ER scheduled

After only 6 days of stimming, my body is ready for the ER. During my two monitoring appointments, I have about 4-5 follicles on either side. Personally, I thought this was a little low and very quick, but as someone in my infertility group told me, I need to trust my doctor, he knows more than me. I guess she is right. I had to take my ovidrel shot last night at 8, which I basically slept through with Mr. Planner bud helping me. I go into the clinic Sunday morning at 7 AM. We are hoping for a three day transfer on Wednesday.

My clinic doesn't believe bed rest is necessary and recommends I be relax the day of transfer. However, I am such a worry wort that I putting myself on modified bed rest for the day of the ET and the day after. If nothing else, it will give me two days off of work and I missing the last class of two different graduate classes.

I will definitely post about my fert report when the information comes in, but now I need to go write a paper that I thought I would have Saturday and Sunday to write.

Where on earth did the second tri go?!

Hellllllllllllllo third tri!!! Wow, that really snuck up on me! 27 weeks!

It's been an eventful few weeks. I caught a nasty stomach bug that landed me in the hospital. They gave me 3 bags of IV fluids, 2 doses of Zofran and a dose of Reglan and nothing helped. And wouldn't you know... it happened the day before we were due to fly out to FL for vacation! They wanted to keep me overnight but I declined and asked to go home after being there for almost 8 hours. If I was going to be miserable, I'd rather be miserable at home where I could go to the bathroom without being unhooked from everything every time and sleep in my own bed. The next morning, things hadn't subsided much and I called the OB begging to take some Immodium so that I could at least get on the plane. Thankfully, she relented and we made it to FL!

We had an incredibly relaxing 8 day vacation. We spent most days out in the water on the boat and swimming in the pool. One day, Mr. Sunflower Bud surprised me with an entire date day for just the 2 of us. It's not usual for me to not do the planning for us and it was awesome to not be in control of our day for a change. We had lunch at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co, played mini golf, went on a chocolate factory tour, visited a jewelry store where he bought me a beautiful diamond and pink flip flop necklace and then finished the evening with dinner at a local Italian restaurant.

Yesterday, I had my OB check up and everything looks great! Baby SB's heartbeat is healthy and great (it was 170 yesterday and he was full of energy moving around in there). My OB is thrilled with my weight gain (only up 15lbs so far) and said I'm doing great. Blood pressure is great as always (110/70, I think it was).

Baby SB finally moved up out of the deep depths of my uterus where he's been making himself comfy on my sciatic. So I've finally gotten some back pain relief.

He's very active and kicks all day long with short periods of rest. I'm hoping that he'll tire himself out in there so he sleeps a lot when he comes out. :)

I'm still getting a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions so I'm hoping that's good news as far as working towards a VBAC, as I never had any BH with my daughter that I can recall and certainly not as early or often as I'm having this time around.

The nursery is completely finished and we're out of things we need to buy so all we've got to do now is just relax and enjoy this final trimester!

~ Sunflower Bud ~

Good To Be Back

I had a great visit with friends and family back in New England. Pretty much the Baby Tour of Massachusetts. I got to see my best friends 3 week old daughter, three of my nieces (ages 14, 6 & 6 months) and my nephew (15 months). Also got to spend some time with my extended family and some good friends. I even got to color Easter eggs! Mine is the pink one with the tulip, the rest are the two eldest nieces.

Seeing the newborn was a good reminder of just what we'll be in for come October. Sleep, Eat, Poop, Eat, Squawk Like a Pterodactyl, Sleep, Look Cute, Poop. Sweet little girl. Its good to see my friend adjusting so well to motherhood, and its even better that they have their little IVF miracle home in their arms now.

The nieces & nephew are all growing like weeds. I hadn't been home in 6 months. Its amazing how much they change. The 2 day old (in Sept) is now learning to crawl! Crazy.

It was great to be around family and friends with regards to the pregnancy as well. There was so much excitement, it really was catchy. Several of my aunts mandated I show them belly pics as things progress. Not too fond of that idea, but will probably send enough to appease them. My MIL and SIL took me on a maternity clothes shopping spree. The were soooo generous. I'm really glad I got over my issue with being ready for maternity clothes and was able to embrace the situation. My parents were honestly a little luke warm with regards to the pregnancy. They are excited, but having issues with the 3,000 miles between us. They want to be there for our little family and spend all the time they can with their grandbaby...but distance & finances are throwing a wrench in that. We'll make the best of it.

I did get some unexpected news on Easter. I'm not the only one in my immediate family expecting. I'm going to be an aunt again! My brother and his wife have a baby due in late November.

For those curious about air travel while pregnant: One of the airports I went thru security at had back scatter and one didn't. I just went through the metal detector. For the back scatter, the sign said it had the equivalent of two minutes in a plane of radiation exposure. If I'd been running late, I'd have just gone through. I mean, I was flying clear across the country...two minutes of exposure isn't going to make much difference. I wasn't in a hurry though, so I asked for a pat down. TSA was pretty good about it, though the pat down was a little more intimate than I'd have liked (running hand under and between breasts, getting inquisitive about the band on my maternity jeans). All in all it wasn't a big deal.

Probably should include my 15 week update since I'm at 15 weeks 5 days already.

Been feeling pretty good this past week. My biggest news is that I think I'm starting to have the beginnings of a bump! I was putting on my PJs one night on the trip and noticed my belly was sticking out further than my boobs. Glance at a mirror & sure enough! It seems to be more in the evenings when my muscles are tired. This timing also coincides with when my back tends to ache and when my lower abdomen muscles ache (both recent developments). No new cravings or aversions assuming I told y'all about the pork aversion issues that began last week. I've been hiding from the scale...will face that one in the coming week. No appointments this week, so nothing to report there. Best moment of the last week was spending time with family and sharing the excitement of the pregnancy with them. Worst was dealing with my parents issues with the distance between us.

19 weeks already!

I cannot believe how fast time flies during 2nd trimester. I've been traveling almost every week for work, and on the weeks I'm home (about once a month), we've been doing *something* baby related. I'm writing to you today from my hotel in Asheville, where I'll be until tomorrow. This might get long, I apologize!

Here's where things stand:
Today I'm 19 weeks, 3 days. My last doctor's appointment was at 15 weeks, and my next appointment is on Tuesday (20w1d). (I'm supposed to be going every 4 weeks, but the last two have been 5 weeks apart thanks to scheduling limitations on my part--I'm hoping to schedule the rest of my appointments at Tuesday's visit--24, 28, 30, 32, 34, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41). Baby is now the size of...something. The fruit tickers seem to be off. Apparently this week is a mango but next week is a cantaloupe? Seems like a large jump to me!

I'm feeling great--energetic, my appetite is back, I've lost most food aversions and am not having too many cravings (and none for weird foods), and I'm physically comfortable. Emotionally, I'm doing well too. Mr. Magnolia Bud and I still worry about the financial aspects of having Baby MB--especially daycare--but we're budgeting and will make it work.

Speaking of daycare, we decided a few weeks ago to put off looking for a placement until we'd each hammered out our leave options at our respective jobs. This week we were able to do that--he'll be taking a full week once the baby's born, and then working half days for the next two weeks. I'll be taking off from the time the baby's born (sometime in September) until work resumes after the New Year (Jan. 3). Most of my leave will be paid, except for December--which is do-able for us financially. We're both so excited I'll be able to stay home for almost four months, and that the baby won't have to start daycare until he/she is a smidge older than we originally thought.

