Another Cycle Down

Well, AF showed again after a 9-day LP.

I'm still on the TTC train. I just can't bring myself to TTA. If this is our cycle, I would be completely thrilled, despite EDD timing. I am sure I can figure out a way around taking a whole term off, either by appealing to take exams the following term, since there is obviously a medical reason, or taking some exam-less electives.

I have my annual ob/gyn appointment this Thursday. I assume they will be referring me to an RE since this is our 14th month of TTC. My plan with the RE is to have them do a S/A for Mr. Sassy Bud. If everything looks good on that end, then I will worry about our next steps at that point. Now that I'm sure I'm ovulating, the only concern on my end is my short LP. Hopefully I will get some guidance on that between my gyn and the RE.

I never expected TTC to be such a "process."

Oh My List!

Well, this weekend, we are going to go register.... wait let me back up, we are going to a consignment sale and then go to register for the baby. I cannot tell you how many people have been asking this month when we are going to register! Our baby shower dates have yet to be set! My BFFs are throwing me one, our church is throwing us one, and possibly Mr. BrainyBud's family is throwing us a shower. It is going to be one busy Spring!


Back to registering and such.... I know that I want to purchase a used bassinet at a consignment sale because he basically won't be in it for long. I hope I find one this weekend. I also don't want to register for much in hopes that we will get all of our essentials. BUT even with a year of planning, I am still OVERWHELMED at all the stuff! We've already gotten his infant car seat and stroller (go UppaBaby Vista! yea! I've been playing around with it all week!) but there are so many other needs to get. Here are some that we like:

Image Source

Image Source

I'm having a hard time choosing a bouncer, and we decided against any activity center or jumper because of some of the negative research out there. A church friend with a little girl has a blue swing that she is going to give us, even though we did not plan to get a swing, at least it is free and may come in handy. That's all for now, wish us luck!

Faith, Love, and Baby Kicks,
Mrs. BrainyBud

The History of Childbirth

Since I'm waiting to O and have little to report on the TTC front, I'm dedicating today's post to the many fun facts I learned after listening to a radio show that interviewed the author of a new book about the history of childbirth.

Photo Credit

Get Me Out author Randi Hutter Epstein, PhD, is a mom herself, and was inspired to research this topic after the varying experiences she had in her own birth experiences.

Here are some fun facts I learned:

• In the early 1900s, one doctor predicted that "civilized women" (yup, that's us) would someday soon lack the energy required to deliver babies vaginally, and C-sections would become more common.
• The word "Gossips" comes from the women who attended the births of friends and relatives to offer female support. First, they were referred to as "God's Siblings" for the role they played in the difficult childbirth process. This was shortened to "God's Sibs" and ultimately to "Gossips".
• Monks were at one time in history the most respected advisers on fertility matters. Women turned to their writings for recommendations regarding the type of sex most likely to result in conception, the consumption of alcohol during TTC and pregnancy, and more. And these are guys that took vows of celibacy themselves!
• On the recommendation of one folk healer, 16th-century French queen Catherine de Medici drank mare's urine and soaked in cow manure in order to get pregnant
• The inventors of the first forceps kept their creation a secret to protect their business. Doctors would often cover a woman's face when forceps were being used just in case she'd eventually become a leak and tell others about their "miraculous contraption".
• The doctor who is credited as solving the problem of fistula in the developed world by stitching women after birth was actually an American slave owner who honed his craft by practicing on the dozens of black female slaves he bought for this purpose. And yes, without anesthetic.

I might check out the book, maybe after I actually become pregnant. I'm trying to keep the obsession at a minimum these days, since the waiting game is so tough. But I do find it comforting to hear these assorted facts and stories, and know that for all the history of mankind, women before us have been wrapped up in the great mystery of getting pregnant, staying pregnant, and giving birth. Readers, we are not alone!

35/35

That is... 35 weeks down - 35 days to go!

35 Days???? eeeeek!!!!

That's just amazing to me. It's FLOWN by! I was thinking today about what we have left to do?! This was my preliminary list... I'm sure I'm forgetting something!

1. Tour labor & delivery with Mr. GB - make sure he knows how to get to the hospital :)
2. Pre-natal massage (I still haven't fit this in to my appt rotation although it is MUCH needed!)
   
3. Pre-register at the hospital
   
4. Pack my hospital bag
5. Finalize birth plan with Dr. C
   
6. Arrange for our neighbor to come feed our dogs while we are at the hospital
7. Finalize maternity leave paperwork and plans
8. Finish washing Baby GB's newborn and 0-3 month wardrobe
9. Finalize plans for induction (if Baby GB doesn't decide to come on his own!)

