1st Monitoring Ultrasound

I have been taking Lupron for 11 days now. I had my first monitoring ultrasound yesterday. My lining was at 9 and my estrogen was high, and I had a large follicle, all of which is bad news.

 I got the news today though that they are not going to call off my cycle yet. They are doubling my dose of Lupron and I am scheduled for a second ultrasound on the 15th. I will find out then if I am still on for my September 19th transfer. It looks as though my body is still trying to ovulate. If I do the transfer will be off. It is probably due to a mix up, I never went on birth control. I am hopeful that it will all work out and that I will still get to go in September. If not, I will go in November.

I am getting used to taking the shots, although my husband gives them to me. I still haven't gotten up the courage to do it myself. We are heading to our hometown of Seattle next Wednesday, and my sister does not have internet, so my next update will be after my ultrasound on September 15th.

Childbirth Class

We had our childbirth class this past weekend! Long day. 6 hours in the classroom, but I do have to give the instructor props for giving us hourly bathroom breaks and letting us get up and move around for certain activities in the class. Going into the class I was really worried how the swelling in my feet would do not being able to get my feet up for that long, but it turned out fine.

I have a confession to make: I mostly signed us up for the class so that my husband would have a clue what he was in for...both when it came to labor & delivery, and for my recovery afterwards. I've read up on things pretty well, have discussed things with people a bunch, and have witnessed a birth. I wanted my husband to know how to time contractions, when it was time to go to the hospital, the different stages of labor, what he can do during labor to help...and that in the days/weeks afterwards he's going to need to step up. Mission Accomplished.

The class was pretty comprehensive. It started out with "Is it time to go to the hospital?" scenarios, went through each stage of labor (what to expect, how to cope, including videos of medicated & non-medicated births and a c-section), and recovery (both types of delivery).

I didn't really feel like I learned a whole lot, but I know the Mr did. Plus I think it helped him to see other Dads-to-be in the class, that he's not the only one facing this. Another confession from me: I liked being in the class around other 3rd Tri moms-to-be. It was nice to be around people that get the discomforts and worries going on with me these days.

One thing I did learn that I thought was kind of cool is that the baby typically twists when it comes out during delivery. From what the instructor said, baby will be kind of sideways a the start of labor and as its skull progresses through the pelvis it twists. Both the pre-labor positioning and the twist help line up the widest part of babies head with the widest opening (at that given stage) of the moms pelvis. I didn't realize that and thought it was kind of cool...especially because it means our little guy is spot on in his positioning (head down, with his back sort of facing to the left of my belly button). This image isn't one from the class, but it shows the twist.

(Image credit: http://www.epigee.org/health/birth.html )

Golden Birthday

Credit

Today I turn the big 31 on the 31st and am loving planning. I love the "idea" of a fun decked out party but am never creative enough to actually pull it off. This year I drug my sister along to help me shop and we went with the Gold theme with the number 31 everywhere. I will post pictures when it is all set up. Also, since I have been off sugar I have given myself the day to binge on all my favorite treats that I am giving up except for the very, very rare occasion ie., my birthday!! This is the run down of my day. In the morning we are getting doughnuts, then breakfast at the best restaurant up the mountain at a cute ski resort called Sundance, they have the best food ever!! Then off for pedicures, dropping my cute niece off at her first day of Kindergarten, eating a chimichanga for lunch, then snow cones and Dippin Dots, then pizza for dinner and finally cake, cupcakes, ice cream, cream puffs, cotton candy and Serendipity's frozen hot chocolate!! Yes I know I will probably not be able to eat all this but I have got to at least give it a try and I will most likely feel ill for a few days afterwards but when you are giving up sugar sometimes you need a little binge, or in my case a huge one!!

I thought this would also be a good time to write about my Fertility story since at 31 was I had expected to have at least two or three children not zero!! In reading "Unsung Lullabies" they talk about writing out your Fertility Story and your spouse do the same to realize what our expectations were for a family from a child and now. Then you would compare and gain insight on your spouses feelings and dreams. So here goes mine.

I have always wanted a family and envisioned when I was little that I would graduate college first, then get married and wait a few years to have kids. Mind you, I was thinking about getting married around 21 and starting having kids at 25. I wanted to have either three or five children because I am the middle of five kids and wanted to have a middle child as well. You know someone who you would relate to the most. I wanted to have all boys and had dreamed of being out rough housing with them, riding bikes, playing ball and running around playing cops and robbers with my kids. I was going to be the cool mom that got out there and loved playing with their kids and spent a lot of time with them. I wanted to be done having kids by the time I was in my mid thirties so I wouldn't be "old" while raising them and then could travel and do fun things when they were adults as well(Remember I was still young and thought 30 was really old and I would probably never reach that age).

Pretty much my original plan has to be scrapped since I got married at 26, waited to start trying for a year or two and found out that between Mr. Explorer Bud and I we had a less than 1% chance of conceiving the old fashioned way. Now I am just desperate to have "a" child let alone three or five! I will be well past my mid thirties before I am done having children or trying to have children, as the case may very well be. I worry I will be a tired mom that doesn't have the energy to play with my children when they do come around or I will have a bunch of early twenty year-olds to hang out with and have play dates when I finally have a child. I know sounds pretty trivial while I am writing this but just being honest about some of the silly, bitter thoughts I have at times. Overall, I am hopeful that one day we will get pregnant and stay pregnant and have a wonderful little bundle of joy but man does waiting around hoping and praying just sometimes suck!!! So this year on my Golden Birthday I am going to ignore what I don't have and desperately want which nobody can give me and enjoy the friends and family and fun things that I can have/do.

Okay, first I'd like to address Diva's post: GIRL...YES!!! It's so ironic that you posted that because a woman and I were talking about that very thing during lunch today. She's had an ectopic and is TTC. But I totally understand and agree. It's like when you buy a new car; you never see that model of your Toyota but then you buy one and they're everywhere! I see pregnant patients. Pregnant women on TV. In commercials. On Facebook. It's like an epidemic...and we're immune. *sigh*

It's been really hard these past couple of days looking at the BF since the baby shower. She's just so pregnant. And when she's not rubbing the belly, she's complaining about being pregnant. I want to tell her everytime she does, "wanna switch places?".

I got my labs back. Everything is normal so I'm happy about that. It would be nice to have a reason though. But oh well. They checked for lupus anticoagulant, factor v, thyroid, and chromosomal abnormalities. I wish they were able to tell me what all was being drawn before I got to the lab (I asked but the nurse couldn't give me many details) so that I could request a couple more. No biggie.

My BOTB has been in overdrive lately. I had to move some things from my baby box to something larger. Hehe. Other than some cute outfits, I have some pretty cool stuff. One of my coworkers had a Boppy pillow that she doesn't use anymore, I found a really nice sling for like $7 at a local baby consignment shop and before the first miscarriage one of my good friends gave me a nice photo frame with "now showing" on it. Oh yeah, and one of the girls doesn't want her glider/rocker or bouncy seat anymore and is going to give me those as well. Anyway it happens, I'm going to be rocking a child to sleep in that chair!

DISlike :(

You know those days when you feel like everyone around you is getting pregnant except you??? Well TODAY is one of those days... And it SUCKS!!! :-/

It also doesn't help that I STILL haven't seen any sign of AF. Not even a Post Card.

I am usually a pretty happy and chipper person... But today I feel angry and bitter. Granted, I do feel happy for those that are expecting, but I can't help but wonder when it will be my turn.

Don't mind me... I'll just be in the corner... Sulking :-/



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SORRY

I have been a very bad blogger this summer. You would think with the summers off I would have this time to blog; however I haven't had much time to sit down and write. I have also been tying to stay as sane as possible with everything that is going on. I did find out from our insurance company that even though I was originally told I had no infertility limit, I can only do 6 ART cycles. The no limit applies to a monetary limit. So without realizing it, I have used up 1/3rd of our chances to get pregnant. I have to admit this freaks me out a little bit. I know we would never be able to try once our insurance runs out. Hopefully this upcoming cycle works.

