September 29, 2010

I really want to know

What I did to deserve all the bad things happening to me lately.

I went in for my baseline appointment today to start my injection cycle. I have a 4cm (40mm) cyst.

CANCELED.

I have no shame. I burst into tears right there in the middle of the ultrasound before she even told me. I knew going in that something was wrong. My period is incredibly heavy and thick and full of very large clots. My fear was that my fibroid was back. Having a cyst was in the back of my mind due to the pain I'd had during ovulation and the very low progesterone number. Even though I had the feeling that something wasn't right, I still wasn't prepared to hear that it was actually true and we would be canceled until the cyst resolves itself. However long that is going to take.

I'm having such a hard time right now. It feels like absolutely nothing is going right and I don't understand what I did to deserve all of this. I just stayed in bed all day today and cried.

The nurse said we could try on our own this month and it took a lot of willpower not to laugh in her face. Really? Try on my own? BWAHAHAHAHAHAH. The whole reason we are doing the injections is because I can't get pregnant on my own.

And then she followed that up with telling us that the risk of miscarriage is higher because of the cyst.

Just another step closer to throwing in the towel and being done with all of this crap.

4 comments:

Silver Rose said...

Oh no! On top of it all, cysts suck! Especially if they burst. :( Big hugs coming your way!

June Bud said...

Keep your head up. I am thinking about you right now!!!! Isn't it GREAT when people tell us to just try on our own? I can't tell you how many people tell me that and I want to laugh in their face.

Worry Bud said...

I'm so sorry SB...big hugs being sent your way.

Fitness Bud said...

Gosh, I am so so sorry. :( I am just catching up on the blog, and I can literally feel your heartbreak. :( I wish there was something I could say to make it better, but just know that you are NOT alone, and that you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

 

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