We had our anatomy scan on April 20, and everything looks great. I was 18w2d, and baby was measuring 19w2d--a full week ahead. Femur and humerus were measuring 19w4d...so we're hoping that means we're going to have a tall baby, just like us! Baby also weighed in at an estimated 10 ounces last week. Here are our favorite pictures--the first is baby with his/her hand behind head, and the second is baby pointing which direction is "out" {it was head down, heehee}:




I've also finally started showing! Some days I still just look a little chubby, but here's a pic from this week:


Mr. Magnolia Bud finished painting the nursery, and we finished our registries at Babies R Us and Amazon. If you have any suggestions for registry *must haves,* please let me know! Almost everything on our lists came about as a result of recommendations from other moms and mommy bloggers.

I think that's it for now. Hope you're all having a great week!
Love and baby dust to everyone...
Magnolia Bud

Juggling Life's Craziness

photo credit
My life is a bit crazy right now. For starters I had my doctors visit and I am NOT pregnant..... ugh. On top of finding that out my husband and I also found out we are moving... not a side I will often share on here... but my husband is in the military. So with all of that and trying to get things together to move it's been a mad house in here.

I seriously meant to write last week, but the week got away from me and on top of that it was an emotional crasher for me... so much so my body went in shut down mode. I slept almost a whole day and then some. My body had had enough apparently.

And other news that is not fertility related is that I am going to be in a wedding come next year (my sisters --- I am the maid of honor)... so I really need to loose this weight. So I am hoping this will give me the extra push to keep up with the weight loss. I don't want to look fat in the dress I have to wear... but if I have a baby bump I'll be more than a 100% fine with that.

So I am getting back on track of getting my weight down and getting PCOS under control.... hopefully this will be enough distraction to help keep my mind off of wondering if I am pregnant or not.... I just need to go with the flow to reduce my stress level.

So between packing, moving, making wedding invites, jewelry pieces for wedding and other preps for the wedding... along with loosing weight... I should be more than distracted :)

On with the show... I will keep you posted on how my weight loss is going and hopefully I will get my next cycle... yeah I never got that yet either, but they said it might be due to stress. Nurse is probably right... cause now that things are starting to calm down I feel like I might get it.

Hope you all are doing fabulous. And I am sorry about being so late with posting... my life is doing a 360 on me something fierce. But I am strong :) and I can do this.

V-Day & GTT

Tomorrow I will be 25 weeks pregnant. I know everyone says this, but time really does fly. I think weeks 14-18 were sort of slow and boring but now that the weather is getting nicer, I'll be keeping very busy until August.


I passed the 24 week "viability" day last week, which was a huge milestone. I also had my glucose tolerance test yesterday. The glucola drink wasn't the greatest tasting thing, but it wasn't all that bad either.

Photo Credit

The worst part was sitting in the waiting room forever. So boring! My OB does a 2-hour test per the new guidelines so I got to sit there for 2 hours and 3 blood draws.

The good news is, I passed the GTT! No gestational diabetes here. I was very relieved to hear that.

Mr. Sassy Bud and I have been working on the nursery, so hopefully I'll have pics of that to share soon. We set up all the furniture and painted the walls. Things are really starting to come together!

Implantation bleeding 3dpo?!

I am a bit confused... Is it possible to have implantation bleeding 3dpo?! Tonight, we went out to dinner, and when I used the restroom and wiped, I had a tad of light blood on the paper... How is this possible? Has this happened to anyone else before? Very strange...




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My Miscarriage

I want to preface this post by saying that this IS NOT about my current pregnancy. It is about my first pregnancy, which occurred in November 2010. I purposely backdated this post (it's really May now) so that it would not appear on the front page of Bloomin' Babies and alarm people. I feel like it's important to get my story on here though for those going through similar, particularly since I referenced this blog when I was going through my loss, so here goes...


Please be warned that I am going to speak frankly, and sometimes graphically, about the experience. If either of those things bother you, please scroll on by this post. For those living through a miscarriage, knowing the nitty gritty details is important...and this post is for them.


I got my first BFP on November 9, 2010. For a few glorious days there were the first few signs of pregnancy. The slight nausea, super smell, exhaustion beyond words. That all changed around 2am on November 12.

I was woken up around 2am by excruciating cramps. They whipped around my right side, felt like they were following my abdominal muscle. The pain was so intense that it woke me from a dead sleep and had me crying out in pain. The cramps moved like lightning. There were two or three waves of them, then they disappeared. I never felt another pregnancy symptom after that moment. Not one.

The next morning I felt totally normal...which made me really uneasy since I'd been exhausted in days prior. Around noon, the spotting started. At first it was brownish red, by bedtime it was pink. When I woke up that morning, there was absolutely no question what was happening. Bright red blood. Lots of it. This was on November 13th, a Saturday. Since it was a weekend and we had company in town, I wasn't able to get to the doctor until Monday morning. I knew there was nothing they could do to save the pregnancy at that point, so I didn't feel it was urgent for me to get checked out. Nature was taking its course.

On Monday the 15th, I was able to reach my doctor and they got me in as soon as they could. By that time I was passing clots in addition to the heavy bleeding. Cramping was present as well, though it was never horrible, moderate mostly. There was tissue passing as well, including **graphic warning** the embryo. I'd never heard nor read that they embryo would be recognizable at the gestation I was (5w1d). It passed completely intact within its amniotic sac. That was the single image of the whole miscarriage that was burned into my brain. It literally looked like the 5 week image from the Pregnology website (www.pregnology.com), except with the sac. All told, it was about the size of a ping pong ball.

At my appointment on Monday, the doctors office was awesome. I didn't realize this until I went in for my current BFP, but they got me in immediately (so I didn't have to sit amongst the visibly pregnant ladies) and brought me in to a neutral exam room (as opposed to the one with Tinkerbell stickers in it I went into for this BFP). They asked me to describe what I'd experienced and I could tell by the look on the doctors face that my thought of miscarriage was right...especially when I described the embryo. She did a pelvic exam and confirmed an open cervix & heavy bleeding. The diagnosis given was "partial spontaneous abortion". (Don't even get me started on how awful it is to have the word 'abortion' given to you when you are having a miscarriage...) She said the 'partial' part was because it was still ongoing. She gave me paperwork to get an ultrasound done to confirm the progress of the miscarriage a few days later. They needed to make sure all of the "products of conception" got out so that there were not further problems down the road.

The ultrasound a couple of days later was not AT ALL like I'd imagined my first ultrasound would be. For starters, I kicked things off by warning the tech that things were a bloody mess down there when he asked me to get into the johnny. I have no idea how I held myself together in that ultrasound room. I think being a scientist helped...I found it fascinating that he could tell what was my ovaries, see the fallopian tubes, even see the bleeding. Physically there was some discomfort, particularly when the vagcam bumped the cervix. As it turned out, I was experiencing the best case scenario for a miscarriage. I completely fell apart when I got out to the car.

The doctor saw me again a couple of days later and confirmed that I'd now experienced a "Complete Spontaneous Abortion". My bleeding lasted 7 days total, with the worst happening in the first 3-4 days.