Just a few hours ago, I took my last BCP. Hopefully AF will show up again soon so that I can start stimming for my next ER. I am cautiously optimistic that this must work. Third time's a charm right?

A little update...

First off, I'd like to thank Cactus Bud for the warm welcome! I am excited and honored to be a part of this family.

AF came back last Sunday. My first one since the m/c. On one hand I'm happy because I'm one month closer to TTC again, on the other...hey, it's Aunt Flo right? =o)

On the 19th I went to the doc's office for labs to find out why I've had "recurrent miscarriages." I called on Tuesday just to see how long it takes the results to come back and was told by the next day. I gave them until Friday just in case my OB was in the hospital or delivering. I called twice Friday; first thing and about 4pm. At close to 6pm the nurse called and told me that they couldn't find where I even came for the blood work or that it was sent to the lab! ARGH! I am so frustrated. I've been worrying about those results for a week and then it looks like I'll have to have ELEVEN more vial drawn and wait another week! I like my OB but her office sucks sometimes.

I went to the BF's baby shower today. Let me tell you, that was tough for me. I knew I had to go because I would have regretted it if I hadn't. But it was like a punch in the gut to watch her open all those presents and having everyone ooh and ahh. Have any Buds ever gone through something like this? Any suggestions on how to cope?

Sweet Child of Mine (32 Week Update)

Before I get started, I wanted to take a moment to welcome our new bud, Curly Bud. Its always nice to see a new face, and I am thrilled that there is another lady here to document their TTC After a Loss journey. Having been down that road myself, and knowing just how common pregnancy loss is, its such an important perspective to bring to the blog. Welcome, Curly Bud!

How far along: 32 weeks and 6 days. Just over 7 weeks to go! About a month until I'm full term. Woot!

Total weight change: Going by the doctors scale at my 32 week appointment today, +24. I officially broke the 200 mark today at my appointment. Not happy about that...but at least its for a great reason. On the plus side, at least the rate of gain has slowed some.

Maternity clothes: Always. I've pretty much moved into dresses at this point. It kills my hips to get pants on and off.

Stretch Marks: I've noticed a few additions right near the tiny ones I found ages ago. In the scheme of things, they are still pretty small.

Movement: Today on the way back from the pharmacy (another UTI, boo)I had the radio on and Sweet Child of Mine came on. I swear the little guy was grooving to the guitar riff. Too funny, especially since his father loves that song. Otherwise he's mostly been a wriggler. He's been changing position some (doctor suspected he's head down at today's appt, woo hoo!) and has the hiccups 2+ times each day.

Sleep: Ha ha ha. If I'm not up to pee, I've been restless with my mind racing with thoughts of delivery, the recovery afterwards and concerns about holiday visits.

Best Moment This Past Week: His dancing today was pretty funny. It was also great to find out he's likely vertex after being anything but for most of the pregnancy.

Most Difficult Moment This Past Week: Honestly, compared to the aches and pains I had a week or two ago...this week wasn't too bad.

Belly Button In or Out: Still an inny.

Cravings/Aversions: Nothing major.

Symptoms: Tingly fingers, particularly on my right hand. Bloat, including the infamous cankles. Hip pain, occasional cervical pressure and 3rd Tri exhaustion. According to my doctor, I also have a mild UTI. Joy. How sad is it that I had no clue I even had symptoms...the usual peeing more or feeling pressure is pretty darn hard to distinguish from late pregnancy.

Eating Success

I have been going strong on my Paleo eating and I am starting to see the results of my resisting all those delicious sugary treats that I love when I want to eat my emotions!! I have lost 3 inches in my waist and 1 inch in my hips with very limited exercise. I feel soo much better and more alert during the day and sleeping more soundly at night which makes sitting at a computer and reading legal documents a lot easier to do!! I haven't noticed yet a decrease in facial hair yet but I am sure I will notice that again soon. I am not incredibly hairy but I do need to wax my upper lip which is obnoxious to say the least!!

I was visiting with my friend that just went through her first round of IVF she gave me a copy of the book "Making Babies" that Diva Bud was talking about so I am going to get started reading that and returned a great book that I forgot about called, "What to Do When You Can't Get Pregnant". This is a great book that explains all the processes that you could go through in diagnosing infertility, what your OBGYN will do, when to move to an RE and an excellent description of every procedure you may encounter from blood work to IVF w/ ICSI. I would highly recommend it to anyone that doesn't know much about the procedures or what their next steps should be in the TTC process.

The next few weeks I will be busy reading up on some more holistic TTC methods and getting my eating and weight loss goals met. Oh baby sounds like fun!!

Intro

"Miscarriage is not tragedy. It’s not losing a child. It’s not life in a war zone. It’s not living in poverty. It’s not even the worst thing that has happened to me. But it’s loss. And it’s an icky, secret, festering loss. Hollow, haunting, and acrid.”

Pretty powerful words. Fairly accurate too. If I were in front of you all, I would ask for a show of hands that agree with this statement. Most of you would raise your hands. And some of you, like me, would hesitate. As I said, it’s fairly accurate but I don't agree 100%.

Miscarrying IS losing a child. You just haven’t met him yet. The two of you have only begun that special bond that is created between a mother and her child. From the time that egg is fertilized, your baby has an identity. The color of her eyes, her skin tone, hair texture, personality, smile and laugh are all determined. If you’re lucky, you get to see those things for yourself. If you’re not so lucky, like so many of us, you won’t be allowed this privilege until you pass from this life.

My TTC story? Long story short we had an “oops” in December. Everyone knew; our parents, the people we work with. No family history of miscarriage. At my 8 week confirmation ultrasound we found out that the baby stopped growing at 5 weeks 5 days. You all know how difficult it is to not only accept that news yourself, but to spread that message to those close to you. I decided to have the miscarriage naturally. It occurred about 3 weeks later. Icing on the cake of this scenario? Exactly 1 week after I miscarried, I find out that my BF is pregnant. Oh yeah. And guess who she asked to tell everyone. You got it; ME. Believe me, that’s an ongoing personal struggle to this day.

We decided to try again in May/June. Got it on the first try! We just knew the first time was a fluke…nothing to worry about. The date for the confirmation ultrasound rolls around and we’re so excited we can hardly stand it. The only people who know this time are my parents (my mom works in the lab where my HCGs were done), my BF and my supervisor. Anyone want to guess how the ultrasound went? Yep. Baby died at 6 weeks 6 days. Utter devastation. This time I decided to do the cytotec – get this fiasco behind us so we can start healing. The first round didn’t work. The second round was so horrible that I will never do the cytotec again. All that pain and heartache, and all we got was more of the same.

Now I’m waiting for AF to come back around so that everything will resemble normalcy again. My OB/GYN likes her patients to wait 2 healthy periods before trying again. That puts us to September-ish. We’re planning on waiting until October when we go on vacation for our anniversary. The BF? Due October 22 with a baby girl. Me and Mr. Curly Bud? Taking it one day at a time and praying that the old adage will hold up for us: third time’s the charm.

Thanks for listening and looking forward to talking to you again soon!

Pre-term Labor and Other Updates

Early Saturday morning I woke up around 1:45 with intense back pain. I got up and went to the bathroom hoping it was just that. After I went to the bathroom I had a contraction, which isn't abnormal for me since my BH usually happen after I go pee. Unfortunately this contraction was harder than my BH ones and after it passed I had another 5 minutes later. After lying there through another contraction I woke up Mr. BB and told him something was wrong. We placed a call to the midwife on call and headed out the door.

The midwife on call called us back when we were about to get on the highway and suggested drinking water and lying down to see if they stop. Since we were already on our way, Mr. BB stopped and got me more water since I finished up what we had brought. We waited in the gas station parking lot for a few minutes and I was still contracting every 5 minutes. We knew we needed to get to the hospital.

