Trip to Labor & Delivery

Well, today turned out a lot more exciting than I'd intended.

The little guy still wasn't moving much. A little thump last night and then nothing today. At my 24 week appointment yesterday the doctor had said that if I didn't start feeling things again that I should go in and get monitored to find out what's going on. I know that a noticeable decrease in movement can be a bad sign, so I went in. Figured better to go in and find out it was nothing to worry about than to not go in and regret it.

Before I even get started on how Labor & Delivery was, I have to tell you that driving myself to a hospital where the only association I have (so far) is my miscarriage being confirmed there...I was a nervous wreck that whole drive in. All the "this can't really be happening" feelings that were there in November came back and I had all I could do to hold it together and drive. I kept repeating to myself that there was probably nothing wrong in this case & this trip in will likely have a different outcome.


My doctor had let them know I was coming in, so they had a room set up for me. I got to get into a lovely gown, and then they hooked me up to the monitors. They were listening for baby's heart rate, and had me hit a little button every time I felt him move. I found out afterwards that this is apparently called a Non-Stress Test.

Please note that this isn't my stomach, the image credit is down below. This gives you a good idea of how I was hooked up though.

Thankfully, all is fine with the little guy. As the L&D nurse put it, "Wow, he's really deep down in there". Apparently he was burrowed deep down in my pelvis and therefore it was hard for me to feel movement. The monitor picked up his movement, most of which I didn't feel, in the same pattern as what I'd normally sense. Needless to say I felt A LOT better after that. They did a quick ultrasound after the monitoring as well. It was really hard to see much as it was a Level I machine and he's getting kind of big now (though I did find it funny that L&D referred to him as one of "the little ones"...to me he's HUGE now, but I guess in their world he is a little one). I did get to see a heartbeat though as well as his little hands and feet wiggling a little.

I know some people probably think I was overdoing it going in. The way I look at it though is that I noticed a pronounced change in how he was acting, and I know that going from moving a lot to not moving at all can be a very bad sign. I'd rather go into L&D and find out everything is fine and I was worrying for nothing than to not go in and potentially end up regretting it if it turns out there is something they could've done.

(Image credit:
http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/encyclopedia/T/Tests-during-pregnancy/Non-stress-test)

FET Scheduled!

I am too hormonal and tired to really be too witty tonight. I did want to say though that my FET is scheduled for Friday morning. We are planning to transfer two of our three frozen embryos. I hope that we can get at least two. My RE told us that not all embryos thaw successfully and we can be left with any where between zero and three embryos. I haven't been very confident about the chances of this happening, but someone on one of my board groups just got pregnant with her first FET, so here is hope.

I just found out that family friend is going through a FET as well. Almost two years ago, she had her first IVF to have her daughter. Her and her husband are trying to their second. The first IVF didn't work, so they will be doing a FET later this summer. A huge part of me hopes that I get pregnant first. I know it is very b*tchy, but I know it would be very painful to have her get pregnant with her second before I even get my first. It doesn't make it any easier that she and I go to the same clinic, just different doctors. Good luck to both us!

Taking it easy...

Well, I am backstage at a Summer Opera Gig, getting ready for the stage, and just hanging out. I thought I'd write a quick post to say hello, and check in.

There's not much to report from my end... AF is due to arrive on, or around, Thursday and I really don't have high hopes for a successful month in the TTC department... Honestly, if I got a BFP for this cycle, I would be HIGHLY shocked. We did BD around my supposed O date, but that doesn't mean anything to those of us suffering with PCOS.

It just seems like when you want something, everyone around you is getting it but you... like everywhere I look someone is having a baby or expecting, etc. Still, I have faith that our turn will come up soon enough :) I feel optimistic, and plan to stay like that... at least, for the time being.

Until next time :)




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Anatomy Scan

We had our anatomy scan on Thursday and it went great! Everything with Baby BB was measuring perfectly! He/she was a wiggle worm so it took the tech a few times to get all the measurements. Mr. BB almost caved and decided to find out the baby's gender but he didn't. It looks like we really won't know baby's gender until November...sigh.

Baby is very active and the other kids have enjoyed feeling him/her move around in my belly.

I think Mr. BB and I have settled on for sure boy/girl names but I don't want to share just yet!

My back has been hurting so bad the past few days. Today I caved and took a Tylenol. I haven't been sleeping well either because I can't get comfortable. It seems too early for all of this!

This is short, Mr. BB and I have a wedding to go to today and in order not to be a lame-o I want to nap!

Best,

V-Day!

Viability Day!!!

I seriously can't even believe that I get to write this post. When I first got the positive test for this pregnancy I was just hoping and praying to make it to 6 weeks (previous miscarriage was in 5th week). That I'd get to viability seemed goal that was too lofty to even dream of. I know reaching this point doesn't guarantee a baby going home in my arms, but just getting this far is something that seemed so unattainable back in February. I'm seriously all choked up just thinking about how far things have come.

Its really surreal to be at the point in this pregnancy where the last of the July '11 ladies on Pregnant After a Loss were when I first got there. Now those ladies are delivering...and here I am.