Hmm... yup - I'm sure there's more! Feel free to leave me comments with anything and everything that helped you other mom's-to-be in planning for your delivery!

I'll leave you with what Baby GB is up to this week!

Baby's now the size of a honeydew!
From now on, baby's growth is mostly in the plumping up department -- though he won't get much longer, he'll put on a pound or more of baby fat before birth. (He's about 15 percent right now and will be about 30 percent by full-term.) His hearing is totally developed (tip: baby responds best to higher pitches), and if he really is a "he," his testes have probably completed their descent.

IVF #1 :(

"Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed,
for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

BFN.

I am keeping my spirits up and I am keeping faith in God that someway things are going to work out. I believe God has placed me on this journey to test my FAITH and to allow me to become a stronger person. Mr. Blessed Bud was very encouraging and he as well as I believe that things will happen at God's appointed time. My RE was surpised I didn't get a positive result because of the quality of the munchkins. He wants me to come in tomorrow for some immune bloodwork testing that he is sending to Chicago. Once he gets the results back then we will schedule the FET most likely in April. Thank you so much for your thoughts, prayers and well wishes.

Appointment Recap

I should have updated on Friday but I'm a slacker!

Well, week one of my new appt/work schedule down and I have to say I'm loving it! If I have to be working (which I wish we could afford for me to NOT work but that's just not possible) then I'd rather be getting off at 4. Even though most days I'm going to an appt it just makes me feel like I have so much more time in the afternoons to get stuff done!

On Wed I had my regular appt with Dr. C - everything looked good! We talked a little about how my first NST went and how they'd look from here on out. Baby GB's heart rate was 140, my blood pressure was normal, and my belly was actually measuring at 33 weeks (I was 34 weeks, 3 days). She also told me that sometime in the next two or three weeks (while I'm at the hospital anyway for my NST) that I need to make my way up to Labor & Delivery to pre-register. I didn't realize this was a huge ordeal but apparently it's not something I want to be doing while I'm in labor :)

On Friday was my second NST at the hospital, we did the movement test again that I talked about in my last post. It went MUCH faster this time - although Baby GB was asleep again - I let her know after only about 2 minutes when I hadn't really felt him wiggle that I'd need some cold water which woke him right up and he seemed to entertain himself in there kicking away.

After that I went back out to the waiting room while they got a room ready for my ultrasound. Ya know, I'm not one to usually be self conscious or care that Mr GB can't make it to most of our appts but as I walked back out to a younger couple making out, an older couple holding hands, and another couple; I felt a little awkward being a singleton?! First of all I wanted to tell the younger couple to get a room... and second when I got home I made sure that Mr GB would be in attendance this Friday :)

Anyway, they called me back again and I have to say it was very exciting to see Baby GB again - it's been almost 15 weeks since our last ultrasound! Time sure has flown! Turns out he's in perfect head down position and he was even sucking his thumb when she first turned it on. I didn't realize but I even got to see him in 3D! Those kind of ultrasounds are amazing! She kept trying to erase shadows and let me get a better view of his little face - he's got super cute chubby cheeks and I even think he's going to have Mr GB's nose :) I was hoping to get another glimpse of the "goods" but he wasn't willing to show off - plus things are a little more cramped in there these days and his feet were all the way up by his head! Flexible little guy! It only lasted about 10 minutes but it was so beautiful! I kind of forgot the real reason we were having the ultrasound was to check the amniotic fluid levels which only took her about 2 minutes and she said everything looked great. So, without further adu - here's 34 Week, 5 Day old Baby GB :)

Enjoy!

There, but for the grace of Tampax, go I.

Ah, to be in the house of Dandelion.

I'd love to say that the road to IVF #2 is fraught with blood, sweat and tears - but mostly, it's just blood.

I've been on my favorite devil pills for 6 weeks now. I just started pack number 3 of the desogen. At least I know I only have to take 5 pills from this pack - because my last devil pill will be this friday. Usually, after you stop taking the devil pills, you expect a period. However, i've already been bleeding for almost 3 weeks. Isn't it just fantastic? Usually, the ONLY benefit to BCPs is NOT bleeding. Not in Dandelion land... not this time, anyway. The good news, is that my IVF nurse says I might not bleed like I did last time i came off the devil pills, since i've been bleeding for so long. But I've been through almost 5 boxes of tampons. So, enough is seriously enough already.

photo credit

I had my baseline ultrasound this past wednesday. The good news: my antral follicle count is 11. So - that's not great - but it certainly doesn't suck. Our only question is how many of those eggs aren't geriatric. I guess time will tell. I found this chart (below) online... explains a little bit more about AFCs. I think my AFC last time was 14 or 15.