We arrived at the hospital and I was immediately whisked upstairs to L & D and put on the monitors. Sure enough, my contractions were showing up every 4-5 minutes. The doctor on call came in to check my cervix and it was 1/2 centimeter dilated and 50% effaced. I was SO scared I started crying and shaking uncontrollably. This hospital is the sister of the one we are delivering at and does not have a NICU, because of that I needed to be transferred to another hospital. So I got a lovely ambulance ride to the next hospital.

I was admitted immediately and the doctors came in to let me know their plan. We needed to stop my labor so I had to be given a suppository first and then a round of pills every six hours for 2 days. I also had to receive 2 steroid shots in my butt (ouch) 24 hours apart to help mature the baby's lungs incase he/she did come early.

Luckily the drugs slowed and eventually stopped my contractions and Baby BB stayed put. I had to be at the hospital for 36ish hours total for everything. Now I am on bed rest.

I went to my midwife/OB practice and had a Fetal Fibronectin and my cervix was checked again. My cervix was a teeny bit dilated but was hard and not effaced, woo hoo! The fFN came back negative which means that my chances of delivering Baby BB in the next to weeks are very low. The doctor who saw me scheduled me for an ultrasound to measure my cervical length and I had that appointment today.

The place where I get my ultrasounds is really great. The techs always tell me what they are doing/measuring and if it is normal/abnormal. Baby BB looked amazing and is totally chubby! The tech said he/she measured in the 90% for head and weight (this freaked me out my daughter was born 6 lbs 11 oz). Baby was measuring about 3 lbs 6 oz already! My BBF took me to the appointment since I am not supposed to be driving and came in the for scan with me. We both think we may have seen a boy part while the tech was scrolling through...but we will wait to see for sure when Baby BB arrives.

The good news is my cervix is measuring where it should and is closed. The okay news is that my amniotic fluid levels are on the low end of normal. The doctor at the ultrasound place wants to see me for another ultrasound next week to make sure the levels have remained the same and not decreased. I go back next Thursday for another look at my sweet pea and my fluid levels.

I am on bed rest until my doctor/midwife notifies me otherwise. I am going to call again tomorrow to see if they received my ultrasound results and if I can get off bed rest. I hope I can because bed rest sucks, really bad. Obviously if thats what I have to do to keep Baby BB in there longer then I will but oh is it boring!

As for standard updates, I feel crappy lately. I am very sore in the top of my belly and ribs and my back. I feel baby move a lot and he/she has started having hiccoughs that I can feel, so cute! I am not sure how much I weigh or what I am measuring but I'll find out for my 30 week appointment on Tuesday.

My shower is officially less than a month away and I am SO excited.

Here is to hoping Baby BB stays in until at least 36 weeks (my goal from the doctors)!

Best,

Nursery Update and L&D Tour

I don't think I ever did a post here showing our nursery beyond when we first got the crib in about 10 weeks ago. A lot has changed. The nursery is now pretty much done save for a few things to be hung on the wall and and a light to be put in over the changing table for night changes.

Here the nursery is in all its glory. I tried to note what make and model things were where I could, if you have questions I'll be glad to answer as best I can.

First up is my favorite nook of the whole room. The glider is a Dutailier, the fabric is Buff Laredo. We have the matching ottoman as well. The table, lamp, basket & clock are all things we had around the house. The blanket and pillow on the glider we got from Amazon, they are from the Carter's Forest Friends collection. In addition to these pieces, and the hamper you'll see in another shot, we have the wall hangings to go with the set as well...they just aren't up yet. The toys and toy bin were gifts from our shower and the Boppy I got from a local consignment shop.

Our crib is the Graco Lauren in Espresso. The bumper we have up in the photo is a breathable one. No worries, the stuffed animal and homemade blankets will be removed before the baby goes in the crib.

The changing table is Graco Lauren in Espresso just like the crib. Hamper is Carter's Forest Friends. The diaper pail is a Diaper Genie II Elite. The changing pad was another consignment store score, it has a Carters Soft Changing Pad Cover on it. The baskets are from Babies R'Us (they have monkeys on the other side that are adorable). The rest of the items were gifts. We're still looking for a light to mount to the wall over the changing table for night changes. If anybody has suggestions for one that is bright enough that we can see what we're doing, but not so bright it wakes the baby up all the way...please let me know.

A glimpse of half his closet, the other half looks about the same. The clothes are a mix of gifts and hand-me-downs. The bathtub (up top) is the Fisher-Price Ocean Wonders tub. The rest of the items pictures are a mix of books (gifts), breastfeeding supplies, and safety gear we'll need later. Not pictured is a dresser that we already had on-hand that is full of things like itty bitty onesies, handmade sweaters, bibs, crib sheets and the like.

Moving on to other recent news...we had our Labor & Delivery tour yesterday. It was pretty much an overview of the facilities. It was about an hour long and started by showing us where to park and enter the building (good starting point, lol). I already knew where L&D was from my previous visit at 24 weeks, but this time I got to see more than just the triage rooms. It was great to see in person a couple examples of the rooms I could be delivering in. They also showed us what rooms we'd be in for the post-delivery portion of our stay, which I also liked. What I thought was funny is that my husband and I found different parts of the tour relevant. He cared about things like where to park, where the cafeteria is, what floor myself and the baby will be on at a given point. I cared about the accommodations, finding out what level NICU they have there just in case (Level III), and things like if baby will be rooming in with me and if they are breastfeeding friendly (he will, and they are). All-in-all it seems like a pretty good set up there.

Baby Cherry Bud: A Birth Story

My sweet girl is catching some Z's in her swing, and I know the moment may be fleeting, so I thought I'd grab the opportunity to write down her birth story.

Monday morning (the day before my EDD), I went into work, feeling very tired and achy, but at 40 weeks, what else is new? I met the woman I will be teaching VPK with, managed to get some work done in my new classroom, and got at least slightly acquainted with the curriculum we will be using. All in all, I was considering it a very productive day. I was aching, especially in my back, but nothing too crazy.

Around 1:30, I was talking to another VPK teacher and suddenly felt a gush of fluid. Not like you see in the movies, where a woman is fine one minute and standing in a puddle the next, but a very definite...you know...gush. I must have made a sound, because the woman I was speaking to asked if I was alright, to which I responded with something to the effect (affect? I can never remember) of "I'm wet." She laughed and said "Oh, the joys of pregnancy." I shook my head and said "I don't think it's pee".

I say very dignified things under pressure, obviously.

I ran to the bathroom to discover that I was, indeed, wet, that it was not, in fact, pee, and that I was slowly continuing to leak fluid. Thank goodness for corduroy, which, until last Monday, I did not know was so wonderfully absorbent. It sounds gross, but it also kept me from looking like I wet myself as I went down to my classroom to collect my things and then informed my boss that I would be leaving early. I had to turn down several offers to be driven home, assuring everyone that I wasn't even having real contractions yet and that I was fine. I called Mr. CB on the way home to give him the update, and within ten minutes, was walking in my front door and changing into comfier (and less damp) clothes.

Contractions started within half an hour, and were about 10 minutes apart, maybe 30 seconds long. They hurt, but nothing I couldn't talk through and handle pretty easily. I was already prepared for a long night, so when ten minutes apart turned into seven within two hours, I was surprised. When that became only three by 5PM, I was incredibly surprised. At this point, contractions were taking some serious concentration to get through. Mr. CB was being amazing, being there if I needed him, letting me handle it on my own if I didn't. I spent most of the time walking around my living room and kitchen, swaying and rocking to help deal with the pain.

My mom called (or maybe I called her. I truly don't remember) around 5:30, and I gave her the update. Contractions three minutes apart, about 1 minute long. Still manageable, but no joke on the pain scale. She was getting worried that we were going to deliver our girl on the side of the road, we assured her that no such thing was going to happen, and that we would leave by six if things continued to progress the way they had been.

