16 DPO

Today is 16 DPO, and my fourth negative pregnancy test.

I know I should rejoice in my freakishly long luteal phase, because when we finally do get pregnant, it's one less thing to worry about, but a 17 day luteal phase is such a TEASE. I get to 15 and 16 DPO, and the "OMG, I'm totally pregnant. I totally am." thoughts start churning out, only to be dashed against the rocks by the next negative test. I'm expecting AF tomorrow, and I've been cramping on and off for the last three or four days, so I'm thinking this may be the end of Cycle 3.

On the one hand, I'm happy for the chance to start over. It's another chance for Baby CB. On the other, the dread over the idea of another cycle nearing triple digits is a bit overwhelming. It would be hard enough to be heading into our eighth month TTC, but knowing that the eighth month will possibly stretch into the ninth, tenth and eleventh month waiting out one cycle, is infuriating.

Adding to that, one of my high school friends just announced her pregnancy. She will be a wonderful mother, and she and her husband are great people, but it was an accident. Somehow the fact that her ovaries are working so efficiently as to push through BCP when mine have the work ethic of a three toed sloth seems a bit unfair.

I understand that this is a pity party. I know that I'm just feeling sorry for myself. But I think all of us do at this point in our cycle, when we know its not going to result in a little one and we're just waiting for AF to show up.

Sigh. Trying to think happy thoughts and remember that God has a plan.