Making Progress and Anxious!

So, I finally spoke with the social worker at the adoption agency we have decided to go with. Mr. JB is having a leeeeetle bit of trouble swallowing the pricetag, but with all we have been through and all of the doors that have been closed, we know we will make it happen somehow. we revamped our budget so we can put more money aside each month, and have a game plan.

Anyways, when I spoke with the SW, she asked me all sorts of questions so she could get an idea of exactly what we were looking for in our adoption. I got her some necessary first paperwork, and she emailed me the application. I have it ALL filled out and ready to go, I just have to make a stop at our safety deposit box to get a copy of our marriage license. Then we will write the first (of many) checks and send it in. I am starting to get a little anxious, but I am really excited! It feels good to finally have a plan.

On a side note, we had family pics done yesterday by a friend of mine who has a small side photography business. The last fam pic we have is from our wedding, and lil JB needed his 4 year pics done too. So sweet.

June Bud~

First Ultrasound

We had our first ultrasound at 5w2d. Baby Sassy Bud is measuring perfectly on schedule. We go back at 6w2d to check for the heartbeat.

This is the pic of our baby:

Pregnancy still does not feel real to me. The only real symptoms I have is a little cramping and being completely exhausted. The lack of energy is partly attributable to a pregnancy induced thyroid problem. It is improving since they put my on Synthroid. I have not had any morning sickness, YET. Hopefully that continues indefinitely!

We are looking forward to seeing the baby growing over the next few weeks. I am ready to let go of the cautious feeling a little and start enjoying things.

Dreaming...

Today is CD3, and emotionally, I'm starting to have closure. AF let me have an 11-day LP this cycle, which is TWO days longer than my longest to date. I wonder if having a miscarriage can mess with your body that much? I didn't take any vitamins or supplements last cycle, since I wanted my body to heal on its own. Anyway, that's not the point of today's post.

A girl on an online message board I frequent was musing about potential due dates today, and it got me thinking about when mine would be if I got pregnant again this cycle or next cycle. (Disclaimer: These dates all assume pre-pregnancy/miscarriage cycle lengths and patterns). I headed over to babycenter and checked it out.

If I were to get pregnant this cycle, I'd be due Sept. 16. If I got pregnant next cycle, I'd be due on October 9.

If you all remember, we started TTC right before Rosh HaShanah, the Jewish New Year (2010). We were extremely fortunate to get pregnant right away--in fact, I was pregnant at Yom Kippur, but just didn't know it yet. You all know what happened afterward, but I wonder if G-d's plan for us isn't finished yet. Rosh HaShanah 5772 is September 29-30, and Yom Kippur is October 7-8. So maybe I forgot to specify WHICH YEAR I was asking to have a baby in. G-d, if you're listening, I'll take the last available baby of 5771, or the first available in 5772. (Or any others, if that's the plan...but I'm just trying to be more specific for you).

Have a great Friday everyone!
Lots of Love & Baby Dust,
Magnolia Bud

SSDD: My lining still sucks

Went in for a follow-up ultrasound today. I'm on 4 estrogen patches and 2x/day estrogen supps and guess what, my lining hasn't budged. It's still around 6.5. Well technically we did manage to find an angle that measured 6.8, but this took a lot of probing and there were still plenty of angles that measured barely above 6. There is also a spot of fluid in my uterus again, though it's close to my cervix and they think it's mucus (my last estrogen count was in the 1600s and the mucus seems like a logical diagnosis). Whatever.

So the nurse called the doctor in to look and although you need glasses to even see my lining on an ultrasound, it does show a nice trilaminar (aka "triple stripe") pattern. The doctor was pleased enough that we got the green light to move ahead with my FET on 12/17. In the meantime, I'm going to start drinking POM juice again and maybe start taking baby aspirin (the doctor gave me the ok but I didn't have any so I haven't started yet).

Sigh.

All this goes to show that no matter how much money or time you spend, you may not end up with a baby. I am beyond encouraging words or "power penguin vibes" at this point. I wonder if the people who say "Keep trying" have any idea how much $$ we've spent (at last count it was something like $33k in insurance and another $30k or so out of pocket). For us, "keep trying" really equates to "keep spending money." Clearly throwing money at my uterus is getting me nowhere. We have 5 frosties and I am grateful that they don't cost much $$ to put back, just patience. I'm already starting to plan ahead for when those fail. We'll probably try a frozen egg bank next, though I'm afraid they might reject my shitty uterus. Maybe we'd get better results with donor sperm? Who knows. Maybe we should just get another puppy and get on with our lives.