Coming up in July: Double Digits, my first EDD, 3rd Tri & my baby shower. Deep breathes on the EDD one. I seriously can't believe that day is so soon. *sigh*

23 Week Update

How far along: 23 weeks 4 days

Total weight change: Last I knew it was +8 if you go by my scale at home, +6.5 if you go by the doctors office. That was 3 weeks ago though, and the belly has grown. One of these days I'll dig out my scale and update this one.

Maternity clothes: Pretty much all the time.

Stretch Marks: No, but I found a varicose vein. Boo!

Movement: He's moving around each day and has started to do so noticeably when I'm up and about sometimes. Prior to this week, I had to be sitting/laying down to feel him.

Sleep: Still up about 3 times a night for the bathroom.

Best Moment This Past Week: Feeling him when I was up and about.

Most Difficult Moment This Past Week: Moving. We're still in the midst of moving from our old place to our new one and I am both physically and emotionally spent. I just don't have the stamina I did pre-pregnancy. Add that to the fact that I can't carry much and that equals a bazillion little trips to and from the car. Those extra trips equal a sore butt, tired legs and achy feet. I'll be so glad when moving is over with!

Belly Button In or Out: Definitely still in

Cravings/Aversions: Nothing

Symptoms: Mostly just him squirming about in there.

What I'm Looking Forward To: DH being able to feel his son kick. He probably could now if he had the patience to sit there with his hand on my belly, but alas.

20 Weeks

So excited to be halfway there to meeting Baby BB! I had my 20 week appointment yesterday and everything went well. Here are a few updates:

Belly Measurement/Weight: I gained 2 1/2 pounds so I am up a total of 6 1/2 since I got pregnant.

Physical Progress: I wear maternity clothes all the time and definitely look pregnant. I am pretty sure my boobs are still growing! They are so heavy too.

How I am feeling about my body: I feel great about my body, I love looking pregnant!

Cravings/Aversions: None really.

Energy Level: I am starting to get tired more again. It takes effort to go up and down the stairs. I get tired after going on walks as well. I haven't been sleeping well because I have been uncomfortable so I feel tired all the time. I definitely sleep whenever I can.

Baby Movement: Baby BB moves all the time! He/she is very active. I love it, baby moving gives me reassurance that everything is ok in there.

My anatomy scan and fetal echocardiogram is tomorrow. Originally my midwife had it schedule for July 6th but I expressed some anxiety in waiting so she moved it up! I am excited to see my baby but nervous that we will have a similar situation to my scary NT scan. I am hoping and praying that everything is normal with baby so I can stop worrying. Hopefully baby's measurements and everything are perfect and we won't need any more tests/procedures. My midwife told me that because all my other tests, the CVS and bloodwork, came back normal there is really nothing to worry about.

I keep having dreams that my baby is a girl! The last two dreams someone has taken her away from me and I spend the entire dream trying to get her back. I always do get her back at the end of the dream and she knows I am her mom. I am not sure why I keep having these dreams, I always wonder if it is a sign that we are going to have a girl since baby is always a girl. Since we are Team Green we will not know until November whether I am right or not.

I will definitely update after my scan tomorrow. Wish us luck!

Will 2011 be our year?

I keep giving this baby thing, and TTC in general, a lot of thought lately... and I can't help but wonder... will 2011 be our year for a sticky BFP? :-/ I know this is a strange way to start off this post, but I feel a bit weird lately... here's why...

I was so optimistic starting of 2011... we started off GREAT with a beautiful anniversary trip that turned out to mark the conception of our first child, which we lost, followed by issues with so-called "friends", tons of weddings, good news in the job department (for me) and now, the possibility of buying a property to call our own... but the thing I am craving most at the moment is a super-sticky BFP! I keep going back to

thinking about how great it was to have the first one, and I can't help but feel a wanting for that feeling again.

A local choreographer put together a piece, which I was lucky enough to witness, in which through dance and theatrics they outline the various stages of mourning. I realized that I am not quite done mourning for the loss of Baby Diva Bud. It's so strange... BFP with a loss 4 days later and I still can't get over it? What is wrong with me?! :( I guess this is just the way it is... and the piece really made me realize that everyone mourns in their own way. It's a personal process that we all need to go through. We need to allow ourselves a "Pity Party" and then, move on. My party is a bit drawn out... and sometimes I feel that I won't get over it until I get another BFP... and that really sucks.

Ugh, I hate being such a Debbie Downer lately... I just really don't have much to post about. Other than the fact

that I've been having some more vivid dreams - this last one wasn't baby related at all. And symptoms wise, I had some terrible diarrhea yesterday which had me running to the bathroom every few minutes. And why would I even be worried about my symptoms? Well, it kind of turns out the Mr. DBud and I BDed around the 18th day of my cycle, which is around when I O... so without any concrete reason, I am kinda hoping I did, in fact, O and that maybe a BFP is in the works? But now I am starting to drive myself crazy with this whole thing, and I feel I need to stop...

DOUBLE "UGH"... ok, I will stop rambling for now... it's just I have so many emotions running through my head right now, that I can't just sit here and blog clearly. Hopefully this entry was clear enough. And for any of you that are going through the same things I am... this royaly SUCKS - but somehow, I always feel that in the end, it'll all be worth it.

Holy Crap 19 weeks!