Total number of antral follicles	Expected response to injectable stimulating drugs and chances for IVF success
Less than 4	Extremely low count, very poor (or no) response to stimulation and a cancelled cycle expected. Should consider not attempting IVF at all. Rare pregnancies if IVF attempted.
4-7	Low count, we are concerned about a possible/probable poor response to the stimulation drugs. Likely to need high doses of FSH product to stimulate ovaries adequately. Higher than average rate of IVF cycle cancellation. Lower than average pregnancy rates for those cases that make it to egg retrieval. The reduction in success rates is more pronounced beyond age 35.
8-10	Reduced count. Higher than average rate of IVF cycle cancellation. Slightly reduced chances for pregnancy success as a group.
11-14	Normal (but intermediate) count, the response to drug stimulation is sometimes low, but usually adequate. Slight increased risk for IVF cycle cancellation. Pregnancy rates as a group slightly reduced compared to the "best" group.
15-30	Normal (good) antral count, should have an excellent response to ovarian stimulation. Likely to respond well to low doses of FSH product. Very low risk for IVF cycle cancellation. Some risk for ovarian overstimulation. Best pregnancy rates overall as a group.
Over 30	High count, watch for polycystic ovary type of ovarian response. Likely to have a high response to low doses of FSH product. Higher than average risk for overstimulation. Very good pregnancy rate overall as a group, but some cases in the group may have egg quality issues and somewhat lower chances for pregnancy.

photo credit

Okay - so the question on everyone's mind... what the heck is causing the bleeding? .... what about the fibroid? Here are the answers to those questions....

The bleeding, as far as they're concerned is just an unfortunate and messy side effect of the BCPs. They are 100% sure that it is NOT from the fibroid, because the fibroid "has not deviated the uterine cavity". In other words, my lining appears on the ultrasound as a straight line. If the lining were interrupted, because a fibroid had broken through into the uterus, the line would be separated, interrupted or deviated in some way. It is not. So, Dr Z is NOT concerned at all. Therefore, I am not concerned at all. However, there isn't just 1 fibroid anymore. Now there are 3. Nevertheless, as long as they all stay outside of my uterus, where they are now, Dr Z could care less, and isn't even considering taking them out. Totally works for me.

I also discussed another concern with him. It seems that the majority of girls I talk to have an ultrasound guided embryo transfer and all have had a mock embryo transfer prior to their cycle. I hadn't had either - and I was curious as to why. Mr DB told me just to ask, so at my appointment i said, "Dr Z, i'm in a support group (he doesn't like that I go online all the time, so i figured he'd take it better if I told him this all came from a support group), and some of the girls were talking about their transfer experiences. I was wondering why it seems that some doctors do mock transfers and u/s guided transfers, and some don't?" He was SO awesome with his answer. First of all, I DID have a mock transfer... it's just that mine happened during my retrieval while I was unconscious. That works for me! Then we talked about the u/s guided transfers.

Apparently, they did do them for about 4-6 months when they first came in vogue. However, their pregnancy rates dropped by almost 15% during that time. Dr Z said that it is a matter of learning new technique and personal preference. He said that in his experience, you can focus too much on the picture, and even a minor movement can cause you to lose embryos. Furthermore, he felt t he full bladder was very uncomfortable for patients. He said as soon as he stopped doing the u/s guided transfers, his pregnancy rates went right back up, so unless he has a patient with a particularly difficult mock transfer, he prefers to NOT do them.

As his pregnancy rates are already above the national average, without u/s guided transfers, I say, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it".

What 8 grand worth of meds looks like

So, where we are now:

• Last devil pill will be this friday
• Suppression check Friday, March 5th
• Stims start, at max dosages, Friday, March 5th
• 1st monitoring appointment Tuesday, March 9th
• ER/ET will be the week of March 14th

This time it is going to work - POF be damned.

8DPO

I'm nearing the end of my 2ww, if my LP is consistent with last month. I have tested, on the off chance that my original CH's were correct (making me 10DPO). So far, I have gotten BFN's. I don't mind them though, it just means I can test again tomorrow! I have had no symptoms of AF or anything pregnancy related, so I'm thinking that my LP may just be getting longer this cycle. That is good news, since I was a little concerned with the 10 day LP last month.