At six, I was holding strong at three minutes apart, but contractions had begun to double-peak occasionally, and Mr. CB made the executive decision that it was time to head to the hospital. Contractions slowed down considerably once we hit the road, but were still every four or five minutes apart and strong. We got checked in, triaged, and put in a room within about half an hour. I was a bit disappointed when my triage nurse told me I was only 4cm, but was very happy with 90% effaced and -1 station. The nurses were all very sweet about keeping me off the monitors as much as possible, not hooking me up to fluids, letting me walk around and pretty much just leaving me be. Contractions were staying slowed down (every five minutes), but I wasn't terribly worried.

And then.

My doctor had asked that I consent to being on the monitor twenty minutes for every hour I was off. I felt I was getting the better end of this compromise and agreed. Around 8:30 PM, I was on the monitor, and my doctor came in to check me. I was excited to hear if I had made any progress and also to get off the dang monitors when she said the thing I least wanted to hear.

"That's not a head."

Breech. Awesome. The sweet girl for whom I had prepared a lovely natural birth with no drugs, no pitocin...apparently had other plans. Unfortunately, the only doctor in my city who will deliver a breech baby vaginally is the head of obstetrics at our local teaching hospital. Which I wasn't at. I'm not really sure what would have happened if I had just refused the C-section, but at that point, I really didn't have the energy to negotiate or argue, and, to be fair, while I had researched the heck out of birth, breech delivery was something that I was so, so sure wouldn't happen that I didn't do my research, and I wasn't informed enough to feel comfortable insisting upon a vaginal delivery.

I cried, I bargained with God, I went through a quick five stages of grief, and then accepted that this was happening, and that my baby was going to come into the world via Cesarean.

I didn't realize how afraid I was until they wheeled me back to OR(around 9:45). Mr. CB wasn't allowed into the room until my spinal had taken effect, and I was shaking uncontrollably. My nurse, whose name was Jill, was beyond amazing. She held my hand and assured me that she wouldn't let the anesthesiologist surprise me with the needle. (at my request. I was running out of rational at this point). Let me just say that, while I have full confidence in the fact that, had Baby CB been head down, I would have made it through labor without drugs, that spinal was AMAZING. I was mid-contraction when it was started, and the contraction just went away. So wonderful.

They laid me back, prepped me, and brought in Mr. CB. He kept telling me "You're ok." and rubbing the top of my head. I seldom get sappy, but I really do think that what got me through the fear of surgery was keeping my eyes on Mr. CB, on how calm he was and how seemingly free of fear. I found out later that he was absolutely terrified, but he stayed so strong for me.

At 10:16, My doctor asked me "Ok, are you ready?", and we heard our little girl cry for the first time. I remember telling her "Oh, honey, it's ok, don't cry." and asking Mr. CB how she looked. They did all her statistics (7lbs, 15 oz, 20in long), then brought her over so I could meet my girl for the first time.They took her to the nursery to do her vitals while they stitched me back together. Mr. CB stayed with her, but made sure I was the first one to hold her. He didn't even hold her before I did. Getting to meet her, really meet her, was the most amazing moment of my life. I spent the next hour telling her how perfect and amazing and beautiful she was.

We went home Wednesday afternoon, and have spent the last week learning to be a family of three. Baby CB is nursing like an absolute champ, and Mr. CB is being the most amazing daddy I have ever seen.

A C-section was not what I had planned, and I think there is definitely some grief that goes along with not having the birth you envision, but I labored from 1:30 to 9:45 drug-free, apparently (I was told later) impressing the heck out of my doctor and nurses, and I got my daughter out of it, who is truly the biggest blessing I could have asked for.

Thank you all for sharing this journey from pre-conception to delivery with me.

Much Love,
Cherry Bud, Mr. CB, and Baby Cherry Bud

CD88?!?

That's right... STILL no sign of AF... :-/ Truth be told, I am starting to get restless. I HATE it when my period decides to take an extended vacation... ESPECIALLY when we are TTC.

But now, it's all going to change!!! I am going to make an appointment at the IF Clinic a former Bud recommended to me, so I can get some assistance with this TTC thing... Hopefully it'll work :)

That's about all for now... Still (im)patiently waiting for AF to come naturally before she needs to come by force, being read her rights and all ;)




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Mini Melt Down

I received my medications in the mail on Thursday. After opening the box I was in shock a little bit for the rest of the day. I couldn't believe how many needles were in there! After looking a the protocol again that the nurse gave me, I noticed that if I am to get pregnant, they want me to take progesterone shots twice a day for the first 3 months!!! That is terrible.

The progesterone shots are the worst in a IVF cycle,(for me at least) because the needles are the longest, they go in your rear, and I am often a little sore after. Mr Lucky Bud gave me all of my shots for my failed IVF cycle. For the first progesterone shot, seeing the long needle, Mr Lucky Bud didn't want to hurt me, so he put the needle in VERY SLOWLY! I could feel it pop through layers of skin or muscles or something. It was so painful and gross. Ever since, I have really hated those shots, so I am not looking forward to two shots a day  for three months!

For some reason seeing the box of meds made everything a reality. Up until then I was looking at everything very logically. For our last IVF cycle we planned to try adoption if it didn't work the first time, partically because of cost. This time I was thinking, "oh great! Because of the lower cost, I will do three cycles of Embryo Adoption and if it hasn't worked after three, then we will adopt again."

Side thought:
I should say that we absolutly love adoption. We have had so many wonderful experiences surrounding adoption and it has changed us for the better forever. With our first adopiton, there were so many times when we were not sure if the adoption would go through. The second I held Little Lucky Bud in my arms, he felt 100% like my child, and it would have been a devistating loss to have to give him back. The birthmom had 30 days to change her mind, and we were also counting on the birthfather not showing up in court to protest the adoption. In our first adoption, it was not a perfect and smooth adoption, and we just wanted more control of the situation, which is why we opted for IVF the second time around. We love adoption so much, that we went right back to it when the IVF failed. We were so lucky with our second adoption. Things went perfectly. I still do have fears of a failed adoption though, which is why I thought that Embryo Adoption would be great. There have still been many struggles that I did not anticipate in this process, and it turns out that there really isn't an easy way through infertilty. Adoption, IVF, or embryo adoption, each one has been stressful, emotional and difficult in its own way.

Anyways, back on track, I was excited to know that we could afford three tries with embryo adoption. I had forgotten until I got all the meds, all of the emotions that I experience during our IVF cycle. When my IVF failed, I was so bummed out. I really just wanted to lay around the house, eat junk food and watch movies for the month following. The whole process was much more difficult for me than I had anticipated.

When I got my medications for this cycle,  it brought it all back and I realized that it is likely that I could feel that way again. I spent the day feeling bummed. In the evening I had a massage scheduled from a friend that I do exchanges with(I also have a massage license, but don't really practice except for exchanging for massage).

Mr Lucky Bud got home late and we only had a minute to say hi before I had to go for the massage. In seeing my mood he said I should just stay home, but I felt bad to cancel, and also thought that maybe spending time alone would help me to clear my thoughts and feel better. During the massage, when my massage friend asked how the whole embryo thing was going. As I explained how I was feeling, I  started crying, and then I couldn't stop. We had to reschedule. I felt so stupid. I should have taken Mr Lucky Buds advice to stay home!

I thought that I would feel better alone, but in the end, I really just wanted to be back at home with the fam. I brought home icecream and we ordered pizza and had it delivered to the park behind our house. We had alot of fun and I felt so much better.

Today was my third day with the shots. Today the syringe slipped out of my hand as I was passing it to Mr. Lucky Bud. The needle was a bit bent, but I moved it back into place and cleaned it off, and decided to use it anyways. Mr. Lucky Bud stabbed me twice with no success of the needle going in before we realized the needle was still bent a little. Ouch!