First things first - I'm done with school for a few weeks!  Yay!  I'll be teaching summer school in July, which part of me thinks I'm crazy for, but until then, I have time for baby things (oh yeah, and planning a new class!)

Starting in mid-May, Mr. Teacher Bud was working like crazy (we're talking 95 hrs in one week at it's worst) and since then has been out of town for work a lot.  So I've been itching to get going on daycares, registering, etc. but we haven't done much yet, because obviously I want his input.  He's almost done with his last trip, and then we will be diving in head first.  My goal is to have a daycare selected, a registry most of the way complete, and furniture ordered by the time I start summer school on July 6th.  Wow, now that I write that out it seems like a lot!  *Gulp*

We have looked at 2 daycares, already, and I have a list of other ones to look at, so that is a step in the right direction.  We also want to cloth diaper, and I have a small but growing diaper stash.  We have so far 2 newborn fitteds, 3 small covers, 2 adjustable size pockets, and 3 newborn pockets.  I know we need a lot more, so we need to get on that too!  So far, I've just been buying CDs when they show up on babysteals or zulily.  I also found the 3 covers at a garage sale!  I was surprised, but so happy to get them for only $2 each!  I've also been uying some clothes at garage sales too.  Here's a picture of my haul one day - only $12 for all of it!

credit: me

I'm still buying mostly gender neutral stuff, because we don't know the gender yet.  But we have scheduled our ultrasound!  Our ultrasound is at 8am a week from tomorrow!  I am so impatient and can't wait! 

Belly Measurement/Weight: Still not really up to pre-pregnancy weight.  It has me a little worried, but I'm trying to think it's just my thyroid medicine doing it's job.  My belly is definitely getting bigger!  I had my 1st stranger ask when I was due this past week.  At my appointment they said that my uterus is now up to my belly button. 
Physical Progress: We're up to Mango!   It's pretty strange though, I bought a doppler from a woman on a pregnancy message board that I frequent, and baby is always, always on my right side.  It seems strange. 
How I am feeling about my body: I am mostly done puking!!!!  I hardly ever vomit anymore, smells still get to me, but I'm off the zofran, and doing soooo much better.  I'm using a pregnancy pillow most of the time, and do have some lower back pain. 
Cravings/Aversions: Tomatoes - I love them, but I just cannot eat raw tomatoes.  It's sad. 
Energy Level: The same.  My mom walked me all over the earth yesterday running errand, and I was so exhausted afterwards that I almost went to sleep at 8:30!   
Baby Movement: I think so.  Not from the outside yet though. 

Hormones? Check!

I started taking estrace 2mg twice daily this past Monday. On Thursday, I went to see my therapist and she asked how I was doing with them. Fine, I said. I have had zero side effect, I said. If only it stayed that way. Over the past 24 hours, I have had at least four random crying fits and one random angry fit towards Mr. Planner Bud. The hormones have arrived! Really, I don't think seeing a picture of your father eating a lobster should send you into tears, because "it's not fair that you are at home and not there". How about getting angry at your husband (who is doing you a favor and picking up a gift for your dad) because the first two stores he went didn't have the movie you wanted to get? Yay, they have been that type of crazy moments. Aren't hormones joyful?

All in all this cycle has been pretty easy so far. I have had to take no injections and the estrace pills are smaller than BCP. I have been drinking and having my diet soda; it is nice not having to think about egg quality or things like that. I am thoroughly enjoying living my life like I did before TTC again. This will all come to an end around July 1. Right now that is my scheduled ET. I am excited, but nervous. I am having a hard time being positive about it. Every logical piece of my mind is telling me that if a textbook cycle didn't work, why would something with lower success rates? However, I know that none of this really logical. Hopefully the next couple weeks go quickly.

Moving Time

Both for the baby and for our household. Movers come tomorrow to get the furniture and any boxes we've managed to get packed up. Its a local move at least (our last one was coast-to-coast), so at least its less stressful.

I'm currently at 22 weeks 5 days. Crazy to even think that I'm only 9 days from V-Day, not that I'm counting or anything... Once a pregnancy hits 24 weeks the babies chances of survival outside the womb start to climb.

I'm still feeling pretty much the same as I was last week. I haven't felt as much movement this week from the little guy, but I think that's because I've been so active myself packing and the like. I have made sure I feel him move each day, which is comforting. I've been tired and sore as anything this week, but most of that I can attribute to all the packing I've been doing this week. I've been good and not been lifting heavy or awkward things, but just the amount of moving, lifting and twisting...well, lets just say I've been feeling it. I'll be glad when the move is over with.

I feel like I'm measuring small right now, but I'm trying to convince myself its the not-so-flattering over sized junky t-shirts I've been wearing this week. The worry about him being a little on the small side was planted at our impromptu anatomy scan back at 17 weeks when they said they wanted to see us back in several weeks for a follow up growth ultrasound. Hopefully the new doctor will do the follow up ultrasound as well.

Alright, I'll catch you on the flip side. We're breaking down the electronics shortly.

32 weeks

Wait, what?! How did I get here?!

I know everyone says pregnancy flies by, but it really does!

I haven't posted much because I haven't had much to report. I have no complications. Everything has gone so smoothly. I feel so fortunate that after the road we had to take to get here, we have not had any bumps during the pregnancy.