There were all sorts of aches that went with the miscarriage that caught be by surprise so I want to be sure to mention them. For a couple days in the thick of the miscarriage my cervix and uterus felt really irritated. For about a week after that, my ovaries just ached and ached.

My cycle returned exactly on time, 29 days later...though as charting post miscarriage would show, the ovulation date and length of my luteal phase changed post miscarriage (changes in your cycle are common, as it turns out). For the first couple of post-loss cycles, things were haywire physically. One month my boobs ached excruciatingly during the 2ww. Another month my ovulation pains were intense (I occasionally feel them, but never more than a twinge...this was waaay more than a twinge).

Emotionally during the whole miscarriage experience I just felt broken. When I got the BFP it felt like it was my job to protect this little life and I'd failed. I felt like I was apparently incapable of doing something that women have been able to do since the beginning of time. There was an incredible amount of fear that subsequent pregnancies would have the same ending and that this was the first sign that we would have a much more difficult road to having a family. I'd never realized until I was experiencing it how incredibly hard it is to go through even the earliest of miscarriages.

I realized that most likely there was something wrong with the baby from the moment of conception (~50% of all miscarriage prior to 6 weeks are due to chromosomal abnormalities rendering the baby incompatible with life). Thing is, hearing that there was probably something wrong with the baby and it was probably for the best wasn't comforting. My first thought when I was told that (and I'm being completely honest here) was, "Great, so you're telling me we can make little mutant babies..." Hearing that there was likely a chromosomal defect to my 34 year old eggs was far from a comfort.

One of the only things that really gave me comfort, was thinking of the people I know who had a loss of their own and had gone on to have one (or more) healthy babies. People like my friend K, who had a late 1st Tri loss and went on to have three kids. Or my friend S, who had a chemical pregnancy and at the time of my loss was 20 weeks pregnant (she's since delivered a little girl). Or my mother, who had a miscarriage just before she conceived my youngest brother. The hope that their stories gave me is why I'm sharing my story with you. I feel that its important to talk about pregnancy loss. Its important to remove the taboo. Its important for those going through it to know that they aren't alone, that this is (unfortunately) quite common...and most importantly that it is in no way their fault.

Beginning Stimming

After willing and begging AF to arrive, the biatch showed up this morning after I called the RE's to say she didn't arrive. After waiting by the phone all day (I haven't done this since my days trying to find a guy), I just talked to the nurse. I can begin stims on Saturday. This is actually beginning. I actually have a good chance, at least 50%, of being pregnant in a month. This is the best chance that we have had in months. BRING IT ON!

I am very lucky that my friends know about what is going on since I have to take my very first shot during our HP 7 girls' night celebration. Mr. Plannerbud is actually secretly excited that he gets out of one night of helping me with the shot. He will probably be planning lots of events right around my 8 pm shot time.

I will be taking 150iu of Gonal F. From what I have read the side effects are not truly that bad. Many people had harsher side effects with clomid than with the injections. I hope it is the same for me. I am already on edge and snapping at poor Mr. Planner bud and the cycle hasn't really even started.

Fingers crossed that I stim quickly and can get in and out before MCAS testing so my boss doesn't kill me!

I hate swallowing pills. I am sure I over think if I can swallow them and if they will get stuck in my throat and all sorts of nonsense. So I am swallowing 17 pills a day and chewing one pill, that is my favorite way to take them. Mr. Explorer Bud is the complete opposite, I laid out 7 pills for him to take at dinner since he is terrible at remembering to take them, and he says, "watch this" and pops them all in his mouth at once and swallows with a little sip of water!! The only problem he has is realizing that he must eat a meal when he takes them so he doesn't feel neauseous afterwards, I have no problem remembering that since I hate being neauseous! In short he is taking to swallowing the pills better and I am better and eating with them.

I have noticed that I am feeling more awake and energetic during the afternoon and evening when I would be crashing and looking for food to give me a little pick me up. I am falling alseep without a problem and actually staying asleep even when Mr. EB has come to bed late. So far the Experiment is going well and hopefully it continues. It will be interesting to see if AF arrives in a month or so.

Maybe?

Going to make this quick, as I am in bed and want to go to sleep ;)

So today was supposed to be the day of the "O", as per my Period Tracker App... The little flower marked Wednesday, April 20th, proudly :)

When Mr. DBud got home, he was feeling quite frisky... I actually think he totally forgot I was O-ing today, but he didn't care! He just wanted some... And it was good :) I was happy... It had been a while since we got busy.

When shower time came around and I used the restroom... There it was... A LOT of what seemed to be EWCM. This was around 4-5 hours after we got busy, so it definitely wasn't anything else - I had already used the restroom a few times and hadn't seen this. Is this a good sign?? Advice please :)

But now, with this, we enter the 2ww... :-/

And now it's time to pop a pre-natal...

Here's hoping May 4th brings good news :)




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Hiatus & New Experiment

Credit

Sorry for the long hiatus I think that it just took me a few weeks to figure out what was next, what I would start to blog about that was all negative and bitter. Mr. Explorer Bud and I have a new "Experiment" for our TTC plan. My mom's friend's father, I know a bit confusing but hang in there, was an animal nutritionist and worked closely with farmers during breeding season. When the animals were having difficulty conceiveing/performing both female and male they would put the animals on a high dosage of vitamin E and wheat germ oil. So the friend is also involved with nutrition and such for humans and suggested that Mr. Explorer Bud and I go on 1000 IU of natural vitamin E, Stress B Complex vitamins and eat fruits, veggies and lean meats we would be able to conceive. So instead of instantly being pissed that another know-it-all know-nothing is spouting thier unsolicited advice about a topic they are not familiar with I would do a little research myself on the subject and maybe it would work. Besides what else do I have to do since I don't have any other plan in place.


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After some research I found that yes high doses of vitamin E and B-Complex vitamins along with a high dose of vitamin C, Zinc & Copper, and L-arginine have shown to increase fertility in both males and females. Studies have shown that the various vitmains have helped increase sperm count, motility and increased the number of couples that conceived. For females it has shown that it helps to regulate your hormones/period and produce healthier eggs. Although we still have the major issue with 1% morphology which still puts us in the IF with ICSI category but maybe they help with that as well and can allow us to try IUI which would be cheaper.

So the Experiment is we will take the high dose of vitamins for the next 3 months and then have Mr. EB redo his SA to see how his sperm are looking since it takes 3 months to regenerate new sperm. If this works awesome, if it doesn't work then it wasn't all that expensive and doesn't hurt anything or set our timeline back any for future IVF/ICSI attempts. Mr. EB wants to lose about 40 lbs so maybe in that time he will be able to lose some if not all, since he is a guy and can lose weight if he thinks about dieting, and I would love to lose about 10 to 15 lbs as well so in 3 months we should be a couple of hotties hopped up on vitamins!!

Confession time: I'm still angry

I don't know why, but this whole pregnancy I have been watching my "baby is the size of what fruit" ticker like a hawk, just waiting to get to lime.

For some reason, I have always watched other people's tickers get to lime and it has seemed unreal.  This safe haven of fruit size. 

I think anytime you have trouble trying to conceive, you start to expect things to go wrong.  I have had no spotting this entire time *knock on wood*, yet I still have been both terrified and sure something would go wrong.  Even knowing the odds, hearing the heartbeat and knowing the risk is only 4%, I still expected it to be me.  And why not?  Month after month we had perfect timing, odds are it should have worked.  But it didn't.  It took 2 cycles of femara to get here, which is far less than a lot of women I know.  Which I think is also part of the problem.  When it takes a while, you start seeking out others having trouble, blogs, message boards, you find each other for support, but you also see all that can go wrong, and you think, "if it can happen to them, it can happen to me."

