3.5 Weeks

So its been 3.5 weeks since it was for sure a failed cycle. I felt like I had come to terms with it not working, that we really were going to be doing nothing for the next year in terms of medically intervening with TTC and that we may not have kids for a while. Then of course I then had three baby blessings that we went to (which is great just makes me sad we don't have our own to bless), then my lovely knocked up cousin was there for two of those, just rubs in the envy (love it and my 17 year old cousin told her mom that she can't believe "the cousin" was keeping her baby becuase she would be a better mom than "the cousin" at 17, so true) and then we went to my in-laws and seeing them playing with my nephew mad me even sadder that we don't have any kids for them to love on. So pretty much I am back to a HUGE pity party and spend a lot of time in tears. Mr. Explorer is very supportive and says it is alright that I am a bit of a wreak again but that I will feel better and worse probably some more! It is nice to have someone just to let me be a big baby without trying to get me out of my funk, sometimes I just want to be sad!!

April Mr. Explorer Bud and I are going to get onto the healthy eating band wagon and back to working out. I am sure that will be helpful to get out of this pity party and feeling better about my weight and fitness levels! I think I will sign up for a Triathlon this summer so I have something to plan for and train for so I have something besides babies to obsess about. Poor Mr. Explorer Bud was going off our broken scale to gauge his weight gain and then he was out of town for the weekend and used the hotel scale and recieved a rude awakening, 20 lbs heavier than he thought he was!! This morning we mushed our bellies together to compete who has the ugliest fat belly!! He won when he made it look like a hairy butt crack!!

So I will be looking forward to April when I hopefully will stop thinking about babies or the lack thereof!