Of course I have the normal complaints: sore, can't sleep, emotional, cranky, etc. But feeling baby Brynn move around in there makes it all worth it.

We just got back from our babymoon trip to Dallas and Vegas. It was HOT but I took it easy and made it through in one piece!


This weekend is my baby shower! I have to admit I stalked my registry and I am so overwhelmed at the generosity we've experienced so far. Almost all my big items have been purchased already. We've also gotten a lot of gifts from people that can't make it to the shower, including a handmade quilt and another personalized smaller blanket. I will try to post pictures of them and some shower pictures after this weekend.

Heartbroken for a friend...

I wanted to share something with all of you. Some thoughts about miscarriage, from my perspective now that I've been through one and am having a healthy pregnancy so far.

Mr. Magnolia Bud and I have suspected that our best friends have been TTC for a couple of months now. This weekend, DH's best friend let it slip that they were, but his wife was miscarrying. My heart just sunk when he told us. I hate that she has to go through the worry, the heartbreak, the life-altering emotional roller coaster that too many of us know all too well. I spent the whole rest of Saturday night trying not to cry. I couldn't sleep at all once we got home, and woke up early the next morning to send her a message to let her know I'm thinking of her and want to be as supportive as she'll let me be.

Maybe I'm having such a strong reaction because ours is still fresh in my memory (and may be forever). Maybe it's because our first EDD passed on June 2 without recognition from anyone else. I think though, that I'm having such a strong reaction because I know how much it hurts, and I wouldn't wish that much pain on anyone--especially someone who holds such a dear place in my heart. I foolishly thought that when I did get pregnant, hearing about a loss wouldn't be as hard--because we'd be secure in knowing that our baby was safe and healthy. This weekend I learned that not only am I experiencing a very similar heartbreak as I did for our loss, but I'm also feeling guilty that this pregnancy is going so easily for us knowing how hard a time she's having right now.

Don't get me wrong--I love Baby Magnolia Bud more than anything. But I feel guilty about life's unfairness. Why great people who are in a healthy place in their lives, who want nothing more than to become parents, are the ones who I hear about that have to deal with pregnancy loss, complications, worry, and heartbreak. Why the people we know (especially in our families) who aren't in a good place financially, emotionally, etc. are the ones who go through their (sometimes unplanned) pregnancies without worries, fears, or complications? Why, in our group of friends, can't we be the 1 in 4, but instead are 3 in 5?

I know there aren't easy answers (or any answers?) for why life hands us what it does. I also know that with the right support, each of us is strong enough to get through anything that comes our way--despite how hopeless it seems while we're in the midst of the problem or situation. So I'll be the support. I hope that I can help make my friend's life easier over the next days, weeks, and months. And I really hope she gets her take-home baby soon, because I can't think of a better mom than she'll be.

Baby Sunflower Bud is here!

Arriving 8 weeks early, baby Sunflower Bud made his debut on June 6, 2011 at 3:54pm. He weighed 3lbs 5.9oz and was 17 inches long.

That morning I had a level II ultrasound to check cord blood flow again. It didn't take long for the MFM to immediately see that things had worsened dramatically and there was now reverse cord blood flow. This meant immediate delivery that day. It wasn't surprising because my NST's over the weekend were pretty bad. I spent 6 hours on Saturday hooked up to the NST and had to have a BPP done as well to make sure he was okay.

I called my mom, who had already had a bag packed in her car, and told her and she left work right away and headed to the hospital. My doctor was agreeable to waiting for her to arrive so she could be in the room. Thankfully, there was an emergency c-section that bumped me back long enough for her to make it the 3 hour drive and get there in time.

Because I'd been a patient in the hospital for so long, they actually let me choose which nurses I wanted to be in the surgery! That made things a lot better for me because one of my favorite nurses was working. Janine got me all hooked up to my IV and then walked me over to the operating room. She was awesome and held my hand and supported me through the spinal (she had come to learn what a needle wuss I was over the last 4 1/2 weeks) and we all laughed when the anesthesiologist hit a nerve and shot through my leg and I yelled, "What the hell was that?!" Laid back on the table and Dr. F (anesthesiologist) started the procedure of making sure the spinal was taking effect. It took a lot longer than he expected and he kept tilting the table downward to try and get gravity to help the spinal along. Finally, it was set and we were ready to start. I started getting very nauseous and he gave me something to help with that. I had to just focus on breathing instead of what was to come.

My mom and husband came into the room and sat by my head and were very encouraging. Finally, I just asked them to stop talking because I was getting so sick. There was a TON of pulling, shaking and tugging. Baby Sunflower Bud did NOT want to leave his home in there. He was high breech so they had to reach up pretty high to get him out. Finally, they got him out and I panicked because there wasn't crying. It took a bit but they got him cleaned out and ANGRY and boy, did he wail. The NICU doctors were there and they got him all cleaned up and stopped long enough for me to see him and kiss him before they took him to the NICU.

I started feeling a strange pricking sensation and asked Dr. F what was going on. Apparently the spinal was wearing off and I was feeling them stitch me up. Yikes. They said they could give me a local but there were only a few stitches left to go and they'd be done by the time the local would kick in. So I had to endure feeling the rest of the stitching. I won't forget that any time soon.

