February 10, 2010


In the past week I have found that I really am dealing much better with things, and in the last couple of days, I have actually found myself thinking that our next IVF might actually work.

Then I catch myself. Because I thought that last time too.

It's so weird. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel - but even though I'm gearing up for IVF #2, I still find myself just in this purgatory between IVF failure and IVF possibility.

It's even harder now knowing that this is all my fault. I can't blame the sperm anymore. We bypass the sperm problem by doing the IVF with ICSI. If the IVF fails, i have no one to blame but my shitty eggs. That's a tough pill to swallow.

And to add insult to injury, i'm just going to bitch about the BCPs, AKA devil pills, for a minute. I've been on them for 5 weeks, and I have 2 1/2 more to go. Last week I started spotting, and this week, i'm full on bleeding. Bright red, clots, fun fun fun. It's not heavy - but I have to use a tampon. It was too heavy for a liner. My nurse says it's okay - just keep taking the active pills.

Great - i'm doing IVF, I have shitty eggs, I have to be on BCPs for almost 2 1/2 months and i get to bleed for 4 weeks.

Ain't life grand?


Ms. Understood said...

I can't even begin to say I know how you feel because I don't, but I say feel free to be pissed off because you deserve to feel that way. I hope the next IVF is successful.

Dandelion Bud said...

thank you for always being so supportive of me!

Sooz said...

Dandelion, Thanks for visiting my blog and the words of encouragement!

I didn't test my AMH, but I did have my FSH tested and it was 6.8 one time and 7.9 another time. I also did the clomid challenge test and on CD10, my FSH was borderline at 9.8 (although on CD 3) it had been 6.8. So, my doc isn't 100% sure whether I have egg quality/quantity issues or not. But, I think he's erring on the side of caution and therefore, put my on the antagonist protocol.

OH! And I wanted to ask...are you in the bay area? I'm wondering, b/c we were also going to go with a Dr. Z from Foster City!


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