

An overview of an IVF vacation

It has taken me a while to be ready to post this overview of our trip to Costa Rica and Panama for IVF. I wanted to be able to give anyone reading this a great review with details and advice, and I didn't want it to be tainted by my sad feelings about ours being unsuccessful. I hope that this will give some of you who are contemplating this route a better idea of what it was like and will help you make a good decision for you and your family. I'm warning you now, this will probably be long!

I'm going to break it into different categories and then do some general recommendations for those that plan to do a Costa Rica IVF.

Travel:
This was the best perk of the entire process (well, the price was pretty sweet too!). Mr. CB and I got to spend 19 days together traveling through two amazing countries.

Costa Rica is one of the most beautiful places I've ever been. There were so many activities, and our time there was filled with amazing adventures. I know other women who have traveled with their children to do this had a more difficult time traveling, but for us it was great. We spent time in three different areas of the country, plus some time in San Jose where we had our appointments. Being on vacation while doing an IVF cycle allows you to really relax and sometimes almost forget what you are there for. I do admit that I still had some stress and worry, but I don't think there is any way to avoid that while you are doing IVF. I definitely think that I was WAY less stressed and WAY more relaxed than I would have been if I were doing IVF at home.

In Panama, most of our focus was on the actual egg retreival and transfer. We were pretty much forced to stay in Panama City, so we didn't get to see as much as we did in Costa Rica. We rented an apartment near the clinic, which was a really good choice. It allowed us to be comfortable, make our own meals when we wanted and cuddle up on the couch and watch movies.

When you do an IVF vacation, at the end of the cycle, no matter what the outcome, you still have your memories and the time you spent on vacation. Our negative was so difficult, but I look back on our trip and I feel so fortunate to have had the time there with Mr. CB and it's an amazing memory that we will always have.

Price:
The reason we even looked into an IVF vacation as an option was because of price. We are totally OOP for IVF, and were looking at $10,000 for the cycle (not including ICSI if we needed it) plus another $2000-4000 for medication. Here is a breakdown of what we spent for our entire trip:

$2800 Procedure (ER and ET, including ICSI)
$85 x3 Monitoring appointments
$250 450iu Gonal-F (I had the rest donated ~ 1800iu's Gonal-F and 4 syringes of cetrotide)
$100 Estrogen patches (specifically for my lining ~ not needed by everyone)
$100 Progesterone shots
$350 Passport Medical fee

$1600 Lodging for the entire trip ($825 for 11 days in Costa Rica, $775 for 7 days in Panama)
$1000 Flights for 2
$385 Rental car for 11 days in Costa Rica
$2500 Money for food, fun and extras

$9340 Total Trip Cost

Doctor:
Dr. Perez is very nice and personable, and I felt very comfortable with him from the first day. There is defintely a language barrier. He speaks English, but I sometimes thought things I said or asked weren't fully understood. One thing I had wanted to know is if we had a fertilization issue, and I asked Dr. Perez if he could see if our sperm and eggs would fertilize on their own without ICSI. He seemed to understand and nodded and smiled, but when we got to ET we learned that all of them were ICSI'd without trying for a normal fert. My best suggestion is to speak slow, and get everything written down. Also be aware that the nurses don't speak any English.

Centro Fecundar is THE place to go for Costa Rican women who are dealing with IF. Knowing this before I went, I was expecting a big, state of the art facility. It may have been state of the art as far as technology but boy was it super small! The offices in Costa Rica and Panama were like mini-suites. For the ER and ET, I was on a table under a shelf in the corner of a tiny room.

When you go to your egg transfer, you have to be strong in your opinion of how many embryos you want to transfer. Mr. CB and I had spent a lot of time talking about this, and we knew if we had good embryos we were only willing to transfer 2. Once we got there and saw them, Dr. Perez and the embryologist tried to talk us into transferring more. They said that each grade 1 had a 20% chance of resulting in a pregnancy, so if we transferred 3 we would have a 60% chance. I'm not good at math, but even I know that it doesn't work that way. Using that math, we could have transferred 5 and had a 100% chance of having a baby! Do your homework and know how many embryos you are comfortable with transferring.

Protocol:
Dr. Perez uses a very standard protocol for all his overseas patients. All the other women who I know and have talked to that went were first time IVFer's and we all did the same thing. If you have a specific issue or have had slow responses with injectables, I don't know how or if he would change his plan for you. It seems like a one size fits all approach.

I did have lining issues, and he prescribed estrogen patches to help with that. I actually had the best response out of all my treatments as far as my lining goes. One thing I look back and wonder is if I was oversuppressed. I was on birth control pills for over five weeks, and my antral follicle count and the number of follies I ended up with was definitely low compared to previous cycles.

