October 6, 2010

Kissed goodbye 26 eggs

I swear I'm going to change my name to "Bitter Bud" with the way things are going.

I just got our fertilization report: Out of 38 eggs retrieved, we only have 12 embryos. Where did the other 26 eggs go? Why did they fertilize abnormally, or not at all? And how many of those will survive to Sunday? Do we also have a sperm problem here? I was too dumbfounded to ask. My doctor said the number of embryos was good and that retrievals over 20 eggs tend to have diminished returns. I'm not good at math, but I'd say a 31% fertilization rate is not good at all.

More and more I think I was a fool to pin all my hopes on this cycle. Yeah it got me through four months of infertility limbo, but the cycle is turning into one disappointment after another. I told Mr. GB months this summer that I wanted to stop treatments when I turned 40 (this Feb.), but he would hear nothing of it. Well hon, write a check for $22k, pick out another donor, and let me know when it's time to transfer embryos. Or hire a surrogate and let me know when the baby is born. Or figure out how to adopt.

I want off this ride. It makes me sick to my stomach and it's not fun anymore.


Erin said...

Don't get too discouraged by your fertilization rate. We had 19 eggs and only 5 fertilized. I'm now six months pregnant and we have three more frozen embryos waiting for us.

Cherry Bud said...

I'm sorry this is so hard. Don't give up yet. 12 embryos is still 12 embryos.

Magnolia Bud said...

:( I'm thinking of you a lot this week and this weekend. Hang in there!


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