If this cycle ends with AF, I am seriously considering TTA for one cycle. If I were to get pregnant next cycle, my EDD would be around the first week of December. That's one week before exam week. If I were due in October or November, that would have given me plenty of time to recuperate before exams. January is not ideal, but at least being at the beginning of the term, I would not miss much. I'm having a hard time with this because although I do not at all want to TTA, I really don't want to push back my graduation a whole term. So now I have to weigh school & career vs. baby. I think know what my decision will be already (school), but it's just hard to think about letting another cycle pass me by.

I never thought I would still be TTC after 13 months, but surprisingly I feel less bitter as the time passes. I think I am just getting used to the disappointment, which is not a terrible thing. I have a lot of good things going on, and I'm going to focus on them until my time comes.

Hopefully the rest of my 2ww flies by!

So What Happens After the Transfer?

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding;In all your ways acknowledge him,and he will direct your path.” Proverbs 3:5-6


God Willing here is what is supposed to happen after a 5 Day Blastocyst Transfer:

5 Day Transfer

1dpt....Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day
2dpt.... Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining
3dpt.... Implantation begins,as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining
4dpt.... Implantation process continues and blastocyst buries deeper in the lining
5dpt.... Blastocyst is completely implanted in the lining and has placenta cells &
fetal cells
6dpt....Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood
7dpt....More HCG is produced as fetus develops
8dpt....More HCG is produced as fetus develops
9dpt....HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT

So far I have been very calm waiting for my beta and I absolutely refuse to buy a HPT and POAS. I have been having cramping and nausea but that could be a result of all of the hormones I am on. I am on Vivelle Dot Patches, Crinine 8% and EV2, which is a Pregestone/Estrogen combination suppository. My beta is tomorrow at Quest at 7:15 am and by the grace of God Mr. Blessed Bud and I will have some good news about the Munchkins.

Almost 19 weeks....

This past week was our anatomy scan. It went really well :) I was a little nervous going in to it just because I obviously wanted everything to be great and thankfully it was.

Baby LB is still measuring a week ahead of schedule and it weighing in at 10 ounces.
All of his parts were present and accounted for....except for his feet! See, my son loves to sleep and much like his father has no interest in participating in any sort of activity while he is doing so. This happened at our first NT scan @ 11.5 weeks (hence having to repeat it). The tech (who was really nice , btw) got all his measurements and the last thing he needed to check was the feet. Baby LB was tired. You could tell from the moment he started because he was in a little ball. When he was checking out his face he had his arms up covering it, rubbing it, and yawning.
When it came time to check his piggies he had his knees up to his chest and was curled up in such a way where he couldn't get was he needed. The tech was poking and prodding trying to get him to wake up for a couple of minutes....nothing. So he suggested I lay on my side for a few minutes to see if that would help get him to move....nothing.
So we get to go back in 4 weeks to try again. :)

We have an u/s schedule at our 20 wk appt. so if my OB wants to check for them there than we won't have to go back. I'd rather not have to since @ the perinatologist we have to pay a co-pay because it's a specialist and at the OB we pay nothing because my insurance covers it all 100%.

Other that than, feeling Baby LB is becoming a little easier. The kicks are a little more noticeable and sometimes I can feel it from the outside. Mr. LB has yet to feel it. Hopefully he will soon!

This week MIL is taking us to order Baby LB's crib. SIL is in town so we'll be making a family date out of the whole thing.

It's been a good week :)

Injection class = check!

Today Mr. CB and I went to the injection class to learn how to do the injections for our next cycle. We got there and the nurse brought us back to the conference room and had all the supplies laid out on the table. I found out I will be on follistim, and we're using an injection pen. It was really easy to learn how to use, and I'm confident that Mr. CB and I will be able to figure it all out once we start. When my RE gave me the estimate for the cost of an injectable cycle, she said it would be $1500-$2000. That was definitely a little bit stressful, so we were really excited to find out that the amount we need will be $750. Still a lot of money, but half as much as we thought!

Photo Credit

One of my biggest worries is overstimulation. When I asked the nurse what would happen if I had too many follicles, she said the cycle would be cancelled. I didn't know if they would be able to convert to IVF or what. I really don't want to spend over $1000 on meds and doctor visits only to be cancelled at the last minute. The nurse said I would be on 150IU per day for five days. Since I don't have any problems with ovulation or follicle growth I worry that this will be too much. I am just going to trust in the doctor and know that they know best.


The only issue that I don't know if the RE has addressed for my upcoming cycle is my lining. It's bad timing, but my RE that I've been working with is on maternity leave so she didn't have any input on my meds for the next cycle. I asked the nurse today about my lining, and if the follistim will be enough to get it to where it needs to be or if I need to take something else to boost the thickness. She said my doctor is returning from leave on Monday so she will talk to her and find out.


