November 23, 2010

One Month Out...

It's been one month today since my miscarriage. And I'm still feeling pretty blue. The week leading up to the miscarriage was really, really hard, but it seemed to get easier from there. About a week ago, I got really emotional again all of a sudden, and have stayed that way since. I'm crying at the drop of a hat again, I feel very detached from what's going on (at home and at work), and I've lost my appetite again.

We've told a few people now about our loss, and while they say all the right things when we tell them, nobody has asked since how I'm doing. Granted, they probably wouldn't like my answer a whole lot right now, but it would still be nice to be asked...

Mr. Magnolia Bud and I have decided to give it another week, and if I'm still feeling like this once we're back from our Thanksgiving travels, I'm going to call a therapist. Thanks to the profession I'm in, I feel lucky to have a referral line open to me 24/7, and am able to see a therapist for free when I need one. Honestly, until now I haven't felt so vulnerable, so alone, or so helpless in my entire life.

I'll leave you with two good things that have happened, despite the emotional roller-coaster. I've been traveling a lot for work. Two weeks ago, I was in Atlanta and was able to spend a long evening with one of my best friends. It was the first time I had met her son, who was such a joy to spend time with. He is such a happy baby, and she is so excited for us to be TTC. Last week, I was in D.C., and was able to reconnect with a dear friend. We've known each other since we were 14--freshman year of high school--and spent more hours together through high school and the first half of college than I would ever dare try to count. We lost touch after that (my fault), and it was incredibly good to reconnect last weekend. I hope it's the start of rebuilding our friendship.

In other news, I'm still waiting for AF to show, though I had a teeny bit of spotting over the weekend. My temps are still all over the place, and I wonder if AF showing will give me the closure I need to move on.



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