February 12, 2010

This is Killing Me

I haven't posted in a really long time. Mainly because this is killing me. This waiting. This hoping. This completely not-in-control-of-my-own-life feeling. I hate it. There are plenty of days that I am ok. Unfortunately today is not one of them.

I wish there was something new to report, but you all know everything already. We want a baby. We can't have one because DH was laid off, and I am looking for a better job. This has been the same story for months now. No change. No interviews. No sudden lottery win that would exempt us from waiting. Meanwhile, I have 3 friends that are pregnant, a sister that is trying, and about a million and a half acquaintances and old friends that have announced on Facebook, and every single time I hear it my head knows I should be happy for them, but my heart makes me want to cry, or throw something, or run away so I don't have to hear about it anymore.

One of my friends had a baby this morning. Her second. I want to go see her and her new son, but I don't know if I can emotionally handle it. I just feel beaten down, worn out, basically spent. Maybe if I sleep on it I will be ok. Things are usually better in the morning, and a lot is forgotten with the start of a new day, but tonight, I just really needed to vent. Frankly, this sucks.


Sassy Bud said...

I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope things work out for you both soon and you're able to start TTC.

Ms. Understood said...

I'm sorry that you have had to put your feelings and desires on hold. Good luck and I hope that you both get good jobs soon.


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