So now it's just a waiting game. I should start my period the first week of March, then I will go in for a baseline ultrasound and get my medication ordered. The amazing thing to me is that I usually don't ovulate until around day 17. But on the follistim, I will take the medicine from cycle day 3 to 7 and then should be ready to trigger! So my 27 day cycle will be cut down to about 19 days. Crazy.


Today when I got home, I checked the mail and I had a package from Worry Bud! She sent me the cutest little penguin, a prayer card to keep in my wallet and a sweet card. With all that she is going through right now with her IVF, I am so thankful that she is also thinking of me and what I'm going through. I love you Worry Bud and am praying for amazing news for you in a couple of weeks!

Sorry to leave you hanging...ET update!

So, after my last post, I went back to work for the first time since our crazy snow storm + President's Day & as you can imagine, after nearly two weeks away...I have been REALLY busy! So, let me give you a quick recap...

Tuesday, February 16

Went to work on time, although I found out we had a 2 hour delay! FAIL. Got a call from my nurse, then Dr. G that my transfer would be moved to a 5 day transfer because all of our embryos are all grade 1 at this point (1 being most desirable for transfer & 4 being the least desirable) & it's difficult to select the best two at this point!! Woot.

Embryo stats on day 3 (should be between 6-8 cells per my RE):

• 1 - 9 cell
  
• 2 - 8 cells
• 1 - 6 cell

Wednesday, February 17

Given directions for my 5dt tomorrow - 1:30pm. Not much to report other than all embryos still growing & dividing normally.

Embryo stats on day 4 (no day 4 grading criteria, but all looks well per my RE):

• 2 - compacted embryos (essentially stage prior to blastocyst)
• 1 - 12 cell
• 1 - 10 cell

Thursday, February 18

Went to work in the morning, Mr. Worry Bud came past my job & we headed to my RE's main office for the ET. Drank 20 oz. water on the way. Side note - I read a lot of blogs about IVF & always read that the worse part of the ET was having to have a full bladder. A lot of women said it was soooo uncomfortable - I thought maybe they were exaggerating a bit. Ummm, no they weren't...I literally thought I'd pee on myself, lol. We had to confirm our identities, sign some papers on how many would be being transferred & the Dr. talked a bit about our two still hanging tight. He said they'd watch them until tomorrow & then decide if they are eligible for cryopreservation (freezing) for possible future cycles. Transferred two BEAUTIFUL, expanding blasts!!! Embryologist gave us a photo & told us that the blasts looked "really great"! I rested about 7 minutes (RE requires 5), then I quickly got dressed & ran to the bathroom right outside the room!

And without further adieu - I introduce the hopefully future Little Worry Bud(s):

(Ignore the little red circle in the middle of lil blast on the right, I think that's a glitch on the actual photo.)

I'm home on bed rest for 24 hours & then on limited activity for the next two weeks. I am to continue my 3x/day Endometrin (progesterone) suppositories, 2x/day Estradiol, 1x/day baby aspirin & 1 PNV. And now we wait....beta scheduled for March 3rd! IDK if I'll be able to hold out that long before POAS, but we shall see!

It's Mr. WB's birthday this weekend, so I'm hoping to cook him a nice dinner & be able to go grab his gift on Saturday/Sunday. Besides that, I'm taking it easy this weekend. Thank you all so, so, so, so MUCH for all the prayers, positive vibes, thoughts, etc. this week. I know every one of you sending us & our embryos T&P made a difference & we appreciate it from the bottom of our hearts. Please keep us in your thoughts & prayers during what the RE who did my ET said will be "the longest two weeks of our lives".

1 Down - 2 To Go

Thanks to President's Day on Monday and a much needed 3-day weekend - yesterday marked the first day of my new hectic work/doctor appointment schedule! I have to say though, it wasn't that bad!

If you remember, Dr. C recommended that twice weekly I am to be scheduled for non-stress tests in addition to my regular (now every two week) OB appointments. I'm really thankful that my job is accommodating me during all these appointments and letting me change my schedule from 8am-5pm to 7am-4pm however getting up that extra hour earlier this morning was brutal! I didn't prepare myself and stayed up way too late on Monday night. I'm sure I'll adjust to that quickly though.

I was a little nervous about starting these appointments just because of the nature of them - basically having GD considers me in the High Risk Pregnancy category and also because, I've never been to the hospital... ever... for anything...

