Day 3.5 of stims and all is... well....

So, today is day 3.5 of stims (i started friday night, and except for that night when I took the whole dose at once, starting saturday morning i've done gonal 2x a day). I can't believe how quickly I felt side effects this time. GI symptoms, headaches by the end of day 1... and i can definitely feel activity in my ovaries since day 2. I didn't feel this for a few more days last time... but here I am, day 3.5 and already feeling a little bloated and crampy in my ovaries.

Tomorrow morning is my first monitoring appointment and i'm nervous. I'm scared i'm going to see that same look of disappointment on Dr Z's face when I go in for my ultrasound.... that look that says "something is wrong here". That the phone call I get with my blood work results will have the same panic, with an E2 level in the toilet.

I KNOW that's not going to happen. Feeling all of these symptoms this soon tells me that. But the little tiny irrational part of me that I can't beat back still whispers in the back of my head....

I scheduled an extra acu session for this week... i'll do some extra meditation... i'm wearing penguin socks... i have more lucky charms ON me than in a cereal box:

• The beautiful fertility charm from Taiwan, sent to me by Jenny
  
• The rose quartz shaped like a heart from Lani
• The St Gerard medal, given to me by a concerned coworker

I know it sounds really silly... It's not a beta. It's not my retrieval.. it's not even my transfer. It's just my first monitoring appointment of the cycle.

Can you guys just send me some positive thoughts for the morning?