Dusting off memories

Sometimes it's tough coming here and reading about the pregnant Buds. A couple months ago I could not have read these posts at all. I never ventured beyond the Miscarriage/Loss board on the Bump. I couldn't even bring myself to look at the Infertility boards until after my second D&C was scheduled. Thank goodness I'm terrible with dates and numbers, so I quickly lost track of how many weeks pregnant I would have been on a given day. But when I come here I recall that Dandelion Bud and I had our BFPs around the same time and yeah, it makes me sad, but I've come a long way since May. I am seeing signs of life.

This weekend I peeked at the few pregnancy supplies that I'd stashed away after our loss. I'd collected some pregnancy books from the RE, OB, and Costco. I'd purchased a Doppler (found the HB at 10 weeks). And I'd ordered a few cute stuffed animals on Etsy. Everything is still concealed until I get my BFP.

On a more positive note, we have a few important milestones this week in our donor cycle.

• I started my Lupron shots and took my last birth control pill.
• Mr. GB is headed to our RE's local office tomorrow to sign consent forms and make our final payment of $14,800 for this cycle. (We've already put down a $5k deposit and paid about $1800 for donor meds. We'd owe another $2k if our RE hadn't waived our coordination fee. And to think we've already done a donor cycle once before. Ouch.)
• Thursday is my suppression check and the official start of my donor cycle. Assuming I have no cysts, I'll start wearing my estrogen patches and go back for 2 appointments to check my lining thickness and estrogen levels.

Going in for my suppression check Thursday is going to be bittersweet. The last time I was at the RE's local office, I was pregnant and hugging everyone goodbye. I didn't expect to see them so soon. I hope I can hold it together.