Anyway, I made it down there ok, found parking, paid my $2 for said parking, and proceeded to wander around the Women's Maternity Center of the hospital until I finally gave up and asked where the heck I needed to go. Mr. GB gets irritated with me because I'm like a man - I hate to ask for directions - so I'm glad he wasn't with me :)

So I finally figure out which part of the hospital they had me scheduled in - the Women's Center for Fetal-Maternal Medicine - and I took note since I'll be spending a lot of time there in the next 5 weeks. They hooked me up to a monitor that they told me would be similar to one they'd use up in L&D when I actually go into labor. Someone freaked me out and told me that these NST's would be simulating a contraction - that's not the case! Basically, one strap around my belly monitors Baby GB's heartbeat and another strap monitors if I'm having any contractions. The tech also gave me a little clicky deal that I had to push every time I felt Baby GB move. She said that they'll monitor him for a minimum of 20 minutes and they need to get at least 2 good movements with significant raises in heart rate. Apparently when a baby moves their heart rate raises and that's what the whole test is about.

Of course, it couldn't just be that easy right???

Baby GB was asleep... fabulous. His heart rate was right around 140 but for the first 5 or so minutes she let me just sit there waiting to see if he'd wake up. He didn't. So she got me a cup of cold water to see if that would help. It got him going a little bit but every time I'd feel him move and click the button she kept saying, "Come on little guy, we need that heart rate to be higher." Which of course... freaks me the eff out?!

After another 5 or so minutes she says we're going to use a little device that uses a combination of vibration and sound to really wake him up. She said it won't hurt him in the slightest but the second that vibration hit my stomach I got the hardest kick I've ever felt. He was awake!!! :) After that it was kick after kick and HR rise after rise. She said this was good and put my mind at ease telling me that they wouldn't let me leave their office if they thought something was wrong. They'd either call Dr. C or send me upstairs to L&D. So that was reassuring at least - I still think that lady needs to learn some tact when making comments about what she's looking at though.

I did end up having to sit there for 10 extra minutes because I guess once he was awake the cover line of his HR was bouncing from 140 to 135 and without 10 minutes of a consistent cover line I'd have to keep sitting there so they could monitor.

So that's it... fun stuff!!! Today I have my 34 Week appointment with Dr. C - hopefully all will go well and then on Friday I get to go back for my last appointment of the week back at the hospital. I'm really excited for Friday's appointment because it's an ultrasound so I get to see Baby GB again!!!

YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so excited to hand over $500!


I knew that would get your attention. :) I just ordered my #1 most wanted baby item today, thanks to my wonderful husband for getting me this awesome gift! Basically, he is the only one that understood that this is the only thing I wasn't going to budge on. What is it you ask?

2009 UppaBaby Vista Stroller in Denny (red)

Image Source

I fell in love with this stroller quicker than I did Mr. BrainyBud! I'm okay that it doesn't have all the features that the 2010 does, especially finding it on closeout for $200 less than the regular price! Here are the reasons we love it:

1. It is taller which is nice since we are tall people
2. The seat sits up higher off the ground which will keep our long-legged LO from dragging his feet on the ground or leaning over to touch the ground
3. The reversible seat feature

Since we saved so much, we went ahead and got the car seat adapter too so that LO can keep sleeping in his car seat if he wants.

Faith, Love and Baby Flutters,
Mrs. BrainyBud

Sorry to be a debbie downer.....

This month has been so hard for me. As my EDD approaches, I'm finding it really hard to deal. The only time I find peace is at night, when I'm sleeping. When I'm working, I can usually focus on work but even now it's starting to affect my performance. Almost every day I shed at least a few tears and more often than not, I'm crying myself to sleep.

Poor Mr MB doesn't know what to do with me. He asked his buddies at work how to help. I don't really mind him asking, because I think it's a sweet gesture. He is so strong. And I know he's not nearly as affected by our loss as I am, and that's okay with me... but man is he strong. He's such a rock. He's my support system. He's everything. But for some reason I just can't keep it together.

I remember back in December we went to a perinatal bereavement service that the hospital put on and one of the speakers (also a mommy who had had a loss) said, "Grief is 100% healthy, but when the days seem to run together like a rolling thunderstorm with dark clouds, you should seek help." My thunderstorm won't go away. So, I'm seeking help. I plan to look at therapists in my area that specialize in grief. I just don't think I can do it myself anymore. I have a degree in psychology, so you'd think I'd be more comfortable doing this but I am scared to death!