I've heard a lot of women say, and I fully agree that T-TTC takes the innocence away from TTC and pregnancy.  You're never just happy, you're also cautious and terrified.  We learn to be that way when TTC, when every month we say "maybe it will work, but probably not."  And you hold you breath every day of the 2ww waiting for a temp drop, or a BFN, or that first spot. 

I always thought that reaching lime would be this magic bullet.  This time when I could stop being afraid, and angry about how this has all gone down.  But I'm not.  A friend whose wife is 23 weeks was joking yesterday about how when they conceived their baby, they sent their other kids to the grandparents for the weekend and announced to the world that they were going to make a baby that weekend.  And guess what, they did.  You'd think I wouldn't care anymore.  That I would have stopped being jealous of him and everyone else who just decides to have a baby, and then does just like that.  But I'm not, I'm still angry. 

I am pregnant, and I am happy, and I love this baby, but I still don't quite believe that it will all end well.  And I'm still jealous of those for whom becoming parents comes easy.  I don't want to be.  I hate being this bitter.  I want to be happy for my friend even when he makes stupid insensitive comments.  I thought I would be "over this" by now, but I'm not.  I just wish I knew how to let it go and just be happy. 

Strangest TTC thoughts ever

Some of my thoughts the past few included: "Oh crap, did I remember to take my birth control?" and "Come on AF show up now!"

What kind of TTC thoughts are these? The world of infertility is very crazy and can definitely turn you around at times. While these thoughts would definitely be counterproductive to a normal person TTC, for someone going through IVF it is a normal thought. I have just trained my brain to where all this is normal and at least Mr. Planner Bud and I can joke about it. We went out with friends over the weekend and I had to take my pill while at dinner. The husband was thoroughly confused and asked, "I thought you were trying to get pregnant, what happened?" Mr. Planner bud looks at me and says, "Crap, this is what we have been doing wrong for over a year and a half."

I finished taking the BCP on Sunday and am now waiting for AF to show it. This is another crazy feeling. I have been hoping for AF to come for the last two cycles. This is not what one normally wishes for when desperately trying to have a child. Hopefully AF shows her lovely face today; if not, I will have to call the RE's and go in for some bloodwork. I am just beyond excited to start stimming and get this show on the road. Come on I have this huge pile of needles waiting to be used:

Heading Home

(Image Credit: http://www.abcteach.com/directory/clip_art/transportation/)

Tomorrow morning, before the sun is even up, I'm heading to the airport to catch a flight back home. I'm getting picked up by a cab before 5am...there is something seriously wrong with that. It will be a long day of travel seeing as my destination is clear on the other side of the continent, but it will be good to see everyone again. I'll be there for a week.

The last time I was home was when Mr Cactus Bud and I headed out with our dog for the West Coast. We moved since his work decided he needed to be stationed over here for awhile. We've been here about 6 months now. So, I'm heading back. Its a multi-purpose trip. Not only will I be spending Easter with family for the first time in about 5 years, but it will also be my first chance to see my best friends newborn. It will also be a chance to visit with our nieces and nephew that live in the area, including one that literally was born days before we began our trek over here. Added bonus is that news of our pregnancy has just hit the presses back home, so I'll get a chance to see some of the people who are really excited about the news. I know it may sound a little selfish, but I've been looking forward to being the bearer of this good news for years now...its surreal that its actually happening.

Needless to say with all the baby-ness the coming days will involve, I'm incredibly thankful to still be pregnant. I was thankful anyways, but if this pregnancy hadn't stuck I probably wouldn't be taking this trip. Its hard to explain if you've never been down that road, but being around babies or those that are expecting can be really hard when you've had a pregnancy and lost it. Its almost like you had a teaser of what you could have, and then had it taken away. I don't think I'd have had the strength emotionally to handle the trip if things hadn't worked out thus far with the pregnancy.

Quick update on how Week 14 is going so far: I've literally had zero symptoms the last few days, and its been freaking me out. I guess its pretty normal for this stage, but its really weird to feel normal. Thankfully this evening I've been having some ute cramping, which hopefully is letting me know the little bugger is growing. I really don't feel like I have much more updating to do about this week. No appointments, no new symptoms, just kinda plugging along.

11 Week Update

We had an appointment today because my BP has been low lately. Luckily everything is okay, just some low iron which I can take a supplement for.

Awesome appointment because we got to hear baby's heartbeat! Amazing!

My nausea has been pretty nonexistent, yay! Cravings are really random but intense when I am hungry. I have gained 3 pounds and it is ALL belly, see baby Buttercup Bud and I below at 9 weeks 5 days:



I've been wearing maternity pants the past week! They are so comfy, I love them and live in them as well as sweats and PJ's.

Next week is our NT scan and I am super excited to see baby look like a baby! My grandma and I think baby is a girl but since Mr BB and I are Team Green we won't know until he/she is born.

I will update with pictures of my sweet baby next week after our appointment.

Best,

Buttercup Bud

23 week Update!

Today Baby Cherry Bud is officially 23w1d. I am amazed at having gotten to this point. Before I dive into updates on the pregnancy, I am going to share some thoughts I've been having over the past few weeks.

I've been a part of the online TTC community for awhile. Not as long as many woman have, but long enough to see the heartbreak that comes with longterm IF. For whatever reason, surrogacy has been on my mind. Not using a surrogate, but being one. My issues getting pregnant seem to have stemmed from weight and timing for the most part, rather than from an actual problem with my reproductive system, and I seem to be able to stay pregnant and handle pregnancy beautifully. The past few weeks I've been wondering if that would be an option for me, to be able to be a carrier for a couple who cannot conceive or carry a child. I've been asking myself if I think I would be able to separate myself emotionally from the child, and, in all honestly, I think I could. The little one would never be mine, I would only be a carrier, and I think that would make the difference. I am certainly undecided at this point, and Mr. CB is a bit unsure of the whole thing, but it is certainly something to think about.

Now, Baby CB updates, in survey form because I'm feeling a bit lazy today:

How far along: 23 weeks, 1 day

Total weight change: +15 (eeekkkk). Let me say this about my weight gain: I have never in my life worried about my weight. I've always been small, and while I had self-consciousness about how skinny I was when I was young, I was able to be very comfortable in my own skin when I hit my twenties. It really became something that never crossed my mind. We don't even own a scale. So it took me by complete surprise when my pregnancy weight started to bother me. Those 15 lbs, and the sight of my S and XS clothes that may never again fit me have really been taking a toll on my emotions. Which brings us to...

Maternity clothes: pretty much full time. I was only a size 2 when I got pregnant, and my newly expanded belly, thighs and butt simply will not accommodate normal clothes anymore. I threw a bunch of my pre-pregnancy clothes into bins this weekend, and very nearly had a meltdown when I saw how small some of it was. I just can't imagine ever getting into some of it again.

Stretch Marks: Not yet, thank goodness

Movement: Not during the day, but at night and right when I wake up in the morning, she's all over the place.

Sleep: If I roll onto my back, Mr. CB has a tendency to push me back up onto my side, and that always wakes me. Other than that, I wake a few times a night to change positions, but I seem to be getting enough sleep.

