January 2, 2011

Why I outed myself

After spending much time on a variety of TTC, TTTC, and IF boards online, I realized I am significantly in the minority. It isn't because I am in about the 10% in my age group unable to get pregnant for no reason. It is because the majority of my family, as well as my close friends and some co-workers know that we are having difficulty conceiving and are seeking IF treatment. I am definitely one of a small number of women that I have met on the boards that is this open and I wouldn't take it back at all. My reasons for letting everyone know in general is simply I am very open person. All my family and friends knew that Mr. Planner Bud and I wanted children early in our marriage, so I definitely expected the "When?" question soon after our marriage. I had no problem telling them "Soon". Sadly, we realized soon wasn't coming soon enough and I began to think about who I should tell and how. I started with my family.

My mother and I have always been incredibly close and she quickly began to notice how upset I was month after month. It wasn't until about 6 months of trying that I really opened up her and talked about all the things I have learned about my body and myself. I felt a huge weight lift of my shoulders. I was finally able to open to someone in person. The boards were great, but the person-to-person contact was missing. I let her know that it was okay for the rest of my family to know if they asked questions. I know my aunt and her talk about grandchildren often. It never crossed my mind to keep this private from my small, but close family. The support I
gained over this past cycle supports this decision even more.

When I first started TTC, one of my friends was as well. We became a support for each other early. It was great to have someone in the same boat, until she got pregnant a few months in. It was difficult, but she was still there. I also have a super close friend at work who I have been very open with. She is the one I go to when AF shows up mid-day and I need to cry, she is the one who is by my side for every baby announcement at work (and there are many...damn fertile faculty).

My IF has even began a new relationship with a co-worker. Sensing that I could be dealing with IF, she reached out via private message on Facebook. Even though she is nearing the end of her journey, she is more than willing to answer my inane questions and fears.

This leads me to my most difficult decision: What do I do about IF and work? I am a teacher so if I have to come in late or leave in the middle of the day, I need to have someone to cover for me. Also with economy the way it is, cuts are imminent at the end of the year. For these reasons, I felt it was important that my principals and team leaders knew what was going on.

After getting my dx of IF, I set up a meeting with the principal and explain that we are struggling with IF and will need to go for treatment. Luckily there have been others dealing with this issue (including the friend who reached out to me). He just asked that I try to schedule the appointments with a thought about my schedule and try to get coverage within the building. This lead me to talking to my team leaders. Both of these people I am very close to and both knew that we were having difficulty.

Though many people are now involved in our IF journey, I wouldn't have it any other way. I have amazing support group around me and I am very lucky. I know for many women this is an incredibly private problem, to them I say try to find a support group. It doesn't have to be as open as mine; it could be a single friend or a RESOLVE support group. Either way, it is beyond helpful to have someone to turn to.



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