Passport Medical:
We used a medical tourism facilitator to help book the appointments with Dr. Perez. For me, it was helpful to have someone take care of all of that, and I did get some good information about what to expect before we got there. I think the price was high for the services we received, but the company did do what they said they would.

The other American we met and spent time with that was there for IVF didn't use Passport Medical and booked directly through Dr. Perez by email. She did have some mix-ups about where the clinic was located and didn't receive all the helpful tips that I did.

If you are booked and ready to go, here are some of my tips:
~ Make a binder and keep everyting together and organized. I had tabbed sections and was able to keep my medical records, appointment information, travel confirmations and other travel info together. My binder was by my side the entire trip!
~ Travel in Costa Rica! See the sights and really enjoy all it has to offer while you are there. We went to Arenal, Monteverde and Manuel Antonio.
~ Rent a car in Costa Rica. Many websites have scary stories and people seem reluctant to rent a car there, but we had a great experience. It was so nice to be able to stop on a whim and go where we wanted.
~Get a vacation rental in Panama. We used http://www.vrbo.com/, and it was so nice to have an entire apartment to relax in for the week. Find somewhere close to the clinic...it's in the middle of a nice area with a huge mall so there is a lot going on.
~Bring your own progesterone if you can. I'm still a little iffy on the progesterone they give you. I had a hard time finding information about it online (it's not used in the US) and I ended up switching to endometrin because I started spotting through the progesterone.
~Bring a video camera to ET. You can video your embies while they are on the computer screen and get pictures.

I think that going to Costa Rica and Panama for IVF was a great idea for us. Even though it was unsuccessful, I wouldn't change it. We were unexplained and told we had a 70% chance of being successful with IVF. Going to CR/Panama allowed us to do our 1st cycle, spend less money, and get a great vacation. For our situation it was a good fit.

I hope that this gives you a better idea of how this works, and the pros and cons. If anyone has any specific questions, please don't hesitate to email me at chefbud10@gmail.com.

Now that I'm done being indecisive...

The Dr's visit went as scheduled. Chit chatted with Dr. Baggins, had a blood draw (I was scolded for having tiny veins, as I always am. He called me "titchy".) was told I probably don't have PCOS (huzzzah!) or a thyroid disorder (double huzzah!), but I did have to convince him that I don't have an eating disorder.

***This is a sidetrack that has nothing to do with TTC. At. All.***

Let me sidetrack for a moment. Doctors ALWAYS think I have an eating disorder. ALWAYS. I am small. Very small, and I always have been. I throw a party if I can manage to get the scale to go over 110. I have told this to every doctor I have ever been to, and yet I always get the same quiz. "What did you have for lunch today??" This puts me in the incredibly fun spot of playing "What would the anorexic say?". I usually can't say right off the top of my head what I ate, and I worry that if I take too long, he'll think I'm trying to lie. If I answer to quickly, he'll think that I am obsessed with food. It really is lose-lose. Oh well. Anyways,

***End Sidetrack***

He gave me a prescription for Clomid that I can take to any pharmacy to have filled. I thanked him (He really is very sweet, anorexic suspicions notwithstanding) and left.

On the way home though, I got this overwhelming sense of "This isn't what you need to do." It had nothing to do with fear or pride or anything else. It was simply a clear, very strong sense that we needed to wait a little longer before using the prescription. I should mention that Mr. Cherry Bud and I are Christians, and both of us are firm believers that God gives us direction for our lives. I understand that this gets me the side-eye more often than not. I'm ok with that.I'm also not saying that God came down in a pillar of flame and said "Thou shalt not CLOMID!!" I simply felt a quiet place inside me saying "Wait. This isn't the right move right now"

When I got home, I talked to Mr. Cherry Bud about it and found that he had felt uneasy about the Clomid as well and had wanted us to wait, but wanted it to be my decision, as it is my body.

So, while I do want to make it clear that I see nothing wrong with any kind of intervention to achieve pregnancy, we have made the decision to save the prescription and give my body a few more months. That prospect scares me a little. I like to have complete control over any given situation, So relinquishing the sense of control Clomid would give me is a little scary, but I am aware that God has a plan, and that Pharmaceuticals may, or may not, still be part of that plan. We will just have to see.

Hoping I'm making the right decision,
Cherry Bud

Boredom sets in.

First, here's a 22w6d picture of Smudge from our largely unsuccessful and painful u/s on wednesday.... note the hand to the forehead. I call it the "woe is me" pose... can you imagine the horror?! We actually wanted Smudge to MOVE and cooperate!! The nerve of us.


Back to today....

