April 15, 2010

Let the Sun shine down

You’re never alone in a sea of sunflowers. I’m Sunflower Bud and my favorite flower is the sunflower. You very rarely see a lone sunflower growing alone. You most often see a whole sea of them supporting each other. Always facing the sun and reaching for it with all their might. Basking in the warmth and brightness. Hoping. Always hoping.

I’m a 33 year old mother to the most wonderful 2 year old in the world. She’s bright and caring and funny and beautiful and wise beyond her years. She’s everything I could ever want in a child and so much more. Because of how blessed we are to have such a child, naturally we want more!

We have been TTC our second child since March 2009. Since our daughter wasn’t planned, I naively thought our second would be just as easy. I was wrong. Very wrong. After 9 months of charting and seeing that I was ovulating normally but not having any other fertile signs, I went to my OB/GYN. She looked over my charts and agreed that I “should” have gotten pregnant by now. She ran the usual gamut of tests and everything came back normal. She assumed that while I was ovulating normally, perhaps my eggs weren’t the best quality. So onward to Clomid! I responded QUITE well to 50mg of Clomid. My progesterone levels jumped to 45 and 55 both months I took Clomid. Yay! She was positive I was releasing more than 1 egg. So why wasn’t I getting pregnant?

Next up came the SHG. I had already had an HSG a few months before my daughter was conceived (long long long story involving an ex-husband and a different chapter in my life) due to trouble conceiving and it was crystal clear (and VERY painful!). The SHG, on the other hand, painless. Just some discomfort from the insertion of the speculum but I encounter that when I get my PAP so it wasn’t much different. Dr. L immediately saw a massive fibroid that was taking up approximately 75% of my uterus. So out it needed to come! I went in for a hysteroscopic myomectomy to have it removed. While in there, she was surprised that she didn’t immediately see the fibroid considering it’s size. It was covered by a lot of scar tissue that was spider webbed all across my uterus! She believes that the fibroid was there, but very small, when I had my c-section and the sweep that the OB/GYN did to make sure the placenta was out, caused the scar tissue to form over the fibroid. Meanwhile, the fibroid just continued to grow in size underneath all the scar tissue over the next 2 years. She equated my ability to implant as “trying to climb the Himalayas and find a nice soft grassy patch to land in…. or basically impossible.”

Here we are 2 months later and I am moving on to an RE and seeing where we can go from here.

Like the sunflower, I know I am not alone. I am just one in a sea of them… being supported…. Hoping…. Reaching.



Bloomin' Babies Copyright 2010 All Rights Reserved Bloomin' Babies Designed by Kate M. Gilbert