Another crappy RE visit

Today was my surgery follow up and IF discussion with the RE. It basically sucked.

He tossed out the blood I had taken Friday because he said it was pointless to test it since I had a hormone therapy cycle right before it, even though I was 5 days off the meds when the nurse drew it. So I have a huge ugly bruise on my arm for nothing.

He said absolutely no TTC this month and to continue with the second round of hormone therapy. And absolutely no TTC next month (August). I have an u/s on July 30th to see how my lining and uterus are looking after 2 rounds of hormone therapy. If he doesn't like the progress, I'll be going on a 3rd round of hormone therapy.

We aren't allowed to start TTC again until after an entire cycle of no meds. So, basically September if the u/s on July 30th looks good or October if it doesn't.

AND... no IUI. No fertility meds. Nothing. 6 months of timed intercourse and OPK's. Basically, starting all over again a year and a half ago. I burst into tears right there in his office. After everything we've been through. Testing, 2 surgeries, waiting upon waiting upon waiting and healing from surgeries... and we have to start over?

He refuses to do any medical intervention except monitoring CD3 and CD22 bloodwork unless a. I'm not ovulating on my own properly or b. It's been 6 months of intercourse and opk's and I'm still not pregnant.

After TTC for so long, 6-9 more months of this feels like forever. And I'm not convinced that it will even work. At least with the thought of IUI or fertility meds, I feel like we're doing SOMETHING in the direction of getting pregnant. Now all I feel like is many more months of timed intercourse, peeing on sticks, taking my temperature and crying when AF shows up at the end of the month.

I'm glad that Dr. P has so much faith in his ability as a surgeon that taking the fibroid out, removing all the cysts, opening the tube and detaching my uterus from my abdominal wall will do the trick and I'll magically get pregnant now. I don't have the same faith though. Mr. SB is thrilled that we won't be spending thousands of dollars and has no problem with waiting another 6-9 months to see if it happens on it's own.

I've cried all day today. I just feel like all the air got sucked out of the room. And I'm angry. I'm pissed off that I went through everything to get this far and I'm essentially right back to charting and timed intercourse. And if it doesn't work like he thinks it will, I'm going to be so upset. If I last that long. My support system is dwindling the longer it takes for me to get pregnant and I don't feel like I have many people to lean on and pick me back up again when I get knocked down. It makes it harder and harder to keep going.

I wish I could just give up but I haven't quite figured out how to walk away from something you want so badly.