Each year I have a goal to learn something new and to travel someplace new as well which has pushed me to expand my knowledge and talents and get to see some fun places. So I am putting becoming a certified Doula as meeting the "learn something new" goal I have. I have been loving the library lately becuase I can get as many books as I want on infertility and also on training to become a doula. Maybe becoming a doula is my way of coping or deflecting my obsessiveness about not being pregnant or doing any IVF.
I think it is facinating to learn about the pregnancy, birth and postpartem periods of having a baby maybe it fills that void of not having one. Strangely it doesn't make me sad to be reading, watching videos or talking about birth/babies. I will definately be very prepared when I do get pregnant and get ready to give birth that is for sure!!
I recently spoke with an older friend that I learned she had infertility issues as well but was from Japan and started her fertility treatments there and the different experiences she had with the various doctors. Also how she coped with not being able to get pregnant and not being able to even hold a baby without her breaking down in tears. It was interesting to compare our feelings and how we react to the same issues similarly or differently. I think I like to push myself into the uncomfortable situations like going to baby showers, holding babies, talking about our problems and chatting about how cute everyone's babies are becuase it makes me continue on with my life and not have the focus be on Mr. EB's and I's "Problem". For me I am a happier person when I can push forward through the tough stuff and at least fake it till I make it on the otherside of being happy with my life.
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