Best Moment This Past Week: Painting Baby CB's room. It seems a lot more real to me that there is going to be a little person sleeping in there in only a few months.

Mr. CB has an inability to be serious in a picture, but this is right before we started to paint. Also, I know he is sideways. I can't get it to rotate because I'm a super awesome blogger technologically challenged

My only "after" shot. The green is actually a very pretty springtime-y green, a little less lime than it seems. I will have it known that what I am doing in the picture is the ONLY job I was allowed while painting Baby CB's room. Apparently I am just an accident waiting to happen and, if allowed a paintbrush, might go crazy and drink it or something.

Most Difficult Moment This Past Week: It's actually been a very good week, although my emotions have been out of control. I have cried more this week than I did during the entire duration of The Notebook (read: like woah). Baby CB has also been sitting just as low as she possibly can, which means that my hips and what I think might be my cervix have been aching pretty badly.

Belly Button In or Out: Keeps threatening to pop. Mr. CB thinks it's amusing to see if he can grab it and get it to come the rest of the way out. Not amusing, Mr. CB.

Cravings/Aversions: Chocolate, big time, and now that my first tri meat aversion is long gone, I am craving steak like nobody's business. No real aversions, except that my prepregnancy hatreds (barbecue sauce, for example, which MR. CB puts on everything) are magnified.

Symptoms: Just feeling large and rotund. I tire pretty easily, and when I am hungry, I am HUNGRY.

What I'm Looking Forward To: Childbirth class. We're two weeks into Bradley classes, and they are really good. Also our second anniversary next month. Mr. CB wants to go to the Wonderful World of Harry Potter. I won't be able to ride anything, but we're both huge Harry Potter fans, and I would really like to go. Plus, our anniversary is on a Monday this year, so the park might be slower than normal.

Much love,

Cherry Bud

Monday Hurry Up and Get here!

Oh, my gosh I am so bad... but I got the results from the test and it was a BFN. I always say don't get your hopes up this time and whatever you do don't cry. But hope is something I have yet to loose and not sure if I'd want to.

However, I have to go back in on Monday to have it redone. One because they said they don't like to do blood tests till day 35 and it was before that and two the count sometimes doesn't go up as fast if you have PCOS. So that just puts the icing on the cake... ugh. Now I have to wait again and wonder if I am going to have to hear BFN again. This was a tad bit harder than I thought it would be.

I still haven't gotten my next cycle and I am just not trying to think about it cause it's getting to me... the wondering that is. Cause the whole thing is if I still ain't by then I may have to undergo other testing to find out why my eye color is changing and why I am getting random freckles and brown spots on me... very strange.

photo credit

I don't know what to do and honestly can't wait till this coming Monday so I can just find out what to do next. My fear now is that I ain't, which is okay in the end cause I'll just keep on trying. The scary part for me is what is going on and what tests will I have to do to find out... eek.

So here's to a few more days of waiting to find out where to go from here.

Resuming TTC this cycle!

So, I told myself a few weeks ago that if my Opera Career did not take off this year, this would be the year for *hopefully* starting a Family. I found out this past Monday that I will not be part of any Young Artist or Resident Artist programs for this upcoming season, and therefore have a window of opportunity to try again.

As far as my Period Tracker app is concerned, my "little flower" appears this upcoming Wednesday, with the little green dots beginning today... sooooo that means it's time to BD!!! I was hoping to BD at least every other day from now thru the 21st. I am not too sure how successful this cycle will be, considering that I just had my MC 2 months ago, and some OB/GYNs recommend waiting 3 cycles before TTCing again... but mine said to wait for one normal period, and then try again (if we wanted to). I had my period already, and feel emotionally ready to try again...

Hopefully I'll have more to report now... ever since my MC, I must admit, I haven't even been frequenting the site as much as I was. I am just now starting to feel like my old self again... :)

So let's keep our fingers crossed for some GOOD NEWS again soon...

Finally....

Ok, so I was full of crap in my last post when I said I was ovulating. I wasn't and I think I was just reading too much into things. Call it wishful thinking. I hate to be the boy who cried wolf, but I'm gonna say it again.........I think I am ovulating.

Hopefully I won't eat my words :P

The last few days my eyes were crossing because I couldn't subjectively interpret the results of a OPK. I have been using internet cheapies for months, and while they are friendly on the wallet, they cause nothing but a headache. Again, wishful thinking takes over and I start thinking everything is positive. Anyway, I had enough and was tired of being tortured with "which line is darker?" debate (and so was Mr. PB&J) so I ran to Wal-mart and splurged on a box of Clear Blue Easy OPKs. You know, the kind that give you a smiley face if it's positive. No lines to interpret, no guessing game, just black and white results.

Well guess what kids, I took my first digital OPK test today and I got this.....

I guess you know what we will be doing tonight ;)

PB&J Bud

Big Day!

Today has been a busy one!

The card I sent to my parents to let them know about their upcoming grandbaby arrived today. The beans are officially spilled! Once I got off the phone with them, I sent an ultrasound picture to the other members of our immediate families to let them in on the news. So far everyone seems to be really excited. Still haven't heard from a few people, hoping we hear soon so we can know its OK to tell additional people. Trying to avoid something being posted on Facebook or the like before certain people we want to know before the masses find out. The best part of all the bean spilling conversations so far was talking with my mom. I'd been worried for awhile that they might not be able to come out here when the baby arrives since finances are tight with them...and she made it clear she was planning on a visit. Yay!

The other reason today is a big day is that if you go by the 40 weeks divided by 3 to get 3 trimesters...I'm there today (13 weeks 3 days). I'm honestly in shock that we've made it to this point. Back when we got the positive test, I honestly didn't think we'd make it to 6 weeks...making it to 2nd Tri feels like a miracle. So, so very thankful for every day that Baby Cactus Bud stays put.

I suppose I should also do a 13 week update since I haven't yet.

So far this week things are going well. Was wicked nauseous the other evening, but other than that, no nausea or morning sickness to speak of. I'm still pretty tired in the afternoons. I joke about it being "Group Naptime" now since at the NT Scan the baby was apparently napping and it was right when I usually sleep...plus our dog always is game to join in on the napping, lol.

I do have two new and notable symptoms this past week though. Well, perhaps I should call them possible symptoms as I'm not positive that they were what I think they were. I'm pretty sure two different nights this week I've felt movement. It was really faint and very fleeting. Sort of felt like a bug running inside of my uterus. Not sure why everyone else gets butterfly flutters for a visual and I get one of a June Bug...but there ya have it. Both times it was at bedtime as I was relaxing with a book. The other notable possible symptom was possible Braxton Hicks contractions. I was a bad girl the other day and was a slacker with my water intake, and had a pretty notable cramp-like pain in one spot near my uterus. Put my hand on it and it was rock-hard. It went away like a minute later, but returned for a bit soon after. Anyone out there think either of these descriptions could be movement or Braxton Hicks?

No big changes with the other stuff I usually include in my weekly update. Definitely the high points of this week have been today: Telling our loved ones and moving on to 2nd Tri.

Hope all is well with everyone!

Take care,
Cactus Bud

So Sorry for being MIA!!!!

First I would like to say how sorry I am for being so MIA for the last few weeks! Between our Disneyland vacation and moving into our new home I have not had Internet for awhile but good news I am back with tons of great updates!