I am supposed to schedule my first ultrasound for August 30th, so not much will be going on until then!

The real reason I've been MIA

Miss Alice Avery was born Monday night at 10:16PM. She is beautiful and happy and perfect. I'm still recovering from a surprise C-section, but I'll have her birth story up soon!

Love always,
Cherry Bud

3rd tri, a little scare and shower today!

I can not believe I've made it to the 3rd Tri!  It all seems to be going by so fast, particularly the summer (I'm not ready to go back to school!)  We had an appt on Tuesday with one of our midwives.  We've been rotating through them so that we meet them all.  I don't know that I've talked on here about our birth center too much. 

We're planning on having Baby Teacher Bud at a freestanding Birth Center.  It is not attached or affiliated with any hospital.  They have a very welcoming, friendly, relaxed atmosphere.  They have 2 birthing rooms with birthing tubs, and 1 room they can convert to a birthing room if they need to.  When we went for our tour, they also had a mom there to talk to us who had given birth there 3 times and she just couldn't say enough good things about them.  They have 4 midwives, 3 of whom are certified nurse midwives.  They always have 2 on call, so you always have at least one CNM at a birth.  The appointments are awesome.  You sit and chat, and they give you a full hour of undivided attention!  It's very relaxing and friendly. 

The midwife we've met with the most has been helping moms give birth for longer than I've been alive, and I just love her!  We've been rotating through, and so far we've met with all of them but one, and not a bad vibe from the bunch!  This is such a relief, because I had a huge problem with a pushy OB at my old practice before I switched to the birth center.  I liked everyone else, but the thought that she could be the one on call when the time came made it clear I could not continue there. 

At my 27 week appointment, my blood pressure was a low 92 over 50.  Low even for me!  At the time, little TB was head down, but he's still wiggling all over, so I don't think he's still there.  He was kicking a lot while she was measuring my stomach and listening to the heartbeat.  She called him feisty!  We'll see if we have a feisty one on our hands.  My uterus was measuring 29cm - which is a bit big for the 27w4d that I was.  We'll see, I hope this is not a precursor to a 10lb baby!  I start having my appointments every 2 weeks now, I can't believe we are getting so close!! 

We had a little bit of a scare the last few days.  I went to my rhumatologist for my usual manipulation, and they discovered that my right calf was more swollen than my left, and was tender.  They were "mildly concerned" that it could be a blood clot.  (i.e.  I hear blood clot and proceed to freak out - I may be a bit of an overreacter.) I had to go to the hospital to get an ultrasound of my leg.  I packed a hasty hospital bag just in case (treatment involved being admitted to the hospital) and also in the hopes that murphy's law would work.  You know, like how if you bring an umbrella it won't rain.  Apparently it worked, no blood clot for me!  Whew! 

After that we went to our hometown to meet with a friend of my father-in-laws to talk life insurance.  We certainly have a lot to think about with that!  We're also working on a will.  One of my childhood friends' father is a lawyer, and he agreed to draft it for us. 

Today will be my first shower!  I'm very excited for it, and again, can't believe that we're already here.  It makes everything seem so close!  Though I am ready to really start getting his room ready, so I'm glad that we're having one a little on the early side.  We wanted to do it before I went back to school.  It's going to be a bit of a whirlwind though.  We're leaving tomorrow for a week long vacation to the Niagara area with Mr. Teacher Bud's entire extended family.  Then we get back, and I need to set up my classroom before students come back the following week.  Whew!  It's going to be a busy few weeks around here!

Plugging Along

How far along: 31 weeks and 6 days. Just over 8 weeks to go! So crazy to think that we're less than 2 months out from the due date!

Total weight change: Going by the doctors scale at my 30 week appointment, +23.

Maternity clothes: All.the.time.

Stretch Marks: No new ones.

Movement: He's been a wriggler this week. There was one night I felt a distinct flip from transverse to vertical (no idea which end is up..thinking head down). That brought on a pronounced movement change, namely that I can feel things more. In the last day or so the locations of the movements have changed again. I'm starting to suspect he might be back to transverse. *sigh* Oh & I got my first rib kick this week as well. OUCH!

Sleep: Typically up 3-4 times a night for the bathroom. Otherwise alright, I guess. The wrist braces seem to be helping with the carpal tunnel pain at night.

Best Moment This Past Week: The increased movement.

Most Difficult Moment This Past Week: Pelvic pain. With the change in position and his growing my pelvis, particularly my right hip, has been pretty achy. I've also had some cervical pressure that is sometimes painful.

Belly Button In or Out: Still an inny.

Cravings/Aversions: I'm liking peanut butter again this week.

Symptoms: Tingly fingers, particularly on my right hand. Bloat, including the infamous cankles. Hip pain and presumed cervical pressure.

28 Weeks

Belly Measurement/Weight: 28 inches and up 2 pounds.

Physical Progress: Some of my maternity shirts are getting too short.

How I am feeling about my body: I feel good about how my body looks but physically I feel crappy much of the time. My ribs are so sore! My back hurts too so I am just uncomfortable.

Energy Level: I don't have much energy anymore. I think I am tired because I am not sleeping well at night. I do a lot of tossing and turning due to pain.

Baby Movement: With all the stress I have been under, Baby BB moves a lot! As I said before I really enjoy the movement.

I had my glucose test and I haven't heard anything, no news is good news with my Midwife but then again I only took it 2 days ago. I also started my Bradley Classes on Tuesday. Mr. BB was out of town for work (boo) so my mom came with me since she will be in the room for our labor. I really liked the Bradley instructor she was very fun but also knew what she was talking about. The other couples in our class are around our age and everyone is having a girl except for 1 other couple who are Team Green like us. We have homework already which I have yet to do!

We haven't made any progress on the nursery with everything going on which makes me anxious. We have a little less than 3 months to go! Not to mention my shower is in a month, so we will have baby stuff but no where to put it. I'm honestly not sure how we are going to get it all done. I was 8 days early with DD so I am thinking this one might be early too! If that is the case we have even less time. Ahh stress, apparently I can't get enough.

Congrats to Sassy Bud, B is so beautiful! We will surely miss you on the blog, good luck with everything.

All the best,

Things I Wish I'd Known

Several of these things are specific to being pregnant after a loss, but not all of them. These cover things through about Week 20 or so of the pregnancy. Maybe I'll do another one of these after delivery...



1) Getting pregnant after a loss is scary.

When I was TTC after my loss I had it in my head that getting pregnant again would magically make everything OK. It doesn't. Its scary to be pregnant again with a little one that you want so badly when you know so much about what can go wrong.


2) Spotting doesn't always mean miscarriage.

It can, in fact it did for me the first time around. This time though I spotted a lot (see chart) and he's still very much still around. I guess I'm pretty much a great example of the 50% chance they give you of a miscarriage when you're spotting. Spotting is terrifying though, especially when you've been down the road of it meaning the beginning of the end before.


3) Symptoms can come and go.

For a lot of ladies, the bulk of 1st Tri symptoms don't really start to kick in until around 6-7 weeks. For me, weeks 7-9 were the most worst. Its totally normal to feel nauseous or tired as anything one day and fine the next. The same has held true for my 2nd and 3rd Tri symptoms so far. Movement has come and gone. Swelling has come and gone.


4) Its common for 1st Tri symptoms to drop off around 10ish weeks.

My symptoms completely tanked around 9 weeks and were all but gone by 10 weeks. Turns out a ton of the ladies on Pregnant After A Loss (a board on The Bump) were experiencing the same thing. Pretty sure around that point is when the placenta takes over, making those annoying 1st Tri symptoms fade.


5) Not everyone gets morning sickness (or other 1st Tri symptoms) really bad and every pregnancy really is different.