I've seemed to lose a lot of myself through our loss and my grief. Mr MB and I are also trying to change our health-habits and he's going so good. Down almost 15 pounds since 1/1/10 and I've been stuck at -5lbs for three weeks. I can't think of a single thing that motivates me these days. Usually I am motivated by SOMETHING... but my brain just shuts off.

As for TTC... AF is due any day now, my chart is confusing as all get out. FF took my cross hairs away, I had a +OPK but may not have ovulated at all (at least its not saying I did since it took my CHs away), all HPTs I've taken have been BFNs... and to top it off, I found out two of my friends are expecting today and my trainer at work found out she was having a girl today. *sigh* It's been a rough day. I'm really hoping AF doesn't show this week and I can be blessed with a BFP. If not, I'm charting for one more month and then if that cycle is negative I'm calling our OB. I need some answers.

What are your guy's experiences with therapists? When did you know it was time to seek help?

The Hamburgler

And I have made it to 8 weeks! Woo hoo! I can't wait to see Jelly Bean (aka Hamburgler) again! I have a feeling if everything goes well.. Please God let everything go well.. I will officially graduate from my RE.

I'm sort of sad actually to tell you the truth. I love him so much. He is so caring, understanding, cute (yes I said cute), sweet, smart, knowledgeable. Man I could go on and on. I wish he could follow me through my whole pregnancy and get to meet and see Olivia or Jack. The good thing is he is very good friends with my OB and my OB is upstairs in the same office building. Maybe one day I can accidentally run into him with our new little one.

I will be happy to graduate but sure am going to miss Dr. H. We are definitely going to see him with #2 if I still have ovulation issues.

So whats going on with me? Lets see. I'm sick. I throw up alot. It has gotten a little better but as weird as it sounds, it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside! Its very reassuring.

I love burgers. I can't get enough burgers. Actually I want sonic now. OH MY GOD, a double cheeseburger sounds ridiculously awesome right now.

I'm tired to the extent that I didn't know I could be tired. Seriously I could sleep all day and still be tired.

I have to pee about a million times in one night.

My pants don't fit.

I ate banana pudding for dinner last night.

I haven't worked out in a week.

I went to the gym yesterday and forgot my pants. Who does that?

Did I mention I barf at night?

Oh and lets not forget the crazy ass dreams I have.

Nipples hurt.

You know what? I wouldn't change this FOR A THING! I absolutely love it. I know lots of women who complain. Who are upset. Why do I have to be sick. Why do my pants not fight. Women that are miserable. But I personally love it. I love knowing I am making a little person. I love that God has given me and Mr. OB this opportunity. I wouldn't trade this for a million bucks. I wouldn't trade it for energy. I wouldn't trade it for a bigger bladder.

This is simply amazing. And for all you ladies out there TTC, DONT GIVE UP! I know its hard. I know how many tears I have shed over this. I know how many times I was upset with God but in the end he came through for us. And that is simply amazing! I thank him every.single.day.

Countdown to the Ultrasound

I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. :) Somehow life seems to get in the way of my blogging. I honestly can't tell you a whole lot about what I've been doing for the last couple weeks. At least nothing too exciting. Little Daisy Bud has been sick with a cold and also extremely crabby from getting his two year molars in. He has given up most of his verbal skills in favors of shrieking every time he wants something, so it's been noisy around the Daisy Bud house.
I'm hoping that I'm pretty much over morning (all day, in my case) sickness. I still have food aversions to almost everything and haven't yet seen all that energy that is suppose to come with the 2nd trimester.
I had a doctor's appointment on Friday. Mr. Daisy Bud's work schedule got changed around, so I had to bring Little Daisy Bud with me to my appointment. Somehow he managed to be a little angel for my whole appointment. He flirted with the nurses and showed my doctor his treat. Otherwise, the appointment was somewhat uneventful. I didn't lose any more weight (yay!) and was steady from my last appointment. My hemoglobin levels also were good. We heard baby Daisy Bud's heartbeat again. Because the heart rate is definitely faster than Little Daisy Buds, my doctor's guess is that Baby Daisy Bud is a girl. I guess we'll find out March 4th if she's right! I can't wait!

FINALLY got fert report #2!!