And I'm still waiting for the much-hated-by-infertiles question "Why don't you just adopt?"

Well because that takes years and tens of thousands of dollars too, and I don't see the odds being any better than what we're trying now.

Maybe we need a gestational carrier. I can't even fathom what that would cost.

The puppy idea is sounding better and better.

I'll post an update after my transfer.

Golden Bud

40 weeks... Yep. Still Pregnant.

So, we had our appointment this morning. Here is a picture of me at the doctor's office at 40 weeks pregnant:

The Good:

Progress! Yay. Last week I was barely 1cm and Dr Loh still had to go in practically up to her elbow to check me. This week I'm 1-2cm and 40% effaced, and she barely had to go in to her wrist. So, cervix and baby are much much lower. She's very happy with my progress. Especially for a first timer. AFI is great. Baby has awesome movement. And like I thought, I have 2 little feet (we saw toes and all) kicking my liver. I keep telling the baby s/he can't get out that way. We'll see if it sinks in!

Oh - and at 40w - my total gain is 19 pounds!! I couldn't be any prouder of myself. I celebrated by coming home and having some dark chocolate hershey kisses and I'll be having pumpkin pie for dessert.

The Bad:

She brought up inducing at 41 weeks. I expected that to happen. The conversation, i mean. I was just hoping to avoid it if there was progress. Her deal: she's a single doctor practice, and I already knew that she doesn't guarantee her availability past 41 weeks. No problem. Based on my history and family history, we had no doubt that I'd deliver early. So much for that. But now it's an issue. I asked her if all signs point to healthy, if she would consider letting me go past 41 weeks. She said she would, but I should know there are 2 days that week she will not be in town, and her coverage would be delivering. I said that of course I'd want her to deliver, but not being induced is very important to me, and we might have to take that chance. At least it's out there now.

The Plan:

Non-Stress Test (NST) at the hospital saturday morning followed by NST and exam in the office on monday.

The Crunchy in me:

I've been thinking for awhile now that maybe the red raspberry leaf (RRL) tea was doing TOO good a job toning my uterus and it was holding the baby in. DH thought that was dumb. Well - i called my acu - who told me to stop the RRL for exactly that reason. So, i'm stopping the RRL as of today, and will start it again post partum for toning. I have a 4oz bottle of Castor Oil which will be my "i've tried everything else, so I have nothing to lose" backup plan (more on that later). I haven't done acu in 2 months for financial reasons, but called her on a whim earlier this afternoon, and went in to start my acu induction. I had a 45 minute session today, and I'll follow it up with another on monday if I haven't delivered yet.

My acu wants me to start drinking peppermint tea (already have it and brewing now), eating dark chocolate (no problem) and garlic (i married a sicilian).

We're going to continue our nightly mall walking and just keep our fingers crossed.

The Inconvenient:

Because I was forced to take FMLA to do IVF (my job sucks), and because i've been out on disability since 32 weeks, my FMLA actually runs out at 41 weeks exactly. So technically, my job can fire me as of a week from today if I don't deliver. On one hand I don't care - because i don't plan on going back there anyway. However, in NJ we have NJFLI, which gives me another 12 weeks of job protection, which I was planning on using to find a new job. I can't apply for that until the day I deliver.

So, right now, we're working on finding out the following:

I know I am entitled to my STD for the 6 or 8 weeks following delivery regardless of when work separates me. So, i'm covered for that period. We're trying to find out, that if my job separates me at 41 weeks exactly, if I can apply for unemployment once the STD runs out. If I can, then we don't have a problem. If I can't, then the last ditch castor oil option happens at 40w5d.

Meanwhile, the intermittent contractions continue and are clearly doing something. PLEASE wish me labor. Even Mr DB is begging baby to come out now... and he's been the one telling Smudge to take his or her time.

Acu - don't fail me now.

Babywatch 2010 continues.....

The Wait Continues...

On my last post I told you about how we had gotten the big rejection from the adoption agency we wanted to work with due to our religion. You had to be a born again Christian/Evangelical Faith to adopt through this particular agency...so, we quickly found ourselves back at square one. After much thinking, we decided to get back in touch with the agency we originally met with over the summer...Ironically, this is the agency we met with before we even knew we were infertile, and we were just trying to gather some information about other options we had in the event we WERE infertile. Love the agency, and love the social worker who would work with us. So, things (hopefully) are looking up. I have not heard back from her yet, other than for her to say that she got my email about our decision to work with them again, and she will be in touch with set up another meeting. Sounds good, except I am HORRIBLE at waiting for ANYTHING. So, I will TRY to be patient.

