IUI #1 = BFN

I found out last week that our first IUI didn't work. It's been almost a week, and I think it's taken me that long to come to grips with my emotions and to start feeling like me again. I will be the first to admit that I was a wreck. When I first found out Thursday morning before work, I felt like someone was standing on my chest and I couldn't breathe. I spent Thursday in a depressed fog, and then Friday became a miserable brat. I was mean to Mr. CB and just felt so sorry for myself. We went to Orlando to see my best friends, and had dinner at a friend's house Saturday night. When the talk turned to babies (they all have little ones around a year old) I just couldn't take it. I left the table, cried in the corner of the kitchen and then felt like crap for making my friends feel like crap.

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I am still sorting through my roller coaster emotions, but I think I am getting a better handle on how to stay positive. I think I spent so many months being ok with what was happening and getting through the BFN's without a lot of melt downs, but now it's caught up to me. During the IUI cycle, I kept thinking it wasn't that big of a deal, it was JUST an IUI, that so many girls have been trying longer and are doing much more serious procedures like IVF and dealing with worse diagnosis, like MFI or PCOS. I have realized that I can't minimize what I am going through, and my struggles and emotions are just as valid as anyone else dealing with a different stage of IF.

Our original plan was to take a few months off if the IUI didn't work, but of course that has changed! When I realized the IUI didn't work, I decided that night that I wanted to move on to the injectable cycle right away. I called the doctor first thing Friday morning, and learned that I had to take an injectable class before I could even start. So February was out. Right now, I'm signed up for the class next Friday, and my nurse is working on getting my medicine list and doseages. We are all out of pocket for injectable meds, so we are expecting to spend $1500-$2000 on the meds I will need. I can't believe we are spending so much money for something that may not even result in a baby, but right now we're in this 100%, and will do what we need to in order to bring home our Baby CB.

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We've also looked into acupuncture. I read a post on an IF message board about a woman who saw an acupuncturist and had significant lining thickening, so I figure it's worth a try. We're hoping to get in next week for our first consult. I feel like even if we don't get specific results in regards to fertility, it will be something to help me relax and de-stress...which I definitely need right now!

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