1 year (and a little) of TTC

Since my TTC anniversary rolled around a couple weeks ago, I thought I would put forth some TTC numbers:
12.5 months TTC
381 days
14 cycles
13 BFN
63 negative OPK (I was a little POASaholic at the beginning)
9 positive OPK
39 nights of BDing
49 days of AF
10 days of Clomid
2 Ovidrel trigger shots
4 IUI (2 back to back)
At least 25 days of crying

Looking at all these numbers is a little strange and a little sad. It is also amazing how much these numbers have changed me.

The January 2010 me was (slightly obnoxiously) optimistic. I was confident that I would be pregnant in a matter of months and by the end of 2010 I would have my baby. I pitied those girls who have been TTC for months or even years and were starting or in the middle of IF treatments. I knew that wouldn't be me. Hell my cousin had children naturally when she was 38 and she has severe endometriosis. This who scenario is going to be a cinch. HA

The January 2011 me is a very different person. I will never say that I am glad we had to go through IF, but it definitely has changed me for the better. I want to think that I have a slightly more realistic view of the world and the struggles that it involves. I know I will appreciate every morning of morning sickness because I have worked so hard to attain it. I am more confident and I don't care so much about what people think about me. I am very open with my infertility treatments and our struggles. If I can make one person feel less alone in the world of IF then I am happy.

Looking back, I am not nearly as depressed as I thought I would be. Don't get me wrong, I would give everything I have to have a child right now. However I am get out of bed every morning. There were times that where I was incredibly depressed and could barely get out of bed, but I pulled myself out with the help of my fantastic support system.

I know I will have children and I am very confident that I will be able to get pregnant as well. My RE is very confident that it will happen within the year.

Message to January 2012 me: If you are pregnant or have your precious LO in your arms, REMEMBER what it took to get to this point. Savor every possible second, positive or negative. If you are not pregnant, keep your chin up your baby is out there somewhere. You have made it this far; you can do it!