February 5, 2010

Do DHs ever really "get it"?

"When are you going to be pregnant already?"
"What are we doing wrong?"

This is his refrain during the 2ww and waiting-to-O times.

"I'm too tired"
"I can't perform on demand"
"BDing on a schedule is NO FUN"

This is his refrain during my fertile time.

Tonight we spent the evening with my 13 month old nephew. We are both head over heels into baby fever full speed. But sometimes I feel like DH just doesn't get it.

Yes, sex on a schedule is less fun than spontaneous sex.

BUT (and this is a big "but" here):

Having sex at the right time is PARAMOUNT when TTCing.

He doesn't want to look at my chart. He doesn't want to know when I'm fertile. He's afraid it'll diminish his ability to perform. But what it's doing - in effect - is diminishing our ability to effectively conceive a baby!

I thought that spending the evening with a little one would spark some romantic feelings and give us some non-fertile sexy-time. But instead, he's frustrated that I'm not PG, and I'm frustrated that he just doesn't get it.

I'm at a loss right now. Thankfully, I'm deep into my 2ww and honestly, I don't need him, at least not at this moment. Whatever is done is done - there's either a little zygote waiting to implant and blossom, or... there isn't.

I just don't know how many cycles it'll take before he gets it:

Making babies TAKES WORK.


Ms. Understood said...

Sorry your honey is not getting it. We aren't TTC until next month and I can tell already my husband is going to be just like yours. Hang in there and good luck.

The Kloeppings said...

It takes work yes...but you can still keep it fun:)

I'm sorry your hubs doesnt get it. It took a long time for mine to understand and lots of long conversations. We both ultimately agreed that he didn't need to know every detail of my cycle (unless he asked). I'd simply chart and be sure to initiate sexy time at the right time (but also made sure to initiate sexy time at the other times too!). I'd try to keep it spicy as well (sexy outfits, interesting places, things like that).

Ultimately as things went on with no PG he because more interested in what was going on and as we moved on to visiting an RE he was very involved in the cycles so we had optimal timing:)

It's hard not to get caught up in cycling, charting, 2ww's and what not....we tried for almost 2 years before succeeding. But you have to make an effort to keep it fun - men are head cases (most of them)and when it comes to "performing" many are super super sensitive - he may feel like he's failing too. It's likely that he's affected too but doesn't know how to talk to you about it.

Just a thought:) Good luck and I hope he gets it soon and you guys get your BFP!


Bloomin' Babies Copyright 2010 All Rights Reserved Bloomin' Babies Designed by Kate M. Gilbert