In the meantime, we are gearing up for the holidays in June Bud land. Lil JB is ECSTATIC about Christmas, and is trying (as hard as an almost 4 year old can try) to be on his best behavior so our Elf on the Shelf, Elfabit, won't report badly to Santa about him. LOL. In the midst of all of this, we are preparing to fly up to New England to visit family for the holidays. It will be our first WINTER visit in 5 years. So, we are bracing ourselves for the (miserable) cold. HAHA. It will be fun to see Lil JB's reaction to it, because he is a Florida boy.

On the not so happy note, my grandmother no longer can take care of herself, and she is moving into an assisted living facility (with as much nursing care as they will give her) next weekend. So, I am actually changing my ticket back from New England, and making a stop for a few days to see her in New York. Mr. JB and Lil JB will continue the trip to Florida without me, and will pick me up 3 days later. What is saddest about all of this is that my Gramp died last December. Granny has been holding her own for a year, but just can't do it anymore with how badly her Ameloydosis is getting. It will be so sad being at her house without her in it anymore. She and my Gramp moved into my house when I was 13. Now, at almost 30, it is heartwrenching to think of her anywhere else. We will make a trip back to the house while I am there to sort through everything. *sigh*. I will miss New Year's with my boys, but I will have an opportunity to go and see family I don't get to see very often, so it will be a good change. Keep her in your prayers for me, and I will keep you posted on the adoption side of things!

Oh, and here is a little Christmas Cheer, straight from the JB Household.

It's so hard to say goodbye...

Well, the time has come for me to finish up my story here on Bloomin' Babies. I cant believe how far Mr. Worry Bud & I have come since I started this blog back in August 2009 - from my very first post where I discussed what brought me to blogging about our journey. I think even at the beginning of our journey, I had an inkling that we would require assistance to get pregnant, but I never had a clue that would include a path through infertility & IVF. I thought for sure that our issue getting pregnant was related to my ridiculously short LP & then, after several failed & very short cycles, we went to see an RE for a consult; and of course, that very cycle my LP miraculously lengthened to an almost normal number of days. I thought for sure that with some help getting my LP lengthened, that we'd get pregnant. Then, we got some of the most devastating news of our young, married lives when we received Mr. WB's S/A results. And after lots of discussions between our RE, Mr. WB & I, we decided to go straight to IVF with ICSI. Naively, I'd always thought IVF was something that people I read about in magazines & saw on TV did. Never in a million years did I think Mr. WB & I would find out what the process was like first hand, but I guess that goes to show you that the story you dream up for your life doesn't always happen as you think it will.

Our IVF cycle (specifically the monitoring portion) happened to fall during one of the worst winters in my area in years, but we got through it & I was responding so well that we made it to my egg retrieval earlier than my RE originally expected. But, when I got my extremely disappointing fert report, I was really down about our chances of success. The support I got from this blog & on the message boards I frequented during that time meant so much to me & helped me to remain optimistic...and amazingly, we made it to a 5 day transfer of two beautiful embies!

I don't think I was ever so nervous as I was during that 2ww, but I made it pretty far without POAS until I started spotting at 8dp5dt & I almost broke down, but decided to POAS anyways & to my very pleasant surprise, I got a very strong BFP!!!!

And from that point, I POAS every day until I got my first, very strong beta of 519 - wooo! After a few subsequent strong betas, we had our early ultrasounds with my RE & got a chance to see our precious Baby WB developing normally:

Everything was going well with the pregnancy, so my RE eventually released me to the care of my OB. At my 12 week routine appointment, they could not find Baby WB's heartbeat, so I was sent for an emergency f/u ultrasound, where we learned everything with our beautiful LO was just fine (& as a bonus, we got an extra peak at the LO that we wouldn't have gotten otherwise). :)

Thankfully, my pregnancy was pretty uneventful from that point on & we just excitedly awaited the arrival of our precious baby. We found out in May that we were having a little girl & I began my baby buying obsession! From then on, I updated you guys on her progress every two weeks or so until I was 36 weeks & my water broke unexpectedly. And about 14 hours later, our precious little girl arrived (& I later shared her full birth story with all of you) - a little small, with high billirubin (causes jaundice) levels & she had trouble maintaining her body temperature at first, but overall pretty perfect if I do say so myself ::winks::!

And with that, we began the journey into finding out what parenthood is all about. And I must say, it is the both the hardest & best job I could have ever asked for. We are so in love with our precious little girl & despite all the bumps & bruises {literally} to get to where we are now, she was worth everything we went through. She is truly a blessing from God & our pride & joy!

