August 11, 2010

And The Verdict Is.....

I cried at work today.

This is a big no-no in SB land. I work at a very fast paced, stressful job (and oddly enough I LOVE it!) and I have convinced myself that showing any emotion at work will label me as weak, and I will be preyed upon by upper management.

After having lunch with a few co-workers and I looked down at my phone and saw a missed call from my RE's office. I knew this could only mean one thing.....our karyotype results were in.

Commence freak out.

I tried to reason with myself and thought that I would just listen to the message when I left work. That thought lasted for a wopping 2 minutes when all I could do was just stare at my computer screen. I went into the hallway and dialed my voice mail, leaning up against the wall preparing for the worst.

The message was from one of the nurses who simply said to "call her back."

Commence anxiety shit show.

I walked outside and sat down on one of the benches by our pond. I figured that I would have to be sitting down when I heard the bad news. I mean really, if it was good news she would have left a message saying so, right? RIGHT?!

My hands were shaking and my voice was trembling when I asked to speak to the nurse. And when she said "Hi SB, how are you?", I heard doubt in her voice.

Or so I thought.

As it turns out, our chromosomes are totally normal. No balanced translocation, no weird genetics, just perfect chromosomes for baby making. And in that moment, the weight of the world was taken off of my shoulders.

I returned to my desk still shaking, and while staring at my computer screen (I really do work at work - promise) I started to cry. I cried tears of joy for the first time in almost 2 years. Having a happy, healthy pregnancy finally seemed attainable to me, and that feeling absolutely consumed me.

I was told to call the RE's office the first day of Aunt Flo, but I told them no thanks. I'm still on my break. My mind and body need time to heal, because the past 2 years have been hard on both of them.

What I didn't tell them was I was going to seek out a second opinion. Right now I'm on the search for a new RE to see what insight they can offer me. I have made a decision to not stop until I get answers or a healthy baby.

There still is a long road ahead for us, but for once, I feel there is hope.

6 comments:

Mom2anutball said...

That. Is. Awesome. :)

Silver Rose said...

What wonderful news! I am the same way about crying at work...but sometimes you just can't hold it in!

Blueberry Bud said...

That's great news! I hope it gives you a little peace of mind. Good luck this cycle.

Cherry Bud said...

That is fantastic news! I usually feel the same way about crying at work, but I think you were totally entitled.

June Bud said...

Great news!!!!!! Totally acceptable to cry at work! Look at all you have had to deal with!!

Worry Bud said...

Oh I'm SO happy your test results came back normal!!! GL in your 2nd opinion seeking - I hope that you can find a great RE that is willing to work with you &help you get that healthy babe!

 

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