November 30, 2011

The Waiting Game.

Tomorrow will mark 3 weeks since we discovered our baby didn't have a heartbeat. Honestly, it feels like forever ago. There was denial (the doctor could be wrong, right?) numbness, and TONS of tears. I'll admit that I'm doing much better now, but tears still come to my eyes when I least expect it.

I opted for a natural miscarriage. A few friends were surprised to learn about my decision. In fact, one response was, "Dear God, bless you." Another friend asked, "Why?" I honestly could not answer. It was just what I wanted. I wanted (for once) my body to do something naturally. I wanted to be able to say goodbye to our child on "my" terms.

Sadly, that didn't work out. I never miscarried. I returned to my doctor this afternoon, and she told me that we could wait another week and see what happens. I chose to go ahead with the D&C. Not to sound cold- but, I'm ready to move forward and I feel like the longer we prolong this, the longer it will take to prepare my body for the FET.

My D&C is scheduled for Monday morning.

I was able to ask my RE a lot of questions pertaining to the FET (I'm obviously a planner). She said that we will transfer two embryos this time instead of one (we did one for our fresh cycle). She also told me that they are seeing a greater success with their FETs compared to their fresh cycles. She went on to explain that my body will be under much less stress, and she promised that our frozen embryos were of excellent quality.

I learned that they freeze the embryos in sets of two. And, I also learned that they don't freeze the "best of the best" together. Since my clinic is trying to reduce the number of multiple births, they freeze a "top notch" embryo with a mediocre embryo. Regardless, my RE told me that our chance of success is 53%. It was 50% for our fresh cycle. I'll take it!

Now- if only I could fast-forward til' February. Perhaps I should change my name to Impatient Bud!

-Bossy Bud


Explorer Bud said...

I feel like I am super impatient as well!! I think infertility brings out the crazy in all of us. Good luck with the D&C and I am glad you have a good support to help you through this tough time. Keeping my fingers crossed for those little snow babies!!

Curly Bud said...

Bossy, honey, I am so sorry about your MC. I can honestly say "I know how you feel." And trust me, it's not weird or crazy that you wanted to do it naturally - your reasons are sound. My first MC I did naturally as well. I believe it took about 3-3 1/2 weeks. The second I opted for cytotec because, like you, I wanted to go ahead and get it over with. Unfortunately it took 2 doses for it to work, and I ended up having to wait 3 weeks anyway. My advice on that? NEVER do the cytotec if you can help it. It was 10x worse than doing it naturally.

And those unexpected tears? I hate to tell you that it may take a while for that to get better. I still get depressed. (December 13 marks one year since my first BFP)But try to stay positive and KNOW that it will happen to you one day.

I don't know if you have one or not, but I found that creating a "baby box" really helped me to stay optimistic. It's filled with cute little outfits (for both genders), story books, etc.

You are not alone and one day soon we will both have the sweet bundles of joy that we so desire! Much luck and prayers to you!

Bossy Bud said...

Thank you so much for your positive thoughts and caring comments! They mean the world to me. :)


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