Where to begin? We decided to break the news to my mother the day before we left on our vacation. Since we were driving to Disneyland (9hour drive) and I was already beginning to run to the bathroom a little more often then I usually do we figured it would make more sense. The night before we left we gave my mom a little present. We told her it was just a thank you for the trip. We found the perfect card for here, it read: Front: It was never a matter of if, it was always a matter of when inside: Congratulations. We then wrote in big capital letters GRANDMA! As she read the card she looked confused as soon as she read the grandma part she looked at me and asked if I was serious. I smiled and nodded and she instantly burst into tears! She was hugging me and Mr. DB before she even opened the present of a onesie with the words grandma loves me on the front. It truly was the perfect moment!
Our Disneyland trip was the perfect celebration for us all. Although it was a little disappointing not being able to go on any of the fun big kid rides. No Space Mountain, No Thunder Mountain, No Matterhorn, No Indiana Jones. But I still had a great time. I couldn't help but rub my belly thinking of what it will be like to bring our little baby Determined Bud back.
Once we returned we had our first appointment with my fertility specialist. I was so excited to see our little one! He/She looked perfect, based on the size they said I was 6w5d that was on 4/4, so I am 7w5d today! Due Date November 23rd, 2011. Words cannot describe how I felt seeing baby DB!
As for my symptoms I am definitely feeling bloated, I get nauseous here and there, I am tired ALL the time, my breast have grown 2 cups sizes and hurt all the time, and of course I feel like I have to use the restroom every few minutes. But so far I am kinda loving it, its truly solidifying that I am growing tiny human inside of me. Which is truly amazing in every way.
Tomorrow is my first prenatal appointment with my OBGYN. So fingers crossed everything is still great! I can't wait to see my little one again!

Well hello ovulation.

At least I think that's what this is. I have been feeling some twinges on my lower right side (which I don't typically notice ovulation pain) and the OPK I took earlier today is SUPER dark. It's not quite positive, but I am thinking that if I take another OPK later in the day it will be. The best sign that ovulation is impending is my cervix is high and soft and holy crap, I had EWCM that probably could have stretched for a mile. No joke. I have never seen it like that! Hopefully all signs are correct, and my body is gearing up to ovulate. And maybe even today!! That would be a welcomed change since I am currently on CD 13 and I typically ovulate somewhere around CD 25-27.

The only downfall to my theory is my chart is whacked out this month. Seriously. My temps are all over the place. So much so Fertility Friend gave me cross hairs on CD 10. What??! Umm, I fairly confident I didn't ovulate on CD 10. And if I did, I am screwed since there is no chance we caught the egg. But yeah, I am pretty sure I didn't ovulate then.

Fingers crossed that I ovulate in the near future. I am hopeful that ovulating on CD 14 vs CD 27 will be the change I need to get KU!

I want another one of these.....

Yep, I AW Little PB&J Bud every chance I get :)

PB&J Bud

MIA - 9 weeks

I know, I know, I’ve been MIA.  But I have good excuses, really.  Five+ Doctor appointments, end of the quarter at school, and a trip to the ER have meant not a lot of time for blogging.  (And I’ll get there, but yes, everything is fine.)


Since I last posted, we had our ultrasound and were able to find Baby Teacher Bud’s heartbeat.  I was so relieved, and yes, I cried.  That weekend we went down to where our parents live (about an hour away), and told all 3 sets.  The reactions were about how we expected.  Everyone was shocked, but excited.


Since then, life has been a whirlwind.  I’ve had bad “morning” sickness.  Which is really “all day, worst in the evenings, can’t keep anything down” sickness.  I haven’t wanted to spend a whole lot of time on the computer, opting instead for the couch.


The few times I was on my computer, I’ve been actually working.  As I mentioned earlier, our quarter ended at school last week.  This meant a flood of missing work for me to grade, having to post grades and comments to report cards, and making my classroom presentable for parent teacher conferences.


There was some fun in there as well.  I used one of our days without students to announce to the teachers at my school.  I know it’s still early, but our school is so small (about 10 teachers) that we are a really, really close bunch.  Honestly, with most of us meeting this year, it’s been like magic, we just clicked and I consider all of them really good friends, not just coworkers.  Everyone knew about our struggles to conceive, and had been very supportive.  With all the time off I had to take for appointments, I was very lucky to have their support.  Everyone was really excited, and they even bought a “welcome baby” cake, and a stuffed duck that has been keeping me company on the couch.


After parent/teacher conferences, I was at week 8, and that was when the morning sickness became really bad.  We’re talking, lay on the couch, send Mr. Teacher Bud out for popsicles and slimfast because they are all I can keep down, and still throw up 5-6 times a day bad.  I really wanted to avoid drug though.  I can’t even really explain why, but through a week of that (thank goodness for spring break,) I was sure, that if I just rested, and ate my popsicles and slimfast, I could make it through.  I tried B6 after my rheumatologist threatened me with IV fluids, but even that only helped so much.  It got to the point where I was throwing up so much that my stomach and back muscles ached constantly.  Eating just made that pain worse.


Finally, last night, the pain was so bad, that I was afraid to try to eat anything.  At the same time, I stopped being able to keep down my meager, liquid diet.  I broke down and called the on-call doc at my OB’s office, but all they would tell me was to go to the ER.  So that’s where I was until 5am this morning.


They gave me 2 bags of IV fluids, and 2 rounds of IV zofran, but I was so dehydrated that even with that I still felt sick.  They gave me benedryl and raglan which finally gave me enough relief to be able to sleep and keep down fluids.  So now, I am home, and Mr. TB is on his wa back from the pharmacy with a prescription for Zofran.  I’ll call my OB on Monday, but for now, I’ll take the drugs.


I’m at 9 weeks right now, so hopefully it won’t be too long before we can enter the 2nd tri, and put all of this behind us.  Unfortunately, I’m not so sure.  One of the benefits of telling our parents is that I can ask my mom all sorts of questions about her pregnancy.  Unfortunately, it was not all good news – she dealt with morning sickness for the first 5 months!  Oh please let that not be me…


Until next time,

Teacher Bud

EDIT:  I feel like I was whining, which may have also been part of why I hadn't posted.  I am thrilled to be pregnant, m/s an all.  I know how hard it can be to want so much to be pregnant, and to see other people complain about the symptoms you would give anything for, and I never wanted to be that whining person.  My thoughts go out to all of the buds still trying.  I know there's no good thing to say, but there it is. 

I've Been MIA--Updates Galore!

I have to apologize for being MIA over the past few weeks. Work has been nuts, and I've been running around nonstop trying to get stuff done at home too (in between work travel and personal travel). It's been overwhelming at times. So I'll get you updated, and now that I have a new laptop, I'll be updating you far more often :)

Baby is doing great! I'm 16 weeks, 5 days today. We had our 15 week appointment two weeks ago, and talked about nutrition (I'm doing well but need to eat more veggies), the midwife answered some questions we had, and then we got to hear the heartbeat again (150's). Our anatomy scan is scheduled for April 20, at 8am. We're still team green, but are looking very forward to seeing Magnolia Bud v2.0 again. Especially because it may be our last ultrasound until we meet him or her in September if everything continues to go well. I am starting to get concerned that the ultrasound will show a shorter cervical length than we'd like, because my LEEP was still less than a year ago. But there's nothing we can do about it between now and the ultrasound, so I'm trying not to think about it and not to worry.

