October 25, 2010

No More Waiting...

Well, it seems as though our waiting has come to an end. Baby Magnolia Bud wasn't meant to join us. I miscarried on Saturday afternoon.

Mr. MB and I had been preparing ourselves for it most of last week, especially after my betas came back Thursday (I was a wreck), and even more of one after our ultrasound Friday, so when it finally happened, I was just numb. Friday afternoon/evening I had increased bleeding and cramping, and then I cramped really badly on Saturday. We were in a little mountain town all weekend for some work meetings I had to attend, and we had been planning on spending Saturday afternoon hiking--the OB who saw me Friday said I could still go, just take it easy if I wasn't feeling well. Well, we only were able to manage one trail, and the whole time I felt sick to my stomach because the cramps were so bad. Once we got back to our hotel, I realized why :( The bleeding pretty much tapered off starting Saturday night, and has been pretty light since.

We're both still pretty numb (and realistically, I think I'm in a bit of denial), and I suspect I might lose it again after I talk with the nurse at our clinic this morning. She's supposed to be calling with my betas from Friday. I need to find out:
  • What happens next? I'm assuming I'll still go for my follow-up ultrasound on Friday to make sure everything passed naturally;
  • How long do we wait before we can try again?
  • Should we still go to the birth center tour on Wednesday? (Mr. MB and I haven't decided if we even want to, but if we're still pretty numb, we had considered it so it's out of the way for next time).
Yesterday when we got home from our weekend away, I put away all the reminders around the house of the pregnancy. Clothes in the back of the closet, books back on the bookshelf, unsubscribed from all the e-mails, and deleted my Amazon wish list. I also logged into Fertility Friend to update my account, and got out a new paper chart and my thermometer. I'll be peeing on HPT's every couple of days starting tomorrow to see when my levels have dropped to zero (well, less than 12.5 on the IC's ;) )

Thanks to each of you for your thoughts and prayers over the last week.
-Magnolia Bud


Sunflower Bud said...

I am so very sorry. I know how badly it hurts.

I would put off the birth center tour. I think it would be too painful. There's no rush to do it. That's normally done closer to the 2nd/3rd trimester.

You were still early enough that you should be cleared to start TTC again when you are ready as long as everything has passed and your levels have returned to normal. Your doctor may have you sit out one cycle. It really varies per doctor.

My heart goes out to you and I'm here to talk to if you need to. *hugs*

Natosha said...

I am so so so sorry for your loss Magnolia, while I didn't ever miscarry naturally - the raw feelings of our loss creep back up sometimes and its just such a horrible feeling. We are all here for you, remember that. *huge hugs*


Golden Bud said...

My heart breaks for you and Mr. Magnolia Bud. I'm so sorry for your loss and the pain and sadness you must be feeling. It is so unfair that this happens at all, especially to people who want it so badly and who would make wonderful parents.

Hugs to you...

Sarcastic Bud said...

I completely agree with Golden Bud - it really is just not fair.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Silver Rose said...

I'm so, so sorry to hear this news. I wish you the very best of luck in recovering and hope you can try soon.

Planner Bud said...

I am so sorry for you and your husband. Things like this just shouldn't happen to people who want a baby so bad. I hope you can start ttc your sticky baby soon.

June Bud said...

I am so so sorry for your loss. I am thinking about you, and I know that whatever your next step is, it will be the right step!


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