You would think spending a day off from work in front of the TV with your feet up, the remote, your water bottle and your laptop close at hand... well that day wouldn't be so bad right?

I'm bored to tears right now.

Why am i doing this today you ask?

Because celebrating being 23 weeks pregnant by having some contractions overnight is NOT fun. It was actually a little scary. Not the braxton hicks i've gotten used to - but real life, a little painful and WAY too early contractions. Three of them to count.

Three too many as far as I'm concerned.

So at 1am, Mr DB and I decided to call L&D. We weren't concerned that it was an emergency, so we didn't want to wake up our OB in the middle of the night for nothing, so we figured we get some quick advice. Then this morning, I called my nurse at the OBs office to fill her in. The current thinking is that the traumatic ultrasound I had on wednesday irritated my uterus and it's rebelling. Great. Rebel child AND rebel uterus. Perfect.

But, man, am I in trouble. Dr L is very mad at me for calling L&D. Not for bothering them - but for NOT calling her. She said SHE'S my doctor and all advice should come from her. That's what she's there for and next time I am to call HER at 1am, NOT L&D.

I think i'm grounded.

So today is extra water, extra rest and extra boredom.

And making sure Smudge stays put for quite a while longer.

IUI #1=???

Since I left off last time, I was concerned that our first IUI might not happen this cycle. However, on CD 22 I got a positive OPK and on CD 23 I had a 18.5 mm follicle and an 11.5 mm lining, so it was finally go time! I was lucky to get my u/s done super quickly, but unfortunately the S/A component took MUCH longer than we anticipated because the sperm bank where they do the washing and preparation was really backed up. I was done with my u/s by 8:30 but unfortunately the goods weren't ready until a little after 12pm!

The IUI itself was super quick--a little painful but really not longer than 2 minutes. I was happy because the doctor I like ended up doing it, which definitely made me feel better about things. Unfortunately, I don't think I ovulated until the following day so the timing could have probably been a bit better, but I am so happy it was accomplished successfully and that I did eventually O, even if it wasn't until CD 24. I am trying to feel a little hopeful. While I am not a huge romantic, I never imagined that our first child would be conceived on an uncomfortable table in an exam room but if it works, I will be ecstatic. I feel so relieved to be free from ultrasounds and blood tests for the next 2 weeks.

And The Verdict Is.....

I cried at work today.

This is a big no-no in SB land. I work at a very fast paced, stressful job (and oddly enough I LOVE it!) and I have convinced myself that showing any emotion at work will label me as weak, and I will be preyed upon by upper management.

After having lunch with a few co-workers and I looked down at my phone and saw a missed call from my RE's office. I knew this could only mean one thing.....our karyotype results were in.

Commence freak out.

I tried to reason with myself and thought that I would just listen to the message when I left work. That thought lasted for a wopping 2 minutes when all I could do was just stare at my computer screen. I went into the hallway and dialed my voice mail, leaning up against the wall preparing for the worst.

The message was from one of the nurses who simply said to "call her back."

Commence anxiety shit show.

I walked outside and sat down on one of the benches by our pond. I figured that I would have to be sitting down when I heard the bad news. I mean really, if it was good news she would have left a message saying so, right? RIGHT?!

My hands were shaking and my voice was trembling when I asked to speak to the nurse. And when she said "Hi SB, how are you?", I heard doubt in her voice.

Or so I thought.

As it turns out, our chromosomes are totally normal. No balanced translocation, no weird genetics, just perfect chromosomes for baby making. And in that moment, the weight of the world was taken off of my shoulders.

I returned to my desk still shaking, and while staring at my computer screen (I really do work at work - promise) I started to cry. I cried tears of joy for the first time in almost 2 years. Having a happy, healthy pregnancy finally seemed attainable to me, and that feeling absolutely consumed me.

I was told to call the RE's office the first day of Aunt Flo, but I told them no thanks. I'm still on my break. My mind and body need time to heal, because the past 2 years have been hard on both of them.

What I didn't tell them was I was going to seek out a second opinion. Right now I'm on the search for a new RE to see what insight they can offer me. I have made a decision to not stop until I get answers or a healthy baby.

There still is a long road ahead for us, but for once, I feel there is hope.

The Clomid Discussion

Tomorrow is The Appointment.

Tomorrow I meet with Dr. Baggins to discuss Clomid.