I went to recovery where I was immediately hooked up to magnesium sulfate. I got a little too cocky because I commented that it wasn't that bad at all and I wasn't feeling sick. Spoke too soon because about 8 hours later, I got very very very sick from it. But I had to stay on it for a minimum of 24 hours to prevent seizures.

It was 6 hours post surgery before I was able to see Baby SB and they wheeled my whole bed into the NICU to see him. That was incredibly hard, waiting so long to see him and not being able to hold him. I couldn't stay for very long because the heat of the NICU and the mag were making me very ill.

He's been doing well in NICU so far. But that's another update for another time. :)

If you made it through all of that, you deserve a baby picture.

26 week update and DOUBLE digits!

Here's a quick (but lengthy) update for 26 weeks:

I am in shock that third tri starts this week! Baby is somewhere between 2 and 2.25 pounds, and around 14" long. I'm in maternity clothes most of the time--some tops are still too big, but most are starting to fit really well. I'm up about 20 pounds, and after two straight months of 7-8 pound gains, my weight gain has held steady for the past two weeks. But that means I definitely don't fit into my bathing suits from last year anymore--so I got some new bathing suits last week. It's been in the high 90's here for a few weeks now, and they are C-U-T-E! I decided to eschew true maternity suits in favor of bigger-sized bikinis, and I'm so happy I did. DH and I both LOVE the suits I ended up with, and they're mix-and-match (prints/solids), so I have the equivalent of four new suits, but only had to buy two!

Speaking of weight gain, I've started to notice a few teeny stretch marks, but they're just white-ish and not noticeable unless onlookers are staring at my side-hip right above my hip bones. I've continued moisturizing like crazy, and have even started using Mederma in the hopes they don't get any worse. (I'm very thankful our birth center has free samples :) ). Belly button is still in, but getting wider and shallower. I don't know yet if it's going to become an outie, but that possibility really weirds Mr. MB out. It's funny!

I'm sleeping better now than ever before in this pregnancy. I've finally started to figure out the whole liquid-consumption-before-bed thing, and have realized that if I stop drinking for the night about 8pm, I'll be able to get to bed at 10:30 and only wake up once or twice to pee. It's awesome!

Baby Magnolia Bud is moving around pretty consistently. I feel him/her up around my belly button, and also on the left side, about halfway between my ribs and my pubic bone. Mr. Magnolia Bud loves feeling the baby move, and he gets so excited every time he's able to feel him/her. He talks to the baby most days before we get out of bed, telling him/her things like "Baby, this is your daddy. We can't wait to meet you, but not today. Today you need to keep kicking around inside mommy, but not too hard. Have to go now, I'll see you tonight. Bye baby." It's really adorable, and makes me love him even more than I already do.

My food cravings and aversions have pretty much eliminated themselves. I'm eating frequent, small meals, and trying to make most of them healthy. I still don't remember to take my vitamins every day, but have been eating loads of fruits and veggies to help compensate.

Overall, I really enjoy being pregnant. I get asked occasionally if I miss anything about not being pregnant, and I don't really. Pregnancy hasn't changed much about our lifestyle, and we're going to strive to continue that trend once baby arrives. Our friends that do have kids are really flexible, fun people, who have been able to maintain lives that don't revolve around their kids--but where their kids are involved, treasured, and loved. That's what our goal is.

Here are a few things I'm looking forward to over the next few weeks:
-Next week, Mr. MB and I are spending 4 days/3 nights in Asheville from Thursday to Sunday. I have to be there for work, but it's my work's biggest program of the year, and spouses get to come too. When I'm not working, we're having some great dinners out with friends, taking a hike, going to a black-tie dinner/dance, and relaxing by the pool. He's also participating in a golf tournament and a 5K while I'm working.
-The week of June 27, we're going on vacation all week to the Outer Banks. We're going with Mr. MB's mom, dad, brother, sister-in-law, uncle, aunt, cousin, and our niece and nephew. We have a huge house right on the beach in Duck, and I'm so excited to spend a week sitting on the beach, windsurfing, swimming, and hanging out with DH with no commitments.
-My next appointment is June 27. I have my glucose tolerance test that morning, and then my 28-week appointment just after the test. That appointment marks the start of every-other-week appointments until 36 weeks!
-My first baby shower is July 9! That's 3 weeks from Saturday! I'm going to post separately about the baby showers and registry observations, but I can't believe it's coming up so quickly!

I'll leave you with two thoughts:
-Second tri FLIES by. When my girlfriends told me it would, I didn't believe them--at 13 weeks, it feels like nothing will go quickly. Well, of course they were right. We got so much done over the last 13 weeks, but there's still so many small things to do before baby arrives. I think I'll post separately about home improvement projects we're undertaking over the next 14 weeks.
-Pregnancy really starts to get fun during second tri. You start to look pregnant, you've told everyone, while the worry is still present, it subsides greatly (especially after 24 weeks), and I don't know about the rest of you, but I've really been enjoying being pregnant.

Sending all of you lots of love!
Magnolia Bud

Burts Bee Natural Overhaul

I've been looking into more natural ways to help with my PCOS so that I can get pregnant.