And from the bottom of my heart, I want to thank all of the Bloomin' Babies readers & Buds who prayed for, thought of & cheered us on as we went through this amazing & scary journey to parenthood. Please continue to send thoughts & prayers for our new family's continued health, happiness & safety. I'll still be around as the administrator of the blog & of course, as a reader, but my time blogging as Worry Bud has now come to an end. If you'd like to follow Baby WB's progress & our journey as a family on my personal blog, please email me at worrybud{at}gmail{dot}com & I'll send you the link so you can follow me!

As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I never thought we'd travel the path we did to have our first child, but I think it's truly a testament that sometimes things that are seemingly hopeless, are possible with faith, love & lots of support {medically & from friends & family}. I would like to send lots of prayers & thoughts to those of you still on the journey of IF, TTC & pregnancy...I think about each of you every day. And with that I must sign off as Worry Bud for the last time because Baby WB is starting to wake up from her nap! Happy Holidays & a Happy New Year to each of you!

'Tis the season for a giveaway!

Fa la la la la, la la la laaaa! Who doesn't love a good giveaway?! And since this is the most wonderful time of the year, what better time to bring one to one of Bloomin' Babies awesome readers? I don't know about you, but I always seem to find something new I need around the house {and now for Baby Worry Bud} - anything from new window treatments to TV stands for flat screens and from baby toys to cute decor for the nursery!

And do you know where I can find all of those things & more - CSN Stores, which has hundreds of online stores where you can find pretty much anything you need or want. Well, when CSN contacted me to see if I'd be interested in doing a giveaway with the, I jumped at the chance! This time we are giving away a $35 gift certificate to anything your little heart desires at CSN Stores! There are so many things you can find on CSN for $35 or less, so head on over & check 'em out!


 

*~*The Giveaway*~*

CSN Stores is giving one lucky Bloomin' Babies reader a $35 gift certificate, which can be used on anything on their site (includes shipping for a total purchase of up to $35). The selected winner must be a public follower of Bloomin' Babies. Please also ensure that I have a way to get in touch with you if you win - either leave your email address in one of your comment entries or have a link to your email in your Blogger profile. **NOTE: This giveaway is open to U.S. & Canada residents only.

INITIAL ENTRY (MANDATORY): Become a public follower of Bloomin' Babies, or if you already are one let me know you are!

ADDITIONAL ENTRIES: Please leave a comment for each one so that all your entries will be counted!

• Grab the Bloomin' Babies button & display it on your blog
• Visit CSN Stores & tell me what item you'd choose if you won!
  
• Blog about this giveaway & leave a link to the blog post in the comments.

This giveaway will run for one week & will close at 11:59pm (EST) on Tuesday, December 14, 2010. I will select a winner using Random.org, then post the winner here on Bloomin' Babies & contact the winner letting them know they won - you will then have 48 hours to respond with the information I request or I will have to select another winner.


Good Luck!!!

Outed

Today marks, OFFICIALLY, the beginning of Week 4 of my pregnancy.

Huzzah!

At Mr. Cherry Bud's insistence, I have stopped peeing on everything in sight, which is unnerving and freeing all at the same time.

We haven't told my parents yet, but we bought them a little red bib at Target that says "Baby's First Christmas". I tried to find a picture, as it is super cute, but apparently Target keeps all it's Christmas bibs on online lockdown. So whatever.

This week has been an exercise in secret keeping, which is a herculean task if you are me. I have kept the news from my parents, who we will present with super cute bib on Sunday, but to date, I have told the following:

The Nesties on my local board - One of them was stalking my chart and knew already, which makes me feel important and loved. I am one of three on the board who is delivering in August. It's going to be a sweaty summer here in the south.

My librarians - I checked out "What to Expect when You Are Expecting" and was given the third degree. I do love them

My sister - We were decorating my mom's Christmas tree. My exact words were "Don't react. At all. I'm Pregnant.". She started crying and I said "Quit it! It's a secret!!"

A girl whose name I don't recall who sang at a Christmas party at which I was also singing - Because she doesn't know anyone I know and can't be a liability. So there.

Happily, no one has outed me on facebook, which would be disastrous.

a total champ/failure at secret keeping,

Beta #2!

299!

The number is doubling perfectly.

We go back on Friday to get our first ultrasound at 5w2d. I don't think there will be much to see but I am still so excited. I am anxious to know how many we have growing in there. I will be totally ecstatic with one or two, of course!