We've been thinking about working on our registries, so after our 15 week appointment, we went to the birth center's store and tried on some baby carriers. We both loved the Moby, and even Mr. Magnolia Bud was able to get it tied properly after one try. We also loved the Ergo, and think those two will work well for our family. We're going to be spending some serious time working on the registry this week and next week.

Around the house, Mr. MB has started painting the baby's room. We chose Sherwin Williams 6764, Swimming, as the wall color, and are leaving the trim and ceiling white. The first coat is done, and Mr. MB will finish the second coat later this week when I'm out of town. He's also going to be painting our bathroom and the guest room while I'm out of town--so all we'll have left before MB2.0 gets here is our room, the hallway, MB2.0's bathroom, and our fourth bedroom. Haha, now that it's in writing, it sure seems like a lot!

In terms of baby gear, I told you a while back that we bought our co-sleeper, right? Mr. MB set it up in our room to see how it looks, and it's become a permanent sleeping place for one of our cats. Our room is huge--stretches across the entire front of our house, and it doesn't have much in it but our bed and nightstands--so the co-sleeper isn't in the way. Knowing that, we're just going to keep it up for now. We're borrowing a crib from our best friends, and Mr. MB set that up in the baby's room to make sure all the parts were there and get it cleaned.

We set a date for one of my showers--Mr. MB's family is throwing us one on July 31, when I'll be 33 weeks. My mother in law is so excited about anything baby--it's really cute. She's already called all of her friends to tell them to save the date, and she's going to be sending out invites at the end of next month. I don't think my mom is throwing us one anymore, which is fine with us--I'd much rather her put her effort into one great one for my sister, since she's only having one.

Otherwise, I'm feeling great. I have my energy back, the weather is great (70's-80's and sunny most days), my job is overwhelming but I'm doing fairly well at it, and I can eat again. I've started gaining weight (up 5lbs from pre-pregnancy), my nutrition is on track, and we've started reading childbirth books. Our birth classes (8-week series at the birth center) start May 2, and will be every Monday night from 7:30-10pm. We also signed up for a breastfeeding class at the birth center on September 1, and a Baby Care Basics class at the Women's Hospital near our house in July.

Hope you're all doing well! I'm loving reading about all of my fellow Buds' journeys.
Lots of love, Magnolia Bud

NT Scan

For those that aren't familiar with what the NT (Nuchal Transluceny) Scan is, basically its a tool that can be used to check for problems in the fetus. People generally think of it in relation to detection of Downs Syndrome (Trisomy 21), but it can also pick up on other chromosonal and nural tube defects. Some examples of things that might be found in addition to Trisomy 21 are: Trisomies 13 or 18, Anencephaly, Hydrocephalus, & Omphalocele. Some of these conditions are or can be so severe that the baby will not be compatible with life. In many cases there is a high likelihood that the baby will not survive to term.

At the NT Scan they are focusing on a small area of fluid on the back of the babies neck (the nuchal fold). Studies have found that the thickness of this fold, when measured between 11 weeks and 14 weeks, is a good indicator of the likelihood of a chromosonal problem. Measurements of less than 2.5mm are good, 2.5-3mm are borderline. Greater than 3mm is generally not good news. They also look for the presence/abscence of nasal bones as this is another good indicator of a problem.

Gonna cut straight to the good news: Baby still has a heartbeat & everything looked good on the scan. Measurement was 1.2! We got to hear the heartbeat for the first time today too (albeit machine generated), 158bpm. My husband was able to join me as well. This was his first time seeing the little bugger.


The tech really buzzed around checking all sorts of things I didn't expect. Some things we learned: All 4 limbs are present and accounted for (can even make out bones in forearm in one of the pics), both hemispheres of the brain are there, as is a skull, nose has bones, baby has a stomach, heart looked good, placenta looked good and seemed to have good flow, placenta is posterior, & my cervix looks good. There is probably more that she checked that I'm forgetting, but that's the basics. Basically in a few short minutes, we got some visual confirmation to help rule out many of the potentially fatal conditions I listed in the first paragraph.


I'm not going to include a picture because honestly they didn't come out very clear. The one I included in my post from last weeks ultrasound was so much clearer. That one was only a week ago, so there really hasn't been much change in how the baby looks.

I didn't get to hear how the blood test results measured up today. My blood draw was done at my normal hospital and the u/s was done at another hospital (tech that does NT scans at my hospital is deployed right now...gotta love going to a military hospital). Todays results will be forwarded to my doctor and my doctor will get back to me with results (no idea when...but I'll call next week to see what's up if I don't hear first). The tech did say though that the u/s didn't show anything of concern, so that's good news. I guess I'll be doing a second blood draw at my next appointment (16w) as well. Comparing the results to last weeks draw gives them even more info.

I'll let you all know what I find out when they get the results to me.

9 week Update

Baby Buttercup Bud and I are 9 weeks today, yay! I am not sure if I have gained any weight yet because we don't have a scale at home. My nausea seems to have calmed down a bit. I haven't thrown up in a whole week!

Yesterday was a little scary for the Buttercup Bud family. It was my first day of my last quarter of culinary school. I am standing in the kitchen listening to my chef speak before we begin cooking and I start to feel light headed. I stand there a little bit and my eyes start to go black. So to avoid making a scene in the kitchen, I decided it would be a great idea to run to the bathroom. Luckily, I did make it to the bathroom before passing out in a stall. Awesome! Fortunately for me someone walked in a few minutes after and she informed my chef, and stayed with me until Mr. Buttercup Bud could pick me up.

I called the midwives and they recommended I head right to the ER. I was taken back to triage where my blood pressure was 88/50. I normally run low blood pressure but not that low. The nurse took us back to a room and got all my information, drew blood and hooked me up to and IV to get me some fluids. The doctor came in and did an ultrasound and Baby Buttercup Bud looked perfect, phew!

Luckily I just has a drop in blood pressure so once I received fluids and slept a little bit I could go home. Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do about low blood pressure. The only thing I can do is warn someone if I feel faint so they can be there to help me.

Today I relaxed and did some cleaning, I also got ready for class tomorrow, 6am to 12pm! Awesome, I get to wake up at 4:30 am! Hopefully I can make it through this class without passing out.

I am very excited to get into the double digits of my pregnancy next week. Until then, I hope my fellow buds are doing well.

-Buttercup Bud

Hoping & Praying

So I must apologize for not posting last week :( I know bad. However, I was trying not to stress myself or think about things to much. I was suppose to get my cycle again and I haven't yet... I don't even have any signs that I am gonna get it. I normally have soar breasts and feel bloated. Now I know it's common for PCOS to cause you not to have a cycle every time, but even when I don't get it I sure feel bloated and bad... and I don't this time around. So I thought that strange.

Then I went to the bead shop I tend to go to on Fridays (not this last one but the one before) and I think 3 ladies there asked if I was pregnant?! Say what. I haven't talked to them about it... only lady I talked about it with is the owner. She just gave me that look... I just told them I was trying and left it at that. But the next day when I went another lady asked me... all I could think is am I really that fat - which actually slipped out of my mouth :s and the lady said no you just look so happy and bright and I can't remember the other word she used.