In researching some things I decided to switch to Burts Bees products. I ordered a bunch of stuff that should be in tomorrow and can't wait. I order them through a place that does wholesale pricing, which helps the bank account. But I did manage to go to Ulta and pick up a the facial cleanser and moisturizers and body wash.

So far I love the products and wish I would have switched sooner. All these products are free of petrochemicals, phthalates, parabens and SLS. All those contain harsh things for everyone, but can cause even greater issues for those with PCOS. Almost everyone of them cause a further issue with infertility in women with PCOS by causing a dominance of estrogen to be in the body. Women with PCOS already tend to have a dominance of estrogen and to much estrogen causes infertility, breast cancer and other things.

What I found through research was great and I am hoping after a month of switching away from products containing those thing will help my hormones further balance out so I can get on with TTC. I've also read some great reviews and forum posts and blog posts about others who've had things turn around for the better. PCOS symptoms went away or got extremely better. Also, infertility got better etc. To me it was worth adding to my list of natural remedies for PCOS. Next on my list is purchasing laundry detergent and house cleaners free of it.

In just the week I've been using the stuff that I have been using I feel a difference in me... more energy and hair feels healthier... my body in general feels good :) So I am happy so far.

On another note my cycle still hasn't started, but it so is on the edge of starting... I wish it would just start and get it over with... I feel so bloated and my lower back hurts and I am cranky lol.

Hope all you are doing well. I still can't wait till I get this moving done with.



photo credit

MORE baby dreams...

Well, 1 more, to be exact... Last night. It was so vivid and felt so real! Again, I had a boy... but it was one of those situations where I didn't know I was pregnant until the last minute, and then I had the baby and we went around surprising everyone and showing off the baby. It was SO weird, but so great at the same time. It felt so real. Again, it was super hard to wake up and realize it was just... a dream -_-

I don't know if these dreams mean anything... I don't know what to m

ake of them. Have any of you had any baby dreams throughout your TTC journey? I am sure you have, because dreams are connected to thought process, and if you're thinking about it, there's a big possibility that you'll dream about it. But, I haven't really been thinking about this stuff lately. I had a baby shower today, but I hadn't really given the baby stuff too much thought, even though we were going to a baby shower. I am just finding this so strange, and it's making my "situation" harder to deal with.

I don't know if I mentioned this (I may have, but I don't recall at the moment), I found out about a month or so ago that a girl I know is having a baby... due around the same time I would've been due, married only a little longer than me. It broke my heart when I found out, because as if it's not already hard enough remembering the loss, but now I am going to have someone having a baby around my due date. The night I found out, they kept talking about all the cute baby bows and stuff, and I just started thinking... Well, I finally saw a pic of the girl and her baby bump, just now, and can't help but thi

nk of what I would've looked like today... on this very day... with my 5 month-old bump, looking all happy.

le sigh. :-/

Quick 21 Week Update

(Image credit: Me!)

Hey Everybody!

Just wanted to check in while I have a few minutes. We're back from our trip! Now the fun of moving to a new apartment begins! The trip went well. It was H-O-T though. 90's each and every day. The photo above was taken in Arkansas. Gorgeous view of the lake. Our drive included a quick stop in Joplin, MO...which was eye opening. We weren't able to see the devastation, but I can tell you firsthand that the people there are still needing things as basic as food, water and clothing. There were dump trucks leaving one right after the other with debris and the National Guard was being escorted into town as we were leaving.

Pregnancy wise the trip was ok. I struggled with the trip there. Both my flights had seats that didn't recline, and my back didn't like that much. Then when we were in the home stretch of the drive to our destination, the roads got really curvy which my stomach and inner ears didn't appreciate. The heat and humidity was another challenge, but there was AC and a pool available, so I made the best of it. I did have to retire my wedding ring to a necklace though. I think it would do alright on my finger here where its more arid, but it wasn't happening there. The travels back were much better. Reclining seats really do go a long way.

I felt my first movement from the outside right around the time we left (June 3/4). Felt it again yesterday. Its really strange being able to tell which body part is whacking you. Yesterday, for example, it was a distinct baby fist punching me. The Mr hasn't felt the movement yet, I suppose that will come with time.

I'm starting to get some of the not-so-fun symptoms of pregnancy, too. Things like swelling (especially in that heat) and lightning crotch and varicose veins. Don't get me wrong, I'll deal with them 1,000 times over if it means a healthy baby in the end...they just aren't on my highlight reel of fun times.

Overall things are going well. He's moving each and every single day, which I love.

I hope everyone is doing well!

Unsung Lullabies

Photo Credit

I have started reading "Unsung Lullabies" and so far I think it will be an awesome book for me to read. It goes through the emotional trauma that people go through when the find out that they have fertility problems and how you can deal with those struggles. It also goes over how fertility problems affect the male and ways to help them cope with there feelings. I know that Mr. Explorer Bud is always trying to be strong for me and not express his sadness about not being able to have kids the "Normal" way. I hope that after reading this book I can be a bit more aware of what Mr. Explorer Bud is feeling, of course we talk about it a lot, and how to help him express himself and know it is alright for him to let those feelings out. We are only able to really heal after we allow ourselves to express our thoughts, feeling and emotions.