I'd heard all these horror stories about morning sickness. None of them were true for me. To this day I've not puked when pregnant. I had nausea, sure, but only a handful of times was it to the point where I thought I might puke...and it was never in the morning. I was an evening nausea girl. I never had Super Smell with this pregnancy (did a little with the first one), just a sensitivity to a few odors. With my first pregnancy I was exhausted, this one just a few days here and there.


6) Make Mr. Metamucil your BFF.

Taking Metamucil (I'd recommend the clear and free kind that dissolves in just about anything) can really help you if you get backed up...something that is common in early pregnancy but that people don't often talk about. Other things like colace, fruit, drinking tons of water, etc can also help.


7) The days before ultrasounds are nervewrecking.

Having had my miscarriage confirmed via seeing my empty uterus on the big screen, I was terrified going in for ultrasounds early on. The worst, by far, was the one where I knew there should be a heartbeat but I had no tangible proof that the heart was in fact beating. I was scared beyond words walking into that appointment. Seeing that beautiful flicker was absolutely amazing, there just are no words. I've gotten better about ultrasounds now that I can feel him and he's passed his anatomy scan, but I still worry a little.


8) When you get news that your child might have something that will make his/her life more challenging...nothing else matters.

OK, I kind of knew that in theory going into pregnancy, but processing the news that our little one had a 1:10 chance for Down Syndrome (courtesy of the Quad Screening) was hands down the hardest moment thus far for this pregnancy. I just wanted our child to have the best chance at the best life possible...and hearing s/he might face extra challenges was hard. It did put things into perspective though and helped me realize that as disconnected as I'd felt from this pregnancy (emotionally protecting myself from another loss, I think) that I really did love the baby already.


9) The amnio wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

It was scary seeing the needle in the amniotic sac on the ultrasound screen, but the procedure itself didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. The worst part of the whole experience, by far, was waiting for the results. Given that I'll be of advanced maternal age for future pregnancies, thus increasing my risks for several things the amnio can check for, I'll likely get an amnio instead of the Quad Screening in future pregnancies. So many of the other tests they can do just give you odds of a problem or can't rule things out completely. With amnio they are checking the DNA and you get a definitive answer. Sometimes just knowing one way or the other what is going on is necessary...at least it was for me.


10) The first movements don't always feel like flutters.

For me it felt like a bug was crawling inside of me. Why everyone else gets butterflies and I got a giant beetle...I have no idea. I've heard other ladies describe the feeling they had as it being like a vibrating cell phone.


11) Its totally normal to only feel movement intermittently before the start of 3rd Tri.

Even if your little one has been predictable as anything with their movements, when they are still relatively tiny, sometimes they can get themselves into a position where you can't feel them. Sometimes their sleep/awake patterns can change as well. If you have any concerns, absolutely call your doctor or go into Labor & Delivery (I did)...just go in knowing that in most cases the baby is fine.


12) Registries: Baby Bargains, Lucie's List and a game plan

Walking into a Big Box baby store as a first time parent is overwhelming. I found doing some research beforehand really helped me calm down. I highly recommend the book Baby Bargains (2011), available on Amazon for about $11 (image credit: http://www.amazon.com/). They literally go through and rate every product by pretty much every manufacturer and outline things like features, recalls, etc. The book will more than pay for itself. Seriously. Another thing I found helpful was http://www.lucieslist.com/. This website outlines the bare minimum of what you really need for baby. I don't agree with all the recommendations for big ticket items (a personal preference thing), but the listings of how many of this, that and the other thing you really need was helpful.


When it comes time to actually register, do what you can online. When you go to the store (there will likely be things you'll want to see in person), keep in mind that you don't have to do it all in one day. We did strollers and car seats one week, cribs and pack n'plays the next...you get the idea. You can always tweak it online at home. Oh and another important tip-If you get tired, that's a GREAT time to try out the gliders. Just sayin'.

Here We Go!

Our embryo transfer for our embryo adoption is set for September 19th! There was some confusion and I didn't know that I was supposed to start the birth control pills a week ago.

Since I started this process I have basically only been talking to the social worker at Bethany. I was told that once the open agreement contract was signed that I would be scheduled for a transfer. The nurse at the NEDC called me today to let me know what my medication protocol was. It seems that they figured that I would have remembered their instructions of when to start the birth control from my apt last December. I should have started it on the 10th the month before my transfer (a week ago). We ended up stopping the embryo adoption process and adopted our Baby Lucky Bud on Christmas Eve, so I did  not keep any paperwork or remember any of the instructions from that appointment.

There were a few stressful hours today where I thought I might have to wait until November for my transfer date(they only do transfers for a one week period, every other month), but the nurse talked to the Dr. and said that I would be fine to move forward for September. They changed my medications and said they should be able to work with where I am at in my cycle. There is still a chance that my lining won't be thick enough in time for the September transfer. I will find out at my first ultrasound on August 30th.

The donor couple had the open agreement looked over by their lawyer and were working on having it signed and noterized the last I heard. It seems that things are moving along smoothly now.

I should receive my medications in the mail tomorrow and start them right away. It all seems so real now!

My Birth Story & Signing off the blog!

On Sunday night, July 31st (38w 4d), around 9pm, I was sitting at home bouncing on my exercise ball when I thought I peed myself (which was not all that uncommon at that point). As I stood up I felt another gush and started wondering if it could be my water. After checking out the color and realizing it had no smell, I figured out that it was, in fact my water.

I told my husband and called my OB and she said to head over to the hospital and they would call her and let her know what they found. I put on a pad, finished packing my hospital bag and grabbed some towels to sit on in the car. My husband had just taken Tylenol PM to get some sleep and since I wasn't having contractions yet, I drove us to the hospital.

Once we got there they let me skip triage and just admitted me to a room. Then they hooked me up to the monitors and apparently I was having contractions 6-9 minutes apart but I couldn't even feel them. They also checked me to see if I was dilated at all and I was at a 3. They offered me pitocin to help speed things up but I declined since I felt like I was making good progress so far. I asked for something to help me sleep and figured we could see where things were in the morning.

They gave me an ambien around midnight and I tried to go to sleep. Of course my contractions decided to kick in then. I spent the next 4 hours laying in various positions breathing though them and playing games and texting people on my phone (yes, people were actually up at that hour!) while my husband got some rest. :) I timed the contractions on my phone and they were coming every 3 minutes and lasting for about a minute and a half each. Finally around 4am I decided I was ready for the epidural. I was always planning on getting the epi, I just wanted to progress on my own until I was too uncomfortable. I thought I pressed the nurse call button but after another hour of contractions I realized I pressed the wrong button. My nurse came in this time (5am) and checked me. I was at a 5. She suggested that I get in the jacuzzi tub while I waited for the epi. I spent about a half hour in there and another hour laboring in the bed and finally got the epi at 6:30 when I was at a 6. They offered me pitocin again, but I felt like I was doing fine on my own so I declined. The next few hours I was actually able to sleep a little, which I think was helpful when I had to push.

By around 10:30 am I was at a 10 and the nurse said we would push in about an hour but to let her know if I felt like I needed to before then. I ended up feeling the urge pretty quickly but I waited a few more contractions to have my husband get the nurse. I could barely talk at this point and she could tell it was time to go. My OB came in and they had me push through the next contraction. I call this my practice push since I really didn't know what I was doing and I don't think I was very successful. The next contraction I apparently figured it out because the OB said "Woah, hold on, I don't even have my gloves on!" I pushed through 2 more contractions and at 11:21am Brynn was born!

After delivery things got a little scary. I was bleeding a lot and they couldn't get it to stop. It took about 2 hours and they were prepping me for the ER before they finally got it under control. I will spare the details but this whole process was much more painful and scary than my labor. I wasn't able to hold my baby or attempt to breastfeed her until this was all over but fortunately everything turned out just fine.

I have enjoyed being a part of this blog over the past (almost) 2 years and am glad I was able to share my story with you- from TTC to IF to IVF and now finally to my sweet baby girl.