I literally thought I would die waiting for today's report. Seriously. I have definitely been trying very hard to think positively & be optimistic after my semi depressing post yesterday, but it has really been rough. I have been constantly praying & thinking positive thoughts about our 4 embies, and so far, combined with everyone else thinking of us, I feel like it is working! The good news is: all 4 are still growing & dividing!!! I'm so happy/relieved to hear this....so far, we have (the nurse said they just look @ the # of cells @ this point; didn't/couldn't provide grades):

1 - 5 cell
2 - 4 cells
1 - 2 cell

I am scheduled for a 3dt tomorrow @ 2:45pm. Since I have been out of work for almost 2 weeks, I plan on going into the office for the morning & then leaving early to go to the ET. At around 1pm, Mr. Worry Bud will come by my job to pick me up & we'll head over to my RE's main office (where all the ERs & ETs take place) & get there by 2:15pm. Then, I have to do 24 hours bed rest. I will likely work from home on Wednesday while I finish out my 24 hours of bed rest. My nurse says there is still a chance for a 5dt on Thursday, but she won't really know until tomorrow morning around 10am. I would be okay with waiting until Thursday, but either way, I definitely want to transfer at least 2! And tomorrow, I'll definitely remember my penguin socks Chef Bud sent me. ;oP

Thanks to all of you who have been thinking of us, praying for us, sending us positive vibes, etc. I KNOW they are working, so please keep them coming...my embies need them!

Please God, let this be it for us.

I'm a Bad Bud

I had planned to hop on and write about my appointment on Friday but instead, I was snowed in with no Internet access. Isn't that fun!? NOT!

I am 22 weeks and 1 day today, and I finally have a noticeable bump that everyone has been admiring lately. I had to go Saturday to invest in maternity pants for work. At the doctor's on Friday, I had gained 6 pounds in 4 weeks! Granted, I hadn't gained anything last month, so I guess that I'm due. Little BrainyBud is behind my belly button, but I didn't need Dr. K to tell me that.... LO has been kicking the back of my belly button and it is so strange!

We went consignment shopping on Friday where LO got 2 pair of jeans, 1 pair of railroad OshGosh overalls, a Tommy coat for winter, a sleeper, a turtleneck, and an Atlanta Braves onsie in honor of my mom! LOL! She'll make him into a baseball player, I just know it! I also got 1 dress, 2 2pc outfits, and 4 shirts from Motherhood at the consignment shop for $60 so that wasn't bad.

I haven't had the best Valentine's yesterday because I was layed up in bed with my heart beating out of my chest. I thought I'd have to call the doctor, but it quit after about 3 hours. Oh well, that's all for now.

Faith, Love and Baby Flutters (behind the belly button),
Mrs. BrainyBud

Patience is a virtue

Photo Credit

I'm on to a new cycle now, but not without a lot of heart-wrenching false hope getting here. Last week, I let myself believe I saw faint lines on some dollar tree tests (despite blatant BFNs on FRERs), bought into the phantom symptoms, and set the stage for a total meltdown once AF came. It was rough, and I vow to never allow myself to do it like that again. My days of testing before 15dpo and charting signs are done - forever.

The whole experience taught me something: Sometimes the best things in life take a little patience. I'm used to getting what I want when I want it, and so far, that isn't happening on the TTC front. It reminds me a little bit of the hoping and waiting for the ring that I went through a couple years ago. I wanted to be engaged so badly, and when a friend was proposed to before me, I was so jealous. Another friend told me something that really stuck. She said "Jane has already had her proposal moment. It's all just memories for her now. You still have yours to look forward to, savor every minute!"

I know that I still have my BFP to look forward to. Someday, I'm going to POAS and that second line will show and my life will change forever. I will have made a whole new life with the man I love, and I can't wait. It's going to be wonderful. The fact that it hasn't happened yet means that I still have that to look forward to. And I intend to savor every minute!

Replacing One Obsession With Another...

Happy Valentine's Day!

Not much new to report over here ... still just waiting and hoping.

Things have gotten better with Mr. Nerdy Bud. He's trying to be more attentive, and we've BD'ed more this month than ever before ::blush::

He even bought me a KitchenAid Artisan stand mixer as an I'm-sorry-I've-been-a-pig-headed-jerk-lately present! :) I've wanted one for quite a while, so it was a welcome surprise!



Isn't she lovely?

I'm not really much of a cook, but I've been trying new recipes and polishing up on my skills lately. Especially since I found The Pioneer Woman's site. She has a lot of good recipes and tips for those of us who are a little less experienced. :)

In fact, it's almost like I've replaced one obsession for another. Instead of reading all about baby names and nursery decorating tips, etc., now I'm searching the blogosphere for fun recipes to try. This weekend, I made Sugar Cookie Pops and Chocolate Covered Marshmallow Cookies. Yum! Trying not to gain 50 pounds though...

Do you guys have any fun recipes you'd like to share?

Hope everyone has a wonderful Valentine's Day, full of love and baby dust!