My friends always ask how I am doing and how I am handling not being pregnant and having so many friends and family that have new babies and I can honestly say it is getting better. I feel like I am at a point where I am not so jealous and angry at everyone for having what I can't. Not that I don't still want to be pregnant but I am embracing where I am here and now and being happy with it. It has taken me a while to honestly feel that way but I am glad I have reached this point and hope that I can continue to find happiness in our lives in whatever stage of TTC we are in.

18 Weeks and some thoughts...

First I will start with the usual updates:

Belly Measurement/Weight: I am not sure the correct way to measure but I measured in a line through my belly button around and it was 34 1/2 inches.

Physical Progress: Still a little round bump, I got asked today if I was expecting!

How I am feeling about my body: I am still feeling good about my body, I like to see the progression of my belly from my weekly pictures.

Cravings/Aversions: Yesterday it was chocolate milk and dill pickles!

Energy Level: It seems to have fallen a bit but I am not sleeping well. I wake up 1-2 times to go to the bathroom and a handful more because I keep ending up on my back! I hate not being able to sleep on my stomach or back.

Baby Movement: Baby seems MUCH more active this week than last week. He/she is rolling and moving all the time.

Thoughts/Feelings/Emotions: I am still enjoying being pregnant. I go from thinking wow, almost half way there! To oh my gosh I still have that long to go! I am excited for Mr. BB to be able to feel baby move soon, he has not felt baby yet.

Mr. BB and I decided not to find out if we are having a boy or a girl before we even got pregnant. How I wish we would not have made that decision because I SO want to know! It is driving me nuts not to know. Mr. BB will not let me give in and ask our midwife. She has known what baby is since 12 weeks when we had the CVS. I kind of hope that the u/s tech at our anatomy scan accidentally shows/tells us!

I have been reading a ton of books about pregnancy and birth.I went to the library and checked out 3 on birth alone. Right know I am reading 'Husband-Coached Childbirth' by Robert A. Bradley. Of course he is the founder of The Bradley Method of Childbirth. It is very interesting! I am planning on have a natural childbirth and want to be as prepared as possible.

I got something to theme the nursery off! I was in BRU and picked this up:



Our plan is to base the room off this so we will be painting the walls one of the colors off the turtle, probably the green. We will also get sheets and a bed skirt and a breathable bumper. Basically we are not going with a theme from a crib set. I am very excited since I couldn't find anything I wanted to use that was gender neutral. I feel like with these colors we can add some purples of baby is a girl or some darker blues if baby is a boy. Yay!

I hope all my fellow buds are doing well!

Dreams

Lately I have been having quite a few baby dreams. This goes without saying... I rarely remember my dreams as it is, but for some reason I have been having some pretty vivid and realistic dreams! It's amazing... I have already dreamt about either having a baby or being pregnant in two different nights! Time to start researching what dreams mean (even though it may not mean anything, since dreams are just all your thoughts coming together). I blame it on my hopes of getting KU this Summer.

Only time will tell :)




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17 Week Update

Hello 17 weeks!

Belly Measurement/Weight: I am not sure if I have gained more since last week, we do not own a scale.

Physical Progress: My belly is a nice little rounded bump and I LOVE it!

How I am feeling about my body: I feel good most of the time. Sometimes my lower stomach area below my belly button gets really tight and it can be uncomfortable. Also, Baby loves to lay on my bladder so sometimes I have to go pee RIGHT NOW!

Cravings/Aversions: Raw meat smell gets to me lately, my cravings are the same though.

Energy Level: Pretty good, I still love naps though.

Baby Movement: Still a little movement, yay!

Thoughts/Feelings/Emotions: I am enjoying being pregnant. 17 weeks is almost halfway there. It is really exciting.

Mr. BB and I toured the birth center yesterday. We have to drive an hour and 10 minutes to get to this birth center but it seemed nice. We liked it a lot, the nurses we all really nice and the birth center is obviously really supportive of our plans. Visiting the birth center made me more excited to meet our baby.

I got my bloodwork results back from last week and there are no neural tube defects. I am so relieved our baby is healthy!

It has been a quiet week, but I like it. I will report more next week until then I will leave you with my 17 week picture:

20 Weeks!

(Image credit: http://humanities.byu.edu/elc/student/idioms/idioms/over_hill.html)

How far along: 20 weeks 5 days

Total weight change: +8 if you go by my scale at home, +6.5 if you go by the doctors office. I'm going by the doctors office, lol.

Maternity clothes: Pretty much all the time.

Stretch Marks: No, but I found a varicose vein. Boo!

Movement: He gave me a few good thumps a few days ago, but has been pretty inactive since. I'm still feeling a little something each day, but its less than before. Not liking this. I'm trying to remind myself that it's still early for regular movement and that there is a good chance he's facing the wrong way or something.

Sleep: Still up about 3 times a night for the bathroom.

Best Moment This Past Week: Crossing the halfway point in the pregnancy. Half baked, baby!

Most Difficult Moment This Past Week: Just the lessening of movement. He's still moving though, so in the scheme of things it really hasn't been difficult.

Belly Button In or Out: Definitely still in

Cravings/Aversions: Food. Especially ice cream.

Symptoms: Mostly the appetite. My feet are starting to get a little achy sometimes and of course the heartburn now and then.