All of this had me on edge... and over thinking things. Trying to compare how I felt the first time I was pregnant to how I felt now. And it just had me going bananas. So I decided not to think about it as much as possible... easier said then done that's for sure. Well, this week I went to the bead shop again and another lady asked me... argh. Then on Saturday my husband said what happened to your eyes... puzzled I said why what's wrong. He said they are changing colors... which did happen that last time I was pregnant. I don't know why they did or if it is that common... I mean did anyone else have this happen?

photo credit
Anyways either way it had me wondering cause Mr. Cupcake Bud thinks my boobs feel fuller (?) lol [leave it to him to notice that], and that they feel different in general, and I've felt off and on pains down in my woman parts... sorta like cramping but not exactly. I mean it could be that I am or it could be something else.

I fell asleep while the lady was doing my nails and I've had days where I feel tired more than others. I don't have much of an appetite and when I eat I have to force myself to finish. I mean there are a few things that make me wonder what is going on. Either way I decided I needed to go in an have a blood test done... I know most of you would say hey do an at home one.

But honestly I have wasted so much money on those things and I just don't feel like farting around with them because sometimes they don't show up right and it is very common for them not to show up right for ladies with PCOS. And I just want to know.

So wonderful Mr. Cupcake Bud scheduled for me to go in tomorrow to have a blood one done. So we will see. Then after I get the results from that I will go from there. Cause either I will be scheduling an appointment cause I need prenatal care or I will be going in to see what is going on with me...

Despite wanting to wait a few months to get pregnant... I really hope and pray that I am pregnant. Otherwise what is going on here.

IF Whirlwind

It has been quite and interesting few days since I last posted. I have spent the last few days on the verge of tears. There were even a couple days where I didn't make it out of bed. I was beside myself that our treatment was being pushed back so far. I was sure our chances of getting pregnant during 2011 was totally shot.

Then AF showed up two days early on Saturday. It made my depressed mood even lower. It was Mr. Planner bud's birthday on Sunday and I wanted more than anything to give a BFP, or at least some sexy time. I also thought that this completely shot our chances of doing anything this cycle.

This morning I called my office to let them know I was on CD 3 and see if we could do anything this cycle. The nurse told me she would talk to the doctor, but probably not.

Fast forward to 3:30 today. I get another call from the office. It was the insurance liaison saying that our petition for IVF got okayed for three cycles. I was through the roof. I still thought it meant that we would be out this cycle, but at least we had a great plan. I called the nurse to see if we could possible start today, even though I am on CD3 and not CD1. The answer was YES, pick up your BCP in a couple hours. We are beginning this cycle.

I am beyond excited that we actually have a real chance to try for a child. I know that it may not work out time one, but at least I will know. By the end of this year, I will know whether we can have a child or think about adoption.

Made it Halfway & other baby things

This Wednesday I will be 22 weeks!

Baby Sassy Bud is the size of a banana this week.

Photo Credit

I have been feeling movement regularly for a while now. I think I can feel it from the outside but Mr. Sassy Bud hasn't gotten his hand there in time to feel it yet. Her kicks are definitely getting stronger now.

We have also made some baby purchases over the past few weeks. We got our nursery set. It's the Nursery Smart Chelsea collection:

Photo Credit

We got a great deal on it from cribs.com. I have also started my cloth diaper stash. I'll save that for another later post but I got a ton of hand me downs along with some great sales on a few different CD sites.

Things have been crazy lately due to my law school semester ending (finals!!) and tax season but I'm sure I'll have lots of fun stuff to share in the near future. Stay tuned!

12 Weeks!

(Image source: http://tinyurl.com/mua5ws )

By now, nearly all of your baby's organs, structures and systems are fully formed. The heart begins pumping several quarts of blood through your baby's body every day. Your baby has also begun to develop nerves and a spinal cord, allowing him to feel some types of pain. While your baby's brain is not the same size it will be at birth, it does have the same structure. Fingers and toes have separated and hair and nails continue to grow. Your baby is approximately 2.5 - 3.5 inches and weighs about 12 - 14 grams.

Also, the external genitals can now show definite signs of male and female gender. Before, where there was only reflex movement, your baby now moves spontaneously and at random, although his movements are still too slight to be felt. With the use of a Doppler, you may be able to hear your baby's heart beat at this office visit. It will sound very fast, similar to the sound of a running horse's hooves. Once you hear this sound, you can rest assured that your risk of miscarriage is greatly reduced. (Source: http://tinyurl.com/4ygshag )

How far along: 12 weeks

Total weight change: +3

Maternity clothes: I finally pulled the trigger and got some. I'm not in them constantly, but man are they comfy!

Stretch Marks: No

Movement: Not that I can feel

Sleep: Generally sleeping pretty well

Best Moment This Past Week: The best moment in the past week was, hands down, getting to see Baby Cactus Bud during an ultrasound. I think I exhaled for the first time in a loooong time when I saw the flicker of a heartbeat and the wiggling around. It really made it real to me that there might actually be a baby at the end of this journey.

Most Difficult Moment This Past Week: The most difficult moment in the past week was, hands down, the days leading up to the ultrasound. For some reason I was pretty zen the day of and day before (kind of a 'what will be, will be..at least I'll finally know' attitude), but the days before that I was a mess. The day of I was really nervous from when I walked into the building until the ultrasound. My blood pressure was even about 15 points higher than usual (its usually super low), I actually commented on that to the nurse.

Belly Button In or Out: Definitely still in

Cravings/Aversions: Dairy. I'm a milk fiend! Trying to steer clear of ice cream (its my weakness and I've been told to keep the weight gain on the low side). Instead I'm downing milk, cheese & today even pudding like its going out of style.

Symptoms: Aside from some notable nausea today, I've not had morning sickness in the last week. The boobs have been pretty tender today. I'm wondering if they might be about to grow again. Am hoping they keep growing to a minimum as they were a D to start with. Fingers crossed on that one! I've been having round ligament pain a little more regularly. Best of all, I haven't spotted from the ultrasound and attempted pap last week. I have no idea how this is possible as a BM can bring on spotting with me sometimes and I saw the samplers she was using in there and they looked like something out of a horror movie. You know what though, I'll take it! Adding on some symptoms a few days after posting this. I've noticed a pretty major change in my symptoms as this week has gone on. The growth cramps in my ute are much more frequent (every 36ish hours instead of once a week). My boobs are tender as anything and I'm pushing the limits of what my current bra can take, ordered band extenders yesterday. I've also noticed I'm getting tired as anything in the afternoon, and I rarely had pregnancy coma before now. Pretty sure the bambino has reached the developmental transition into 2nd Tri :-D

What I'm Looking Forward To: The NT Scan on Thursday and telling family. I'm planning on sending out an Easter card to my parents with a note on it saying something to the effect of "It seemed fitting to celebrate a day that is about a miracle by telling you that another miracle is on its way" and then signing it with our names and Baby Lastname (expected mid-October). Will probably put a little arrow or something to the date to say Happy Birthday to my mom. Her 55th birthday is just a few days before our EDD. Planning on getting that card in the mail the day of the NT scan. Once they've called me so I know they know, we'll tell the rest of our immediate family via email (Mr CB has said he's OK with his two sets of parents finding out via email). We're telling most of our family and close friends via email because we live thousands of miles away from everyone. So hard to believe that we're less than a week away from spilling the beans!

Take care,