Eating Habits & More

So I finally got back on board with my eating plan where I am eating Paleo. I have been rock solid since August 1st and have noticed the difference in my energy levels, hair growth and weight, which I am the most excited about!! Having PCOS and being insulin resistant eating Paleo keeps my insulin levels balanced and low, which in turn have helped balance out my other hormone levels. It decreases how often I have to wax my lovely mustache!

September 18th I have a triathlon that I should really start training for but seem to just not be motivated. I did my first bike ride the other day with my sister and it didn't end with me tipping over but that is probably because I wasn't biking with clips! I enjoy doing the triathlons but I am afraid of biking and being hit or hitting someone or tipping over really. So it makes for a slow biking but better than Marathons which was my previous go to event!!

Anyways I am slimming down and will start doing Crossfit in a month along with training for the triathlon I should be toning back up!! All good things for me and trying to keep my PCOS in check and hopefully my fertility in the positive as well.

Appointment Update

So we were supposed to meet with the new RE but due to Mr. Explorer Bud being sick we had to cancel and are looking to reschedule in September after he is back in school. That way I should be back to weight I want to be, Mr. Explorer Bud will have been off caffeine/soda for about 3 months and we will be less crammed with our schedules. I was at first bummed but after some rationalization I was okay and set to meet some of my fitness goals before diving back onto the emotional roller coaster that comes with a new RE and treatments.

35 Week Update

Today marks the next milestone on my pregnancy checklist: 35/35! Meaning I'm 35 weeks today, with 35 days to go until my due date. Wow! The only two milestones I can think of to hit going forward are full-term and my due date...kind of scary, but very exciting at the same time! So I'll give a quick update in this post, and then update separately about a few things that I want to give more attention to.

How far along: 35 weeks!

Total weight change: Um...too much. About +37 as of last week's appointment. I guess this is what happens when I go from avid marathon runner to occasional pool walker.

Maternity clothes: Definitely! I still have a few pairs of really comfy pre-pregnancy pj pants that fit, but otherwise I'm in maternity clothes exclusively. I have a couple pairs of pants and a button down shirt that don't exactly fit so well. Thankfully, it's still in the 90's here so I can wear my arsenal of summer dresses every day to work unless I have a meeting that requires something with a jacket.

Stretch Marks: Not really! I'm an avid cocoa butter user, and put it on my hips, low back, stomach and chest every day. Just in case!

Movement: Baby Magnolia Bud's kicks and punches have turned into rolls and shifts. It's gotten a little more uncomfortable, but that's to be expected now that he/she is running out of room...

Sleep: Not great, but I'm at least sleeping a few hours at a time. I get up about twice a night to pee, and am constantly turning over, shifting positions, etc. This week I'm traveling for work 2 nights, so I'm excited to see if a bed filled with pillows is any help.

Best Moment This Past Week: There were several! Our 34-week appointment last week was great, we had our last baby shower, we finished buying from our BuyBuyBaby registry, we washed and put away all the baby clothes, we prepped our first load of cloth diapers (Bum Genius 4.0 pockets and newborn AIO's), and the nursery is almost done!

Most Difficult Moment This Past Week: I've been having a lot of upper back pain that starts around noon every day and lasts until I'm lying down at night again. I'm also starting to just be uncomfortable a lot of the time.

Belly Button In or Out: More flat than innie or outie. Mr. Magnolia Bud thinks it's hilarious.

Cravings/Aversions: Not much, if anything. I have started needing my drinks to be ice-cold, and still am turned off by most meats.

Symptoms: From the head down--leaky boobs (every now and then), braxton hicks a couple times an hour when I'm awake, crazy back pain in my upper back (and a really tight lower back/butt), and knowing that if I look at my feet, my feet and ankles look like there's a baseball where my ankle bones used to be. I'm hoping a pedicure next weekend and a massage and facial the week after will help :)

What I'm Looking Forward To: We're finishing buying things from our amazon and BRU registries this week, and will finish prepping our cloth diapers, pack the birth center bag, and order the nursery art this week/weekend too.

Sitting in the Waiting Room.

Not literally...

I have to be honest... lately, my posts have really SUCKED :-/ I have had NOTHING interesting to say, except that AF is super late. You want stats??? Today is CD79, and I am 20 days late, based on my last funked up cycle. Thanks, Period Tracker. I can always count on you to keep things in perspective... o.O

So yea, I am sitting around waiting for AF to finally show up... and also waiting to see if I'll have a job next year. I am a Teacher in South Florida, and the job situation is a bit sketchy... Hopefully, I will get some good news this week. I NEED my Health Insurance coverage to continue so that I can visit a local IVF clinic nearby for a consultation... A former Bud, and friend, recommended them to me. Because of a very successful round of IUI, she now has a beautiful little boy to call her own :) So, hopefully they can help me see the "big picture" of my fertility, soon. :)

Since it's still Summer Break, I have been staying up VERY late... sometimes later than I even should. And of course, I get some time to watch TV, and watch whatever I like, I may add ;) I caught an Episode of Guiliana & Bill, based on Bill and Guiliana Rancic. As some of you may or may not know, they have struggled with their own infertility issues, and were planning to take a year off of TTC (because of all the stress and heartbreak it brought upon them). She mentioned this book called "Making Babies" which seems really interesting. So, I thought I'd share it with my fellow Buds and readers. The authors are Sami David and Jill Blakeway.

photo credit

I was trying to find a Kindle edition, but it is not available... however, the iBooks app on the iPhone and iPad does have it available. I haven't read it yet, but I have previewed it. It seems very promising and interesting. Have you heard about this book? Any positive (or negative) thoughts about it?

Anyway, I guess that's all for now... I kind of have to wait until I find out about my Job Situation before I can move on with my TTC and Fertility issues... which is extremely unfortunate. Hopefully, I will know what is going on (with both work and my health) soon.

75% Done!

Since I never did the survey thing in my other post this week, here goes.

How far along: 30 weeks and 6 days

Total weight change: Going by the doctors scale, +23. I'm totally dreading my next check up. I wasn't a tiny woman when I got pregnant and its all but a sure thing that the next appointment will put me over the 200 mark. For the most part I'm alright with the increasing weight of pregnancy...but that milestone will be a hard one to swallow.

Maternity clothes: I started Round Three of maternity clothes this past week. Some of my shirts were getting too short and pants were getting too snug in the waistband. I'm still on the lookout for yoga pants and maxi dresses. I've also realized that wearing more supportive shoes made a HUGE difference in my foot and back pain.

Stretch Marks: No new ones.

Movement: I feel nudges and wiggles each day, enough for him to pass his kick count, but not a ton.

Sleep: Normal for me in 3rd Tri, I guess. I'm up 3 to 4 times for the bathroom. I'm finding myself really loving squeezing in an afternoon nap as well. Not sure if its because I'm not sleeping soundly at night or if its because the extra weight is taking a toll on my physically.

Best Moment This Past Week: Hearing everything looked good at the appt.

Most Difficult Moment This Past Week: Just knowing that I have another 10 or so weeks to go. I also had a hard time with the realization that cloth diapering just isn't realistic for us. We can't wash them in house due to the landlord getting a low end washer and using a diaper service was more expensive than disposables.

Belly Button In or Out: Still an inny.

Cravings/Aversions: Nothing

Symptoms: Tingly fingers, particularly on my right hand. Bloat, including the infamous cankles. I had my very first big time Braxton Hicks contraction in the week hours of Wednesday morning. BIG difference from the one I had at 15 weeks. It was like my whole belly had a giant muscle spasm at once. Pretty intense.

What I'm Looking Forward To: Our glider and ottoman coming in (due within the next week) and our changing table getting assembled.

Progress

Our social worker called on Tuesday after speaking to our donor couple. I knew she was talking to them at 2pm. I had such an unproductive day. I was so anxious to hear what they had to say. I waited until 3:30  to hear from our social worker, and then couldn't wait anymore and gave her a call. She had just gotten off of the phone with them so it was good timing.

