March 21, 2012

The story I'm not ready to tell

I'm sorry guys, I really want to finish my birth story for you.  There was so much crazy, and with 20-20 hindsight, too many regrets.  I wrote some more of it down on paper, but when I get close to the actual events, the fetal fibronectin test, my hospital stay, the late decels, the low heart rates where we thought we were going to lose him, the semi-emergent cesarean, the 3 weeks in the NICU - it just gets to be too much.

Last week I went to the doctor, finally.  After talking for a little while, she diagnosed my with PPD and PTSD.  She gave me recommendations of therapists, but right now no one I've called is accepting new patients.  I hope to come back and tell this story one day.  I feel like I need to.  But right now it just triggers too much anxiety.  I hope you understand.  I wish you all the best.
Teacher Bud.


Maeghan said...

While I wish that you could get in to see someone, I'm happy to see your doctor give you that diagnosis. While I was lucky and didn't suffer from PPD, I did suffer from PTSD but no one diagnosed me with that until I finally went and saw the Dr that delivered my baby (not my regular OB) Everyone else thought I was crazy since everything came out decent in the end, but it was a traumatic situation that I went through and no one listened. So, I hope that you have those that listen and I hope you can move forward some. It's been 2 years and I'm better, although gun shy for #2!


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