July 6, 2010

Another crappy RE visit

Today was my surgery follow up and IF discussion with the RE. It basically sucked.

He tossed out the blood I had taken Friday because he said it was pointless to test it since I had a hormone therapy cycle right before it, even though I was 5 days off the meds when the nurse drew it. So I have a huge ugly bruise on my arm for nothing.

He said absolutely no TTC this month and to continue with the second round of hormone therapy. And absolutely no TTC next month (August). I have an u/s on July 30th to see how my lining and uterus are looking after 2 rounds of hormone therapy. If he doesn't like the progress, I'll be going on a 3rd round of hormone therapy.

We aren't allowed to start TTC again until after an entire cycle of no meds. So, basically September if the u/s on July 30th looks good or October if it doesn't.

AND... no IUI. No fertility meds. Nothing. 6 months of timed intercourse and OPK's. Basically, starting all over again a year and a half ago. I burst into tears right there in his office. After everything we've been through. Testing, 2 surgeries, waiting upon waiting upon waiting and healing from surgeries... and we have to start over?

He refuses to do any medical intervention except monitoring CD3 and CD22 bloodwork unless a. I'm not ovulating on my own properly or b. It's been 6 months of intercourse and opk's and I'm still not pregnant.

After TTC for so long, 6-9 more months of this feels like forever. And I'm not convinced that it will even work. At least with the thought of IUI or fertility meds, I feel like we're doing SOMETHING in the direction of getting pregnant. Now all I feel like is many more months of timed intercourse, peeing on sticks, taking my temperature and crying when AF shows up at the end of the month.

I'm glad that Dr. P has so much faith in his ability as a surgeon that taking the fibroid out, removing all the cysts, opening the tube and detaching my uterus from my abdominal wall will do the trick and I'll magically get pregnant now. I don't have the same faith though. Mr. SB is thrilled that we won't be spending thousands of dollars and has no problem with waiting another 6-9 months to see if it happens on it's own.

I've cried all day today. I just feel like all the air got sucked out of the room. And I'm angry. I'm pissed off that I went through everything to get this far and I'm essentially right back to charting and timed intercourse. And if it doesn't work like he thinks it will, I'm going to be so upset. If I last that long. My support system is dwindling the longer it takes for me to get pregnant and I don't feel like I have many people to lean on and pick me back up again when I get knocked down. It makes it harder and harder to keep going.

I wish I could just give up but I haven't quite figured out how to walk away from something you want so badly.


Ms. Understood said...

I'm sorry that it didn't go how you hoped. I'm sorry that you have to wait until September to even start. With your support system crumbling, you are very strong to be holding it together the way you are.

Silver Rose said...

I'm so sorry Sunflower. I know you must feel so frustrated! I've had several cysts and I worry that I will be in the same position soon. But keep your hopes up! Of course you should take some time to be upset, but then try to get those positive thoughts going again. You are very brave to share your story, and I look up to you for that. Sending good thoughts your way!

Jen J. said...

I'm so sorry SB. This makes ME so mad for you. I'd honestly maybe even look into speaking to another RE for a second opinion or letting him know that you are not comfortable waiting for that long & see what he says. GL sweetie - I'm praying for you!

Dandelion Bud said...

there's a kick in your ass waiting on facebook.

love you.

Flora Bud said...

Im so sorry. Have you thought about getting a second opinion? I hope the hormone therapy works the first time around.

Sunflower Bud said...

We aren't going to seek a second opinion. This is the top RE in our state and I just need to have faith in his abilities. I'm too beaten and bitter by IF to allow myself to believe I might actually get pregnant.

I'll give it 3 months once we're given the green light and then I'm demanding some intervention.


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