June 13, 2011

Heartbroken for a friend...

I wanted to share something with all of you. Some thoughts about miscarriage, from my perspective now that I've been through one and am having a healthy pregnancy so far.

Mr. Magnolia Bud and I have suspected that our best friends have been TTC for a couple of months now. This weekend, DH's best friend let it slip that they were, but his wife was miscarrying. My heart just sunk when he told us. I hate that she has to go through the worry, the heartbreak, the life-altering emotional roller coaster that too many of us know all too well. I spent the whole rest of Saturday night trying not to cry. I couldn't sleep at all once we got home, and woke up early the next morning to send her a message to let her know I'm thinking of her and want to be as supportive as she'll let me be.

Maybe I'm having such a strong reaction because ours is still fresh in my memory (and may be forever). Maybe it's because our first EDD passed on June 2 without recognition from anyone else. I think though, that I'm having such a strong reaction because I know how much it hurts, and I wouldn't wish that much pain on anyone--especially someone who holds such a dear place in my heart. I foolishly thought that when I did get pregnant, hearing about a loss wouldn't be as hard--because we'd be secure in knowing that our baby was safe and healthy. This weekend I learned that not only am I experiencing a very similar heartbreak as I did for our loss, but I'm also feeling guilty that this pregnancy is going so easily for us knowing how hard a time she's having right now.

Don't get me wrong--I love Baby Magnolia Bud more than anything. But I feel guilty about life's unfairness. Why great people who are in a healthy place in their lives, who want nothing more than to become parents, are the ones who I hear about that have to deal with pregnancy loss, complications, worry, and heartbreak. Why the people we know (especially in our families) who aren't in a good place financially, emotionally, etc. are the ones who go through their (sometimes unplanned) pregnancies without worries, fears, or complications? Why, in our group of friends, can't we be the 1 in 4, but instead are 3 in 5?

I know there aren't easy answers (or any answers?) for why life hands us what it does. I also know that with the right support, each of us is strong enough to get through anything that comes our way--despite how hopeless it seems while we're in the midst of the problem or situation. So I'll be the support. I hope that I can help make my friend's life easier over the next days, weeks, and months. And I really hope she gets her take-home baby soon, because I can't think of a better mom than she'll be.


Cactus Bud said...

I totally understand what you are saying.

Being pregnant now, and hearing of people I care about having a loss is so heartbreaking. The emotions associated with a m/c are ones that I don't think can ever be forgotten...and I hope and pray that as few people as possible ever have to experience them.

I'm sorry to hear your EDD passed w/o recognition. Mine is coming up next month, and its a day I'm both looking forward to (to get past it) and dreading.

Diva Bud said...

M/C sucks the BIG one :( I am still feeling the effects, and it's been 4 months already. No one fully understands until you go through it.

I will be sending T&P to your friend... :)


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