Our hope has been to be able to get a photo and a letter for the child from the donor couple in the case that we do have a baby. They had agreed to the letter, but were very protective of their identity and do not want the world, or their children(for the moment) to know that they did IVF or embryo adoption. Their concern with giving a photo was that if we located them, or posted something on Facebook, somehow people would find out, and they would like things to happen on their own timeline.

In the end they did agree to move forward, and even to give us a picture and a letter to a child when they are 1 year old. In the contract we will give hard copy updates twice a year. We will not post any photos of the donor couple online, and they would like to meet us at some point. They have approved this copy of the open agreement and are just waiting for their lawyer to look over it. They have agreed to return the signed and notarized copy soon so that I will be able to start my medications in the next week or two.

It has been one month since we first accepted this couple as a donor. This matching process and coming to terms on the open agreement has been much more difficult then I expected. We are extremely open, so before we started this process, I imagined that one day the couple would say what they hoped for , and the next day we would say yes, and we would both signed it and it would be done in a matter of days.

Our social worker said that our donors were really back and forth between doing an open and a closed donation. I think that in the end they decided that they wanted to know how any potential kids were doing, but it hadn't really occurred to them that a couple seeking an open donation would have hopes too. We are really on the other side of the spectrum when it comes to openness. They had A LOT of fears, but things have progressed slowly and I am happy with where we are at now. This process has been emotional and stressful, but I feel happy to see that things are probably going to work out with our current donor and that things are moving along.

27 Week Update

I've been somewhat Missing In Action here because my family is going through a terrible time right now. Unfortunately, my Father-In-Law was diagnosed with Leukemia. We have been through a whirlwind these past few days and it has been hard to focus on anything, much less blogging. Right now, we don't have much information other than the diagnosis which is definitely scary. Any thoughts and prayers the Bloomin' Babies readers can spare would be much appreciated.

As far as the pregnancy, things are still moving along well. I haven't taken a picture the past two weeks so I think I am getting bigger but don't have pictures to prove it. The baby has bruised my ribs and I am in SO much pain all the time now. It really sucks, sometimes I am so frustrated by the pain I just cry. My back has started hurting as well, the one Tylenol a day just isn't helping anymore. I don't think there is anything else I can do to ease my pain though.

I feel hungry all the time but I am paranoid of gaining too much weight. I try to eat healthy but I am not sure I am doing the best job at that. I do eat a lot of cereal, lately Raisin Bran, and therefore a lot of milk. I am trying to get all the nutrients I need for the baby but it is definitely a challenge.

Our Bradley classes start next week and I am really excited. I have been reading the course book, Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way and am excited for Mr. BB to learn the techniques. The teacher seems really great through the phone calls and emails so I think we are going to learn a lot. I have to admit I am a little paranoid, they say that 97% of Bradley moms go med-free. I really don't want to be in the 3% who don't make it. I know Mr. BB will be great I am just worried I will give up. The Bradley Method is all about relaxing and I am stressing about not being able to relax through the contractions. I am sure stressing about that doesn't help, haha!

I have my Glucose test next week as well. I really hope I pass, I was fine with my daughter so I am using that to remind myself that I will probably be ok.

I will have more updates next week after my appointment. After that appointment I go every two weeks already! Sometimes I feel like I still have a long way to go but getting to appointments every two weeks makes it seem close.

All the best,

30 Week Appt

I'm officially on biweekly appointments now that I'm in the 3rd Trimester. Had my 30 week one bright and early on Monday and the 32 week one is on the books for later this month.


I don't think I've done a summary of what a typical prenatal appointment is like, so for those that are curious, here goes:


Typically I arrive at the office and check in. The receptionist gives me a bunch of lab labels that I'm to hand to the nurse when I'm called back. I sit and wait, usually guzzling my water because I know what's coming next. Eventually I get called back by the nurse. They do my weight (boo!), temp, BP and ask if there is any pain or big changes since the last appointment. Then they hand me one of the labels mentioned earlier and direct me to the nearest bathroom where I'm expected to pee in a cup. Let me tell you, that's getting more challenging as the belly gets bigger. Kind of like flying blind, lol.


The sample gets left for the nurse and I go back to the room they've told me to wait in. Typically the nurse then enters the new vitals info into the system while we wait on the doctor (there are computers in the exam rooms). She'll often ask me several questions, usually stuff that is trimester appropriate...but questions of bleeding/spotting/pain are always included.




Then the doctor comes back. She goes over my vitals and asks about any issues I might be having. This is where I chime in about the tingly fingers of the past month, or earlier in the pregnancy about the spotting. I'd recommend highly writing down your questions on a list as you come up with them. When my appointments were monthly, that was a lifesaver. I hated forgetting to ask something when I had some face time with the doctor and then having to call.


Lately, as in since 24 weeks, the doctors are starting to ask questions to get me thinking about the future at these appointments as well. Things like what we intend to do for birth control after the baby, if we've thought about our preferences for delivery (basically a nudge to come up with a birth plan) and a heads up about upcoming testing such as Group B Strep.


Next up is the best part. I lay down on the exam table and they break out the doppler. I love getting to hear the little guys heartbeat! Its usually not for very long, but its long enough for me to know its for sure there still which is comforting.


After that we wipe off the gel and I get helped up off the exam table (can't get up very well on my own these days). The doctor typically goes over a few things as the nurse sticks her head in and says I passed the pee test (nowadays they are looking for proteins and sugars in particular). I then make an appointment for the appropriate number of weeks in the future on my way out.


This past appointment I found out that a referral for wrist splints, intended to help with my carpal tunnel and ulnar nerve issues was approved by insurance, so I got information about where to get fitted for those.


I actually went to get the wrist braces today. One for each wrist. They are (thankfully) Velcro closure and are reinforced by a metal plate on the underside of the wrist. I'm supposed to wear them at a minimum when I'm sleeping to keep me from flexing my wrist in my sleep and aggravating the issue. I feel like a boxer with them on, take a look for yourselves. Sexy, aren't they? Just kidding of course. There pretty much is nothing sexy about pregnancy at this point.

The Wait Continues

We are still working on the final draft of our Open Agreement with our donors for our embryo adoption. The question that was holding us up was whether or not we would get a picture of the donor family at some point after a child is born. Two Fridays ago the donor family said yes, but by Monday weren't really sure, so they set up a call with the social worker for Wednesday. They forgot about it and rescheduled for Thursday. They forgot they were busy Thursday and rescheduled for Friday.

Friday our social worker spoke to the husband and he said that they were okay with a picture at one year after a child is born. The donor husband still had to confirm with his wife, but it seemed that by their conversation today with our social worker that things would be settled. I got an email today that the wife donor has more questions or requests, so the couple will have a conversation with the social worker again tomorrow, and I will hopefully know more shortly after!

2 years ago...

I was spending the day with my bridesmaids and parents.I was beyond excited to be marrying the man of my dreams later that evening. We had a fantastic day with our friends and family. As of right now, I have to say that is the best day of my life.

I won't lie and say that the past two years have been easy. DH was hit hard by the economy and has been laid off quite a few times since we got married (first time being the day we returned from our honeymoon). In addition to this, we have yet to get our baby we both so crave. Last year we celebrated in Disney World and bought all sorts of stuff for our baby who we knew would come soon (even though we heading towards a year of trying). Here we are a year later and not any closer. As much as I want to scream and shout how happy I am for our anniversary, I can't. It is definitely a bittersweet day. I just hope that next year our family is a little more complete and we can celebrate together.

Happy Anniversary Mr. PlannerBud! I love you more than anything else.

Brynn is here!

On Sunday night, at 38w4d, my water broke! Just a short 13 or so hours later we welcomed Ms. Brynn Atarah to the world. I will post my birth story in the next week or so.

Here's a picture of the love of my life: