February 17, 2011

Mind Games

Sometimes its a challenge to stay optimistic about this pregnancy. Its gotten easier since passing the 5 week 1 day milestone last weekend, but its still challenging at times. Today has been one of those times.

I have had almost no symptoms at all today. I'm trying to convince myself its normal, I'm only 5 weeks 5 days afterall. I've heard that this early its pretty common for symptoms to come and go. Still doesn't stop my mind from going THERE. I think its pretty common for newly pregnant women to worry when the symptoms aren't there. Its taken to a whole new level though when you've had complete lack of symptoms be a pretty notable indicator of a previous loss. Its almost like a flashback that plays in my mind on days like today.

I had a good wave of queasiness come over me just before dinner, so I'm doing a lot better now. Thankfully.

Today aside, I've overall been doing better than before meeting our milestone. I've actually caught myself looking forward to things months down the road. Things like figuring out how we're going to tell our families (just my BFF knows so far). Every day that passes, I'm getting a little more optimistic. I'm trying my best to enjoy every day that I'm pregnant. I know how lucky I am that this little bugger seems to be sticking, and I'm thankful for that each and every day.

Still no word from our insurance. I called the doctors office to check if they'd heard anything on Weds and they hadn't heard yet. I'd just like to hear the verdict so I can move forward one way or another. I'd really like to get the first ultrasound scheduled. In theory the heartbeat is supposed to be starting in the little embreyo anytime now. I'd just like some confirmation that it is, in fact, beating. I'm worried that if I don't get something scheduled soon, particularly at the military hospital if I have to go there (its HUGE), that I might have trouble getting in.

Symptom Update:
Aside from todays non-symptoms, I've pretty much had bloat. The Girls have gotten a little more under control...which is odd...didn't really think they'd go back down. I've had bits of what I guess is supposed to be morning sickness. Thing is that I seem to get it in the evenings or middle of the night. I've been noticing the growth pains a little more frequently this week. I'm thinking its because I'm now beyond where my uterus has every grown before for gestation. Oh and a random observation from early this week is that I think I felt my corpus luteum doing its job. It was this dull ache right about where my left ovary would be.

My sleeping has been a DISASTER lately. Tossing and turning All.Night.Long. Overnight is when I seem to have most of the growing pains (do those have a name?), which keeps me awake. Its when the 'morning sickness' is at its worst (still nothing more than mild nausea). Its also when my mind races about things I'm worried about (finances, my job situation, the insurance stuff, us being 3000 miles away from our support system). Then when I do fall asleep I have screwy dreams. The one that woke me up from a dead sleep the other night was a dream that my husband abandoned me and the baby. I know he would never do that, I think its just my mind going into overdrive worrying about EVERYTHING.



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