I have mixed feelings about it, to be honest. On the one hand, Mr. Cherry Bud and I are ready to be parents. We want to hold Little Cherry Bud in our arms and be Mommy and Daddy. On the other, there is a voice in the back of my brain that is insisting "Too soon!". This obnoxious little voice is firmly convinced that, despite Dr. Baggins's assurances otherwise, six months TTC is not long enough, and that we need to try for a few more months without pharmaceuticals before we take that next step. Notwithstanding that I am arguing with a voice in my head,

Photo Credit
I can't decide if this is the voice of reason or if it is my own pride, which, admittedly, wants the satisfaction of knowing I can conceive without medical intervention.

I should add that I knew Clomid was a possibility. Dr. Baggins told me so at my Pre-TTC appointment. I've been mentally preparing myself for it for the last few months. This didn't come as a surprise. What surprised me is how suddenly hesitant I am to "admit defeat" (words that spring unbidden from my brain every time I think of Clomid) and allow modern medicine to help me out. I am completely aware of how ridiculous this is, even when I'm in the middle of thinking it.

Even with my reservations, most of my brain is ready to be a Mom, regardless of what it takes.

My doctor is an understanding man, so I'll tell him all of this tomorrow and see what he thinks.

FYI: I tried to find a cartoon illustrating the whole "pride goeth before the fall" thing. I found nothing helpful, but did find many fascinating pictures from various LGBT Pride Events.

What I learned being KU - the 2nd Tri Edition!

Hey everyone! I'm officially in the 3rd trimester as of this past Saturday, woot! 27 weeks & 2 days today to be exact. I have been excitedly awaiting hitting the 3rd tri so that I could post this because it was so much fun last time {among other reasons}! If you enjoyed my 1st tri edition post, then I'm sure you'll get a few laughs outta this one as well! Here goes...

• All the 1st tri symptoms that you hear about that magically go away once the 2nd tri arrives - it's not all true! The tiredness, itchy/sore boobs still stick around AND they are accompanied by even more exciting side effects like cankles & killer heartburn! :) (Photo Credit)
• The worry is still there - it always is for me. I guess you tend to start worrying about different things, but you are still worried on some level.

• Attempting to clean out your cluttered guest room/office, paint, have nursery furniture delivered/assembled (by Mr. Worry Bud) & have a big BBQ/party ALL in the same week is generally not a good idea. It can result in extended periods of sleep...I'm talking 12+ hours at one time! (Photo Credit)
• Hiring a professional contractor to lay sod in your front & backyard the same week of said BBQ/party instead of trying to DIY have your husband DIY is a GREAT investment!!
• You will change your mind many many times on the perfect nursery set up before you figure out the best/final one. Better to do it in theory {read: on paper/computer or in your head} before you have your husband move it around several times in practice to, you know, "just see how it'll look"! Nursery furniture can be REALLY heavy!

 

• When the belly starts developing it'll still feel squishy when you sit down for a good while. It's not hard right away! (Photo Credit)
• It's definitely NOT a good idea to drink a lot of OJ right before the gender determination u/s (we paid for one to find out a little early). OJ = 1 wiggly baby!!
• The 1st time you know for sure you feel the baby moving is honestly the most AMAZING & exciting thing EVER!!

 

• Try to make sure your bladder is as empty as it can be at all times to avoid the inevitable when you sneeze...embarrassing! :o/ (Photo Credit)
• You can never own too many pillows. I sleep in a certified pillow fortress, lol.
• Once you start getting bigger, try to stick with shoes that you don't have to tie - or ones that you don't have to tie often. Ever seen a pregnant lady tryna bend down to tie her shoes?! Not always a fun thing. 
• Try to control your baby buying addiction by limiting the amount of things you are allowed to purchasee in a week...@ the rate I'm going Baby WB will have a fully stocked nursery & full wardrobe before any of her THREE showers!

• When your pants get too tight, just let 'em go & buy maternity pants...believe me it's worth it, they are MUCH more comfy! And PS - I highly recommend Motherhood Maternity's secret belly fit pants/jeans - they are awesome!! (Photo Credit)
• Even after you think you have everything perfectly planned out for your LO's nursery - you will continue to look for that perfect finishing touch.
• Flip flops can be your BFF if you are pregnant over the summer.

• Invest in some tummy butter/stretch mark cream of some kind - even if it doesn't actually prevent stretch marks, it definitely helps with the itchiness that comes along with your growing belly. I use the Palmers Cocoa Butter Formula for Stretch Marks & just slather it on! (Photo Credit)
• That glucose test drink stuff they give you for your gestational diabetes test really is as NASTY as they say it is...bleh!

And that's all I got for the 2nd Tri Edition of What I Learned being KU! Hope you enjoyed reading! I'll be back next time with my 27-28 week updates...my 1 hour glucose test results, 28 week doctor's appointment {last one before I start going twice a month, woo hoo!!} & *hopefully* even more nursery updates, woo hoo!