What I'm Looking Forward To: DH being able to feel his son kick.

***I'll probably be kind of scarce around here the next couple of weeks. We have some traveling coming up and then are moving (again) as soon as we get home. If I'm not commenting or posting much, that's why. Good luck to everyone that is in their 2ww!***

24 week update

I can't believe 2nd trimester has flown by so quickly. I'm 24 weeks this week (24 weeks, 3 days today).

Back at the beginning of this pregnancy (~21 weeks ago), I thought this point seemed *so* far away. The point where I'd be done with appointments every four weeks, and be going every two. The point where I was getting ready to take my GD test. The point where our furniture would be delivered, or where we'd decide on names. The point where I'd finally be showing so the world wouldn't think I had just eaten too much. The point that we're almost done with childbirth classes. You know, the I'm-a-crazy-planner-so-technically-all-the-pre-baby-necessities-are-taken-care-of point.

Yet here we are. Crazy!

We had our 24-week midwife visit this week, and I'm measuring right on track. Fundal height is 24cm, which is right where it should be. I'm up 19 pounds (oops), but the midwives think it's on track, even if I gain another pound every week until the end. Baby's heart rate seems to stay between 135 and 145 every time it's checked, and s/he is moving around like a kickboxer throughout the day. My next appointment at 28 weeks will include my GD test and the start of every-other-week appointments (until 36 weeks).

I'm feeling great. Very little swelling (even with 95+ degree days), no constipation, less heartburn than I've ever had in my adult life...really I have no complaints right now. Of course, you could probably guess that my sleep is interrupted with frequent pee breaks, but when I'm not up to pee, I'm sleeping. I started acupuncture again this week, and my acupuncturist wants to see me again in 8-12 weeks, depending on how I'm feeling. At that point, we'll come up with an induction plan for once I'm full-term. In the meantime, she prescribed massages every 3-4 weeks, and chiropractic appointments to make sure everything's aligned (and stays that way).

Baby's furniture is being delivered tomorrow morning. I can't wait! We already have the co-sleeper and crib, and tomorrow our glider and dresser arrive. We've narrowed down our names list to two girl options and one boy option. Since we both think we're having a boy, we made sure we LOVE our boy name. We love both of our girl names, so we're keeping all three close to our chests so we can recycle the names for the next baby.

I think that's it for now! I hope I'll get the nursery a little closer to being finished in time for my next post so you all can see pictures!

Remembering...

I'll post an update in just a few minutes (everything's good!), but I wanted to post separately for this.

Today I'm a little melancholy. Very happy to be pregnant, but missing Baby #1. Today was my original due date. Until now, the date's been in the back of my mind as a day that probably wouldn't be easy for me, but now it's here. All I can think about is that today I should be visiting with the midwives for my 40 week appointment. Maybe having an NST or an ultrasound to make sure baby's doing fine. Probably starting at-home techniques to put myself into labor and trying hard to enjoy the last few days of my pregnancy.

Instead, today we're remembering our first baby while going about our lives. We're thankful that our take-home baby will be here soon--but that doesn't make us miss our first baby any less.

SLS Free

Just wanted to stop in and let you all know how things are going. Besides being stressed a tad bit with trying to get things together to move and trying to find another job (so I have one when I get to where we are moving) and finding the right time to quit my job here.... everything's just peachy :)

After losing some inches I started to get bloated... which is a plus cause I honestly think my Aunt Flo is trying to stop by for a visit. So that would be nice for that to happen. It's been a couple months so I do need it to start.

Other than that I am trying to add more to my workout routine too... such as swimming :) which is always fun. Now that the sun is out it's time to go to the pool.

On a side note I am trying to switch over to SLS Free Shampoo's, conditioners, body wash and make-up etc. I've been doing some research and finding that staying away from products with SLS in them is highly recommended for those with PCOS. Probably good if we all did, but some Cyster's have seen their PCOS symptoms improve by eliminating SLS in the things they use. They've had great outcomes with their cycles and ovulation and with the over production of estrogen... which causes issues with fertility and miscarriages. So it's worth a try for me since I'm trying to do things naturally and faith.

So far I've tried shampoo and already feel a difference in one wash. We will see what happens after a while of using it.

I hope all of you are doing well.

PS I can't wait for the move to be done with :)

IVF Reading

As I stated last post I have been frequenting the library quite a bit and I have found two new books to read about IVF that I had heard about but couldn't find till now.

Photo Credit
The first one which I am currently reading is "When Nature's Not Enough: Personal Journeys through In Vitro Fertilization" which follows four or five couples through thier infertility journey. I have been loving reading this book becuase it is always interesting to see what other couples feel, decisions they make regarding thier treatment path and the results of thier experiments. I love when I am reading one of the stories and can totally relate with how they were feeling. It also has felt like a healing process as I go through the stories and can relate and feel like I am not alone in how I feel about the process and the ups and downs. I find that I get teary during some parts and laugh out loud at others which I think make a great book!! I would recommend it for anyone that is interested more in the emotional side of IVF not the procedural stuff which if you are doing IVF you feel like you've read it all already!!

The second book is "Unsung Lullabies: Understanding and Coping with Infertility" which I haven't started but had read it along the line of the previous book. I am excited to get into that one as well.